Do You Tell Your Shrink EVERYTHING?

What kind of things do you omit, if any? Why? Do you think this may have a negative affect on your therapy as a whole?

For example, I have decided not to tell my therapist (whom I feel comfortable talking with about practically anything) about my heroin relapse a couple weeks ago. I had been clean for 8 months and OD'd while alone. I'm lucky to have survived it.

I know my therapist is a professional who won't judge me for something like that, but only try to help. The thing is, I'm doing so well in therapy otherwise, and I can tell she is quite proud of me and the progress we've made together.

I feel like my therapist might feel that she failed in some way if she knew I used, is what I've boiled it down to.

The thing is, I feel I can basicaly talk to her about anything, and I've never found a therapist like that before. We have similar worldviews and attitudes toward living. I'm a straight man and she's a gay woman 20 years older than me and we talk about human sexuality all the time. It's a very productive and enjoyable professional relationship, by and large.

But I do feel a bit guilty keeping this from her. She's well aware of my toxic past and I get the impression that much of her attitude toward me is based on fascination that I was able to conquer (well, apparently not entirely 8)), my heavy and various addictions, as well as the soul-crushing depression I've spent the past 3 years in.

Thoughts, anyone?

I don't think it would be horrible for you to tell her even if it does disillusion her about your use...And one relapse a couple weeks ago isn't bad, dude...Especially if it's been eight months. I think she's probably expecting the possibility of a relapse seeing as howit is a normal part of recovery...

open expression is important in these types of relationships.

Anbd besides, your relapse has been on your mind, has it not? That's what she's there for....

^ I knew someone would say exactly that, and you're absolutely right.

Another thing is my therapist can be very maternal toward me. She has said "I know it's unprofessional, but I feel the need to take care of you in a very motherly way sometimes."

Yeah, you and practically every other woman on the planet, I think. I think I come across as so flawed and wounded sometimes that women, in particular, instinctively want to take care of me.

And I've made my own mother cry so many times over the years because of my drug use.

But thanks, Venrak. I think I will tell her tomorrow.

I don't have a therapist, but if I did I would probably not be 100% truthful just to protect myself.

In your case, though, I imagine the OD probably scared you? I'm sure it has to be nagging at you, so I would tell her.

I don't think I'm the therapist type though. I have a hard time believing that people truly give a shit about someone else's problems. I imagine that they throw out advice that they have learned and been trained to do. They may even enjoy their work, but I have a hard time believing there is anything more than a typical learned response to patients' problems. That isn't to say it's a bad thing, but IRL I keep my issues to myself until I can trust a person. I don't think I could ever walk into an office and start airing my dirty laundry to a complete stranger (but I do here, right? lol). I think these forums allow you to talk about it, gain honest feedback, while remaining anonymous.

When I speak with someone in regards to an issue, I usually need them to identify with my problem or I believe they are throwing out the typical bullshit cliche.

Dude, your therapist sounds awesome, it is not part of therapy to judge, she is there to help you out. Don't be so ashamed of relapsing, kicking habits are incredibly tough, you sound like you have made huge progress and setbacks are to be expected especially from your therapist. The relationship needs honesty and trust, I would personally divulge everything.

^ I hear what you're saying, Lysis. It took me years before I found a therapist I feel as comfortable talking with as I do this woman. You just have to look and look until you find someone you click with (if you feel you need therapy in the first place, that is ).

Anyway, this woman does truly seem to enjoy her work, I can genuinely tell. She teaches high school science during the week, and can't wait to counsel full-time.

Then again, if someone were paying me $100/hour, I think I could fake enthusiasm, too.

And yes, the OD really frightened me. After so many years of cheating death, it would be so ironic to die from heroin just when my life is going better than in has in years. I probably wouldn't have been found for quite a while either.

Another factor is that my addictions are my primary, possibly my only, source of shame. I consider myself a good person, a generous and loyal friend, and a giver of good advice. I treat people, animals, and the earth with all the respect I have to give. It only makes sense that I would be reticent to discuss my chief weakness.

Pistachio, you're right, too. Seems pretty unanimous.... I guess I knew the correct answer all along, just wanted some encouragement. Thanks, all!

Just to keep this going, I wanted to emphasize that I did not start this thread for advice on my particular situation (though it's much appreciated).

Do YOU tell your therapist everything? What do you edit? Sex? Drugs? Rock 'n' Roll? General deviance? Criminal acts? Dishonesty?

What, exactly, and why?

I only ever saw a therapist for about 2-3 months, but no I didn't.

I don't think I've ever told anyone everything actually. I always save pieces of information for myself, I'm kind of a guarded person in that regard. I'm usually more of a listener and don't offer too much information about myself, unless you're very close to me. Even then, it's never total access.


I remember learning in psych though that it's almost pointless for a pychologist/pyschiatrist to diagnose and treat a person, unless they're sober and not recently sober. They could listen and be supportive before that, but until that stint of sobriety comes up, too much of the problems could simply be resulting from the drug abuse that would warrant label a condition. So if I think if I saw someone again, I'd be honest about what I was using and any relapses I had.

I didn't know/realize that when I was seeing a therapist, even though I told him I was on heroin. It kind of made me realize why he made that more of the sole focus of discussion, even though drugs weren't his strongpoint. I just thought he was a shitty therapist at the time. 8)

if one withholds from the shrink, one might as well not bother going there

if he then takes issue with something one said in a way that one does not agree to, one ought to find a new shrink

I only tell them what they need to know. If you think your heroin use is relevant, then maybe you should mention it.

I'm afraid of doctors, so no.

Ximot said:

if one withholds from the shrink, one might as well not bother going there

Click to expand...

QFT. If you don't trust your psych enough to tell them anything and everything, then you should at least tell them that so they can work on it. Or find someone that you feel that you can trust.

Also: I told my psych (sorry, I just really don't like the term 'shrink') pretty much everything. I was a bit worried before my first EDMR session that I might re-live a traumatic 5-meo-dmt overdose, so I told her about it. I had to explain what it was, what the experience was like, and why I was worried. But just the process of doing that, along with her reassurance that it wouldn't be a problem if it did come up really reassured me.

Hell, half of the benefit that I got from the sessions was from being able to just tell someone all the crap that I had in my head. Never underestimate the value of that.

There are some things i don't tell my shrink but i wouldnt cal it lying it's just not telling. Ive become abit pissed off with her the past few months so i don't care anyway.

Ive told her about most of the drugs ive done sans opiates and benzos when younger. I told her id tried coke once but that's it which is obviously not the truth. I figured no point in lying there since about 50% of the people my age here especially the ones that have been out west have tried it.

Id say my biggest thing that i havent told my shrink or any other doctor is the fact that i was a alcoholic for years. Im not gonna risk getting my prescription meds taken from me soley based on that which is unlikely to happen but who knows.

I try to but there are somethings ive yet to talk about.

dude! i am in the exact same position as you, but i actually relapsed on iv cocaine and crack. fuck! and i didn't tell my shrink either. he has the ability to tell this to my psychiatrist and he would tell him and that would be the end of my meds- i have a benzo script that works wonders for my anxiety and suboxone, and they would take away my benzo. and they would tell my mom as well, and she is having enough stress to deal with worry about me doing drugs. trust me. i really think i just need to remember how guilty and shitty i felt when i did the stuff. and it made me late for work ect. recovery is tough man, and i think there are going to be a few slip ups along the way- nobody is perfect. its been a while since we talked, you should give me a call if you still have my number bro, and catch up. if not let me know and ill give you it. i have been doing really really well- except for this fiasco. peace.

I answer whatever questions he asks, 100% truthfully. Sure I talk about some things without him prompting the conversation but mostly I just discuss whatever he asks me about...

But I am starting to realise that my current psychiatrist is more interested in handing me the prescription for whatever the next drug is to try, than talking to me about my problems.

He's never once asked if I have taken illicit drugs......!! So I've never told him...

I've told my therapist everything by now (been seeing him for eight years, he sees me for free, has threatened to take legal custody from my parents a couple times... ). He knows about my drug addiction, eating disorder, past sexual/physical/emotional abuse, and pretty much anything meaningful/important that's ever happened in my life... he's been through all my hospitalizations/rehabs (treated me while I was in treatment every time, and was the one who suggested it) so there's not really anything he doesn't know by now. But it definitely took YEARS for everything to come out.

I do omit things depending on what stage of relapse I'm in. If I'm just using and don't want to stop, I don't tell him I'm using (never gone to a therapy session high before, feel like it would be totally disrespectful). He's never asked me outright if I'm using again or not eating, if he did I would tell him as I could never lie outright to him (morally I wouldn’t be able to, and it would be pointless because he can tell in a second if I’m was full of shit and will call me out on it, which is why I love him). I think he pretty much can tell if I'm doing one or the other (physically it’s pretty obvious, just not so obvious which one it is) which is most likely why he’s never asked. I feel like it’s deceitful, but honestly some of the best work we’ve done has been during periods where I’m using and not admitting it or not eating and hiding how bad it’s gotten, because we just focus on all the shit in my life that makes me WANT to relapse instead of talking about how we’re going to fix my behaviors.

I’ve gone through about five different psychiatrists, and I don’t tell them anything but the basics. I’m not a fan of someone giving medication to fix something, unless it’s physical (insomnia falls into that category for me) because I can do that myself (and have a lot more fun). Also, none of them (except for one who I loved but can’t afford on my own) have ever cared to talk about what was going on in my life except to ask for the basics—what have I been diagnosed with/treated for and am I relapsing (which I couldn’t get away with not telling as my therapist talks to all my psychs and I have wonderful detailed medical records they usually ask for) which doesn’t really make me want to confide anything meaningful in them.

r u sure ur going to a therapist, JF? or just a counsellor? cos usually a therapist practises some sort of....well.....therapy, eg. CBT, EMDR, psychotherapy
actually saying that it sounds like urs cud b a psychotherapist i guess

anyway thats not the point
i think ur doing the right thing in telling her the truth about ur recent relapse - hell if she knows anything about addiction im sure it wont shock her, and if shes a decent person (and she sounds decent - most ppl dont take these jobs if theyre judgmental) she wont judge u
gd on u for picking up where u left off - shell probly help u deal with any feelings of worthlessness (if ur the type of person that gets those - i know i am) left over from the relapse
u shud in fact b proud of urself - but i think u know that

me? depends wat u define as a shrink
a shrink to me is a psychiatrist - and there is only one psychiatrist i trust......i dont see him anymore as he costs too much so no, i am afraid i do tend to omit the truth from any psychiatrist i see, but i rarely hav to deal with them so its not much of an issue (my GP prescribes my psychiatric meds now)
i tell my psychotherapist evrything - i totally trust him.....ur therapist sounds a bit like him
as for the psychologist who did the CBT work with me - she was wonderful and i told her evrything too

i hav to agree with ximot - if u withhold info from mental health professionals u might as well not go to them
and i try to avoid going to psychiatrists - i only go to them if im told by my therapist i need an appointment with the one that works alongside him (a real prick)

Before I see ANY therapist I ask a lot of questions about their confidentiality policy. Some therapists will sing like birds if they get even the dumbest subpoenas. Others, like my former therapist, take patient confidentiality so seriously that they'll go to jail for contempt of court (she has twice, in two separate cases).

So first, I would make sure my therapist was more like the latter. Then I wouldn't (and didn't) keep anything from her. Part of the healing is to discuss things you feel guilty about. My old therapist used to compare therapy to light. You shine light in all the dark places, and become honest about what you see, in order to get better. But really, it's up to you what you tell your therapist.