Been Clean off dope for 3 months

XTCAKE said:

I don't feel guilty or "unsober" because I take Suboxone. I AM sober from the drug that I wanted to die with, and that's really what matters, you know?
Don't let anyone try to make you feel like you're a piece of non sober shit just because you are legitimately prescribed Suboxone. You have to do shit for YOU.
You will never, EVER get clean if you don't start living for YOU

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The shitty thing is that when I got on suboxone after a real bad relapse (I had been clean for nine months), my friends that were in recovery were ferry often judgmental that I decided to get on suboxone. They didn't consider me clean, which pissed me off because a lot of them took stims for ADD or clonazepam for anxiety, yet I never pointed out that those drugs were mind altering substances as well.

The whole "not being clean because you're on suboxone/methadone" seems like an unproductive attitude, and it makes it hard to go to NA meetings, because I feel like I'm holding some dirty secret. I think that self help groups and treatment centers have to catch up on the times. I sure I'm not the only one that's been turned off to NA because they viewed suboxone as just another opioid. And even to this day I still sometimes feel guilty about being suboxone, and start to take that shit to heart, which is dangerous territory, because i start to think "if suboxone is just another super addicting opioid, than I might as well take heroin, because I'm not clean anyway." I've litteray talked my way into copping dope using this mind set.

rocknroll702 said:

dope as in meth? good meth is the worst!

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Methadone

korpsicle said:

Thanks you! :D Yeah I'm away at school now, which was basically the only way I was going to get sober. I'm just scared when i go back for spring break and/or summer I will relapse again. Hopefully I will start to feel better before then so I can be stronger and resist my urges when I go back home.

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That's awesome. You sound very determined. I have also done a lot of rearranging in my life to accommodate my new life style, being clean.

I changed everything. I moved, stopped talking to everyone, got a new phone number, and I avoid stores where drugs were sold....

I can tell you I gets easier. I was losing my mind at first.. But eventually it because normal.. The boring feeling of all day, became not so bad then reality then normal everyday life.

It gets better. I still have a long way to go myself. This time, I am a whole lot more commuted and I really want it, so I am doing my best. It's very true you have to really want this.. Ya know?

Anomaly88 said:

Wierd.. i find myself in a cloudy / hazy state even when im sober for a long time. Just perma-fried hahaha. But idk man... Wish i could help you out but im no Doctor. I would suggest if it bugs you and still doesn't go away to get it checked out by a doctor.. But thats what anyone on this site would say. Best of luck too you mate! And stay sober bro! 2 weeks is good! Make it 2 months! :D

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Hey how are you feeling? Is everything alright over there?

Are you recovering?

Fantastic stuff! Keep it up

Doing good.. last time i used was on the 30th. I think im done for good.. I'm tired of being a dumbass. Time to make something out of myself -_-
Idk, i just realized a lot of shit.. can't be messing with that stuff if i ever want to be successful in life So im just gunna keep going to school and blowing trees when im stressed It's just not worth it in the long run... I'm gunna miss it though. But whatever. It will be more beneficial for me once i get to where i'm going... finally know what i wanna do with my business degree and its nice having a goal and everything... Haven't had one of those since i was like 9 years old. haha. So yeah.. I'm pretty excited and feeling pretty good about myself! :D

Anomaly it sounds like you're doing really well man, congrats!! You're in a good headspace and heading in the right direction. That is awesome Keep it up, and all the very best for achieving your goals

Omg I'm so happy to hear this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pm me all about it

Thank ya, thank ya, 2 days clean isn't much to brag about though D: I'll be back on track sooner or later!

Fuck 2 days clean. This whole counting clean days thing is way overrated. When you start beating yourself up it's helpful, but otherwise not. You managed to get back to life, you're determined to stop using, that's great! More than 100 clean days of boredom, idleness and desire to use. Congrats!

hah right -_- whatever.. its got me something to work towards.. only reason i keep track

Never underestimate the power of a goal!

Congratulations on everything you have achieved so far. Remember that all the hard work you are doing to stay clean is strengthening you internally in so many ways. Not the least of those is the ability to handle discomfort and uncertainty without having a mask to throw on it. That is a great skill to acquire and it doesn't come in one shot. It takes practice and all those days you are counting are giving you that. Try to concentrate on filling your days with some things that you love, that feel meaningful. Think out of the box, leave your comfort zone; that's where the true rewards are.

Again, congratulations!

:D thx, nice hearing from you herb always giving me good advice! hah

Man today sucked D: I got my friend some shit so he was supposed to come share but he never did and he kept saying he would until it was too late. So i get all excited waiting around all day fiending and only thing on my mind.. then it never happens I'm pissed.. I don't even wanna do it but he called and wanted some and it made me want some i always find myself going back for more :[[[ Cant help it.. Some days im good. But most days im feeling down and wanting to get high My self control sucks nowww

That sucks you got the run around. I enjoyed reading your previous posts in this thread--at the 3 month and 5 month markers. Even though you might not be there now it's really great you posted when you were. Those are very inspirational posts. Though you seemed to be bored, it seemed more like you were interested in finding a new joy in life rather than dealing so harshly with the opiate depression at the time. Thanks so much for sharing and please continue I look forward to reading this thread. Much love you'll find your self control again. I know too well how bad self control with opiates can be.

Something my friend once said to me when I messaged her after a a month clean (my longest time) from opiates was "it's okay just try for longer next time". I thought it was amazing advice. Being an addict herself she knew how hard it is to maintain your self control. It makes you feel less guilty about your minor glitch, mistakes happen, it's nothing to beat yourself up about as long as you're actively trying. Expecting perfection is just too ridiculous in this area of the drug world. I still use her advice and even though I have given in many times oddly enough I have been able to keep that "a little longer" idea rooted in me.

Man.. i was reading back on some of my old posts too... I was in such a much better head state then... I feel like ive let me self down yet and again and right back to square one. Just feel shitty about myself like my willingness to quit is kinda gone just started saying fuck it again. But I know I can't being doing that... Last time i used was monday.. It was only 5$ worth so it was nothing. Just a fucking tease..

Ugh teases are the worst! I hear where you're coming from. I know how it feels to be knocked right back down to square one. For me it basically happens after the 1st one. I don't even have to do repeated dose. It seems like I can go directly from a good 2 month streak to doing it once and being a mess again. It's a nightmare. I just keep trying, maybe not purposly but it just happens and I end up clean for a few weeks and on another streak. Don't beat yourself up. It happens we aren't bad people because of it.

The worst is that internal depression that hits after a week and ends I don't even know when. From your posts which I try and gauge from, ends somewhere after 2 months. Eventually something will work. That's how all the successful people do it, right?

I got a job interview on tuesday! :D im excited :] I just need to flush all the THC outta my system... haha. Cause i think they drug test -_- but i havent been smoking like i used to. (its not an everyday thing anymore) So i think i shouldn't have a problem.. I got a fast metabolism. Just trying to sweat all this shit out and drink lots of water. I think i'll be good.. I hope so But yeah.. a job will make me a lot happier :D and something to look forward to instead of just being locked up in my apt all day long...

Think im gunna hit up an NA meeting... having a rough day. Might as well give it another try seeing as i have only been once

Awesome about the job Anom, I too have an interview tomorrow. A job transfer interview no less, but I am rather excited to hopefully have a job in my new state.

I was forced into rehab a few years ago, yanno that 30 day BS and they did like 3 or 4 meetings a day like early morning AA meeting with the rehab people, noon meeting where outsiders were welcome and then like an evening NA meeting, and I always loved the NA meetings for how extra "brotherly" they were. The guy who would come would always be like hello my brothers and sisters. Like he obviously did too many drugs and no matter how much NA and AA he did the whole "dude" and "man" phrases and the "we are all one love one another" couldn't be stripped from him. AA always had that stringent vibe and they were always too by the book for me. I hope it works out for you tonight . Something will work eventually, keep your head up . You'll identify with someone or something one day.