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Anomaly88
08-10-2011, 23:01
Quit the h on 4 of july and got on suboxone for about 3 months and started at 4mg and then lowered to 2 then 1 and then quit. Seem too be doing pretty good... I have never been clean this long so with me luck!! I still smoke weed and take the occasional benzo every now and then if i want to get fuct up or drink some alcohol.. But hopefully i'll quit it all soon. I've been alot happier and not as depressed as I was when i was using and the w/d suck. I'm glad im off of it, and i hope i stay off of it so i can have a successful life!

Anomaly88
09-10-2011, 00:54
And also how do you guys cope with life when your sober? I find myself rather bored all the time and still small forms of depression, No energy, always tired, groggy.. Will someone answer me jesus christ :\

Legerity
09-10-2011, 00:57
Congrats. I often get bored too it seems hard to find interesting things to do sometimes. I love reading so either books or research/learning different topics online can keep me occupied forever. If you have friends that you enjoy spending time with that can be quite healing too. It really depends on what you like :)

Anomaly88
09-10-2011, 01:00
Yeah... all my friends moved away to college, so i often get pretty lonely and depressed. Smoke alot of weed to help that. Idk its hard going back to reality, hah.

Legerity
09-10-2011, 01:24
Hehe well reality can mean several things. Just because you think/feel something doesn't mean that it's the only possibility, although it could be. If you feel that getting high is necessary for you right now are there any other actions you'd be willing to take to deal with the depression from a different angle to eventually remove the need of drugs?

Carl Landrover
09-10-2011, 02:16
And also how do you guys cope with life when your sober? I find myself rather bored all the time and still small forms of depression, No energy, always tired, groggy.. Will someone answer me jesus christ :\

How long ago did you stop taking suboxone?

You went down to 2mg and stopped taking it at that dose?

Anomaly88
09-10-2011, 02:36
no i stopped taking it at 1mg. I still got like 3-4 mg's left out of an 8mg sublinginal (s/p)? thing. But i dont need em anymore. And yeah i plan on starting to work out more and eventually cut back on my smoking..

JoeyB
09-10-2011, 02:47
How long were you taking opiate's and how much? The reason I ask is I take roxicodone for a severe back injury and have been want to quit for some time now however after a couple days I literally feel like I'm going to die and can't sleep. I have been taking like 160-200 mg a day for 2 years, didn't start out that high but that's were I am now. What is the best, fastest and safest way to detox with out feeling like that? Please help as this is so extremely depressing and I'm ready to put these things behind me and move on with my life. By the way, I take as prescribed, I don't snort or shoot them up like a lot of people if that helps at all.

Dave
09-10-2011, 04:27
You're on the right track Anomaly. The loneliness is tough, but keeping occupied is key to keeping sober. Exercise is great, even just going for long walks can be really invigorating, especially if you can engage with your surroundings. I find that having a camera with me helps to do that, but really, just observing is great too.

Did you have any favourite activities from before your addiction that you can perhaps try to get back into?

nAON
09-10-2011, 04:37
For boredom, I recommend video games. Stuff like WoW is designed to waste time^

Dave
09-10-2011, 06:17
Yeah, but games like WoW are also purpose-built to generate compulsive playing. For someone with addictive tendencies, a game like that might not be the best choice. And this is coming from someone who played pretty heavily for about 4 years.

burn out
09-10-2011, 06:31
coping with life sober is tough. i find that spending time with friends, seeking spiritual fullfillment, getting enough exercise, eating well, sleeping enough and engaging yourself in hobbies can all help.

Missykins
10-10-2011, 00:11
And also how do you guys cope with life when your sober? I find myself rather bored all the time and still small forms of depression, No energy, always tired, groggy.. Will someone answer me jesus christ :\

With all due respect, you're not sober.

piebald
10-10-2011, 08:36
With all due respect, you're not sober.
the dirty truth

Anomaly88
11-10-2011, 04:07
Why do u say that? I'm not sober off weed... And soon in a couple weeks ill be completely off the suboxone.. I havent even been taking it.

belfort
11-10-2011, 06:00
^^most people on opiod maintenance dont consider themselves 'using' and they think they are clean but just wait until you get completely opiod free, then you will truly know what it feels like to be sober..this can be good or bad..

Bojangles69
11-10-2011, 06:51
If you haven't been taking the subs then why would you even say "soon I'll be off them too"? That doesn't make a lot of sense people can definitely be sober off a specific drug (while still doing something like pot) but they usually have a date that was their last date of use.

When is your last date of use for the sub? You're either on it or off it or do you mean you're taking it every few days?

Also I don't really give a shit if you're sober that doesn't mean a single thing you head is obviously in the right direction and thats ALL that matters. Plus the slower the process the easier I find it to maintain your new habits. I wouldn't honestly worry about the pot focus on ending that sub use thats the important thing.

For boredom I suggest several things.
For me I own a small treated home studio. I've been making trance, uplifting and hardcore for 9 years now. My most favorite thing in the world to do.

Working out is also a great hobby as well as learning to eat a true bodybuilder diet.

Jerking off is another hobby that never gets boring like the music.

And NA meetings would be an AWSOME hobby to have too you don't need to go to get a sponsor and work the program if you don't want but a couple meetings a night on my most anciest days of the week are vey helpful for me. They help keep me focused on my goals and absolutely help with cravings and depression.

Good luck & stay positive!

Anomaly88
11-10-2011, 15:17
I meant im not clean apparantly cause my frined told me it takes like 3 weeks until your body is completely clean off the sub. And yeah i was taking 1mg every two or three days but i just quit like 2 or 3 days back, and i don't plan on taking the rest.

PendulumAM
11-10-2011, 15:21
I quit heroin about a month before you did, and had to withdraw since I only had half of an 8mg suboxene, so I'm not on that anymore either. Honestly one of the main reasons I haven't relapsed is that I moved back home and don't have any connects here. When I first came home, I was looking for ANY way to get high. Now that's subsided, although I like coffee and cigarettes too much, probably. If you aren't in school you can enroll or take some sort of class, it helps keep you busy and getting a good grade on a test makes you feel great. Exercise. I know everyone says this, but it really does help, not just for the endorphins and whatnot but because after a few weeks you'll notice that you look better and that makes you feel better. I've been feeling really bored too since before sobriety, being high on dope made sitting around nodding off fun. I'm in the same boat as you, I'm sober but still don't feel like i've totally recovered, but its getting better gradually.

Missykins
11-10-2011, 18:31
Why do u say that? I'm not sober off weed... And soon in a couple weeks ill be completely off the suboxone.. I havent even been taking it.

I'm not referring to the Suboxone, but to the weed, the benzos, and the alcohol.

But this is entirely your choice. For me, they were all part of the problem.

Anomaly88
11-10-2011, 23:05
Yeah.. I agree. Just don't think it's as bad as doing tar.. And it's not like im abusing them or anything..

Anomaly88
21-10-2011, 05:12
Shits been going great! Passed my mid terms this week at the community college. Made me happy :DD Been off my meds for 2 weeks now. Been working out alot. Try to do it every mon-thurs. Quit smoking bud on the weekdays. And only party on the weekends. Just smoke bud on the weekends. And ive been 2 weeks clean off the benzos. However, i decided to celebrate for making all A's and B's on my exams. And take a xanax bar and .5 kpin and drink one of those tilt's 12% alch. I dont think it's bad too celebrate once in awhile if you don't have work too do and its for a special occasion... seeing as im an addict that's my mind set. Keep in mind i have been a drug addict ever since i was 12-13 then started with the heavy shit when i was 15-16 would apparantly cry if i didnt get some boy. quit for awhile and got back on the tar when i was 17-18. Now about to turn 19 here Dec.6. Been 3 months clean off the opis. But still have that occasion when i am bored and thinking the "crazies" my counselor calls it when "idle hands is the devils workshop" or something to do with us addicts along those lines. Would like to go back to snorting something and get really fuct up on some opis so i can nod out hard. Not heroin or anything.. Just some dones or some strong opis thats not a street drug.. I just would hate for it to ruin my 3 months or sobriety off opis... Like the benzos i dont care about as much.. But only do them once in a blue moon. But soon i want to be completely clean. Because i want to suceed in life and make something of myself. Im thinking about majoring in business or criminal justice like some type of forensics or having to deal with crazy people and learning about the brain and behavior..

Dave
22-10-2011, 04:57
Good for you for passing your exams! It really sounds like you're on the right track; having goals like yours will help keep you focused on staying off your main DOC, and in time perhaps even getting clean off of everything.

I agree that for most people the occasional indulgence is fine, but you need to be especially careful because of your history both with opiates and starting getting high at such a young age. Keep in mind too that benzos are insidious: they'll sneak up on you but quick.

But hey, you've got to acknowledge your accomplishments so far, and you've been doing great! Keep it up, and keep us posted :)

Anomaly88
22-10-2011, 19:45
Yeah. Im not too worried about the benzos seeing as ive been addicted to them before and taking high amounts anywhere from 2-6 bars a day for like a year. This was before i got into opiates. But i can't see myself get hooked on benzos again. I try to limit myself and not get to crazy..

Anomaly88
20-11-2011, 20:19
Gunna be 5 months on Dec. 4th... Shits crazy.

Carl Landrover
20-11-2011, 21:16
Try to find things you can get interested in.

I think that's one of the biggest setbacks people have when they first look into new things. If it doesn't immediately grab them by the balls and get their attention then it just isn't focused on anymore. Finding new hobbies takes time and focus. Think about it in drug terms even. You didn't start out one day having a bunch of connects and knowing exactly what to do and say. You worked at it over time and learned the game. A lot of other things in life are like that, except they don't have the immediate sensation of "oh shit I'm high".

I'm finding that I have to actively reflect on good things I'm doing. At the end of the day I have to look back and say that I'm glad I read those few chapters of that book or did that few minutes of cleaning. Yes, I probably could have done more or done a better job, but I didn't do nothing. I had done something and I have to mentally reward myself for that. It sounds sort of foolish, but I feel loads better when I do something simple like read part of a book, and then I look back and realize the information I gathered from reading. I think of how that might help me in the future somehow or how that had been like sending my brain to the gym for the first time in a while. Look for things that you can actively move forward in and can track your progress. Video games, as was mentioned, is one was such example where you can move forward and actively have seen your progress. You can go back to the beginning and see how much your skills have improved.

Anomaly88
22-11-2011, 18:38
hah yeah.. alot of hobbies i used to love dont really interest me anymore. I don't know.. Life seems alot more boring now that im grown up and have seen life and nothing really appeases to me ( my addict mind talking) except getting high.. So weed is a must have. Shit just makes me feel calm and normal. But hopefully i'll get clean for good.. Just have lost all my motivation over the past 5-6 years.

Sappy_6794
22-11-2011, 18:43
Why do u say that? I'm not sober off weed... And soon in a couple weeks ill be completely off the suboxone.. I havent even been taking it.

Just because they say that dont let it discourage you. Youre doing fine

piebald
22-11-2011, 18:45
^Anomaly..you loss of interest and apathy and all that other crap will start to fade away..ive been clean for about a year and the first months suck! If you told me last year i would be able to go out, do shit, hang out with people etc..without drugs and actually enjoy it i would NOT have believed you..BUT you can! It takes time...and its not easy but in my case i actually realized over time that all things i liked to do when i was high i STILL enjoy! you will find yourself again..its one day at a time

Anomaly88
23-11-2011, 03:55
Yeah.. thats what they tell me. And thanks for all the feedback... people havent been posting/ giving me advice. I think once im clean for a year or so ill be alot happier and enjoy going out and doing my old hobbies. Hopefully ill have more ambition then too since ive been a junky ever since i was 10-18 bout to turn 19 on Dec.6th. But ever since ive been off the subs ive been getting these cravings. I have more self control then i used to but in the back of my mind i think " one cap wont hurt" or just a 20 piece of tar for today wont be bad just so i can get real doped out and nod... But i know thats my addiction talking. Today i actaully skateboarded the the first time in years and landed a 5 stair on the first try. Made me happy :D still got my skills haha. But i dont know... My dads a dick and thinks i sell my gas and food for money to buy drugs and hes always like you back in the hood scoring cheese? im like man fuck off... im trying my best. I dont want to hear your smart ass remarks. ( he hasnt been in my shoes so he has no idea what i go through) Still got the blue days evvery now and then but mainly im pretty happy. I think im still going through PAWS because i had a user dream the other day that my friends scored a bunch of dope and shot it up without me and i didnt get any (even though i dont shoot up) have tried but i fuct my arm up and didnt use a filter and apparantly could of killed myself so i quit right then and there.

Anomaly88
23-11-2011, 03:58
^ a girl would help too. I used to use drugs as a way to escape reality from all the abuse and dysfunction in the family. Dad was never there and was an abusive drunk. My mom couldnt take my dad so she was always gone with her friends getting drunk and snorting coke.. So my childhood i was left by myself. The only people who took me in were my best friends whos family struggles with hard drug addiction and it broke up the family and the kids got on it and sooner or later i got on the hard shit because i just pretty much said fuck it and gave up on life. Didnt care anymore what would happen. I mean when u get all this physcial / emotional abuse and ur dad saying how you amount to nothing and your scum and dirt. It really fucks you up. And from getting kicked out of moms house then dads house then back to moms house then kicked out and back to dads house and now he moved me in an apt just so he wont have to see me or deal with me because thats how much he hates me.. Just makes me feel worthless :[

piebald
23-11-2011, 06:04
anomaly..it will get better, i went through major paws, it sucked and i just assumed that that feeling was how "sober life" felt..but it does go away and at first doing things without drugs is very strange but stay active! and little by little you will begin to realize that you can enjoy things without being high..it just takes time..thats the hard part...and the dreams SUCK. in my case i still have them every once and a while; but they will start to become more infrequent generally. Insomnia can last a while too..keep skateboarding and stay away from elements/friends/places where you would have access to drugs. In my case i actually had to literally move to another state because everything reminded me of drugs..
It sounds like you have had a rough time, im sorry to hear about the abuse..but your not worthless...maybe you should consider talking to someone about these feelings and what you've been through. Stoping using is a huge step but my advice would be to explore some of the underlying issues that drive you to want to use...as far as the girl goes...but all that on the back burner and work on yourself!! your doing the right thing, its really hard but it does get better...i tried to kill myself at one point when i got off subs-the paws was soooo overwhelming i was totally hopeless, it was awful...but it did pass..it will...

herbavore
23-11-2011, 06:46
Anomaly, it actually sounds like a good thing that you are not living with your Dad right now. Nobody needs to hear how worthless they are--and from a parent? Do you live by yourself or have roommates?

Do you have support from a group or any kind of therapy available to you? I agree with Piebald that would be something that could really offer you some relief for your feelings, not to mention give you the support that you are not getting at home.

You are one strong survivor.<3

PheMekh
23-11-2011, 12:39
I'm so miserable...I've been off dope for over 5 months (on methadone), gained weight, feel like crap, sporadically I'll shoot some heroin but won't feel shit and hate all other drugs...I feel like the only way I could ever enjoy life again is by moving to Cambodia for those $20 grams of china... Yeah, I'm fucking miserable.

Anomaly88
24-11-2011, 04:13
Damn, man im sorry. You sound like a buddy of mine. Hes on like 135 mgs of mdone now and i havent seen him in awhile. I miss him and worry about him :[
Glad to see all these nice comments. They are cheering me up nicely! :D It really means alot hearing ppl say im doing good.. makes me feel better about myself. Alot of people have noticed a huge difference and were worried about me.. But i just didnt care. I really dont know why i started to care and want to get clean. I miss the fucking shit out of being doped up every day not worrying about anything and just bliss... I guess i realize i cant live like that forever and i need to start my own life because i dont wanna live like a bum/junky anymore and i want to do something successful and productive with my life and prove to my dad that i dont need his sorry ass. I love him but fuck man.. Yes i got a drug counselor been seeing him ever since i got on the subs back when. He disagreed with me taking them but i took such a low does and tapered off quickly. like in a month or two ( not using it to get high) i was orignally supposed to take 2 8mg sub strips twice a day. Ive had subs and mdones before so i know that an 8 mg will fuck my world cause i took 2 8's my first time and puked guts and blacked out lol. But i took the 8 anywys cause i wanted to get "one last high" then switched to 4mg the next day stayed on that for like a month then 2 mg for a month and then 1 for like a week. then i was off. Now i got cravings and this PAWS bullshit my counselor warned me about but didnt read or believe it. But fuck man! Ive been fiending so more recently. Wanting to score so bad. The other day i was thinking about just cruising through the hood and see what all the crackys are up too lol.. Such a dirty and nasty place... I wanna try NA meetings again but like a teenage NA one because the first time i went i was still using and theyre talking about drugs all the time and it just made me wanna score so bad. Almost got up and walked out and went and coped. But i didnt.. but i never have been back. Cause all that 12 step bullshit " OH GOD SAVED ME, I AM CLEANSED!" no. thats bullshit. religion is all a crutch to lean on and something to count on. Like honestly what has god done for me.. And your not clean. Once a drug addict always a drug addict. Plain and simple... Sorry for the rant.

Anomaly88
24-11-2011, 04:22
But yeah since i fiend all of the time. I usually smoke bud or synthetic weed to calm me down and relax me. And on the weekends If im not busy i get drunk because hey. Im doing what im supposed to be doing. Need to celebrate, you feel me? Prolly turn into an alchy like my dad hah. But i dont like alcohol too much. But i do like getting high/fucked up and weed doesnt do it for me. Weed is like a must have. I already know i got an addictive personality because of my mom and dad being alcoholics.. But my DOC is opiates. I was working out and quit smoking for a few weeks and would work out everyday after school for 2 weeks and i felt great! more energized, happy,not as tired/fatigue, all that. Cause u get all those chemicals flowing endorphins or w/e.. But unfortunatley i stopped that a couple weeks back and have been smoking alot more frequently recently and drinking alot more... But at least its not opiates. Cant ruin my 5 months sobriety... thats the longest ive been clean. But technically im not clean from weed,alcohol and benzos on the occasion but i try to keep that to a 1 month minimum or not at all...

Anomaly88
24-11-2011, 04:24
^Anomaly..you loss of interest and apathy and all that other crap will start to fade away..ive been clean for about a year and the first months suck! If you told me last year i would be able to go out, do shit, hang out with people etc..without drugs and actually enjoy it i would NOT have believed you..BUT you can! It takes time...and its not easy but in my case i actually realized over time that all things i liked to do when i was high i STILL enjoy! you will find yourself again..its one day at a time

Do you think it will go away if im still smoking, drinking on the side? Im sure that makes the healing process take longer.. thats for sure. But fuck man ive been high everyday pretty much for half my life. I dont even remember what "normal" feels like because i was like 9 years old when i was "normal" or as normal as it gets with all the childhood abuse...

PheMekh
25-11-2011, 21:05
So yeah I broke my so called sobriety of heroin (been on methadone for over 1 yr and a half) today....I had no choice! I woke up late to the clinic and that nurse wouldnt wait for me! So i got some <snip> dope from the hood here in Downtown Miami....I couldnt just be sick all day...fuck..

Anomaly88
26-11-2011, 22:06
ahh that sucks. My friend missed a few days of his mdone. Had to go to the hospital or some shit..

drscience
27-11-2011, 03:29
Good work Anomaly! (year of the dragon?)

You are an inspiration to me!

badfish45
27-11-2011, 05:28
Best of luck to you! Good luck maintaining this, I'm very proud of you for managing to quit H :D What have you been doing to keep yourself entertained and away from the tar?

Anomaly88
27-11-2011, 18:05
Not sure what year of the dragon is... But i dont know.. Try to keep myself busy. Been having hella cravings recently :[ But im not 100% sober. Still try to smoke weed and drink on the weekends when i dont have shit going on.. Just trying to focus on college and get the fuck out of this community college and make something of myself and try to do something with my life.. Tired of living like a junky. And i dont want to end up on the streets or in jail..

Anomaly88
03-12-2011, 21:48
Well thanksgiving break i went a little overboard on the drinking hah. Drank like 4 nights in a row when my friend came back to visit from college. Then he talked me into rolling with him. I havent rolled in like 8 months and used to be a little roll tard last year when i first started around this time and on my birthday which is coming up in a few days here on December 6th. It's getting pretty hard to stay straight on the holidays.... Especially these rainy days. Ever since that roll last week i had such a good time and expierience ive been so happy and i was in need of a good roll. haha. I want to roll again so bad now. But im not.. gunna wait until winter break when my friend comes back again. Don't wanna turn it back into a weekly ordeal.. I keep taking short-cuts or loop-holes around the fact that im staying clean off of opiates.. Like today for instance i decided to go and try some kratom caps that i have heard about. Seeing as its not technically an opiate :p They work nicely i guess. I had to eat like all 8 grams within an hour. So like 20 big ass horse pills. I was hoping for something a little stronger but i feel a little euphoric and got the itchys. hah.... Fucking miss my opiates. Almost slipped up and bought some caps once i saw those kratom caps. Was like fuckkkkkkkkk, this aint working i want some dope... But i didnt! Almost did though.. Drove by the trap to see if she was there but didnt pull up or get out. I was like "what the fuck am i doing" then went home. lol.. Gunna turn 19 here on December 6th... pretty crazy how time flys..

badfish45
03-12-2011, 22:20
I'm very proud of you for that. A quick word of advice, don't try to replace H with other drugs. A replacement almost never works, and can possibly lead to relapses.

Anomaly88
03-12-2011, 22:28
haha ive been down that road. When i was first addicted to my first drug i replaced it with opiates. Now my opiates are my DOC and i dont see how i used to be addicted to benzos. But i know where your coming from. It's just switching one addiction for another. But i'm not trying to do that. Although i have been drinking a lot more than i usually do on the weekends and stuff... Which i shouldn't do because both my parents are alcoholics and that's where i got my addictive personality's from. But what specific drug were you talking about? I'm trying not to abuse anything because i dont want it to turn into an everyday thing so i try to use in moderation but if i had the choice and the money, i would smoke weed everyday.. Because that is a must for me. <3 my weed. I probably am addicted to weed. I dont know im addicted to being high in general. It doesnt matter what it is except like crack or meth. I just dont like living life sober... feels wierd to me. lol but thanks for the concern and the comments. I'm trying to stick in there and keep up the good work.. Would hate to ruin my 5 months off opiate sobriety. That's the longest iv'e ever gone! :D But damn sometimes i miss being doped out everyday..

badfish45
03-12-2011, 22:41
I love weed too. That's why I decided to take a 50 day break from it. I feel that experiencing both the sober and drugged life in moderation have their ups and downs. Sometimes you need to sacrifice and only live the sober life, but if you can maintain yourself being clean for 5 months, then I'd say that you're already going down a good road, and I think you'll have the strength to carry on. And yeah...I bet you miss that feeling, shit I miss being stoned all day, but I'm not taking a permanent abstinence from it. You're brave , seriously congratulations on what you've accomplished.

Anomaly88
03-12-2011, 22:47
Thanks man! Means a lot. :D I'm glad i made this little blog thread. You guy's keep me on track and i like how i can see what ive done and accomplished. Hopefully one day i'll be a year clean off opiates ;) But yeah. I know where your coming from too with the T-break. haha. When you smoke everyday you build a high ass tolerance as with all drugs you abuse... Just doesn't work the same as if you take a long ass break and get SUPER ripped. That's why i quit using h was because it wasn't working for me anymore and i wasn't nodding out so it was either that or start shooting up. Which i did one night but failed when i was really fuct up and forgot to use a filter and just shot up like a little h and mostly water. Didn't feel shit, lol. Could have hurt myself too my friend said cause i wasn't checking for air bubbles or anything. Didn't cross my mind at the time, lol. But yeah, if i had more activites / goals / hobbies / motivation im sure it would be alot easier to live a sober life..

Anomaly88
16-12-2011, 01:49
Well i relapsed. I dont even know why... I passed all my classes and finished my finals and classes for the semester. Been doing real good.. But the cravings have just become unbearable. I keep having users dreams... So anyways i went and drove to the hood where i normally get my caps. I looked for other stuff but no one had anything. So i asked the lady who i normally get my boy from if she had any viks or any other opiate besides h. She said she had it at her moms so i drove here there and ive met up with her there before to get it. Well she goes inside and i wait in my car for like 10-15 minutes and then start questioning where the fuck she went.. It never takes this long. So i knocked on the door and asked if shes there and she said no she left and stay away from her she aint good. Well im like fuck... wtf. shes never done this too me but i havent seen her in 6 months. So i go around to the back and i ask this guy if hes seen her and he said she ran out the back door. So im like wow... gay i just wanted some viks instead of boy cause ive been staying away from that and the guy which is her brother apparantly said he would hook me up with a few viks since i got ripped off but it would be like 30-45 min until this guy comes to unlock his car or somethiing. So i waited.... and then eventually said fuck it and just got caps from him and went home... Hopefully this wont turn into an everyday thing. But ohhh man have i missed this doped out feeling ;) I also take getting ript off as a sign too stay away. Its kinda bullshit cause she was being real nice and always has been and was like im glad your going to school and staying away from the boy. Keep away from it.. IM like yeah... im trying.

herbavore
16-12-2011, 17:06
Anomaly, it sounds like you had all that structure to help you get through the cravings for a while but once all the intense effort from school ended you were left with nothing to help you take your mind off them. Since they had been so strong all along it doesn't surprise me that they overwhelmed you now. What is important is that you don't let this one time pull you right back in. Just the fact that you are going to school, finished your classes and say you did well tells me that you are motivated and have goals. Find a way to focus your mind on your goals everyday. Research life directions/careers. Research countries you want to visit or a place you want to move. If you have any creative interests do whatever you have to do to pursue them.

Fighting cravings is what it is about initially. Finding passions that fulfill you is what life is about for everyone--addict or not. There is no instant gratification and so it is initially hard to get comfortable with for a body and mind used to the immediate rush of a drug. The rush of an addictive drug always ends and the rush gets harder and harder to come by. On the other hand, finding out who you are and what your connections to this life are is a slow process, full of unknowns, but the rewards are lasting and real. Imagine feeling totally comfortable with yourself--without the need for any substance or any other person's approval, or any specific circumstances--just completely comfortable in yourself. That is the goal. Figuring out the way there is an adventure.

Whatever you do, don't use the relapse as an excuse to quit trying. You are doing so well and this just shows you that you have to figure out a plan ahead of time for when the structure of school ends. Don't beat yourself up about it but don't take this lying down either. Good luck<3

Anomaly88
16-12-2011, 21:28
Thanks.. I guess your right about the school part.. I still feel fuct up from yesterday, hah. Man nodded out all day on like 2-3 caps. even puked... I havent had that low of a tolerance in a long time.. Some part of me wants to keep doing it everyday and the other part of me doesn't want me to get back into that routine again. Guess its time to start counting the days over :\ I wanted to get a year before i relapsed but i knew it was coming sooner or later.. My friends heard i went and got boy and called me up and were like you went and got that?! I was like yeah... i guess i did.. lol. Hes like man you were just telling us how good you were doing.. Im like i know man.. i dont know what the fuck happened :\