Finding Your Place in the World

[The following is an edited letter I wrote long ago to a friend dealing with some issues. I am posting it here in hopes that it may help someone else. While some aspects don't apply to everyone, a lot of what I said can be applied to all of us at one time in our lives or another.]

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I think a lot of people pass through suicide contemplation, then shrug it off and continue with there lives. Serious consideration calls for immediate help (even just a hug), but casual thoughts are something of a reflection on evaluating our worth to the world - something we all do at one time or another.

Party icon? Well, I can't say as I still haven't met you, all I know is the person online. Granted, we can all wear false faces here, but the heart and mind continue to show through despite our masks, monikers, and misdirection tactics. From what I've learned, you are a good person regardless of how you act or what you do at a party.

My main thought I wish to convey is that we all have our place in the world. At times, you may be there to please someone, othertimes, you may be there to educate someone. Sometimes, we're just there to watch and learn. In moving from [..one jop or relationship...] to antoher place in the world, don't despair, or become discouraged. You could chalk this up to the karma wheel setting you up for something good, or life balancing out. But in truth, its more than that. You have a wealth of love to share (intimatly and socially) as well as insight and moral support for those who need it.

Don't ever doubt your worth in the world. If you think you aren't important, you aren't seeing the big picture, or asking those who respect, admire, or depend on you without your knowledge. Yeah the party scene has a lot of superficial friendships, but a person of your caliber carries a lot more deeper friendships than most people hope to obtain in a lifetime - don't lose sight of that. For now, the world may not have much to offer you of the things you are seeking. Have patience, stop looking for them and let them find you. In the meantime, hone the person you are into the person you want to be. Other things will take your time from you, and now you have the opportunity to concentrate on developing your own being.

You may be happy with who you are, or just complacent - I challenge you to find the difference and find what you can do to bring yourself to happiness. Finding a mate helps, but you can't do that alone, they have to be looking as well. What can you do to be more happy with yourself? So you feel you have more to offer that mate, and they don't just accept you as you are, but desire to be with you for all you have to offer?

Sorry, I've digressed and come off sounding a bit like a 'don't do suicide' commercial. That was not the intent. The intent, was that you have a place in the world, you just have to understand it, accept it, then move forward to the place in the world you would rather be. You have good friends here, several of whom (myself among them) would be one of your truer friends if geography and other nuisances didn't get in the way. Regardless, I'm here for anything you need, even if its just someone to listen.

You have my respect, and I am here for anything you may ever want to discuss or do.

- TheLoveBandit

[Edited for typos]

TLB, very well said... and about finding your place, I am a firm believer that no matter WHERE you are in this world, you WILL have a place (no matter how small and insignificant you think it is) It could the smallest thing like walking an unwell friend to her car or calling a friend who was sick and missed class to tell her about the boring lecture she/he missed.. or it could be a more major life event like being by the side of a friend who just lost a loved one..
we all have a role to play, it's just a matter of playing the role well and enjoying life while we can =)
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¤~ß®åîÑ ÇÆñÐîë~¤
"Wait! We can't stop here! This is bat country!"

But how do you reconcile being a fine decent person when to get anywhere in most jobs you have to be fake, egotistical backstabbing peice of shit?
That's what i've always struggled with.

consume coke chronically for a prolounged period of time
nice post btw

Peyote, I have the same problem. My peer was offered a job w/ a competitor due to his ability to lie. I've got better education, better experience, and am just better qualified - they wouldn't even talk to me, becuase I didn't lie about my past.
I figure, the right thing will come along, when the situtation and my perosnal aspects are in line. Until then, I trust that the right opportunities in life will present themsemelves for people who are honest and worthy, and the liars may get there first and then be ousted when recognized for what they are.
All the good things in my life I could have gotten with lying, but I wouldn't have enjoyed them as much. I'd rather be true to myself, than impersonate someone I'm not and get caught for it later.
I am a firm believer in that what you give, comes back to you - lies or honesty. And I'll find people and places in my life that accept me for being who I am, not ask me to be who I'm not.

Peyote,K - At the risk of sounding unsympathetic, those "fake, egostical, backstabbing pieces of shit" get where they get in SPITE of being lowlifes.
Know what comes along with being a total shithead? Being CONFIDENT. And if you are a confident "nice guy" you'll get just as far as any POS.
Stop blaming others for their success.
TheLoveBandit - Great piece. I only disagree with it on one point. I don't believe in "finding and accepting my place." I believe strongly in deciding where I want my place to e, and then planting a flag, cementing myself, and not letting anybody move me. Eventually everybody'll just see it's my place and accept it.

...

TLB: damn good post, thanks.
Petersko: good point. Those who lie to get somewhere, and have nothing to back it up, end up getting found out eventually. It's very easy to lie to get a job. Not so easy to stay in that job when its performance not words that count.

Petersko, you echo my thoughts, unintentionally, methinks. My point was that to find your spot and plant your flag claiming your place in life, you first have to recognize who and where you are. Then make a plan, a map on how to get from where you are to where you want to be. Every journey has a beginning and an end, you must be able to accept your starting point (limitations and abilities, scars and beauty marks, history and potential) in order to know how to create your path. To all, I hope you have the understanding to recognize where you are, the vision to see where you want to be, and the strength to travel the path between.
/me goes off into the sunset..."Happy Trails to you, until we meet again.."

Thumbs up all around.

I just thought this post deserved a BUMP.
It is truly nice to know that many others have feelings similar to mine, particularly regarding your place in the world. And while you are looking for it, don't forget to notice things in your life everyday to be happy about. Believe me, everybody has something to be happy about, whether or not they realize it.

what if you know your place, and you are surrounded by people who can and will prevent you from getting there?
ive destroyed my memory, which once used to be really good... but... now i find myself having to memorize tons of meaningless shit for tests, and when i get to those tests i fuck them up.
example: in organic reaction mechanisms my lab mark is almost 100%
my test marks are about 50%
the tests of course are worth twice as much as the labs
but what REALLY shows my ability? a lab report, or a fucking one hour test where i lose 20% off the test for drawing one bond in the wrong place?
i come back from most of my tests all depressed, sometimes wanting to die (its a reflex response for someone who spent years like that before), knowing that the system is going to destroy me because i can't memorize something i could always look up... because they never ask me the things i do know, or allow me to demonstrate my real ability.
i fully know what im capable of -- but for some reason, the system is designed to hide that. the system produces people that are good at memorizing, not good at science. i wonder what would have happened if it had been like this a hundred or so years ago when we were making rapid advancements in practically every field... considering that those people had to memorize maybe a tenth of what i have to memorize now in order to qualify...

TLB, I really enjoyed your post. I agree that many people, including myself, fail to recognize their place in the world. Sometimes I notice that even the most mundane, and seemingly unsignificant encounters I have turn out to leave very lasting marks within my memory. I would like to think the same is with others.
And also with everyday acquaintances, when for some reason I actually get to indulge in a fairly intelligent conversation, I later realize that I was meant to meet that person to receive or give that certain knowledge. Little things like that make me lean more and more towards the belief that everything is meant to happen in this world.
You really really were able to bring to light and put into words a lot of things that have been developing within myself as of recently. I was surprised at the extent to which I found myself agreeing and relating to your words.
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United States of Anarchy. We are slaves to our government.

Roches, I'm totally with you on your stand on the corrupt education in this country. The classes I am most interested in and actually reading a lot on because I want to, as opposed to reading JUST to pass the course, I end up making very low grades on. Sometimes it makes me very angry, thinking that others in my class who could care less on the subject are making high A's on the exams, but when it comes down to it, I would much rather gain from a course and fail it then passing it and walking out not remembering a thing. I've done that a lot in the past, and I've also failed a lot of courses in which I've had really good teachers who've touched my life in ways I'm only beginning to realize.
Grades mean very little to me now, or at least I would like to think so. I look around and see people stressing and feeling burdened to read and learn things in a course, when there are people in this world who would love to take such a course yet cannot afford the education that they so deserve.
But I agree that the system is designed to reward those who are good at memorizing things instead of actually learning or having any kind of remote interest in the subject. But believe it or not, education in Japan, while having a reputation for a higher education throughout the world, seems to mass produce like minded individuals based on even stricter memorization, lacking the creative and opiniated stance of people here.
So I don't know, education in this country is kind of like a mental institution. You have to conform with the structures and 'act' like you're learning things to get through the system, while at the same time fighting against it, while struggling to maintain your sanity, and actually gaining knowledge in the process.
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United States of Anarchy. We are slaves to our government.

TLB:
Thank you for posting that.

Something told me to check out TDS tonight, I'm glad I did.
That's a very powerful insight TLB, and it really meant something, even though the words weren't directed to me.
Thank you for your wisdom, your balance, and your light.
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Christian
AIM: TChristianW
"The sharpness of memories fade, but never the tone." --ebow
"'slaughter' is just 'laughter' with an "s."--Mr. Sticky

[No message]

Thats a remarkable way to look at life........most seem to be able to look at it in that way or some way similar, some cant. Not by choice, or by their own fault, they just can't. Does not make them worse than others, but it does make most shy away from those few. Those few sometimes push the most away, or they wish that some one would put forth the effort to blow by. An effort that is usually given without a thought by these few!
Ru

...didn't want this to slip off the first page just yet

"what if you know your place, and you are surrounded by people who can and will prevent you from getting there?"
This is very true. I'm sure everyone (adults) can remember this happening at least once in their lives, if not more often.
I also know what you are saying about people memorizing the material and getting better grades than the people who actually know a lot more. My roommate, for example, got an A in his 2nd Semester Organic Chem Class (20% pass rate) and he didn't even know that Bromine is a liquid.