Mzral maybe it was a blessing in disguise having to ask your dad for money. Maybe that memory will stick with you and keep you on track with the suboxone. I have had a few of those moments and I still think about them and it helps keep me away from dope.
Man, I'm not much of a thief, but I've still stolen from my family a number of times over the years to get heroin when I needed it. I've also had my Mom and my Dad drive me to get heroin a few times AND give me the money. Borrowing money under false pretenses, well, just about everyone I know who has a heroin habit seems to routinely do that....I always knew that most people wouldn't give me the money if I told them what it was really for, and as long as I had the money to pay them back and justified what I considered white lies....
Heroin may not turn everyone into a thief, but it turns just about everyone I've ever known into a chronic liar by default....If you use it all the time, you really almost have no choice. You can't tell most people what you're really up to just because of the fundamental nature of what your life becomes....
In turn, it alienates you from your family and friends and lowers your self-esteem and the only way to block all the bad feelings out is to keep using....
Then, when you try to stop, all the guilt and remorse comes rushing in like a tidal wave! On top of that, withdrawing from opiates makes you feel even more depressed and hopeless!
IDK......The most I can say for myself is that I never got as "bad" as most of the people I knew with the lying and stealing, but that doesn't really say much....A big portion of the money I got for my habit came from getting dope for other people, and a lot of that money most likely came from the morally questionable behavior of others....
Across the board, it's pretty hard to be a dealer or a user of highly addictive drugs and not be directly or indirectly connected to some "bad-karma"!
Ahh, but nobody wants to think about this depressing shit anyway! but once you cease to have a conscience, which seems to happen to a lot of people, that's when you've really lost yourself to the drugs IMO....sorry for rambling but I'm on a low dose of Suboxone and I've been pretty down on myself about everything...