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Prisonerofself
11-02-2013, 01:36
I fell across this site accidentally but I had to post because I have nobody else to talk to.

Every day I drink until I pass out and promise Ill never do it again. I'm also prescribed 5mg Xanax each day and it doesnt keep me calm but I have anxiety attacks if I don't take them.

All my energy goes to satisfying my habit and I hate myself each day that the cycle continues. I'm not happy but I have too much anxiety to function without anything in my system.

I know nobody here can fix my life but I already feel some comfort that there is somebody to listen.

Thank you

Tony

New
11-02-2013, 01:45
you're not alone. you'll find many people who can relate to your situation, as well as many people have escaped your situation. if you stick around I'm sure you'll find the support that you need. welcome to bluelight, don't be afraid to reach out.

smokemctoke420
11-02-2013, 01:46
i was like that for the first 3 months i was 21. had a pint of crown everyday for 90 days. i wasnt addicted physically but mentally it had m e fucked cuz i made it a habit, i HAD to have that crown royal. after a while i realized my body is starting to hurt and i had to chill on it. it was hard as shit but i stopped, at least for a while. i did smoke a lot of trees tho.

nowadays i just try to drink occasionally, but i still binge.

just try to preoccupy yourself. take it one day at a time. people here do listen to what you gotta say. id say 80%, if not more of us have been in your shoes whether its from drugs, alcohol, sex, or gambling.

good luck.

Captain.Heroin
11-02-2013, 01:46
You need to quit drinking. Have a loved one or a family member dispense your xanax in a responsible way. Let your friends/family know you have a problem with drinking and cannot be around it.

hebb22
11-02-2013, 01:58
^ honestly quit your drinkin all the time bud. It's hard at first but after a while you'll feel better about yourself. (Not so self-loathing) Your anxiety will decrease tremendously if you quit drinking. Guaranteed. Like CH said, have someone you trust dispense your medication for you in a responsible manner. Money is also a good thing to have someone hold onto if you don't trust yourself. This summer I was in your shoes (different DOC, but same vicious cycle) I gave my dad all my money to hold onto for me. I saved 11k this year and bought a new car. Im 180 degrees from where I was 10 months ago. Just keep thinking to yourself that it's going to get better with every day that passes. Good luck and you'll be in my thoughts

TCMVegas
11-02-2013, 10:47
It's a recipe for disaster to continue with your drinking and benzo abuse, but you already know that. That's why you're here.

Imagine how everyone feels who's kicked their addictions after even just 3-4 weeks. You feel great, and can't believe that you didn't stop sooner.

Love yourself enough to start taking care of yourself.

Ho-Chi-Minh
11-02-2013, 11:00
Confide in those you love

ad lib
11-02-2013, 13:45
Friends and family can be a huge help, even psychologists/counselors or whatever can help.

You stated it brings you comfort knowing people read that. Well, were total strangers to you. You'd feel even more comfort if you confided in those you know <3 Were always here to listen & help at TDS. You openly admitting that there is an issue is a great step in the right direction. As you know, drinking + benzos is a recipe for disaster. You're able to overcome anything that you're determined to.

Take care

Pagey
11-02-2013, 14:49
It's by telling yourself that you can't function without the alcohol and xanax that you make yourself unable to function without them. Every time you feel like using, try to project yourself into the future and to imagine how you're going to feel in a few hours if you give in to the cravings. Then, just imagine how happy you'll be when you don't.
I recently decided I wanted to quit (or at least reduce my use of) heroin, went 10 days without and I felt so proud of myself. Unfortunately that didn't last, and now I can tell you my self-esteem has dropped completely. But I do remember how happy I was with myself when I quit my benzo habit - I felt reborn and realized how much life had to offer me without benzos controlling me. Drugs are stopping you from fulfilling a great potential you'd otherwise have, don't let them take over your life.

Welcome to bluelight btw <3

Prisonerofself
11-02-2013, 20:13
Thank you all. Benzodiazepines and alcohol really are a bad combination...I'm more likely to blackout and make a fool of myself.

No drinking today yet lets see how it goes. Next step will be to get in touch with at least one person...