how much of an addict to mdma am I???

Hi people, I wanna tell you guys what im going through and what do you guys think...

Im 30 years old, very much into the rave scene (well not so much anymore), and I loooooooove mdma (or mdxxx) I have been strugling with my life lately, trying to control de use of it... 2008 was just totally out of control, From what I remember, I spend most of weekends high, always on "x" (or what ever it was on those pills).. I dont do other drugs, I dont do coke, weed, H, amph or any other kind of drug, also quit smoking and dont drink a lot, almost nothing... I started taking "X" (never done anything but a couple of times weed before that) about 5 years ago, the first year was really really occasionally, only took it like 2 times, may be 3 times... the next 2 years were a little harder, but 2008 was totally a mess, then by the half of 2009 I realize that I could not keep on living like that... so at first I said (like soooo many ppl) that I was going to stop using drugs for good, of course that didnt work out too well, I spent 6 weeks off and then came back, but this time I said, ok, a party or 2 every certain amount of time wont hurt me... so I said, I will take one good party, then stop fro 4-6 weeks, then in the span of 1 month, im allow party hard, then stop again for 4-6 weeks, and its actually working pretty good for me, since I am able to do it... I do a ton of sports, I do Brazilian jiu jitsu, I run, and go the the gym, I love doing all this, so I dont really wanna party hard every weekend because it really fucks me up for the whole week, but after a month, my head starts to play games and this little bug inside me starts jumping dont stop requesting for a good party (club, music, some "X" or whatever I can get in form of a pill, though if I have bad reviews of it, I wont take it, and some crazy ass sex to close the party) then im all good for another month or more... I kind of realize that I have an addiction problem, just wanted to know how bad it is... I think, ok, I do have a problem with it, but I think is no different from the problem any social drinker has, that every once in a month, must get hammered... Could anyone get a life going accepting this problem? and choosing to take a day or weekend off your regular normal life to get some crazy night that will set me fine again???

By the way, im much better this way, accepting my life the way it is, the comedowns I used to have were just horrible because I was condeming my self so hard for using X... now that I use it much more responsably, they are gone and I can experience a nice party without saying a couple of hourse later to my self, "dude.. you are a worthless junkie!!!" (I have no intentions on going or getting into other drugs, for me, the way I see it, drugs are to get a party going, not for daily basis use)

Im also now looking for safer ways, but always inside the same "style" of drugs, I do not like everyday drugs, I will not get into them, I think drugs could be fun, as long as your life dont depend on them, so coke and other of that stuff isnt in my mind (tried it, a year from now, I liked it, did not happen again, and I have coke heads infront of me every time I go out)... MDAI or others analogs for MDMA are in my mind to try, due to the almost impossible task of getting any good mdma down here in southamerica, so may be, a good analog, that might not be as strong, and its legal, meaning than at least I will know what Im getting, could do the job...

by the way, im sorry for my english, is not my first language...

Thanx for your answer and help.

(Sorry for duplicating this post, I posted it earlier in the homeless thread, but I think this is where the post belongs, not sure though)

I see a couple of different things going on in your post. I see that you may possibly think that you have a problem and I also see you possibly trying to justify that possible problem.

Honestly, it doesn't really matter what we, on Bluelight think, you are the one that needs to look at your life and decide if anything is being inhibited by your own drug use. We don't live your life, you do. Its hard to say what is a problem and what isn't. If you are able to use mdma monthly without noticeable consequence then more power to you, but if you are noticing that you are experiencing negative side effects from the monthly usage then it may be time to cut back.

For me personally, while I absolutely love rolling, I cannot roll every month, and I have learned the hard way that I CANNOT make a whole weekend of partying. My neurochemistry just can't handle it. I notice that I can get more irritable, have greater anxiety, and just all over moodiness. To me, the high for a few hours isn't worth getting all mixed up for several days afterward. Like I said, I love the drug, but I listen to my body.

Rather than asking us to justify your use, or have us tell you whether you think you have a problem, you're the only one that can really answer that question. You must listen to your body and hear what its telling you.

Good luck to you and be safe.

Do the "pills" still have the same effect as when you first tried them?
People tend not to get the same effect when they take "ecstacy" for a long time and the hangovers get worse, much worse in fact.
The best thing you could do is to space out your pill popping (about once every two months would be a lot safer).

purplefirefly said:

I see a couple of different things going on in your post. I see that you may possibly think that you have a problem and I also see you possibly trying to justify that possible problem.

Honestly, it doesn't really matter what we, on Bluelight think, you are the one that needs to look at your life and decide if anything is being inhibited by your own drug use. We don't live your life, you do. Its hard to say what is a problem and what isn't. If you are able to use mdma monthly without noticeable consequence then more power to you, but if you are noticing that you are experiencing negative side effects from the monthly usage then it may be time to cut back.

For me personally, while I absolutely love rolling, I cannot roll every month, and I have learned the hard way that I CANNOT make a whole weekend of partying. My neurochemistry just can't handle it. I notice that I can get more irritable, have greater anxiety, and just all over moodiness. To me, the high for a few hours isn't worth getting all mixed up for several days afterward. Like I said, I love the drug, but I listen to my body.

Rather than asking us to justify your use, or have us tell you whether you think you have a problem, you're the only one that can really answer that question. You must listen to your body and hear what its telling you.

Good luck to you and be safe.

Click to expand...

before anything, thanx for taking the time to answer me.

In one hand, I do know I have a problem, because I like too much and I dont really wanna quit or anything, does that make me an addict, probably (monthly addict but, some how, an addict)...

Based in physical sides, yes, If I space the in takes in a month, or even 3 weeks, I dont have hang overs, I do feel wasted though, tired as shit for the next 2 to 3 days, but other than that, I feel good, that might be because I am in pretty good shape, and I dont do any other drugs (a little alcohol)...

What I was asking is, may be I didnt express my self very well, that if yo u guys considerer that this monthly rolling is just a preview to what is going to come, Im pretty sure im not the first one doing this, may be hear experiences on how later it could get worse and start losing control of my life again, may be somethings I should be aware of, that I might see normaly but ppl from the outside does....

Thanx again for your time.

augustaB said:

Do the "pills" still have the same effect as when you first tried them?
People tend not to get the same effect when they take "ecstacy" for a long time and the hangovers get worse, much worse in fact.
The best thing you could do is to space out your pill popping (about once every two months would be a lot safer).

Click to expand...

well, when they are good, they blow the fuck out me... the problem is that in southamerica, we really dont know what we are getting, I guess.... I know that if I roll every week or every 2 weeks, I have to take at least 2 to get rolling, and sometimes, I end up taking 3 or 4 pills, one time I got to take about 7 in a 24 hour span, though those time are gone, since I started doing this monthly rolling...

What it really worries me is to be losing the control of my life and not noticing it...

trancerage said:

What it really worries me is to be losing the control of my life and not noticing it...

Click to expand...

I think that's generally very hard to do.

People who fall out of control allow it to happen, and it happens more so as a result of being in denial than just not noticing.

I think that as long as you listen to your body, and as soon as (if ever) the negatives outweigh the positives then you will be able to quickly identify that and act accordingly.


As for your comments to me.

I don't think that enjoying something, and indulging in it regularly (and monthly qualifies as regularly) means that you necessarily have a "problem". I'm not trying to downplay any possible consequences, but I'm not sure that its necessarily that you need to look to extreme measures to "correct".

You seem like you are very in tune with yourself and you are listening to your body. You are also taking incredibly good care of yourself physically. If you feel like you can roll on a monthly basis with little to no negative side effects that I see no issues with you keeping up that regimen. You may be able to keep that up for a long time, or maybe a couple months from now you will want to take a step back and re access.

The very fact that you are asking the question is incredibly good as it means that you are looking out for the future and any possible consequences. Honestly though, if you feel good mentally and physically I don't see any issues with what you are doing. You will know when the tide starts to turn, if the tide starts to turn.

I hope that this helps.

^^thanx man, very appreciate....

Dude rollin once a month isnt even badass anymore, you have to do way more than thsst to be cool imho