PDA

View Full Version : What do you do when two people LOVE each other...but are always arguing.



Twicegone
15-03-2011, 11:37
What do you do when two people LOVE each other, are IN LOVE, have things in common; have been together for over half a year; but....are always fighting and arguing over the stupidest things. Over important things. Seems like anything to be honest. WE LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH but we are not harmonic.

I dont know what to do.

Monkeybizness
15-03-2011, 13:59
arguing leads to nothing, and if anything makes the situation worse. if one is mad take some time to cool off and discuss things once the anger has subsided.

and honestly if you dont compromise now things will only get worse . your 6 months in and already at each others neck.

junglejuice
15-03-2011, 15:31
I would say "Stop fighting, Ron and Sammie!"

But in all seriousness, Ive been in a relationship where we fought all the time. I evaluated things and realized that it truly was a toxic relationship. I was in love with her out of habit, remembering the good times and not considering the situation we were in. I ended the relationship, and yes it did hurt but in the end it was the right thing to do

Good luck with whatever you choose

:)

GenericMind
15-03-2011, 18:26
Couples counselling.

uTranceMe
15-03-2011, 21:16
But in all seriousness, Ive been in a relationship where we fought all the time. I evaluated things and realized that it truly was a toxic relationship. I was in love with her out of habit, remembering the good times and not considering the situation we were in. I ended the relationship, and yes it did hurt but in the end it was the right thing to do

This. I was in a relationship like this for 6 years. Now I'm married to another woman and we rarely argue.

AcidRAEn
15-03-2011, 21:27
Just because two people are in love doesn't necessarily mean that they SHOULD be together, or that it's a good thing to be together. I have had a few friends in very similar situations and it always ended badly because they dragged it out until they ended up hating each other. Most of them can't even be in the same room as each other anymore.

I'm not saying that you should end the relationship, but you should definitely take a deeper look at it. Is there some deeper reason as to why the two of you are always fighting? If it is over trivial things as you say, maybe there is an underlying issue that you are ignoring?
In the end you have to look out for yourself, you can take others feelings into consideration, but you need to decide if this truly makes you happy. Also, do you want to maintain a friendship with this person if the relationship ends? Experience has taught me that it's almost impossible if you drag the situation out without at least acknowledging that there are problems.

munki
16-03-2011, 04:19
Sadly, the longest relationship I have ever been in (5.5 years) was an extremely toxic one where we argued with each other literally almost every day. We also had a lot of sex.

I never want to have another relationship like that because it was was full of name calling, belittling, and towards the end, physical abuse.

I dunno if that sort of "passion" can really be called "being in love".

ThaiDie4
16-03-2011, 12:11
I would say "Stop fighting, Ron and Sammie!"

lol that was the first thing I thought of.


Couples counselling.

Yup. There are effective methods of communication out there and learning them can really help you out.


Just because two people are in love doesn't necessarily mean that they SHOULD be together, or that it's a good thing to be together.

I believe this too, there are many other components to a relationship besides love, and if you just aren't compatable then love isn't enough to save it :( I hope u figure everything out though!

drugfukkdrockstar
16-03-2011, 12:43
You need more than just love to make a relationship work.

Love on it's own is not enough.

n3ophy7e
16-03-2011, 12:52
I agree with what everyone has said so far. Having love for another person, and even being in love with that person, doesn't necessarily equate to having a good relationship. You need to make it work.

I would also like to add that arguing is a normal and healthy part of every relationship. However, if you're arguing every single day and having trouble letting go of the negative emotions that arguing causes, you seriously might want to consider relationship counselling. Some of us really just don't know how to resolve conflicts within our romantic relationships. Conflict resolution skills are (in my opinion) something that can be taught.

If you truly value this relationship, please put in the effort to working things out so that you can get along harmoniously every day. Arguing/fighting with a loved one is really fucking exhausting so you should try to aim to do whatever you can to minimise it. If this relationship is meant to be, you will work it out :) <3

Jblazingphoenix100
17-03-2011, 01:17
Tell them to shut the fuck up, they're ruining the vibes - arguments are for home, not with your friends...or rather, arguing has no place at all - rational discussion is how it should be. Toxic situations are not fun...sounds like your friends are gonna break up soon.

mr.buffnstuff
17-03-2011, 01:55
oh great! looks like the OP has stepped into my world :'(

User Name Here
17-03-2011, 04:15
I've never understood relationships where people argue 24/7. That's not to say I've never been in one, just that I don't understand them!

To me, "love" should encompass a healthy state of being and if two people are arguing and belittling one another constantly, they're not exactly in love. Does this mean said couple doesn't love one another? Of course not. It just means both of them keep holding out for a time in which things will get better. Some make it to that time and some don't.

If two people aren't willing to just wave the white flag for the sake of their relationship then chances are nothing will get resolved. If you find yourself coming up with more cons than pros and it has been this way for some time without any progress, it's time to at least take a step back and reevaluate everything.

shahab6
17-03-2011, 07:52
what do guys usually argue about? and who mostly starts the arguing.

Samadhi
17-03-2011, 12:27
I agree with what everyone has said so far. Having love for another person, and even being in love with that person, doesn't necessarily equate to having a good relationship. You need to make it work.

I would also like to add that arguing is a normal and healthy part of every relationship. However, if you're arguing every single day and having trouble letting go of the negative emotions that arguing causes, you seriously might want to consider relationship counselling. Some of us really just don't know how to resolve conflicts within our romantic relationships. Conflict resolution skills are (in my opinion) something that can be taught.

If you truly value this relationship, please put in the effort to working things out so that you can get along harmoniously every day. Arguing/fighting with a loved one is really fucking exhausting so you should try to aim to do whatever you can to minimise it. If this relationship is meant to be, you will work it out :) <3

This right here <3

Love is work and effort, but with that right person, the trade-off of that effort is nothing compared to what you get back from the relationship. When you decide to be with someone, it's a choice - but the choice doesn't stop there - as my husband said to me when we first got together - you make the choice every day to be good to the one you love, to treat him or her with respect; treat them the way you want to be treated.

I highly recommend either counseling or a relationship workshop. My husband and I completed a pre-marriage workshop and it was *so* rewarding - we realised that we were already well on track with many areas of our relationship, but we also got some great tips about how to "argue smart", what our communication and conflict styles were, and how to adapt to each others' styles. We both came out of it with a renewed appreciation for each other and armed with some invaluable information and insight. It was so worth it. If it's something that you may both consider and have the capacity to do, especially if things aren't so great, it could really help.

My husband and i still argue (i'd feel like there was something seriously wrong if we didn't!), however our arguments are really fair, and we use the processes that we learned in the workshop (which, don't get me wrong, can be difficult when we're feeling frustrated or upset, but we persevere)

I'm in Australia, but i'm sure there are many community organisations all over that would offer that? There is an organisation here called Relationships Australia which i have heard amazing things about.

Can I ask how long you've been fighting? Has it been since you started dating or has it evolved over time- can you pinpoint a particular event that may have set things off? It really sounds like you both love each other so much, it's worth fighting for - and if, after everything, things don't work out, you will at least know that you fought the good fight. I wish you all the best <3

Monkeybizness
17-03-2011, 17:03
yeah arguing is annoying , it gets bad iv seen couples disrespecting each other in front of friends or just ruining the moments by arguing ... its so fucking annoying and immature and it looks just so bad .
all me and my bf have to do is give each other a look and we know whats up! the eye can be very scary and SILENCE IS GOLDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD ! you get your point across so much easier with silent treatment lol