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deadjib
01-11-2010, 04:07
Hello all, sorry to bother you all but I really have to wonder what's wrong with me.

A year ago for three months I went a little crazy and was eating a lot of pure MDMA (Of course, you can never be sure it's pure) Molly. From August to late October I was generally rolling every weekend and some weekdays even. Yes, I understand the consequences of these actions. Every time I rolled I felt that "high" that I can remember so well, but once I was sent off to boarding school (therapeutic) and learned a lot about myself. Before when I would roll I would love the lights, have a super burst of energy, and loved to dance. At the time my eating habits were almost unheard of and I used 30 mgs of vyvanse as a way to get out of eating and sleeping. Yet, I still felt them.

Last Halloween I experienced a traumatizing experience on Halloween of getting my heart broken by my boyfriend and best friend. It was the hardest I rolled and the saddest I have ever felt. For seven months or so I wouldn't touch it again, terrified of that awful feeling of ultimate sadness again.

A year later, I am prescribed to 70 mg of Vyvanse daily and I take them consistently. I have been through a lot to get to where I am now and in August I decided to roll again with my best friend. Despite being in a safe, easy environment of just my best friends I took almost 3 points (300 mg) or so and despite it having effected me before I feel anxious, lethargic, I love music but I'd rather sit with random people than my friends and just dance while sitting, and I can't stop thinking of simply how messed up the life style is. My friend explained it as the therapist in me coming out, but I have to wonder if I really just blew out my fuse.

I just hate that my favorite drug suddenly doesn't feel any better than a bad day on vyvanse despite being about to take high amounts.

missing old pills
01-11-2010, 04:16
It happens to us all love. Your not the only one MDMA always loses it's magic at some point. As people we change too. I started in 1988 and still do it now and again. As soon as you except it will be never like the first few times the better. It still has much more to offer but in different ways. Trust me

AylaV
01-11-2010, 04:21
Sounds like loss of magic to me, but you took a pretty decent break. It could be a number of things -- including the setting and your mood at the time. Try supplementing with piracetam to reduce the anxiety and whatnot. The bitterness about the lifestyle and thinking thoughts like that while rolling is what marked the beginning of loss of magic for me. I fully believe that this is where "jaded ravers" come from These days only methylone and mephedrone recapture what MDMA is now a shadow of (unless I take MDMA with piracetam -- that has fixed EVERYTHIHG besides the hangover).

deadjib
01-11-2010, 06:01
Thank you, I wish this wasn't the case but I'm having to accept this fact. I never thought I could lose the magic, but I have completely. I also never thought about how much of an impact doing drugs has on who you choose your friends to be. I think I wouldn't admit it up until now because I was afraid of being seen as any other way than someone who loves to go nuts. Well, I guess I had to grow up too early.

Thanks!