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Speed – My journey to the dark side...

spoon_77

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 10, 2002
Messages
75
Ok, to start this post I am not a regular drug user. Some years ago I used to be a very full on one, but thesedays I’ve calmed right down and only have big ones for special occasions. I thought NYE would be a good special occasion to have one, previous to that I had not had a huge session for some 8 months or so.

My “big” NYE might sound timid to some of the other strories floating around, but bear with me, as I really do need your advice on this.

My party started on New Years (Saturday) morning with a half weight of uncut base. To make it more consumable, it was cut 3/1. Basically, over the next two nights that’s all I had to keep awake, I didn’t go to hard at all as I didn’t need that much to keep me buzzing – maybe eating a line’s worth every 4 or 5 hours and that was it. I did also have 1/2 a pill at some point, it wasn't very good so I didn't really bother with anything else.

Fast forward, it’s now Monday afternoon and I’m feeling a bit queazy and dizzy. I have been eating and drinking very moderately while I’ve been awake, and I decide to eat one more lines worth before heading home in a few hours. About 30 minutes later I start to feel even dizzier, I can’t balance and my heart is going that fast that I can’t breathe properly. I was getting pins and needles in my lower arms and legs, was very agitated and twitchy. Knowing that if my heart keeps up at this rate that I’m fucked, I have a frend drive me to hospital.

On entry, at about 4.30pm, I’m candid about exactly what I had, when I’d had it and how I’m feeling. They check me in straight away, put me on an ECG and give me 10mg of Morphene to try and calm my body down. It does succeed in getting my heart rate down, not by much; they order some xrays and blood tests and then hit me up with morphene again, which knocked me out cold. I woke up again about midnight, my heart rate had gone back to a normal-ish level and I was feeling OK. They kept me overnight to make sure I was fine, and then discharged me in the morning.

We’re now at Tuesday, I was discharged and feeling allright. I did feel somewhat seedy, as you do, but I was told that after some sleep that all the effects of the speed would be gone and I’d be right. I didn’t feel so bad on Tuesday at all, and I went home and slept to try and catch up.

I woke up on Wednesday still feeling normal, I had a coffee and some breakfast and went to head out for the day when I almost passed out at the train station. All the same effects that first made me go to hospital kick back in. I can’t breathe properly, I’m anxious, I feel a pressure on my chest etc. Feeling like I’m ready to drop any minute, I go back to hospital and have myself checked out. All the tests they do on me come back as fine, they tell me that my pupils are still slightly dialated, as expected, meaning that I probably still have some kicking around in my system and after a good nights sleep it should be gone. They give me some Diazepam to take home with me in case I feel too hectic again, but I’m trying not to take it as I want to fight this off. I sleep lots and lots on Wednesday evening, and come Thursday I wake up and still feel like it’s there within me. I sleep as much as I can, I have good moments like when I’m in the shower and everything feels OK but I’m still having lots of times where I feel like I can’t breathe properly and I’m somewhat still under its control.

It’s now Friday morning, I had a massive nights sleep and the daily ritual of waking up and hoping it’s gone is still here, but I feel it as much as I did yesterday. Today I actually woke up hungry though, that was a change. I’m starting to believe now that I’m always going to feel this way, for the rest of my life. I had a dream last night that I was under thr control of something, it’s the first time in years that I’ve woken up in a nightmarish state… I was telling whatever it was that “you do not have control of me…”

Even as I write this now I feel fucked. There’s a pressure in the back of my head, my lower arms, legs, neck and shoulders are excited but also very tense– like I’ve had some speed and I’m ready to go, even though I haven’t touched any for 5 days now.

I haven’t had a cigarette since Tuesday so I’m wondering if that is also playing on this. Has anyone else ever been through what I am going through? Does it go away? I am supposed to go back to work on Monday and there’s no way that I could in this state I am in now.

My thoughts are also starting to get occasionally a bit more irrational. I’m now starting to think that the longer this carries on the more irrational they will become. I can’t be bothered leaving my apartment though I know I should,

I haven’t been eating too well due to lack of appetite but I’m trying to drink lots of OJ. This just sucks, I feel like the speed is still there some 5 days on, it’s not leaving and it’s making my life hell. I neeed advice and I don’t know where to turn. Any you could help me with would be much appreciated :)

Cheers

s77
 
im sorry i have no advise for you as i have never been like that. sounds f*cked up man go back to the hospital what you wrote here im sure they have seen many cases of ppl ruined from base....
 
Hey I just wrote you a massive reply and it fucked up for some reason so I will just give you a quick summary to hopefully help you out before I take a baseball bat to this computer :X !

First, I am not a doctor and I have no professional training in this sort of field. Second, I am just going to give you advice from experiences with my friends and I relating to the substance you took and other similar substances (my little disclaimer :\ ).

Ok - we all know that feeling I guess, well definitely the anxious, nervous one you are talking about - it sucks balls! From personal experience when people tell me not to worry or that I am fussing over nothing it shits me - but I am going to tell you that right now so sorry if it pisses you off ;) . But try and relax, everything almost always goes back to normal right *touch wood*. I know in my experiences you always end up ok and look back and go - hmm wonder why I was so stressed out about that.

Also, its kind of the chicken and the egg thing. You are stressed and nervous because you aren't feeling right, and you aren't feeling right because your stressed and nervous! The whole thing seems to snowball - so try and break the cycle and chill a bit and tell yourself it is going to be ok. I think you should go see your GP and have a chat - I know when my doctor says to me that I am going to be ok all my worries disappear =D !! So I think you should chill until someone who is a doctor says you need to worry - which hopefully and usually doesn't happen!

Try and get your mind off things, I know the last time I was feeling shit and down and worried about something my two best friends were there for me - and I will never forget the times they have helped me when I was down and I will see to it they are repaid 10 fold because I don't know where I would be without them. Ask your friends for help, they will help you and reassure you that you will be ok, and help you get through this hard time.

In terms of why you feel like you do maybe the big break has something to do with it. I find after a big bit of time off, the recovery both mentally and physically is much longer and harder as your body is no longer conditioned to that sort of treatment anymore. Three days of no sleep and a decent amount of a potent psyco-stimulant is fairly traumatic for your body and your mind - you cant expect it to like you straight away again ;) Nothing is free unfortunately and the way you feel is the price you have to pay. I also find that if I hit it really hard ( as happened recently with all the festivities and will continue to do due to the festivities this weekend =D ) it takes me longer to recover and you tend to come down a bit more than you do when you are just using a controlled sort of consistent amount on the weekends. When it's like that and you are just giving it a nudge on the weekends and have the odd weekend off I find physically and mentally the negative effects are almost non-existent!

Finally I think you should try and eat well even though your guts probably don't feel like it, and when you are stressing out you tend to lose your appetite. But eat good food - protein, quality carbohydrates and fruit and vegies - your body is nice to you when you feed it good stuff - and as they say, "healthy body healthy mind". So try and get some nutrients into your system, they are the building blocks of your body, your brain and everything that makes them both tick.

Anyway I am probably boring you to tears now, but I do hope it will help you. I am sure other people will give you some good advice too. But definitely try to relax and realise that time will heal all wounds - what your feeling is most probably only temporary. Go to the GP and get the thumbs up from him/her - which as I said I always find makes me feel a hell of a lot better when they give me the green light. And get some decent food into and help your body recover.

Look after yourself!
 
this sounds very strange and i feel for you.

the only thing i can think of is something that happened to a friend of mine. he'd been out one night and taking a few pills and some pot and some speed i think and he was tripping for about 2 weeks. he couldnt see ppls faces cos they were really warped. i'm not sure of the exact details of what he took but he wasnt normal for two weeks after he took the drugs.

his best friend, and my bf Sllip knows a lot more about this. its actually a condition called HHPD...i dont know what it stands for but it basically means that your head thinks its still on drugs for some time after the drugs have worn off.

my friend eventually snapped out of it when he went round to another persons place and they were all so wasted on k that he just went straight again.

i'll ask Sllip if he can post something about this and my advice to you is go see some of your trusted friends and explain your situation and have them with you.
its really good that you went to the hospital and i congratulate you on your safe attitude. i really hope things work out for you and that you turn out ok!
 
hey s77,

sorry to hear that this week has been a crappy one. but it's awesome that you've been taking care of yourself in terms of fluids, not smoking etc.

i've had personal experiences similar to this, and know of others who have, too... and i think it's something you have to ride out and let fade over time.

it's admirable to not want to use benzos, but if your body needs to calm down enough to really recover, they might be a sensible option.

detoxing is good, as long as you don't make it too hard on yourself. nicotine withdrawal is a bitch -- how much do you normally smoke? cold turkey when you're trying to get your head/body back in order can be counterproductive.

one thing i would strongly recommend cutting out is caffeine, even if it doesn't normally affect you much. limit yourself to one cup of tea a day and see how that goes.

also, you may want to look into chinese herbal remedies. they are incredibly powerful and effective... you drink tea boiled from the herbs twice a day and believe me, you can really feel them. they've helped me come off drugs in the past, and i know one person who managed to break out of an acid psychosis by taking care of himself and using herbs. if you're in sydney i can give you more info on the guy i see (PM me) -- otherwise ask around and find a good doctor. the other great thing about herbalists is that they basically have a chat with you about how you're feeling, what's going on in your life, and the whole experience is much more holistic than seeing a western-style doctor. your tea is individually prepared from a dozen or so different herbs, so it's specifically tailored to you, too.

bottom line, though -- go back to hospital if things get too intense.

take care...
 
I have had similair happen to me. All tests were good, so the doctors diagnosed it as anxiety.
 
Everything you mentioned exactly has happend to me, its been like 3 months now and ive taken no drugs at all and ive still havnt came down yet, i have a high pulse rate and high blood pressure and heart rate and the doctor gave me some deralin 10mg to lower my blood pressure and gave me some zoloft for anxiety, and i was in hospital and got my blood and urine and has xrays and cat scan and i was cleared with no problems but still they dont know why my blood pressure and my pulse is constantly high

if i was you i woudn`t listen to what everyone has said here and take caution cause ive felt really dizzy as well and feel like im gonna pass out any minute with vivid dreams
 
I constantly have a blood pressure rate of 150 and 110 pulse rate, and when i was in hospital i had like blood pressure rate at 180 and pulse was 120
 
I was thinking about taking speed...now I'm not so sure


My mates say it's overrated though.
 
Yeha, me and a few of my mates were wanting to try it sometime soon. This story however, reminded me that taking any drug brings risks. I mite read up a bit more before i make my descision.
spoon_77 - i hope you return to normal sometime soon. :) :\
 
All sounds like comedownland to me. While I do not debate that speed can have lasting medical effects on your body, I would ask the following:

1) What was your base cut with?
2) Have you been trying to return to a normal daily diet?
3) Do you have someone who lives with you or who can observe you closely enough to help double check your answer to question 2?

I have had speed cut with many things before, generally glucose, but sometimes creatine which is used by body builders as a fat stripper. When combined with speed, especially if you've not been tking much for a while you can cause your body to lose substantial amounts of mass, adjusting to this can leave you very weak, even if you did try to eat moderately while on the speed.

Regarding the eating thing, I've been on 5 and 7 day benders which have left me not being abl to keep track of daytime/night time let alone how long it's been since I've eaten. The return to normality from such experiences has depended highly upon my ability to begin feeding my body again, especially emotionally and mentally.

Try protein shakes, they are an easy way to stick food into yourself which is generally beneficial even if the idea of food is horrid, drinking is usually a good way to sneak food in :) If you take it slow and steady and get your body back into its rhythym you'll be fine. I've had 2 week recoveries before feeling just as you mention although generally from pills. You're going to be ok - as Dory from Nemo says "Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming..." Fish are so wise :)
 
I could be wrong but:

Sounds like a classic case of GAD (Generalised Anxiety Disorder) that has propagated into a Panic/Anxiety attack.

Its ok, nothing to really worry about. Looks like you are sensitive to Adrenergic stimulants.

I have had similar reactions, though not as strong, to coffee and other stimulants. My very last experience with Meth, left me struggling with a massive case of anxiety for about four days. It wasn't easy....

Things to do:
A good massage and floatation(sensory deprivation) tank.
Meditation. (Primarily breath meditation)
Yoga.

Also some extranous physical exercise like weight training.

If after a lot of soul searching your symptoms still persist try getting a prescription for an anxiolitic. Valium etc... BE CAREFUL, make sure its a short term prescription, anxiolitics are addicitive and if on them for too long, you may never be able to get off them without the return of all of your anxiety.

Good luck.
L
 
You could try taking a multivitamin pill. Im surprised no one has mentioned that already. After 3 days of no sleep and little to no food, im sure your bodys vitamin levels would be badly depleted. After a 'big night out' using ampetamines I usually find that I feel a whole lot better after getting some vitamins back into me.
 
Sorry, don't have time to read everyone's posts, so I may be repeating someone.

Basically I am very familiar with your situation. It is simply anxiety and paranoia. The anxiety can last for up to two week but is completelly in your mind and now that you know what it is - cause I told you - YOU can make go away.

Paranoia feeds anxiety and the more anxious you get, your thoughts become irrational. This is a mild form of meth psycosis. Where anxiety usually manifests itself in pretty much the same ways you described - increased heart, hard to breathe etc, paranoia can develop about anything but the easiest subject for meth psycosis paranoia is the anxiety itself.

So you start really listening to your body - is my head hurting there? Is that a chest pain? Is it a muscle? Oh my god, it might be my heart! Can I breathe properly? How come I keep having to take deep breath? My lungs must be fucked from smoking the shit and they are not absorbing enough oxygen and i am fucked for life! I can't breathe - i can't get that extra deep satisfying breath!

All of those are examples of psycosis built upon the initial anxiety symptoms. I've developed those and worse from smoking very pure meth, but once you are aware of this you can make it all go away at a click of a finger. Drink lots of fresh cold water - it helps you chill.
 
Hi all,

Firstly I want to say thanks for all the replies. Even though I haven't replied sooner I have been reading the responses and using it to soldier on. It's a bit weird, being someone who's a wee bit older than the average raver I'm more accustomed to giving advice from my experience hehe, but it's fantastic to have got some good advice from you all!

The days after posting this thread were hard. I constantly felt like I couldn't breathe - I don't know if it was paranoia or not but I never "made" myself think it, I'd just be watching TV and then all of a sudden my chest would tighten and I felt like I couldn't breathe. It was harsh, every time it happened I slept for a bit. I slept more in that week than I probably have in any other week I ever have had! I also had no appetite and could also only force little things down... Needless to say that I'd lost 3 kilos by the next week. It happened to me on a Monday, spent Monday night in hospital, Tuesday was OK but groggy, Wednesday I had a massive recurrance and that's when the breathing/anxiety kicked in, Thursday was terrible, friday was too, Saturday was shit but better and Sunday things were looking on the up. Monday I went back to work and started to get things back on track, and by Wednesday I was feeling ok and Thursday was almost brand new with my appetite back to normal (though I do get moments where I have to "guide" my breathing). But Thursday night I had a huge reccurance of the anxiety: I couldn't breathe, I had hot then cold shakes and was feeling like death itself. It just came out of nowhere, it started with a cold shiver and then it all kicked in. Bizarre, especially because it was a week later.

I felt crap (in a hungover kind of way) on Friday, but then Saturday though yesterday (Tuesday) was all good, still with checking my breathing now and then because my chest tightens and I feel I can't breathe - then by brain realises everything is fine and I fight it.

This morning though I woke up and the cold shivers and tighntess was kicking in hard as soon as I opened my eyes. I forced myself up and I took it on. It was with my from about 8am all the way though till 2pm until I started to feel OK, though generally after it happens I feel this weird pressure inside my head and at the back of my neck/base of my skill. Bizarre huh?

Right now I'm feelin fine, once again I still have to check my breathing randomly though, my lungs just feel like they're not getting enough in until I concentrate on them for a bit or am too occupied to notice.

Has anyone else gone through the same thing (post harsh experience) as I am. Does it go away eventually? I'm inclined to think it does, but then it hits me randomly like 4 days after feeling fine and then gets me worried that this is going to be hanging around for a while to come... Also, I never ended up taking the Diazepam because I didn't want to be feeling "normal" on it then unable to feel normal when I wasn't, if you get what I mean.

Anyway, thanks again for the advice - you all rock ;)

s77
 
I deffinitly don't have any authority on the topic but I realy strongly feel that the syptoms your suffering could be related to phsycological trauma.
Maybe a trip to the GP to describe your symptoms would be a good move. Strong anxiety or panic attacks may fit your symptoms well. Do some searching on the net you can find information on many phsycological issues now, including self diagnosis information.
Just remember that your body is probably much better now and becoming healthier by the day. However worrying about it cannot help, go to a GP and get some closure on it all. Don't let it continue to bother you.
Oh and stear clear of THC for a month or so, I know what your going through and pot seems to agravate the symptoms.
 
The days after posting this thread were hard. I constantly felt like I couldn't breathe - I don't know if it was paranoia or not but I never "made" myself think it, I'd just be watching TV and then all of a sudden my chest would tighten and I felt like I couldn't breathe.

Been there, trust me, I wouldn't say this if I wasn't sure. Paranoia you haven't got a handle on. I used to get it all the time until i REALLY convinced myself I was alright. Here is an exersise that helped me. When you feel like every breath you take is not enough and you try to go for the big satisfying breath but can'yt get it do this: just stop and concentrate on your breathing - breathe in small regular normal breaths. After about 10 seconds you realise - hey - I am OK. I am not passing out of lack of oxygen, fuck the tightness in the chest - its only there because it seems like I can't breathe - but the fact that I just breathed for 10 seconds in normal breaths and they were enough is proof that I am OK.

But Thursday night I had a huge reccurance of the anxiety: I couldn't breathe, I had hot then cold shakes and was feeling like death itself. It just came out of nowhere, it started with a cold shiver and then it all kicked in.
Cold/Hot shivers - don't be woose :) A stronger form of this is loss of identity which soon follows. Again as long as you chill and have a cold glass of water it will go away. The breathing issues are most annoying though - but try to think of them in that way and follow my advice above.

still with checking my breathing now and then because my chest tightens and I feel I can't breathe - then by brain realises everything is fine and I fight it.
You are catching on :) Next step is to stop checking! This may take a while - for me it would never stop since by the time I would be sorta fine, I'd get on again with same effects afterwards. A lot of the time it starts happening when you are still off your head or just when you have it. Once you beat it all together, it will never bother you! Stop checking - hyperchondriac syndrome - meth makes it worse. Hardest is probably getting rid of the habbit of "checking" if everything is ok.

Right now I'm feelin fine, once again I still have to check my breathing randomly though, my lungs just feel like they're not getting enough in until I concentrate on them for a bit or am too occupied to notice.
Now you've definitelly caught on! :) "too occupied to notice" - That's proof you are ok. Now don't check anymore and armed with the newly aquired knowledge beat it once and for good - and you may still enjoy meth one time!

Hope I've been able to help. Been there done that, was waiting for an oppotunity such as this to share and help!

P.S. If you are experiencing symptoms such as chest pains - its not your heart (although this is something i will not act as a doctor on since I do not wish the responsibility). Again symptoms exegerate by anxiety that may come from sitting in bad positions when on meth, actually breathing too hard too much cause you're paranoid, general muscular pain exegerated by anxiety again. But hell, if you don't know - it sure does feel like you are having a heart attack.
 
Shit..... sounds like you had a great time. Got ripped on the whizz, got a doctor to spike you with some pure high end opiates, then given some Valium to take the edge off later. I know what I'm doing this weekend.........

But seriously, I've had the same thing, it lasted about 2 weeks and I was freaking out at the time. The body and minds ability to heal are greater than you think (even with all the crap we sometimes give it). Be extra good to your body and brain for the time being and err on the side of not caning it next time.
 
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