Diary of a smoker quitting

Diary of a Smoker-Quitting
This Sucks
Day One: Shit.
Day One again only the next day:
Have tried to kill husband twice. Decide against washing dishes as always have cigarette when done. Same for bathroom. Am suddenly thinking this has upside. Eating dried fruit, apricots, pears, and brown things that look like squished roaches, which remind me of doobie roaches, which remind me of cigarettes. Watch husband light a cigarette; look at him pitifully. Eat leftover beans from last night - that'll show him. Walk by computer and wave occasionally. Can't sit and write or surf as this has been main smoking area. It's about four-o' clock now; I could have just one, I could have just one, I could have just one. That's Mr. Nicotine. He lives with me; 'he' could be a chick, but frankly, right now, I don't frigging care. Decide to play fantasy game on Playstation. Spend next three hours breeding Chocobos so game hero can save world. World doomed in my opinion.
Day two, morning:
Woke up two hours earlier than usual. Great; two extra hours of fencing practice with the RJ Reynolds Company and spawn. Seriously considering finding some hallucinogens as never had desire for nicotine during a really good walk through a wall. Woke up six times during night to pee because I drank four gallons of water "to assist my system flush poison." Am feeling unusually testy as result of lack of sleep and deep-seated oral fixation fantasies. Decide to either kill or have sex with mail carrier when post arrives. Probably both.
Day 2, afternoon:
See husband off to airport for business trip. Clean closets. Nothing new in mail. Did all laundry out of necessity - body of dead mail carrier would not fit in dryer otherwise. Put in extra dryer sheets (Arm and Hammer, biodegradable.) Decide to take walk. Meet neighbor who asks if mail came yet. She is smoking a cigarette. I tell her no out of spite.
Day 3, morning:
Go through dead man's mail bag; keep catalogues for joyous Christmas shopping. Feed rest down garbage disposal.
Day 3, Afternoon:
Call garbage disposal repair.
Day 4: Receive visitor.
Police looking for missing mail carrier - received anonymous tip from garbage disposal repair person. Make coffee and offer fat-free cookies and dried fruit. Arrange dried fruit to make smiley faces on plate. Police officer asks if I mind if he smokes. Burst in to tears. Confess.
Day 472:
Sentenced to death in murder of Postal Employee.
( Federal crime.)
Day 478:
Beaten by seven large women in prison for having no cigarettes to trade. Able to sing better now; make up prison blues songs.
Day 552:
Receive divorce papers: husband marrying tobacco heiress. Cell-mate offers to have ex husband whacked. Wants twelve cartons of cigarettes and one pair Doc Marten boots.
Decide husband will live as price too steep.
Day 558:
Secure two cartons of cigarettes for payment to cell-mate to have defense attorney whacked. Feel better.
Day 691:
Served last meal - minister asks if anything wanted at last moments. Think back to how good cigarette after meals used to be. Request one last smoke. Minister reluctant, no smoking in federal building, but sneaks one in. Sit back, relax, smoke. Ahhhhh. Feel slightly dizzy, giddy, euphoric. Warden enters cell excitedly; Governor issues full pardon due to new Federal "It Takes a Village" crimes statute: allows for defense appeal of insanity by reason of severe nicotine withdrawal.
Day 1: Shit...

lol, nice BT, as long....as....it's...not...true.....

Good luck Big Trancer.
A wonderfully admirable act to stop smoking.
Considering that if you have 20 drags on a ciggie and 20 per day, that's 400 repeatative movements from hand to mouth per day. Put a pen in your hand a chew on it. It still works for me after 1 and a bit years.
A BIG pat on the back........

What helped me was eating a my favourite fruit/s every time I had a crving for ciggy. This seemed to work as firstly it mimicked the hand-to-mouth movements that is so addictive for smokers and secondly the intake of vitamins meant that my body was releasing chemicals into my brain in the same vain the ciggys do. Anyway good luck and remember every ciggarette is doing you damage

Great BT. Now I wanna hear your story about giving up Pot Smoking!!

To be utterly horrid, I’m going to test thy willpower by stating some reasons why giving up nicotine smoking is bad for thou
For reasons ………..of health and wellbeing
Nicotine improves alertness
Nicotine synergizes with caffeine
Nicotine calms when necessary
Nicotine adds to an adrenaline rush
Nicotine is euphoric
Nicotine preserves neuron integrity in the basal forebrain nuclei and possibly prevents Alzheimer’s
…………of social integrity
Friends who smoke will think you have abandoned them
Friends who smoke will not feel like visiting, and when they do they will hang around out side, smoking the eternal mocking cigarette
You will not enjoy the clubs and bars you now do
Your increased sense of taste and smell will cause increased sensitivity to BO, farts, bad food, and of course your lover’s breath!
And last but not least your pot will never be the same again
Nicotine is truly the most ghastly of substances, and possibly the only abused drug known to cause cancer. If this list doesn’t phase you, then you may be well on the way to recovery.
My only worthwhile advice is to do as stated. Remove yourself from the hand in hand activities. Computers are a curse for this. Maybe a laptop at the beach or café may help to break that part of the habit
Now that we know nicotine withdrawal induced insanity is a valid plea, there will be countless numbers who will now attempt the impossible, knowing the odd inevitable murder won’t guarantee life imprisonment or the gas chamber. Gawd Bless America

smoking sucks majorly.....i've been cronically addicted to nicotine for well over 15 years.
i've been off the ciggi's now for 8 months ...initially with the aid of nicotine patches and later with will power alone.
remember that you're addicted to nicotine not just ciggi's. try to just get the nicotine into your system via nicotine patches, gum or lozengers. by doing this you will not get all those cancerous tars/chemicals as you would by delivering nicotine into your system via ciggi's.
doing this is the first step in breaking that hard pyschological addiction to ciggi's. after this you only have to break the physical addiction to nicotine, which i thought was easier.
anyway good luck.

Sorry for any confusion, this was a joke I found on the net that I thought was hilarious - in case anyone misread my
BigTrancer

I'll pretend that I still think BT is trying to give up and that this isnt a joke cus the next line of advice really is true:
Father was a heavy smoker for 20 years, tried absolutely everything over that time to quit and had a 100% failure rate.
One visit to a hypnotherapist, 2 hour session. Walked in - walked out - never smoked another cigarette in his life.
Also hes a staunch believer in 'fact' over 'fiction'. Eg thinks all the hypnotists on TV are a load of bollocks along with your religions etc etc.
Either way... it worked.

The missus was a fully paid up member of club "nico" till 2 weeks ago. Taking a couple of melatonin b4 bed each night has helped her quit, and she claims to have had no cravings- could be worth a try!?

Of those in my year 10 class, I wouldn’t be surprised if I was the only one who smoked anything after a certain nasty event.
We had a special class where an "expert" gave a lecture on the dangers of smoking. His teaching resources included a healthy lung sealed in solid glass or epoxy or something, and a dark looking diseased lung of a smoker who’d died of cancer, in a sealed glass fish tank like container filled with formalin.
If looking at that didn't scare everyone (and it looked revolting) what happened at the end of the class surely did.
Just as we were about to leave, someone accidentally knocked the black lung off the table where it smashed onto the floor sending the diseased organ splattering everywhere with the accompanying smell of formaldehyde. The class ran out screaming, a few dry retched, and I saw a girl fish out her cigarettes and throw them in the bin.
My obvious twisted sense of curiosity was apparent even at this early age, as I just couldn’t resist the urge to go back to the class and help clean up. Of course all I wanted to do was to have a closer look at and …err… touch the lung …uugh…. it felt just as it looked!
I also tried to comfort the very distressed teacher by telling him he couldn’t have hoped for a better impact on a class, and it shouldn’t be too hard to find a replacement lung, unless that one was from a relative! He never answered, and I’ve wondered about it ever since 8)

Very funny! There should be another anecdote about her getting the runs from eating too much dried fruit or something? (more defecating fantasies!)

You touched it. Yuck. Your NASTY!!!

OK, here's the deal...it's been almost 4 weeks since I've not had a ciggie - which i decided to do after demolishing 2 1/2 packs in one night out. Yes I coughed up some lovely things for days!
I'm due out for a big night this weekend and I'm dreading the temptation (why is it that pills and ciggies go so well together??). Any hints on how not to weaken and then have to start at Day 1 again??
And has anyone heard of Monopolies doing the rounds in Melbourne?
My lungs thank you!