Shit, is it morning already? rub the sleep out of my eyes and turn my fan off. funny how i still run my fan even when its 10 degrees outside, i guess thats just opiates for you, immune to the cold. go over to my drawer and pull out that half a bag i convinced myself to save for the morning to stave of withdrawls until i can make my way out to the city.
it must be 8 o clock so i need to get ahold of jake soon other wise i will miss my ride out to the dope man. Call jake and he says he will be over in 15. Throw on the same thing i wear ever day of my life, a pair of sweat pants and a white tee-shirt and some loosely fitting hoody, no need to dress up who do i need to impress. i go downstairs and avoid eye contact with my mother. This has been my routine for longer then i would like but it is a cycle that i cannot break. grab someting insignificant to eat for breakfest because i am just not well enough to eat at the moment and then i see jake pull up outside. My mother shoots me that look that peirces to my heart as she see's the car pull up outside but i don't even bother with it as i mumble something about the mall and run out the door. 80 dollars in my pocket a cell phone and a hypodermic syringe, everything i ever needed in the world
Everything that seems to momentarily bother me as im walking out my door dissapears as i sit down in jakes car, after all i know i will have what i need in less then an hour and a half and that is all that really matters. Jake is always much more livley on the way down to the city, we talk and make jokes about all the things in our lives that really arnt that funny but what else can we do to comfort oursleves. There is a nostalgic feeling about these trips out to chicago during the winter with the snow and cold air that i still cant seem to shake even today as i write this. I roll down the window even though it is probably 15 degrees outside and jake bitches at me to roll that shit up, we compromise and i leave it open at a crack. I believe i could sit outside all day and not be cold with the right amount of heroin but it works both ways unfortunatly. As soon as withdrawls set in the first thing to creep in is the bone biting cold that is unshakeable in any amount of warmth.
We press onward toward the city hoping to avoid the inevitable traffic that seems to have consumed days of my time but thats all part of the game i suppose. Im not quite sure how my life got to this point or why i choose to live this way, or if it is even a choice any more or just an invoulentary compulsion that i am unable to do anything about but these thoughts are fleeting as the only thing on my mind is really just dope. We get about 15 minutes away and place a call. " hey yo, whats the deal man? you all good.... ya ok well il be by the spot in 15 , have a jab ready for me and make sure that shit is all there you were short one last time... ight coool."
There is always something unnervign about those last five minutes before you pull of to buy a controlled substance in a high traffic drug area saturated with crooked police. The thought tends to creep into your mind that you may not get what you are looking for but instead you may be going to jail and on top of thatyou will be sick, very sick. But again this thought tends to be overwhelmed by the thought of dope. dope dope dope, my life in a foil, capsule, bag. all conversation ceases as we pull of the exit ramp and turn left into the neighborhood that caters to addicts such as my self. its snowing lightly now and the only people out are those begging for change at the light, people waiting for the bus or young black men standing on the corners yell something at me as i pass by, but i already have my connection and don't risk getting robbed or shitty dope unless i absolutly have to. ok pull down this alley and park.. Shit shit shit, i hate sitting here espically since i saw that cop one block over. I am at the mercy of the fate in this moment and hopefully things will go as planned. I see L run out into the alley and i hand jake the money, he gets out of the car and goes up to the fence. Jake puts the money through a hole in the fence and L hands a small bag with 13 foils out the otherside and back in the car he jumps. Fuck ok hide that shit and lets move. inbetween the buttcheeks in a napkin it goes and down the other side of the alley we go. Bust a left and another right and we are almost home free. Put down the visor on the car to try and hide my white face from any police we may happen to drive past and sink low iinto my seat.
Have a sigh of relief as i pull back onto the highway and play it cool for a couple minutes as we get futher away and check to make sure no narcos followed us out onto the highway and then we split up the foils. 8 for me and 5 for you jake, you get the free one for driving. Sure i will hold the wheel for you as you shoot your dope... hurry up and find a vein you dumb fuck i want to get high.. Alright you good? how is it? good ok fuck yes. This right here is the highlight of my life. Pulling back onto the highway after my little adventure into the ghetto, and leaving with some good heroin. If i wasnt mistake i would say that i am almost as addicted to the whole routine of copping the dope and the danger and excitement as i am the heroin itself.. well almost. Time for me to fix up. Take the rig and fill it with water and shoot it inot a torn off soda can and dump in two bags of dope, stir it with the plunger and hit the bottom for a few seconds resulting int a clear brown bitter liquid. Throw in a bit off piece of ciggarette filter and suck it back into the syringe. look for a good vein and regester. ahhhh sigh as the rush hit my brain and everything seems to fade away as my ears pound with that numb rush.
I can now think again and dope seems to dissapear from my mind momentarialy. I look at my cell phone and think about the things i have been neglecting to do and what i need to do today. jake asks me if i want a newport and i accept. i meet eyes with a pretty girl as i light the ciggerette and fell disgusted with myself as i think to myself that she would never want anything to do with me if she knew me for even two mintues. Jake isnt tlking now and he is actually quite irratable. He gets on the phone with his girlfriend whom he lies to about his usage and trys to think of another lie to tell her about where he is. I try to block out his converstaion from my mind as it is annoying while i am trying to enjoy my high. Thoughts of who i have become over the past few years enter my mind and i try to ignore them and tell myself i am still under control. The snow is really staring to come down now outside as we cruse down the highway..... I think to myself how beautiful it is as i start to fight my nod, just another winter day in chicago.....
it must be 8 o clock so i need to get ahold of jake soon other wise i will miss my ride out to the dope man. Call jake and he says he will be over in 15. Throw on the same thing i wear ever day of my life, a pair of sweat pants and a white tee-shirt and some loosely fitting hoody, no need to dress up who do i need to impress. i go downstairs and avoid eye contact with my mother. This has been my routine for longer then i would like but it is a cycle that i cannot break. grab someting insignificant to eat for breakfest because i am just not well enough to eat at the moment and then i see jake pull up outside. My mother shoots me that look that peirces to my heart as she see's the car pull up outside but i don't even bother with it as i mumble something about the mall and run out the door. 80 dollars in my pocket a cell phone and a hypodermic syringe, everything i ever needed in the world
Everything that seems to momentarily bother me as im walking out my door dissapears as i sit down in jakes car, after all i know i will have what i need in less then an hour and a half and that is all that really matters. Jake is always much more livley on the way down to the city, we talk and make jokes about all the things in our lives that really arnt that funny but what else can we do to comfort oursleves. There is a nostalgic feeling about these trips out to chicago during the winter with the snow and cold air that i still cant seem to shake even today as i write this. I roll down the window even though it is probably 15 degrees outside and jake bitches at me to roll that shit up, we compromise and i leave it open at a crack. I believe i could sit outside all day and not be cold with the right amount of heroin but it works both ways unfortunatly. As soon as withdrawls set in the first thing to creep in is the bone biting cold that is unshakeable in any amount of warmth.
We press onward toward the city hoping to avoid the inevitable traffic that seems to have consumed days of my time but thats all part of the game i suppose. Im not quite sure how my life got to this point or why i choose to live this way, or if it is even a choice any more or just an invoulentary compulsion that i am unable to do anything about but these thoughts are fleeting as the only thing on my mind is really just dope. We get about 15 minutes away and place a call. " hey yo, whats the deal man? you all good.... ya ok well il be by the spot in 15 , have a jab ready for me and make sure that shit is all there you were short one last time... ight coool."
There is always something unnervign about those last five minutes before you pull of to buy a controlled substance in a high traffic drug area saturated with crooked police. The thought tends to creep into your mind that you may not get what you are looking for but instead you may be going to jail and on top of thatyou will be sick, very sick. But again this thought tends to be overwhelmed by the thought of dope. dope dope dope, my life in a foil, capsule, bag. all conversation ceases as we pull of the exit ramp and turn left into the neighborhood that caters to addicts such as my self. its snowing lightly now and the only people out are those begging for change at the light, people waiting for the bus or young black men standing on the corners yell something at me as i pass by, but i already have my connection and don't risk getting robbed or shitty dope unless i absolutly have to. ok pull down this alley and park.. Shit shit shit, i hate sitting here espically since i saw that cop one block over. I am at the mercy of the fate in this moment and hopefully things will go as planned. I see L run out into the alley and i hand jake the money, he gets out of the car and goes up to the fence. Jake puts the money through a hole in the fence and L hands a small bag with 13 foils out the otherside and back in the car he jumps. Fuck ok hide that shit and lets move. inbetween the buttcheeks in a napkin it goes and down the other side of the alley we go. Bust a left and another right and we are almost home free. Put down the visor on the car to try and hide my white face from any police we may happen to drive past and sink low iinto my seat.
Have a sigh of relief as i pull back onto the highway and play it cool for a couple minutes as we get futher away and check to make sure no narcos followed us out onto the highway and then we split up the foils. 8 for me and 5 for you jake, you get the free one for driving. Sure i will hold the wheel for you as you shoot your dope... hurry up and find a vein you dumb fuck i want to get high.. Alright you good? how is it? good ok fuck yes. This right here is the highlight of my life. Pulling back onto the highway after my little adventure into the ghetto, and leaving with some good heroin. If i wasnt mistake i would say that i am almost as addicted to the whole routine of copping the dope and the danger and excitement as i am the heroin itself.. well almost. Time for me to fix up. Take the rig and fill it with water and shoot it inot a torn off soda can and dump in two bags of dope, stir it with the plunger and hit the bottom for a few seconds resulting int a clear brown bitter liquid. Throw in a bit off piece of ciggarette filter and suck it back into the syringe. look for a good vein and regester. ahhhh sigh as the rush hit my brain and everything seems to fade away as my ears pound with that numb rush.
I can now think again and dope seems to dissapear from my mind momentarialy. I look at my cell phone and think about the things i have been neglecting to do and what i need to do today. jake asks me if i want a newport and i accept. i meet eyes with a pretty girl as i light the ciggerette and fell disgusted with myself as i think to myself that she would never want anything to do with me if she knew me for even two mintues. Jake isnt tlking now and he is actually quite irratable. He gets on the phone with his girlfriend whom he lies to about his usage and trys to think of another lie to tell her about where he is. I try to block out his converstaion from my mind as it is annoying while i am trying to enjoy my high. Thoughts of who i have become over the past few years enter my mind and i try to ignore them and tell myself i am still under control. The snow is really staring to come down now outside as we cruse down the highway..... I think to myself how beautiful it is as i start to fight my nod, just another winter day in chicago.....
