Why do other alcoholics tell me to go to AA as a catch all answer?

Plz move this to darkside. TIA.

OK so Im an alcoholic. I understand that I cant ever drink again. I have 6 months of NO alcohol or drug use at all. I also keep a watch for other types of addictive behaviours like how some people become sober and get addicted to other drugs, or things like food, spending money or shopping, and using tobacco as a substitute.

I have friends who are alcoholics. I know that some of them are into AA and some went through AA but no longer go to meetings. I will sometimes ask them questions like what they do in times of stress, what they do when they are around friends that they used to drink with or are in social situations where people are drinking, and just general advice. I have been to bars with friends who drink but I just do not drink and I did not stay the entire night. I also would be at social events with friends who were drinking and I would not drink or sometimes I would not go at all if thats all people were going to be doing.

Why do a lot of them just tell me the catch all answers of GO TO A MEETING! YOURE REALLY MISSING OUT GO TO AA.? I have even told some of them how I have done some of the stuff AA has you do like realise that I cant ever drink alcohol again and Ive been honest with myself and my family and friends. I have had some of my friends who are also alcoholics tell me things like how unless you go to AA meetings you are not really sober and you are just abstaining from alcohol and how (in their opinion's) theres a major difference between the two and that if you get sober on your own and not by going to AA youre a dry drunk/not really sober, etc.

I know that AA wants you to make a list of all the people who you have harmed because of your drinking and I did tell my parents and other friends of mine how I am an alcoholic. When I was drinking I would get very drunk or sometimes be blackedout and saying really rude things to people in public while drunk. Theres no way to appologise to these people since I have no way of contacting them and I was blackout drunk when it would happen and friends would just tell me afterward what happened.

I am a very spiritual person but I do not like how AA's 12 steps are very dogmatic. Ive had spiritual experiences but not because of being sober or its not an awakening like it is for some people. I've been into meditation since I was 14 and Im in my early 30s and I do it daily. I do not have a 'sponsor' but I can talk to my parents, other family members, and certain true friends about anything and if theres a problem or an issue they will listen to me or talk.

About my other friends who went to AA or NA but no longer go they told me how they just met up with a sponsor and how going to AA/NA was a part of their treatment, and how they no longer go because they do not use any alcohol or illegal drugs and realize that they cant drink or use drugs. Some of them told me how I am OK and I dont really need to go to AA since I got sober on my own, and I am sober from alcohol.

I looked up the definition of a dry drunk and thats not me. Sure I do get bad days like we all do but I am not someone thats grandiose, judgmental, intolerant, impulsive, or indecisive.

TL;DR: Even though Im half a year sober and have never been to an AA group meeting why do some alcoholics tell me to go to meetings, and say that if youre not in AA or going to meetings regularly you are not sober and will not stay sober?

I have nothing against AA if it worked for you, thats great I just do not think it would be a good fit for me personally. Is it like this for other people here?

They are sheep brainwashed by AA dogma who will say that if you do not stay with AA then you're a "dry drunk" AKA asshole, or that you are not going to stay sober unless you go to AA and go to tons of meetings. There are A LOT of sobriety programs out there and not all of them are 12 steps, some are DIY (do it yourself) and a lot of alcoholics can and do get sober on their own, or go to other sobriety programs besides AA like SMART or HAMS to name a few. There's even a group for grateful dead fans called the wharf rats. good luck.

Everybody has to find their own way in life--that's true for addiction, recovery and every other aspect of life. Our species spends a lot of time uselessly sermonizing to others how to do it "right". There is no right way, though every "way" may have something very valuable to offer.

Take what is useful for you, keep an open mind, learn to tell the difference between what is defensive thinking on your part and what is genuinely your own perfectly healthy way of thinking. It sounds to me like you have developed strategies that work quite well for you and you should be very proud of that.

As far as your friends go (the ones that insist you subscribe to their way of thinking) you could just try to be empathetic that this serves some need that they have and then let it go.

I come from a very religious extended family. I am an atheist. I used to argue and assertively try to convince them that I did not need their saving. Over time I have learned to just say, "I thank you for your worry. I know you care about me. I do not hold your beliefs but I appreciate your love and concern."

It's because they appreciate the spiritual component of AA and how it helped them get in contact with a higher power. This higher power filled the same voids that drinking did for them, so it is as if you (universal, not addressing the OP) are truly a healed person, a person who no longer has to search for that elusive "something," once you've discovered your higher power. And after you have an understanding of your higher power, the 12 steps all fall into place and don't seem as dogmatic. The whole backbone of AA is self-reinforcing, with the steps helping the person understand the higher power, and the higher power helping the person appreciate the steps.

Of course if you don't feel like a higher power would add anything to your sobriety, then AA's probably not going to appeal all that much to you. It's true that you can work the program without having a defininitive higher power, but I'm yet to hear one person give a lead at a meeting who didn't testify that his/her higher power played a central role in it all.

DrunkardsDream said:

They are sheep brainwashed by AA dogma who will say that if you do not stay with AA then you're a "dry drunk" AKA asshole, or that you are not going to stay sober unless you go to AA and go to tons of meetings. There are A LOT of sobriety programs out there and not all of them are 12 steps, some are DIY (do it yourself) and a lot of alcoholics can and do get sober on their own, or go to other sobriety programs besides AA like SMART or HAMS to name a few. There's even a group for grateful dead fans called the wharf rats. good luck.

Click to expand...

Wharf Rats


Wharf Rats are a group of concert-goers who have chosen to live drug and alcohol free.
Their primary purpose is to support other concert goers who choose to live drug-free, like themselves. They announce their presence with yellow balloons, signs, and the Wharf Rats information table. At a set break during Grateful Dead (and related) concerts they would hold 12-step style meetings but are not affiliated specifically with any 12-Step organization and have no requirement for attendance at one of their meetings besides providing some helpful sober fellowship.
The Wharf Rats began during the 1980s as a group of Deadheads under the name "The Wharf Rat Group of Alcoholics Anonymous". The Wharf Rats originally came from a small group of Narcotics Anonymous members who went to a Grateful Dead concert in Philadelphia and located each other by their Yellow balloons with the NA symbol drawn on in Magic Marker. [1] However due to operational differences they soon split off from Narcotics Anonymous, and are not affiliated with them, NA, or any other twelve-step program, though many of members of the Wharf Rats are members of AA, NA or other 12 step programs. The Wharf Rats see themselves as "a group of friends sharing a common bond, providing support, information and some traction in an otherwise slippery environment.


looks a little like another semi splinter off a existing 12 step fellowship with many of its members still active members in NA or AA

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3140338/ good link about aa na does it work how well an d why, hit some meetings and check it out, a couple hours a week is a small price to pay for increasing your chances of staying sober buy 860% GOOD LUCK!

Because AA and 12 step work for some people - some support every now and then is better than no support and trying it by yourself, all by yourself.

However the reason they are not catch alls is because a catch all simply does not exist here - only knowing about how alcohol works on your system, and counteracting EVERY single thing it does, side effects during withdrawal included.

It works for some people, does not work for others. In the United States, a good chunk of those working in rehabs have used AA themselves to get sober.

However, I see this changing as our knowledge of addiction grows. People are starting to acknowledge that it isn't the catch all for everyone. AA tends to work very well for those that fall into the demographic of the founders of AA. Christian, White, Middle class older men. I never really like the 12 steps personally, but I must admit I have learned something from meetings. Also, it really depends on geography. Meetings will often reflect the community they are held in.

For example: I got clean in a large city and tended to enjoy the meetings more. When I moved back to my midsized rust belt city, I found that those in the meetings were more religious? Why? Because the situation is so dire here (one of the most violent cities and high unemployment in the US) that people have very little else to cling too.

Generally, most people need some sort of support, especially when they are trying to seriously quit for the first time. You need to develop "tools" in order to help yourself. If you are currently in treatment and forced to go to meetings, just try to make the best of it.

neversickanymore said:

Wharf Rats


Wharf Rats are a group of concert-goers who have chosen to live drug and alcohol free.
Their primary purpose is to support other concert goers who choose to live drug-free, like themselves. They announce their presence with yellow balloons, signs, and the Wharf Rats information table. At a set break during Grateful Dead (and related) concerts they would hold 12-step style meetings but are not affiliated specifically with any 12-Step organization and have no requirement for attendance at one of their meetings besides providing some helpful sober fellowship.
The Wharf Rats began during the 1980s as a group of Deadheads under the name "The Wharf Rat Group of Alcoholics Anonymous". The Wharf Rats originally came from a small group of Narcotics Anonymous members who went to a Grateful Dead concert in Philadelphia and located each other by their Yellow balloons with the NA symbol drawn on in Magic Marker. [1] However due to operational differences they soon split off from Narcotics Anonymous, and are not affiliated with them, NA, or any other twelve-step program, though many of members of the Wharf Rats are members of AA, NA or other 12 step programs. The Wharf Rats see themselves as "a group of friends sharing a common bond, providing support, information and some traction in an otherwise slippery environment.


looks a little like another semi splinter off a existing 12 step fellowship with many of its members still active members in NA or AA

Click to expand...

A very large majority of the Wharf Rats are a steppers. They hold meetings at setbreaks and before and after shows. You can usually find them by the yellow balloons and they are a presence at every show. The "Phellowship" is basically the same thing, but they are at Phish shows. I know some other jambands have recovery communities as well.