PDA

View Full Version : Inexperienced and terrified after a stupid binge with combinations. Please help!



pokerboy
22-01-2012, 23:59
Hello everyone,

This is my first time posting on blulight after lurking for a few months. I decided to post because I am currently very scared of having done something stupid, I am going through something that I can't identify and don't know what to do next. It's a long post, feel free to skip to the last part.


*** Introduction about my past drug experience follows, you can skip to my current problem below ***

I'm a very inexperienced drug user. I'm 35, and before last year I had only smoked pot a few times (maybe 10 and never too much), had mushrooms once (was a fun experience). I also rarely drink alcohol, work out a lot, and am in general good shape and health (besides asthma). All these years I was rather anti-drugs and was pretty ignorant overall. I also always thought of myself as a person with a strong will: I'm a successful individual who usually gets what he wants in life, someone who can resist urges and have good self control. I had no idea I had such a dark, compulsive side.

A few months ago, I was introduced to MDMA (pure crystal form). Out of curiosity, boredom and possibly to fill a void, I gave it a try. I liked it a lot. I consumed about a gram over the past 5 months, always in small portions, sometimes at parties but also alone for the pure enjoyment of euphoria. Apart from a couple grumpy days due to comedowns, it was all very positive. At the same time, I read about San Pedro cactus and found out that amazingly, it could be ordred in the UK. I subsequently had 3 cactus experiences, rather beautiful, emotionally inspiring and but uneventful besides some tiredness. I read a lot on many forums and official sites before each try. Every time I was very careful with dosage, setting etc. Everything was going smoothly. I was telling myself that I could become a responsible drug user and had a lot more fun in life that I was currently having.

Then I discovered the dangerous world of Research Chemicals. I read everywhere that I should be careful with these but something drew me to roder a couple and try. Within 4-5 weeks, I've ingested small quantities of camfetamine and MXE, which were interesting but a little too scary to continue. I didn't re-order that but was drawn to other substances for new experiences. I started placing order for every substance my provider had in stock. Which brings us to last week

*** problem begins ***

Last week I started what is the first and only drug binge in my life. I didn't think myself capable of this and I am now suffering the consequences.

- monday: took a low amount of camfetamine orally (30mg)
- tuesday: tried smoking some incense blend, got a little high but was scared by the pontency and didn't touch it again. Later the same day, ingested a 6-APB pellet and had a very good time. Much later, I could not sleep at all so ingested 2mg of etizolam and slept like a baby for 10 hours.
- wednesday: took a break
- thursday: tried Ethylphenidate for the 1st time (snorted about 70mg). Enjoyed it very much but took 1mg etizolam to be able to sleep

**** stupidity and compulsiveness comes into play ****

Friday evening

- being bored and wanting to relive the fun of the previous night, I indulged in some more Ethylphenidate. I snorted about 100mg in three hours. Every dose was supposed to be the last but I couldn't fight the impulse to re-dose. I became very stimulated and horny, but couldn't function sexually. So I took 3*10mg of yohimbine (pills) (which I sometimes use for my workouts but not every day). After a few hours I was able to get hard reach orgasm. It wasn't particularly pleasant.
- Much later in the the morning, about 8h after the last ethylphenidate dose, I start feeling hangover and guilt. I feel like I am pushing this too far. It's like I want to get in trouble. I decide to relax, smoke a little pot to help me fall asleep instead of taking eitozolam. I smoke about a third of a joint (regular marijuana, not a blend), get very high very fast, but I don't stop there and finish the joint, getting higher and higher. Suddenly I'm very dizzy, I start getting a bad headache and my ears are ringing. I lay in bed exhausted, but I start getting weird thoughts and some mild closed eye visuals (like when coming down of San Pedro). I finally drift off to sleep.
- Wake up after 4-5 hours of bad sleep, screaming from a nightmare. Tinnitus (Ear ringing), headaches are still there. I start worrying as it seems to get worse. I spend about 8 hours awake, I can function normally besides the headaches (tried taking ibuprofen, which did nothing good, actually it felt worse). I go to bed around midnight.

Sunday

- I sleep two more hours, wake up sweating, feeling terrible. I manage to sleep another 2 hours but this time I wake up to pain everywhere in my body. I try to stay awake for a few hours but feel like shit. When I'm active I'm barely able to concentrate of a task for more than a couple minutes. When passive, I feel the headaches and pains coming back strongly. Exhausted and desperate for some sleep, I take my last etizolam. I start feeling weird, but eventually a bit better (pains and anxiety are gone) and fall asleep on the couch.
- 4 hours later I wake up from another nightmare and when I open my eyes, it's like I everything is seen through a blue filter. It fades in a few seconds but I was rather terrified.

Throughtout the day, I fight against the pain in my limbs and torso. It feels like my nervous system is a wreck. The pain comes in waves, sometimes it feels like it's gone and then it comes back stronger. It's not an overwhelming feeling, more like a hangover, but one that isn't getting better. I feel like i'm being slowly poisoned. I would like to say that I feel a little better now but it's not true. I tried taking 400mg paracetamol to fight the pain, I felt it very quickly and very strongly but it didn't do much to make me feel better, it almost felt worse. I also went to the gym and sauna to try to sweat it out a little but it hasn't shown much improvement.

It has now been 36 hours since the physiological problems started and I'm getting quite scared that I have caused some kid of permenent damage. I have no idea what is wrong with me. It is withdrawal from something I have taken? The result of a combination? My physiological problems really started when I finished the joint, before that I was a bit anxious but my body felt ok.

I am strongly considering going to a doctor or drug help center tomorrow, but in the meantime I would really appreciate some advice and analysis: what do you think has gone wrong? Am I experiencing overdose, withdrawal, brain damage? I have now realized that I have a previously unknown compulsive side which leads me to re-dose and combine unknown substances. I know I have been extremely stupid, but now I am scared...

Some help and guidance would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading.

***

herbavore
23-01-2012, 01:14
Your decision to go see a doctor (at a drug center or otherwise) is a wise one and I would not hesitate. I am sure that you have not caused any permanent damage but getting checked out medically for the short term is important. The fact that you have identified compulsive behavior at this time is good. You should see a counselor and try to nip that in the bud. Compulsive re-dosing of unknown chemicals is nothing to play around with. Use your fear of where you are to motivate you to figure out what is underneath the need for the constant highs. I think you will feel a lot better about things if you get some help.<3

Dave
23-01-2012, 03:21
It's good that you're seeking medical attention, but to be fair I'd highly doubt that most doctors will have heard of ethylphenidate. See what they say, but I'd hazard to guess that you've over-indulged, and need a break. As in a long one. You're a healthy guy, so I'm sure that you'll rebound quickly, but maybe pamper yourself a bit more than usual.

I'd be very surprised if you've damaged yourslef permanently, is what I'm trying to say. Your body is likely stressed, but it will almost certainly recover, given time. A bit of good sense goes a long way: if you've over-indulged, then take a break. I agree with Herbavore: perhaps use said break to examine why you suddenly want to get high all the time. I'd guess that you've discovered drugs a bit later than most, and are going through an experimental phase that most get out of their way in their late teens and early 20s, but that doesn't mean that there might not be something deeper going on either.

pokerboy
23-01-2012, 03:36
Thank you guys for your responses. Do you have any idea what happened physiologically? The pot triggered my problems, but my symptoms (as far as the Internet can tell) don't feel like a bad trip or excessive dose of marijuana. I feel "poisoned" and it comes in waves. I would say it "feels" like withdrawal from something but I wouldn't know since I've never experimented that... Anyway I'm not feeling any better now, I hope I can get some sleep tonight and feel a little better in the morning, that would give me some hope.

As for the deeper reasons, you are absolutely right. I had a rough year in 2011 emotionally, and I think the desire to experiment with drugs (which was never a part of me before) is part self-destructive and part emotional void-filling. I am going to throw away all my stuff and take a long break to reflect on the bad experience, that's for sure.

brimmy
23-01-2012, 05:02
You shouldn't (or should be careful when) mess(ing) with RC's because there isn't much/any research on them and the side effects to many are unknown.
Weed wouldn't cause any of the problems you've expressed, if anything I'd think it would help with the pain. If the problems persist and aren't getting any better you should get checked out by a doctor, you'll have to be honest with them though if you want proper advice, also you wont get in trouble for admitting to taking something to a doctor.

Dave
23-01-2012, 05:39
Like I said, I don't know that particular compound particularly well, so I can't really comment on the physiological question. There may well be something going on, or it could be entirely psychological. The mind can make real physical pain.

Stay clean and sober for a few more days and see how things go. I find that a good yardstick for after-effects is MDMA: I'm usually in the clear after a week to a week and a half. Anything that persists after that might require other care, but with RCs you never really know. Have you looked into the physiological effects of this particular compound? Is that information even available yet?

boodha
23-01-2012, 10:12
Rebound anxiety from the rc benzo ( if I read it all correct)
Made worse by the state you were in, always good to get checked out
But you will be fine just need to let your body heal up and recharge
Stay away from rc's or we will all be out of scanner darkley

cecil_cbr
23-01-2012, 10:27
I've been in the same boat, and i have had week long recoveries from going a little too extreme with certain drugs. You will be ok though, don't worry. The human body is pretty incredible when it comes to healing itself and balancing itself back out, so just be patient. If you read some of the trip reports on here and some of the binges many people have reported of doing, you would pretty much look at your binge like childs play compared to alot on here, ha. Obviously though if things start to get serious then see a doctor, but in the meantime be patient and everything will balance back out to normal, you will see.

herbavore
23-01-2012, 11:10
^A binge is never child's play and everyone's body and psyche are different. <3

pokerboy
23-01-2012, 15:12
Hello everyone, here's an update.

At 5am this morning I still couldn't sleep and the pain and anxiety were becoming unbearable. I was very afraid that I damaged my nervous system or inner ear or whatever made that crazy tinnitus going non-stop. I started crying a lot of shivering. Eventually I called for help, after a long chat with three different NHS representatives they decided to send me an ambulance (a bit of an overreaction since I could have taken a cab to the hospital). I'm driven to a hospital, they test my blood pressure, take some blood and urine samples, ask many questions about my recent drug use etc. I answered everything as truthfully as possible. My state wasn't getting better and the lack of sleep was making my headaches worse.

Finally after some consideration they diagnosed that the most likely scenario is that the cannabis I smoked potentiated the yohimbine that was still very present in my body at that time, leading to my current symptoms (anxiety and headaches including hallucinations), that combined with the ethylphenidate withdrawal for the radiating pain. I talked to a counselor for over an hour and was sent back home with a prescription for Lorazepam. All in all they said the same as you guys, that the human body is strong and it's very unlikely that I've injured myself permanently with this. I just have to fight through it now and will feel better in a few days.

I will try to sleep now, thanks for all the responses and support,
take care and don't be stupid like i was!
pokerboy

webbykevin
24-01-2012, 01:02
The best lessons in life are the hardest ones to take at the time, learn from your stupidity and don't mix and match chemicals in your system again without knowing what you are doing, i would wait for a few more days before seeing a GP about it but if the thing doesn't stabilize then sure seek some medical advice.

You are lucky you are not dead, you really have to educate yourself before you start randomly dosing and snorting lines of RC's, Imagine if you had chopped out a couple of big lines of bromo dragonfly or something similar, you would be in a propper dilly of a pickle now mate as ned flanders would say.

At your age there is no excuse for this kind of stupidity, wake up to yourself.

There is a good youtube video from Terence McKenna called "How to take psychedelics" it's in 4 parts, part one is here.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nrj1X6TzEXo

that pretty much expains how you made every mistake in the book and should give you some positive guidance for the future.

hope this helps

pokerboy
24-01-2012, 02:08
Thank you webbykevin for the links. You are right, it's la lesson i will not forget.

The problem is, I don't usually think of myself a a stupid reckless person. But tha'ts exacty who I've been. When I take the first dose of any kind of drug it appears to throw caution out the window and start acting compulsively with no care for consequences. I'm sure there was a part of me that wanted somehing bad to happen.

I'm clearly not emotionally ready for drugs, let alone RCs. I will take a long break long and reflect.

Update: with the prescribed lorazepam I could sleep 11 hours straight, woke up feeling tired but the headaches and pains have subsided. Tinnitus is still there though. Let's hope I can get rid of it before the end of the week. I will also get some psychological counseling to talk about my drug abuse pattern. And I've flushed down the toilet everything I had.

Thanks again for the support during this harsh lesson

pokerboy
16-03-2012, 13:52
Hello everyone, I thought I would give you a quick update.

After that incident took place over two months ago, most symptoms stabilized except for anxiety and tinnitus. I could not sleep without taking a benzo. If I managed to fall asleep without it sometimes, I would wake up two hours later shaking and sweating with a very strong tinnitus.

I researched what happened to me extensively and it turns out Yohimbine is probably the cause of all my problems. I would advise everyone to stay the hell away from that stimulant, the mild aphrodisiac effects are clearly not worth the trouble as it is vastly untested and interaction with other drugs can lead to disaster.

From http://www.erowid.org/chemicals/dxm/dxm_health1.shtml


There are a number of drugs and conditions which you should absolutely avoid if taking dissociatives, because they may seriously increase the risk of brain damage or health problems. Here is a partial list of some of the more common ones. This doesn't include the various things which can increase the risk of adverse psychological problems or bad trips; such a list would probably be rather large.

Drugs which may make Olney's Lesions worse:
Yohimbine and yohimbe (and other alpha-2 antagonists) may dramatically increase the brain damage! These should be avoided at all costs.

What I hadn't realized at the time was that I had gotten a cold and was taking Benylin, which contains DXM. So what probably happened was: cannabis-potentiated yohimbine led to bad interaction with the little amount of DXM I had in my body (+ other drugs). In the end I suffered inner ear damage, which caused the tinnitus to start.

After consulting with a neurologist, I was prescribed with melatonin and I'm glad to say that I'm off the benzo now. Melatonin allows me to sleep depsite the tinnitus still being there.

If anything, I hope my unfortunate adventure helps some of you avoid the same problem.

Good luck all