Its gettin' bad

Fuck! I had a nice run of banging coke. My connect was cool with fronting massive ammounts ($50 and $100 at a time). I was able to keep it going for about 3 months, eventually owing about $10k. Dude knew me when i was succesful and had no idea i was flat broke. I talked the talk and it worked for a bit. Now he wants his loot (can't blame him) and I don't have it.

I kept on telling myself "it's cool, i can always sell this and that". Now i'm actually thinking of a second mortgage. More immediately, I plan on hitting the pawn shop just so i can give him something and, more importantly, see if i can use the cash to hopefully get something to jam in my arm (actually feet and legs).

I know the drill... if i get more, i'll just be in the same spot after its gone. What then? I only have so much of value to pawn off (i still haven't paid my bills either). What the fuck do i do?!?!!

The easy answer is just STOP. It isn't that easy. How do i get over the obsession of getting another hit. I fucked myself by enjoying the "neverending" high for so long. Its almost like having a credit card and just buying shit without care because the money isn't something you can grasp.

People who have kicked this shit, how did you gain the strength and motivation to stop? I have none. I'm fucking weak as shit when it comes to sticking coke in my veins. I fantasize about it, talk about it, and cruise the internet to read topics about it. How the fuck did you stop?

Just stop. That obsession will always be there. I don't know how you are going to get that guy 10k. Whats do you think hes going to do when he finds out you can't get him his money?

Sounds like it's gonna be tough man. Hang in there and stop with the coke. I heard wellbutrin can help with stimulant WDs, maybe try that out.
Or if you can get ritalin, that would help too, tho it should be used only to get you over this shit. Ofcrs it's still better no too use any drugs, youl have to overcome the addiction sooner or later.

The 10k? If he's cool with it, just let him wait a bit, get your shit together and start making some money. Your not gonna be motivated to do anything because of the WDs, but youd have to start sometime.

If you really cant do it yourself, then Im afraid rehab is the way to go. That way youl also have an excuse too keep him off your back for a while.

OverDone said:

I was able to keep it going for about 3 months, eventually owing about $10k. Dude knew me when i was succesful and had no idea i was flat broke. I

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Sounds like your in a sticky situation. First off, what drug dealer lets you run up a $10K tab like that? I don't know any drug dealer like that, they might spot you here or there and then that's it. I guess what you thought was a great thing, turned out to be a bad thing, because now you can't pay your bill. That's the first thing you got to do, pay the man, whether you get a second mortgage or not. Next, you need to kick the habit, but I gather if you don't pay this guy, then he will help you quit by cutting you off anyway.

i hate to say it but uve got to stop the 'neverending high' now
mate, ive bn where uve bn (sort of) - ok i wasnt on IV coke (regularly anyway) but i banged at least 3 grams of meth a day and i used that stuff for 8 yrs
no its not easy to stop - yes im still fucking obsessed with it
but its better than owing dealers, BEING a dealer, selling myself, etc, etc
yes ive heard wellbutrin is good for getting ppl off coke - ive also heard of ppl having success with clonidine
the main thing about stimulant withdrawals is that u hav a crash and then u feel anxious, paranoid and depressed (i take it coke withdrawals and meth withdrawals r similar) and u get tired, u can hav crawly skin and u can feel achey
but it goes away
leaving u with cravings
thats wen its good to go to a 12-step fellowship like maybe CA (cocaine anonymous) - and dont knock it till uve tried it! ull meet ppl there going thru the same old bullshit, who can give u advice and truly care about wat ur going thru
i cud take a leaf out of my own book actually - i havnt bn going to enough NA meetings lately and consequently ive bn craving meth like nothing else
btw the cravings ease up as time goes on
if u dont want to take that advice (a lot of ppl wudnt) then plz do urself a favour and put urself in rehab
PM me if u need someone to talk to whos kind-of bn there

Thanks for the input. I did was able to stay clean in the past through NA for 5 year spurts. My meeting attendance stopped and soon enough I was back using again. After 5 years i started feeling like a "normal" person and then... the shit hit the fan.

I know what needs to be done but i'm having a real hard time with it. its the damn obsession.

Dude won't do anything harsh concerning my debt, i helped him in the past with a free place to live for 8 months. The most i'll have to worry about is the factg that i lied to the dude and hear his complaining. He was good with it when i ran the tab but now he needs loot.

I tell myself i'll go to the gym, sleep all day, drink or anty number of things to distract myself from the shit but the fact that its so easy to get is making it tough.

I know i sound like a pussy and lots of people have been able to kick it no problem but fuck how do you get it out of your mind and how can i stop being such a pussy about it?

No man you dont sound like a pussy. Almost everyone here on this forum has had addiction problems. It's soo natrual to be afraid to face reality. No drugs means actually dealing with problems in life.

Fuckin sucks, I just suddenly realized the other day that I was fully addicted to tramadol and NEEDED it to live a normal life... the second I realized that, it scared the shit outta me even tho I was high at that time.

Sorry for all the negative vibes in my post, just hope you get through this shit.
Peace out

ur not being a pussy - its extremely powerful stuff
at 10 months clean i am still having lots of fantasies about meth
strong ones
drinking wont help - it cud cause u to cross-addict and u dont want an alcohol problem
it cud also loosen u up and make u use coke again
thats why i dont drink
and ppl who kick it no problem rnt addicts
if uve bn to NA in the past u probly realise ur an addict
my suggestion is start going back there

Dxmmonster said:

No man you dont sound like a pussy. Almost everyone here on this forum has had addiction problems. It's soo natrual to be afraid to face reality. No drugs means actually dealing with problems in life.

Fuckin sucks, I just suddenly realized the other day that I was fully addicted to tramadol and NEEDED it to live a normal life... the second I realized that, it scared the shit outta me even tho I was high at that time.

Sorry for all the negative vibes in my post, just hope you get through this shit.
Peace out

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I didn't catch any negative vibes from your post. What i like about BL is you get honesty from folks who have nothing to gain and nothing to lose. We lie to ourselves so much that we need people to reign us in and say " your full of shit and you know it. This is what ya need to do"

I'm doing ok I suppose. I did an 8ball last night which (compared to $400/$500 a day) is an improvement. Today I did about a gram and a half, popped ativan and OTC nighttime sleep aids with vodka to knock me out.

I'm going to make a commitment to journal each day in the hopes that putting my feelings/need on paper will help.

I'm still a pussy though, I cried (the blubbering type of cry) today. Self pity and realization that I destroy or run away from good things has brought me to this point. I never craved a fucking hug before but I would have traded my car for the opportunity to hug/hold someone who understood while i just cried and absorbed some sort of human closeness

ur not a pussy for crying
i blubbered away at an NA meeting tonight in my friends arms and i just felt so good afterwards for letting it out
gd on u for cutting down ur coke use......but dont start depending on other things will u?
ativan and alcohol withdrawal r much worse than coke withdrawal
if u can keep cutting down the coke good on u but often with addiction it doesnt work that way
its a lot easier in actual fact to go CT
go thru the withdrawals
go to rehab
go to NA
u will get a lot of hugs at NA

OD - I just wanted to let you know I'm following your posts, and I am here for you if you need me; just been too busy at work to post much the last few days.

FC

Can you believe i filtered the remains of blood left in old syringes and shot it? What the fuck is wrong with me?

OverDone said:

Can you believe i filtered the remains of blood left in old syringes and shot it? What the fuck is wrong with me?

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That doesn't sound too good man, you might need some help!

OD - been there, done that. As disgusting as it seems the next day, its typical of the recklessness that IV coke addiction leads to.

Look into getting help before it's too late.

FC

hey everyone. thanks for being there for a stranger. I just want and want and want. I hav e tears right nowbecause I was given two opportunities to get well and I did good at first but now opportunities should go to those who can make a go of it. I don't deserve anymore chances.

I took about 6 150mg lyricas, 8 ativans and 5 hydrocodones. I tried to shoot tese pills but wasn't successfull so just slurped up the mucus looking shit from the spoon.

I so wan ted to be someone who could help others but I cant get past the pain of not being high. I'm so fucking cowardly and needy.

I'm a 37 year old boy. I;m tired of being a burden and source of shame to my parents. I really wanted to help others. Fuck! I have no insurance. How do I get into rehab without insurance?

Can Ativan, hydrocodone and lyrica kill a person? I have access to 100mg morphine that I snorted before but cant find info on shooting it.\

I don't know what to do. I have a dog that loves and relies on me (i love and rely on him too). Will he be okay if i check out?

I don't feel hurt or pain, just emptiness and I hate it. I used to help people now I need the help. Fuck, what woman would consider being with such a weak man?

popped 6 more ativan, 6 more 150mg lyrica, 2 hydrocodone and 2 unknowns with a b12 shot in my ass. I'm hoping the vodka will assist in knocking me out quicker. I sure would love to feel a high before I zonk.

Never really got into pills but this may help

OverDone said:

popped 6 more ativan, 6 more 150mg lyrica, 2 hydrocodone and 2 unknowns with a b12 shot in my ass. I'm hoping the vodka will assist in knocking me out quicker. I sure would love to feel a high before I zonk.

Never really got into pills but this may help

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dude you're killing youself...an IV coke habit differs a lot from other substances in regards to obcession, addiction, etc....

Rehab it up bro....It's the only thing that's going to help you...Popping 6 ativan, 6 lyrica, and drinking is only going to make your situation worse...good luck bro and take the advice from a lot of experienced members on this board...keep us updated on what you decide to do but I'm pretty sure you'll be asleep soon :D

Agreed,5 more lyrica and 3more ativan should knock me out. i think i may be killing myself. i rewally wanted to show lovento the loveless and show that we are all family and we can all be wwell with siupport from othjers of like minde. I cantttype, my focus and mtosklls are off

overdone- it is completly normal to feel suicidal when detoxing. please get some help....if you need to call a suicide hotline, then please do. they have a lot of resources and can help you find info about rehab. around here, there are several rehabs that work on an 'as needed' basis...they have inpatient as well as outpatient programs......

hope you decide to get some help....

URR DONE!!! GO TO BED!!!

What's the situation with your dealer like? What kind of drug dealer, let alone person, allows room for a $10,000 debt!?

Are you still copping off of him?

If he fronted you 10k worth of narcotics, I don't think he'll have a problem with waiting for his cash...maybe set up a payment plan with him/her hah...

Be careful, I've found myself in many sticky situations because of drug debt...both on the receiving and owing end..both ways, it never has a pretty outcome..