Prolonged Disassociation.

I'm wondering if there are many other Bluelighters out there who have been through stages of there life when they weren't all there mentally?
Things like,
Feeling apathetic even in situations which should trigger emotional responses.
Staring at your hands and getting wigged out about issues surrounding your existence.
Well, I went through a period like this caused by drug use and some big changes recently. I'm feeling much better now, in fact, I'm almost back to normal, but...
I've forgotten what being normal feels like.
Seriously. It dosn't really matter because I'm reasonably happy and sane now. I mean, it wouldn't be a problem spending the rest of life like this, I'm just not quite sure if this is how normal human people feel.
Any thoughts?

in the same vein, im not sure if I process information correctly anymore ? I have decided before drugs I didnt acknowledge the inner workings of my brain and now I do I don't know whether im thinking properly or not sometimes.
its quite strange really ..

What does it mean to feel normal?
I think that feeling normal is how you feel when you do not think about if you ARE feeling normal.
If you really are happy and sane, then you will probably soon stop questioning whether you feel normal. You will settle into a new normal, which while maybe not being the same as the old normal, will be normal non the less.

There are a few terms that could perhaps identify the mental space you are or have been experiencing.
Spritual Crisis.
Reconstructed Self Identity.
Re-evalution of old values surrounding you and your community.
It depends which method of self analysis you like to use and which terms you use to define certain arche-types and mental states.
You'll be fine,
My best wishes go out to you and your quest. I hope this time you spend along your path will bring many insights that will guide you further.
Cheers,
[ 03 May 2002: Message edited by: Leprechaun ]

Check out this link. Hope it helps, have a read of it all. It is a difficult read, however it is quite entertaining and may open you up to a few new terms you may want to explore and learn their meaning.
http://raq1.aminet.or.jp/~fareast/fp3/mega/e_mega3.html

^^Leprechaun, thanks for your concern, but I wouldn't call it a crisis. More like being becalmed.
Meh, I'm pretty much over it.
Anyway, I'm focusing more on feelings of disassociation steming from drug use. Like looking at people and seeing evolved monkeys.

Maybe your just over it.
I got over it about 5 months ago. Its all no longer new to me. I love going because I love the music and the people and the drugs. Its not same as it was when I first started, it was hard to get over the honeymoon. But now that I am settled I feel more comfortable with it all then ever before. Its easier to take it easy with the drugs too.
Maybe thats not it either.
But I remember at Earthcore last year going. "Man look at all these damn people wasting their lives away..." etc...
The cynisism wavered and moved on. Leaving a clear calm look at the entire scene, just like watching the waves on the beach dance against the sand, the simple repetitive act that happens over and over. Nothing I can do about it, why don't I just enjoy it while I am still able to.
Cheers,

Leprechaun,
Man, I don't know if your talking about the same thing as me. When I said the 'evolved monkey' thing, I didn't mean it to be derogatory at all. I mean, that in everyday life you are still so disassociated that when your look at random people you think to yourself...
"Damn, look at those monkeys, Shit! I'm a fucking monkey as well. Oh my god, we are living in a civilisation founded by semi-evolved primates."
Or so disassociated you spend hours at a time acting out a certain character that you formed in your mind.
Man, I'm really stoned now, so I'm not going to make any sense at all.
Cynisism isn't a problem at all.