antisocial behavior, loneliness

I feel that I both "push people away" unintentionally and am very awkward. I do not really seem to be improving, though I am in my mid twenties. I worry the effects this shit will have on my future, as in my chosen career path, as in many, networking with people is key.

Whenever I am in a large group of people that are socializing with eachother,I eventually develop a position as a pariah. I do not seem to be able to form any relationships, I have no friends, only a boyfriend whom is another odd cat. Occasionally I have conversations with other people (lol) and occasionally it even ends without a feeling of awkward tension, but the next day I will be depressed and cary a negative air and that person will avoid me. Part of the reason I am depressed is because I am so isolated, but no one really wants a depressed friend. I was once in a relationship with a maniac depressive girl who confirmed this aspect of humanity for me: she said when she was in her up side she made lots of friends, but when she became depressed many people would become alienated.

Not only this, but I feel like I have little to offer around me but tend to look for gain, basically I am manipulative. I do not have a huge desire to socialize more, I am afraid of big groups and benzos hardly help this at all anymore. But I feel it is necessary, both for my long term future, and short term because my boyfriend will be living in a different state starting next year and there will be two years before I can join him. Being alone like 100 % i'm afraid my depression / mental health will not improve any.

Anonymous -> SLR

OP from what it sounds like you suffer from anxiety and a lot of self doubt, which would be what is making you over think things, and keep second guessing yourself which leads to feeling awkward and 'left out'

I do recommend you see someone about this, or even start reading books on self awareness to get you started and then go from there. It sounds like you don't know how to be yourself when around people, and people can sense that.

As long as you take the appropriate steps to getting this worked on, you'll be fine.

My suggestion to the first thing you need to start with - don't worry about what others think of you.

You will be surprised at how much things will improve already once you just don't give a shit anymore, because then that leads to you just being.

i often used to feel like this when i was in a depression cycle, the thing is that i have difficulty gelling with a lot of people because they are boring and i dont get back as much as i put in (sounds selfish but i feel i put a good amount of effort into the conversation).

either way i have come to see myself a quite picky over who i make friends with rather than lonely. if being chosey means i am not constantly surrounded by people then that is not a bad thing...

i feel you my friend is going through a very bad manic depressive stage , shes lost weight and has isolated her self for the exact same reason , because she feels like she is bothering..
the best advise i can give you is to DONT BE SCARED SAY YES!!!!!!! by not socializing and going out your not opening doors for your self , by not meeting ppl and socializing you might miss out on alot of great opportunities you never know who might offer you a job or a gig or free stuff god knows , you might save some one ... how your life turn out to be is ALL UP TO YOU , you make it or break it .. being negative gets you NO WHERE .. open your eyes TO LIFE there are so many interesting ppl who can offer lots out there . you will learn if you go out and explore. i feel like a tape player on rewind . i feel like im writing to my bestfriend

i'd interested in knowing how you and your boyfriend connected. anyway maybe try hypnosis. http://thepiratebay.org/torrent/4018273/Paul_McKenna_-_Hypnotherapy_-_Supreme_Self_Confidence. i started doing this a week ago and i feel like it's helping.

I'd like to echo monkeybizness' post, and just add that social cycles are always changing. Take advantage of the natural acceleration that occurs when you make a few friends, and it opens doors to MORE friends, and then you have a bunch of people you feel comfortable around, which makes you at ease so you can make MORE friends or improve the QUALITY of all your relations.

Just start the ball rolling, even if just a little. It will snowball. Make friends and get encouragement from them.

I might get shouted at for saying this, but have you ever tried mdma? I think it's PERFECT for getting insight on this kind of behavior. You just need to try it once or twice. Don't do it often.

Get hooked on love. Recognize what love is for you, and pursue it with a passion! Find within you the intention to make others happy, comfortable and joyous. It's there, somewhere. Once you find it, STRENGTHEN it. For OTHERS, not you. People NEED your love. Your love is unique, and the world won't be the same without it.

if you need anything, PM me. I can relate 100 percent to what you're going through.

Maybe you should start slow. Make one friend and talk with each other in a one on one environment, to practice talking to someone other than your boyfriend. Then maybe you can start making more and grow accustomed to larger crowds.

I go through almost the exact same thing. I too, only speak with my boyfriend and 1 other close friend on a regular basis. I can feel comfortable when talking to 1-3 people but when it comes to huge crowds I can't handle it.

I was always shy, but a traumatic event triggered this antisocial behavior for me.
Have you had a rough past? If so, you should maybe see someone about this.

I can totally relate to the OP. As I've gotten older, I have a hard time making friends. I think this has to do with having GAD.

GAD... Oy.

If you are generally anxious, please don't consider that a disorder, or some kind of disease that you are stuck with for the rest of your life. That is NOT how it works. The mind is always changing.

RhythmSpring said:

GAD... Oy.

If you are generally anxious, please don't consider that a disorder, or some kind of disease that you are stuck with for the rest of your life. That is NOT how it works. The mind is always changing.

Click to expand...

i used to get terrible anxiety around people now i deal through my job with hundreds of people i dont know on a daily basis.

anxiety can be left behind in time

You sound like me. Though I'm sure were nothing alike. I'm very antisocial. Whether it stems from childhood memories or substance abuse doesn't matter. I've tried my fair share of meds but to no avail. Though I recently started myself on Prozac and ambien. I can somewhat tell a difference. But I always feel that gap where I want to be reclusive and say fuck you all. the only way I think you'll start to feel better is start doing things. Even if it doesn't involve relationships. Pick up a hobby.. Play an instrument. Go on walks. It will definitely help take your mind off of all the stress. Medication is there if you want it. There are a lot of open doors for you even if you don't realize it just yet. And a relationship in your status cannot be healthy... atleast for me it wasn't. You'll end up killing each others sanity. Just take it one day at a time. One hour if you have to.

/bump

I'm the same way. After much contemplation I've come to the conclusion that perhaps I need to put in more effort to connect with others. I am introverted and socially awkward, but I find that actually trying to go outside of my comfort zone in order to make others feel that I like/accept/enjoy their company really helps to set other peoples mind more at ease instead of being viewed as stand-offish or even conceited. I think many people find introverted/shy people somewhat distant, therefore bringing out the insecurities in themselves. I still have a hard time fitting in so maybe I'm just talking out of my ass.