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Am I the only one addicted to mephedrone?

R

rizlagrrl

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 4, 2009
Messages
29
I mean, I know I can't be the only one, right? It just feels so stupid to think about, that I'm addicted I mean, because it's legal and it doesn't even get me high anymore.

NSFW:
...I've hardly been using it for any time at all either, I only tried it for the first time at the start of the summer, around the end of May I think... I feel kind of embarassed about it. Well, very embarassed, to be honest, because it's not even a 'proper' drug, is it? It's not even illegal where I am....

It's hard to say anything about it, because nobody I know has noticed a problem, so it's still 'secret' in my head. I've been using mephedrone daily, pretty much since I first tried it back in May. I know how stupid it is, and how dangerous it is, but I'm scared to stop.

I was naturally a low-energy person, I'd get tired out by the end of the day, and I could never get enough sleep (partly due to depression). Now, though, doing drone every day, I'm wide awake and have all the energy I need. My test grades improved a lot, and I'm making loads of new friends because I'm not afraid to be myself around strangers. I (finally!) got a boyfriend, who was just the guy I'd always wanted, I had a great time with him while it lasted. My self-esteem has genuinely improved, and thanks to my academic success and better social life, I'm pretty sure I'm no longer depressed. On top of this, I've finally lost the weight I've wanted to lose for about the last 9 years- I've dropped from 155lbs to 120. I'm not a fat girl anymore, and I don't even feel hungry. Sometimes I think mephedrone saved my life.

Other times, I blame it for everything that's gone wrong since I started using it. Literally a week or so before, I'd started a new job. I was trying hard, but they kept yelling at me for being clumsy and slow (I'm moderately dyspraxic, but I didn't tell them that, otherwise they wouldn't have given me the job). Didn't take me long to figure out that if I did a couple lines before my shift, I'd work faster, and the boss would leave me alone. So, within a couple more weeks, I was 'unable' to do a shift without drone, because if I did, they'd call me lazy for 'not working as hard as usual'. I'd got my lovely boyfriend the fourth day I was ever on drone, but he was straightedge and so I never told him about my daily use. Then one time, we were getting drunk together, and I started racking up. I could tell he was upset, but he didn't say anything. Over the next few months, though, the drone made him more and more angry with me, because he thought I did it because he was too boring to spend time with sober.

I'd actually met him for the first time a year before, and I'd had a huge crush on him pretty much since then... so it was a big deal when he dumped me, because he 'doesn't have time for addicts'. I was running out of money, too, cos I was spending all my pay on drone. I started feeling weak and ill, probably because I only manage to eat about 400cals a day (I have no appetite at all, so any food feels like too much), and began fainting at least a couple times a week. Drone had stopped making me high ages ago; I just do it now to feel normal-ish. Maybe if I drink with it, I feel something.

I got scared because my health was deteriorating, and I tried to quit. I managed to stay clean for about 12 days, but I was so paranoid, angry and was fiending so bad, I lost my job (in an epic way), and was such a bitch to my parents, I got in a physical fight with my mum (she'd never hit me before, ever). I couldn't cope with everyday life, so I went back on the drone, and everything was fine again, until my mom read my bank statement about a week ago. I'd spent 200 pounds in a month or so, just on mephedrone- luckily, I managed to bullshit enough to stop her suspicion, so she doesn't know I spent that much on a drug, but she's still taken my debit card away til she calms down.

Because of this, I have to buy shake 'n' vac from town, which is ridiculously overpriced- about 30 quid a GRAM. I only have about 45 quid left now, and I'm thinking of all they ways I could get more money without anyone asking why. Last week, a guy offered me a tenner to toss him off, and I did it. I know the guy who sells drone to all the shops in my town, and he's openly said to me he'll give me all the drone I want if I'll 'be his'. I'm so angry, it's all so fucking stupid, but if I quitted it I'd lose everything it's given me. I'd get fat and shy again and I'd be too tired to party three days straight or stay up all night studying. But I thought I respected myself, I don't want to be a whore, or whatever. I'm scared.

So, yeah, that's my story... sorry it's so crazy long, I just needed to get it all down in words. You don't have to read it :) I just need to know, I'm not the only one, am I?
 
From what I have read, the UK is littered with this stuff. I don't know much else about the UK drug sales except that you guys are getting crappy xtc, which means more sales for meph.

My advice to you is to continue to search for people to talk to about your addiction.

If the UK has any equivalence to narcotics anonymous, I am sure you can find many meph users there.

There are also many users of meph here on BL. Check out the European and African drug discussions for some good reads and discussions on this subject.


Hope someone else can be more helpful. You are not alone.
 
EADD: Mephedrone addiction

I actually can't believe I'm reading this. If anyone remembers this trip report, you'll understand why.

Now I'm certainly not bringing it up to say "I told you so", but to see how far you've gone in just two months is pretty frightening. While mephedrone hasn't been around long enough to have specialised rehab resources, a lot of the ideas and concepts behind getting off meth apply just as well to mephedrone.

If you replace everything you've said about mephedrone with methamphetamine, your original post here makes just as much sense.

I don't understand how you can think mephedrone is not a "real" drug, just because it's currently legal in the UK (it is illegal in a lot of other countries). It is a harmful substance that can be very addictive, just like many other stimulants. I don't know where to point you in the right direction for professional help, perhaps someone from the UK knows.

Another point; using mephedrone to lose weight/improve self-esteem. Once again, something very similar to meth. There are healthy ways to overcome being "fat and shy", taking up a substance addiction is not one of them. Now you have "self-esteem" (and I use double-quotes because it's not real self-esteem) that is based solely on maintaining a drug habit that you cannot possibly keep up; either your body, your mind or your finances will make sure of that.

I think you should accept that you need to go back to being "fat and shy" again, because you're risking your life by continuing this, and then work on those issues separately; without relying on mephedrone to do it for you. Weight control and self-esteem are deep and complex personal issues that need to be resolved with psychotherapy, healthy eating plans or over time by learning to trust and believe in yourself; taking a shortcut like a stimulant habit is not going to do you in favours in the long run, because you can't stay on those drugs forever.

Given the habit-forming nature of this drug, it's accessibility in the UK and the fact that you've resorted to lying to your parents and prostituting yourself to maintain your access to this drug within two months of first trying it; I don't see how there can be any doubt that mephedrone is a "real" drug.

  • You need to get off it; for good.
  • You need to learn to deal with your problems without drugs. Or at least without a drug habit.
  • You need to understand that this drug hasn't "given" you anything. If you had AIDS and lost 50kgs, would you say that AIDS had "given" you that miraculous weight loss? It's not some gift, it's a side effect of being addicted to a drug.
  • I know how magical the last two months might have seemed, but I can promise you, it's an illusion. You've lost weight as a side-effect of the appetite suppressant properties of mephedrone, not because you're eating better or exercising. You have a social life because of the false confidence the drug gives you. These are things you need to learn to be able to do without drugs. Otherwise you'll have to be an addict to maintain the lifestyle you really want.
  • Not to mention that using this drug, in this way, will lead to all manner of health complications we can't even guess at right now.
  • You are not alone, as the EADD thread shows, there are plenty of other people in the UK who are finding themselves in the same situation.
  • Please, please, please stop consuming this drug, and perhaps you should be honest with your parents because you're going to need their help.
 
whats the meph comedown like? iv heard from some people its non existant and others say its worse that amphetamines?
 
hoptis said:
I actually can't believe I'm reading this. If anyone remembers this trip report, you'll understand why.

Now I'm certainly not bringing it up to say "I told you so", but to see how far you've gone in just two months is pretty frightening.
Click to expand...
wow, i did not put these two posts together...it really goes to show how deceptive and addicting this drug is...


rizzlagrrl: Listen to what hoptis and many others have told you here. You have a very serious addiction to mephedrone.
I am happy that you have at least acknowledged it at this point, please continue to get the help you need to get clean. Do not take this advise lightly. There are many experienced addicts here who can sense the trouble you are in very intellectually.
Do something about it now before other people are making decisions for you (pimps, doctors, morticians, ect.).
 
Man don't give yourself up for this drug (or any), that would be a real progression down a dark path.

What you need is sobriety & a therapist.

All these "issues" that meph helps you overcome are to do with your perception of yourself and there's absolutely no reason why you shouldn't have that confidence whilst your sober.

As the other threads about meph addiction say, you probably wanna get hold of some benzos (so you can actually sleep) and maybe some weed (to help your appetite). Take a week off and do a whole bunch of eating a sleeping, without taking the drone.

No doubt you'll be a paranoid twitchy mess when you finally come off the shit, I know I was after abusing the fuck out of it all summer. This is one of the few times that benzos are actually a good thing.

Best of luck, and don't do something you'll regret for life :)
 
Let this be a lesson. Just because its legal doesn't mean its OK. Secondly, what goes up must come down. There is no such thing as a drug that you can abuse forever without negative effects.
 
be strong, dont become "his"

you can beat this.

read the thread in Europe disccusion about meph addiction,

Dont be embarressed about being addicted to it, I know where you are comming from with that, but it is a very real, very addictive drug.

good luck.
 
your not alone, there are those of us who truly fucked up with meph. Personally I got to the point where staying awake for 1-3 days at a time binging was commonplace, and I'd kill 2+ grams a night of the 99.7% pure synthed stuff straight from china. It took losing my US importer friend to snap me out of it. I still use now but It's a few hours of binging a cpl times a month instead of the constant up. If it makes you feel better or to atleast provide a confidence boost, I experienced no withdrawal symptoms whatsoever when I stopped using. I was more tired for about a week but then my general energy level actually became higher than normal cause I started sleeping again. I wish you the best of luck, I know what kind of hooks this stuff can dig into you, but I believe you can turn it around and get clean. Seek help if you need it, it's available in many different forms.
 
You're not alone.. I've been trying all night to get it together and reply - write 'my story' - but I just can't seem to do anything much at the moment -_- This will have to do for now.
 
I second what everyone has said about getting help now. The earlier in this you get help, the better chance you have of staying off, and getting back to your normal self. Please do it.

Now, about your normal self. First off, I should mention I have no official qualification or evidence for the following. It is simply my experience, and my thoughts on it:

I know the feeling you're talking about, where you're tired all the time, and just generally feel like everyone else has more energy than you. It sucks because then I mostly sit around at home when I'm feeling fatigued, which then isolates me and makes me more depressed. For me, the fatigue is coupled with pain in my back, and the combination of the two can sometimes leave me unable to do much but lay down with my computer. Because of these issues, I have somewhat compulsively abused various opioids.

Now, I believe that you might have kinda the same thing going on with you. I think that the reason you fell so quickly for this drug is the fact that it 'fixed' something that was wrong with you. The confidence and weight issues are not included in this. Those are things you need to work on personally, and that medication can't treat long term, but I think that medication should be able to help your depression/fatigue (so long as they aren't secondary to confidence or weight issues), and once that begins to get better, you'll be more able to work on your addiction and personal issues.

I'm sending good thoughts your way! Asking for help this way is no doubt the scariest thing in the world, but also know that it is by far the bravest thing. You'd be doing what I'm unable/unwilling to do.
Take care of yourself <3
 
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hoptis said:
EADD: Mephedrone addiction

I actually can't believe I'm reading this. If anyone remembers this trip report, you'll understand why.

Now I'm certainly not bringing it up to say "I told you so", but to see how far you've gone in just two months is pretty frightening. While mephedrone hasn't been around long enough to have specialised rehab resources, a lot of the ideas and concepts behind getting off meth apply just as well to mephedrone.

If you replace everything you've said about mephedrone with methamphetamine, your original post here makes just as much sense.

I don't understand how you can think mephedrone is not a "real" drug, just because it's currently legal in the UK (it is illegal in a lot of other countries). It is a harmful substance that can be very addictive, just like many other stimulants. I don't know where to point you in the right direction for professional help, perhaps someone from the UK knows.

Another point; using mephedrone to lose weight/improve self-esteem. Once again, something very similar to meth. There are healthy ways to overcome being "fat and shy", taking up a substance addiction is not one of them. Now you have "self-esteem" (and I use double-quotes because it's not real self-esteem) that is based solely on maintaining a drug habit that you cannot possibly keep up; either your body, your mind or your finances will make sure of that.

I think you should accept that you need to go back to being "fat and shy" again, because you're risking your life by continuing this, and then work on those issues separately; without relying on mephedrone to do it for you. Weight control and self-esteem are deep and complex personal issues that need to be resolved with psychotherapy, healthy eating plans or over time by learning to trust and believe in yourself; taking a shortcut like a stimulant habit is not going to do you in favours in the long run, because you can't stay on those drugs forever.

Given the habit-forming nature of this drug, it's accessibility in the UK and the fact that you've resorted to lying to your parents and prostituting yourself to maintain your access to this drug within two months of first trying it; I don't see how there can be any doubt that mephedrone is a "real" drug.

  • You need to get off it; for good.
  • You need to learn to deal with your problems without drugs. Or at least without a drug habit.
  • You need to understand that this drug hasn't "given" you anything. If you had AIDS and lost 50kgs, would you say that AIDS had "given" you that miraculous weight loss? It's not some gift, it's a side effect of being addicted to a drug.
  • I know how magical the last two months might have seemed, but I can promise you, it's an illusion. You've lost weight as a side-effect of the appetite suppressant properties of mephedrone, not because you're eating better or exercising. You have a social life because of the false confidence the drug gives you. These are things you need to learn to be able to do without drugs. Otherwise you'll have to be an addict to maintain the lifestyle you really want.
  • Not to mention that using this drug, in this way, will lead to all manner of health complications we can't even guess at right now.
  • You are not alone, as the EADD thread shows, there are plenty of other people in the UK who are finding themselves in the same situation.
  • Please, please, please stop consuming this drug, and perhaps you should be honest with your parents because you're going to need their help.
Click to expand...

I recognized your screen name from that "Why I fricking love mephedrone thread" right away. Like hoptis said, it's shocking to see where it has taken you in only 2 months. Hoptis had a lot of great advice here so hopefully some of it sinks in. Having a mephedrone habit is a very destructive one and ranks right up there with meth and/or amphetamine abuse. Just because this drug is legal does not make is safe or any less dangerous than others.

You need help and you need to find ways to work on your issues without taking mephedrone daily. You cannot rely on a drug like this indefinitely to make you the social person that you want to be.
 
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yea the first time i did meph I was like OMFFFFFFFFG! It's cheap, readily available, and is fucking awesome... which led me down a path where it took a lot to get me off of it and not think about it
 
hey rizlagirl how has it been ?

update with something here,

you posted this for a reason.

you can doooeeeet!!


:)
 
weaning! and maybe a trip to the drs? i mean i know its a bit dodgy but if your in the UK, the NHS has something call the Trust policy and they are not allowed to tell anyone about whats going on.

it may take a lot but if it was an option, there may be more support there.

let us know how things are going babe
xxxx
 
So meph finally came back to bite you in the ass. Not that long ago you where writing about how meph was the best thing to come along since sliced bread. It's understandable you where in your honeymoon phase, we have all been their when we first started doing our favorite DOC.


I have never seen meph or even heard anybody else talk about IRL. I learned about it here on bluelight.

So this drug is that good that you would be willing to have sex with people for it?

You should try finding a meph or stimulant rehab so you could get some help for your addiction. GL
 
I recognise where you're coming from, as I've felt the same way as you on some points. What I've come to realise is that it's not the drug I crave, it's the feeling that comes with it, and the reason I crave that feeling is because I'm not in a position to be happy and energetic when I'm sober. When I'm off the meth I just feel down and isolated.

Instead of concentrating on the drug, look to the issues which made you feel you couldn't be without the drug in the first place. Once this has been resolved, then the dependancy will no longer have a motive.

I spent the longest time telling myself that Methedrone was just a mild drug, not even illegal, much in the same way as you. I told myself that the lack of appetite would do good for my weight and being more energetic would also go towards me getting in better shape, but you can't be healthy putting grams of this stuff up your nose every day. However I tried to rationalise it, at the end of the day I was just searching for an explanation that didn't make me out to be a drug addict, whihc is what I am.

In terms of your depression, you know as well as anyone that the drugs are making it worse. You don't feel it because you're high, but as soon as you come down you feel more upset and alone than you did before, and now you have the added guilt of knowing that it's only a matter of time before you give in and get your next hit.

I stayed sober for a few days, and saw a group of my friends strung out on Methedrone after a 2 day binge, and they looked disgusting. Realising that I would be acting in exactly the same manner as these people who I look down upon made me feel the worst of all, and has pushed me into kicking the drugs.

I still crave Meth so badly, sometimes I do give in, but I don't let that defeat me. So what If I don't go 100% cold turkey? As long as I understand that giving in once does not mean giving up on staying sober. Going cold turkey and only managing a week is so much better than spending that week on Meth, but you have to keep going with it, and gradually you'll re-align yourself into living naturally sober.

Finally, when you crave the drug, and you feel like you need to take it in order to feel normal, go for a run! Do some press ups and sit ups, but just do some form of exercise. Do enough exercise that you're out of breath and this will naturally release endorphins into your body and you'll not only get a natural high which will lower your need for meth, but it will also allow you to retain your figure while eating a sensible amount of food. When the weight ratio between Methedrone and food in your stomach is about 50/50, it's gonna mess you up both in the short term and the long run.

I really hope you're able to stay off of it, and what's this about you "becoming his"? Make that your main incentive for getting off the drugs, because by the sounds of it you do not want to be "his".
 
Ringfinger said:
Let this be a lesson. Just because its legal doesn't mean its OK. Secondly, what goes up must come down. There is no such thing as a drug that you can abuse forever without negative effects.
Click to expand...

As much as i know thats true, i think we all are still searching for it. I only have to look at the consequences of thinking DXM fit the criteria for this consequence free drug were all looking for. THE soma.
 
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