Want to start going to a methadone clinic. a couple questions

Hi BLers I am now fed up with the constant opiate roller coaster that is now my life. I've only been an addict 3 and a half years. Started with Oxycodone, which eventually led to Oxymorphone, and now to the point Oxymorphone IR- and Heroin when i have the opportunity to IV it. Now I am starting to become more stupid and irrational with my thinking constantly doing ridiculous things for my habit and am constantly contemplating smoking Crack, shooting Coke, and searching for crank to fill my drug riddled mind. I forgot to mention i got myself hooked on Benzos, illegally, attempting to stay on bupe multiple times, I've kicked the habit up to a maximum of two weeks a couple dozen times.

I'm only 20 years old and aware that methadone is basically liquid handcuffs, but I'm exhausted of being less and less productive, always depressed, irritable, and yet i just can't get myself to get over this shit. My habit is 60-80mg Opana insufflated or 10-15mg IV with the Heroin- it all depends, sometimes i get powder, but most of the time tar.

I have an income of 800 dollars a month- no insurance, and I don't want my parents to know I'm getting into a program. I've hid my addiction the entire time, even though my parents have always been suspicious, but i haven't lived with them since I was 16 years old.

The clinic I can go to is an hour away in Nashville and I can easily make that drive everyday. I would like to get another job since I'm sure it will interfere with my hours. I also plan on going to a community college in Knoxville for the fall semester. There is a clinic up there I could go to if everything pans out successfully getting into a clinic now. I really enjoy the atmosphere in Knoxville and feel like my life will be tremendously better there even on maintenance.

I guess my main questions are what are the usual financial requirements for an average clinic- and can i get away with hiding this from my parents temporarily? I visit my mom once a week. (sometimes less) My father lives in Texas hundreds of miles away from me in Tennessee. It would break my heart breaking theirs after all this time I've had these issues and complications.

Thanks alot.

geraggh34 said:

I guess my main questions are what are the usual financial requirements for an average clinic
Depends on the city, county and state charters of where you live obviously. Call up the clinic and ask.

- and can i get away with hiding this from my parents temporarily?
Why do you need to hide this from your parents, especially if you believe they already know you're an addict? This would be a positive thing to let them know you're getting help. If it means they cut off your schooling money, whatever. It's for the best. You can always go back to school later.

I visit my mom once a week. (sometimes less) My father lives in Texas hundreds of miles away from me in Tennessee. It would break my heart breaking theirs after all this time I've had these issues and complications
Just tell them. Life is short.

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The main thing you realize is that you'll have to be waking up really early to drive to get your dose, every day for months, until you start getting a week (then up to 2 weeks) or take homes. It realy sucks being in a warm cozy methadone fade at midnight, then having to wake up at 4am to get to the clinic before work + long line, etc. This is easily the worst part. Good luck.

DexterMeth said:

The main thing you realize is that you'll have to be waking up really early to drive to get your dose, every day for months, until you start getting a week (then up to 2 weeks) or take homes. It realy sucks being in a warm cozy methadone fade at midnight, then having to wake up at 4am to get to the clinic before work + long line, etc. This is easily the worst part. Good luck.

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Yeah.. I'm glad you wanna get help OP but I think you may be underestimating how much of a pain in the ass going an hour and back to the clinic each day will be. At the clinic I went to I didn't even start getting one take home until I was there for 90 days. It took something like a year before you only had to go once a week. The pricing of clinics differs, but $10-15/day is about average for my state. If you are driving an hour each way though your gas prices are going to get high real quick. It might be hard to hide where you are driving all the time as well.

It's so expensive in most places, charging by the day like that, but there's an advantage to that too, as you do HAVE TO go every day. Where I live in California, you pay by the month, but it's more than half the price of what most of you guys pay, and I don't get veteran's or homeless benefits.

DexterMeth said:

The main thing you realize is that you'll have to be waking up really early to drive to get your dose, every day for months, until you start getting a week (then up to 2 weeks) or take homes. It realy sucks being in a warm cozy methadone fade at midnight, then having to wake up at 4am to get to the clinic before work + long line, etc. This is easily the worst part. Good luck.

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Thanks a lot for the replies guys. Ugh this is so stressful, not any more stressful than the everyday dope fiend journeys we all inevitably take, I just don't know what to do. My parents have just done a lot for me even though they left me on my own at a young age it's completely my fault and I absolutely blame no one but myself for my addictions. I guess it's just anxiety, I cringe thinking of their reactions of finding out their son is an IV drug user and I just feel like a piece of shit. River of deceit is a tune that sums up the grief and guilt well. I can't seem to stay on suboxone to save my life even when I'm taking shots of it.

My parents don't suspect I'm a full blown addict because I just deny deny deny if it's anything close to that subject cause I can't fathom the guilt of how they would take it. Back when my habit was about 75mg oxycodone a day a kicked in Texas visiting my dad and in Disney world with the other side of my family, I just sucked it the fuck up. Now I'd be toast I puke a lot and can do nothing but rock back and forth Indian style curl in a ball freeze and sweat, everyone knows how it is. I seem to have a high metabolism with drugs because I'm dope sick in ten hours even if I'm not slamming opana when they're ER, and that worries me about being a little ill everyday on that two hour drive.


My parents are paying for my place to live until I get in school which is a blessing so I could deal with the extra gas money I guess it comes down to dedication if I'm going to do this the dose journeys seem like the biggest obstacle

Your parents left you when you were young. I'd be surprised if they thought you WEREN'T a big time drug user. I'm placing my bets on, they are terrible parents, and paying for your school, etc because of the past huge mistakes they've made.

Maybe you shouldn't break the news to them, until you're solid on your daily methadone route, and paying for it yourself. If you don't mind getting up early and treking daily, you should have no problem.

The real issue after that is not sleeping in past your alarm, because once that clinic closes every day at like noon or w/e, you cannot dose until the next day. The good thing about methadone is, you can acutally skip a full day and not be that sick.

DexterMeth said:

Your parents left you when you were young. I'd be surprised if they thought you WEREN'T a big time drug user. I'm placing my bets on, they are terrible parents, and paying for your school, etc because of the past huge mistakes they've made.

Maybe you shouldn't break the news to them, until you're solid on your daily methadone route, and paying for it yourself. If you don't mind getting up early and treking daily, you should have no problem.

The real issue after that is not sleeping in past your alarm, because once that clinic closes every day at like noon or w/e, you cannot dose until the next day. The good thing about methadone is, you can acutally skip a full day and not be that sick.

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Yeah you're just about right on the money with that one. Thanks Dex i really appreciate your input and help very very much. I'm just going to call the clinic today and get some info I'm pretty dead set on doing it i just hope i don't fuck this up. I should still have money to spare if im paying 500 or 600 hundred a month(im sure the gas with amount to that much) but I just need to do this for myself maybe go full time in work until i get into school in the fall. Hell, the journey everyday will probably feel better than sitting around getting sick staring at a clock for that phone call that is always hours later on drug dealer time. Thanks alot man ill update as soon as i figure something out.


:D

Don't start abusing benzos just because the methadone stops getting you high. It should do a good job at holding the cravings at bay, and making it far from cost effective (and deadly) to even try to shoot dope through it.

They have drug conselors that you are assigned to at most clinics too, to talk about all this. It's part of the daily/monthly charge of your medicine.

You mentioned bupe in your first post, but have you tried/considered Suboxone? It's very expensive, but there is a program for the uninsured (www.suboxone.com, "Here to Help" program link). It's a weekly visit for the first month, then once-a-month thereafter. I would consider it.

You can also print out a coupon on the site to cash in at the pharmacy with each script. It brought down the price of my BMT to 65 cents a month when I was on it (was only on .5mg a day).

I've tried to stay on bupe multiple times the longest without abusin any other opiods was about a month and they just do nothing for my cravings. I've been doing shots of bupe lately (I know defeats the purpose completely) and they just don't take care of my cravings at all ill use on top of it every other day or every third day and got a benzo habit trying to help which was a terrible idea and I hate benzos except in small doses. Ive tapered down to .5 klonopin an plan on getting off of them.

I know its going to make some people upset but I'm going to get luer lock syringe micron filters and bacteriastatic water and make a solution and attempt to use 1mg doses IV and see if it will help. Not to mention how cost effective it is. By the way I get my kpin and bupe on the street I have friends with scripts. I think I'm going to try to maintain on low doses of bupe IV and see if eventually it'll curb my cravings before i hop on methadone I have no insurance and can't afford a bupe script. It just seems like bupe docs are anal about prescribing generic subutex. If I could find a doc to do that I think I'll do it in a heartbeat

If it's an anxiety issue, opioid mantenance therapy is not the answer, for the most part.

DexterMeth said:

If it's an anxiety issue, opioid mantenance therapy is not the answer, for the most part.

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What do yo mean? I don't like benzos at all I just started eating klonopin when I wa trying to attempt to stay on bupe I can't eat more than 1.5mg of klonopin or else I'll look for some dope because I hate the dirty sedation. my opiate addiction is the problem where did you get the impression I'm trying to get on maintenence for anxiety issues? Just curious, maybe I made an incorrect statement im kinda loaded at the moment


Trust me if anxiety was the issue and I didn't have the fuckin opiate monkey on my back I wouldn't touch the opiates I would be treating it with healthy eating and a shit ton of lifting, which sadly was my addiction 5 years ago before I began dancing with the devil and switched a great addiction to a terrible one I won't even be on any benzos in a month or so I've been on .5mg for a couple months now benzos are not my thing. When I was like 14 I binged on multiple Xanax bars a day for a couple months had a seizure the night I took my first opiate. Realized real fast that benzos aren't recreational at all in my opinion

Here in California, if it's a physical pain issue, people tend to use a high-yeild CB2 strain of cannabis, usually in tinture form. It doesn't get them high at all really, but it really kills the muscle and nerve pain.

DexterMeth said:

Here in California, if it's a physical pain issue, people tend to use a high-yeild CB2 strain of cannabis, usually in tinture form. It doesn't get them high at all really, but it really kills the muscle and nerve pain.

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Sadly I'm addicted to opiates due to my own irresponsible naive decisions and actions, the only pain I have is addiction and I'm embarrassed of myself and situation. Thanks for constantly giving input on my situation and I hope you dont have the impression im trying to get on maintenence for stupid reasons. IV bupe doesn't get me high or even a slight rush or high but I've taken one and a half 'done waifers 60mg a few times, didn't get me high just kept my cravings almost completely gone and a bit itchy but all I want is to get rid of these fucking cravings. Ive lost interest in everything cause these drugs and I feel like methadone is the only one that keeps cravings at bay, I'm too compulsive with this addiction that I need to be able to go to school do something for myself and the fact that I can't use any other drugs on maintenence cause of UA and staying away from shooting full agonists seems like it would be a blessing for me at this point

You'll have to Google it, but one of the drug companies started to make a hydromorphone inplant 6-month slow release "chip" that is shot into your arm and stays there. It can't be cheap, but it must be great for that. I'm a methadone man over suboxone too, back then that is.

geraggh34 said:

I've tried to stay on bupe multiple times the longest without abusin any other opiods was about a month and they just do nothing for my cravings. I've been doing shots of bupe lately (I know defeats the purpose completely) and they just don't take care of my cravings at all I have no insurance and can't afford a bupe script. It just seems like bupe docs are anal about prescribing generic subutex. If I could find a doc to do that I think I'll do it in a heartbeat

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There's nothing inherently better about methadone when it comes to cravings. You'll be just as likely to use on top of your methadone if you are not on the right dose.

Didn't you read in my post about the program for people without insurance?

Also, don't expect the "Methadone Fairy" (or the "Suboxone Fairy" for that matter) to wave her magic wand and make your addiction go away. Doesn't work that way. You have to learn why you became an addict to begin with and how to modify your behaviour. Plus you are using multiple substances and neither methadone or Suboxone will help you when you want to use a benzo.

Your parents might respond better than you think they will. It is also a huge stress relief not having to hide it any more, and it can actually be helpful to have some support (if they are willing/able to give it of course). What I would do if you're afraid of talking to them about it, is write them a letter. That also gives you the benefit that they have some time to read it, think it over, and adjust to the idea before they call/write/talk to you about it. If you choose to do this, I would include some information about drug addiction and about methadone, as there is a lot of mis-information out there and people can jump to stereotypical conclusions if they don't have the facts. Find some good sites with accurate non-judgmental info about heroin addiction and methadone maintenance therapy and print them to include with your letter.

Like others said, I would not underestimate the inconvenience of having to go to the methadone clinic every day, but that can't be helped (unless there are any other options where you live, such as private doctors or picking up your methadone from a pharmacy?). Yes, it's not as bad as what we go through to get heroin every day, but once you are on methadone and stable you may not view things in the same way. You won't be getting high off it and it does not create the same addictive motivation to do anything you can to get it that heroin does. It may also interfere with your ability to work, lead a normal life, and hide it from certain people if you choose to. These things all suck, but considering your situation and the fact that you haven't had success with other methods of quitting dope I would still definitely consider methadone a much better option that heroin.

One thing to remember is that the longer you stay on methadone the harder it gets to quit. On the other hand, you don't want to taper off the methadone too soon either, as it does nothing to help your mental addiction to opiates, you have to work on that part yourself, and people often go right back to using if they quit methadone without having been off heroin etc for a long time. You really have to be ready. Also, do a lot of research on methadone as doctors don't always tell you the truth about it, know all the latest research, nor can they give you the perspective that someone who has actually been there can.

Methadone is not a miracle cure and there are a lot of awful aspects to it, such as the physical dependence it causes, the horrible withdrawals (even for people slowly tapering after being on it for a long time, which is the situation I am in right now), the social stigma, and the huge ordeal in getting it and being absolutely controlled and at the mercy by other people (your doctor, your clinic, lawmakers, etc). Remember that it doesn't remove all desire to use heroin either, it just alleviates physical withdrawal symptoms. But the alternative for people who just can't quit heroin other ways is often much worse. Although I am miserable right now, I don't regret going on methadone because I would probably be much much worse off or even dead by now otherwise. Best of luck!

DexterMeth said:

You'll have to Google it, but one of the drug companies started to make a hydromorphone inplant 6-month slow release "chip" that is shot into your arm and stays there. It can't be cheap, but it must be great for that. I'm a methadone man over suboxone too, back then that is.

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Unless I am mistaken, I don't think they actually exist yet unfortunately, and from what I've heard it will probably be years before it is available as a treatment for opiate dependence. There is a drug company that has created a hydromorphone implant, but as far as I know it is not out on the market yet and it is initially going to be for treatment of severe chronic pain and not available for drug addiction. They have been talking about the possibility of an opioid maintenance implant since the late 90's but so far as I know it has not yet come to fruition.

It was finally actually starting to be developed about 4 years ago. Wasn't just talk, they actually had specs on it from the pharm company's website. I'll have to look it up, although I wouldn't be surprised if it was scrapped. I imagine a lot of people would literally lose their arms if this happened; forced or done to themselves.