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  • AADD Moderators: swilow | Vagabond696

bluelight bed time story!!!

funkE waynE

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 1, 2000
Messages
371
its quite fucking simple really,you just add on to it ,try and keep it as drug related as possible
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,it can be as short as u want or as long as you want ,as scattered as you would like ,it does not even have to make sense,it can be as lame or skanky ass dirty as u would like !random topic changes are an added bonus ,why you may ask?? because i feel like it!! and its so much naughtier when there is no reason .. let us begin!!
once upon a time in a land far far away there was a bluelighter called A.D.A.M ,all his life he was searching for something ,he didnt really know what it was , he just knew he lost it and it should be found !!!
MEANWHILE the three bears were just returning home after a hard day cultivating there opium poppies ,father bear said "who the fuck smoked all my pot" ..... "no fucking idea "said moma bear......and who ate all the food??......."this is fucked up right here" said baby bear .... "there is some skanky hoe asleep in my bed!!,she looks like a junkie" ......well who the hell is she??..................
 
they woke her from her scattered slumber and found out her name was gold CK ,she just fucked up ,thought it was her house and shit ,left a couple of imports for the hassle and jetted ....she was hooking up with lil raw raving hoodlum and they were going to visit grandma to drop of her basket full of bickies, " fuck grandma what big eye's you have" ........
 
'shut the fuck up' replies grandma and snatches the basket off her kiddies. 'are these the real deal?' asks grannie. 'always grannie, always'.
so they dump 2 for starters. as grannie is packin the bowl for her kiddies there's a knock. not from the door, but from inside the fuckin fridge. grannie grabs her glock and procceds to investigate.....
------------------
let me take you high with the breaks, and low with the bass.
 
Granny starts freaking over her shared auditory hallicination and chugs some g to calm the fuck down. Meanwhile, the kids are getting all amped up on some speedy shit and have nowhere to go. So they ride there tricycles to the wolfs house, and throw a bick thru the window to break in (every1 knows thats wolfs a **** ), creeping inside the window they discover...
 
what they belive to be an opium dealers house. They start freaking out at the giant cats and no matter how hard they try can't keep quiet. The enormous tabby's surround them and threaten them with beagles on sticks. Just when they start completely flipping out in comes granny wearing a .......
 
...G string and nothing else.
"Fuck GHB is some sexual shit!", says Granny swaying slightly. "I am so seriously up for some sweaty loving right now."
She looks over and spots you in the corner. You cringe as she saunters over to you.
"I can't see very well with these old eyes of mine", says Granny, "I dun care what sex you are but that mouth of yours better be in good order!"
You are about to reply when there is another knock at the door...
[This message has been edited by Soma (edited 20 August 2000).]
 
"who the fuck is in there " said the big bad wolf ,the door swings open and in walks wolfie with his 9mm , "grandma ,i knew we would meet again bitch " you read the bible gran ,there is this passage i have memorised
"blessed is he who shepards the weak through the valley of darkness ,for he is truely his brothers keeper and the finder of lost souls" lil raw raving hoodlum pulls out her uzi and ......
 
BBAAAAAANNNNNGGGG
the roof caves in as three super-sized chupachups fall through the house, knocking granny unconscious on the floor...
the bad-ass fuckin wolf lets his 9mm run hard , throwing the mamabear against the wall in a pool of green blood, cause she's really an alien who's come to earth to scout out the new batches of mitsis.. papabear grabs the watermelon flava'd chupa and swings it hard at the fuckin wolf, knocking him back against the opposite wall, punching a whole through it, as he falls outside the house..
the two remainin bears and the raving hoodlum are left to clean the mess.. only once they find some fresh fuckin grams in grandma's g-string, they stop to sit down and start packing cones... its the third round of cones, everyone's nicely RIPPED and its the raving hoodlum's cone, when suddenly.....
 
...there's teh sound of heavy breathing at the door...ooooohh--ohhhhh...ohhhhh-ooooh..BANG! BANG! BANG! The door falls off it's hinges and there stands Darth E and e-Yoda...
"I see your bong is as big as mine!", says Darth E....."mmmmmm..yessss..Much fun and clouded thoughts with the Green side", chimes in eYoda.
eYoda walks across the room and opens his hand to show what's inside....He has a fist full of...
 
Nangs, which seem to be growing.
"Much enlightenment found here to be. Bulberator we need"
E-Darth being a bulb destroyer, grabs one out of Yoda's Paws and simply bites the head of it off, white gas spews out of the nang, it fills the room.....
 
...until no one can see through the thick white haze.
As it clears a figure stands in the centre of the room. It is Snow White. She's there with her seven dwarves, each toting a sack of snow and singing 'hi ho, hi ho, we like to chop up snow...'
There's grumpE (on the come down)
HappE (peakin' hard)
DopE (mulling up)
SneezE (too much snow)...
 
wankE
peakE
and xavier...
now snow white was one gorgeous gurl....everyone in the hood wanted to get up in it....but she was a virgin and would not just give it up to anyone....she would prick tease and thats about it....A.D.AM had discovered what he was searching for all his life and that was the ultimate bang with the girl of his dreams!!...yeah sure he has banged others ,BUT...he was looking for the ultimate bang , so he grabbed his royal's and his workmans vest
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and went out in search of a gurly.....QUICK TO THE BATMOBILE!!!!
[This message has been edited by pE@K-a-TrOnIc (edited 21 August 2000).]
 
In A.D.A.M hopped, and chunked up the killah stereo he had just bought hot out of the back of the truck. He had richie hawtin on full bore, he was hyped up on some nice crystal he had scored of one of the dodgy dwarfs and was heading down mains when all of a sudden *dadadada* The nasty K-Troll from "seven" jumped in front of the batmobile "barp barp, you cannot go there, barp barp"
"holy fuck, what on earth am I gonna do???"
ADAM slowly walked up to K-Troll being very careful with his actions and reached into his pocket to pull out a fresh vile of ketamine. K-Troll couldnt resist it and subsequently went spiraling down into a k-hole abyss.
"Yeah baby!! sweet as, lets rock the fucken kasbah~!!" exclaimed ADAM.
Little did he know that a big ass crack-whore fairy had been following his every move. What on earth was he to do?
 
"Some of my hairy crack for some crack", sobs the little whore? "No? Then perhaps I can read you an article from The Onion - The worlds finest newsource. They did an interview with my housemate... no.. my HOMEmate"
I'll bet a day doesn't go by that I don't hear something negative about crack cocaine, and the people who love it. Well, it just so happens that, despite all the mudslinging you may have read in the magazines, there are plenty of decent, hardworking crack lovers, just like in any other "walk of life."
Just because someone is desperately addicted to an incredibly intense form of refined cocaine doesn't mean they've forgotten about those old-fashioned values like thrift, cooperation and helping each other out. People always describe crack houses as someplace they wouldn't want to be. Well, the truth of the matter is that I wouldn't want to live anywhere where the people aren't working together. And that was exactly the key to turning our crack house into a crack home!
Just like a good drug needs to be cut in just the right proportions, an honest-to-goodness crack home needs the right mix of people, each with their own special qualities, but who are willing to be "team players" to achieve their shared goal of constantly staying high on a really expensive drug. Crack doesn't grow on trees, you know!
A home needs whores, shakedown boys, thieves, muggers, scam artists--a whole range of diverse people with unique attributes. Cooperation: That's the difference between a bunch of shivering people hitting the pipe in the same abandoned building, and a real family sharing a home.
We have a chart on the refrigerator to remind everyone of their duties, and we rotate the chores on a regular basis to make it fair. No one likes to get fucked in the ass by strangers every day for a week straight, do they? No, so we switch the chores so that today it's prostitution, but tomorrow it might be liquor-store hold-ups or muggings. I add colorful stickers and glitter to our duty chart, but you can personalize yours anyway you want, maybe by cutting pictures out of old magazines or using bright fuzzy yarn to string up the amputated fingers of suppliers who have passed you bad rock.
We're one big family in our crack home because we recognize the uniqueness of each and every individual addict. (Not everyone is good at everything, but everyone is good at something!) We keep the lines of communication open and remember to listen so everyone has a friend to turn to. Sure, we may poke fun when the maggots covering the piles of garbage find their way into the gaping sores all over Eddie's body that never seem to heal--but we'd never kick him out of the room just because we don't want to look at him.
Maybe someday our crack home will even have a till jar for bus rides to the free clinic. Then, hopefully, Yolanda will never again have to throw herself off the fire escape and crawl back upstairs to have a miscarriage on the kitchen floor.
Another big part of turning a crack house into a crack home is respect for everyone. Dr. Maxwell McFarland, author of Wake up and Live, reminds us that everything alive on this earth is dependent on something else. No one is a loner! I need you and you need me! If the pick-up doesn't come through and I start shaking so bad that I vomit, and someone else needs to vomit too, I'll share the cardboard box. If DeeDee has gone catatonic and hasn't shut her eyes since yesterday, none of us knock her over just for fun.
And if anyone should overdose or get shot or even just suddenly find a torrent of blood streaming from their nostrils and then choke to death on mouthfuls of black-red mucus, we all help carry the body over into the neighbor's yard. Like I said, it's about mutual respect. And if the body lays in the yard too long and stuff starts to eat it, we'll throw something over it.
I've been told it takes a whole village to raise a child and I believe it, so if Lisa's baby works her way free, I'll do my part to make sure she doesn't crawl out the window again.
Last but not least, there's no squabbling and rowing allowed in a good home. I even made a big sign that said "Words can hurt... Think before you speak!" and I hung it where everyone would see it--right over the big metal trash can that everyone defecates into now that the broken toilet fell through the urine-soaked floor. Almost everyone abides by the no-fighting rule, but if a conflict comes up, we have a house meeting and every one of us gets a vote. (Everyone, great or small, counts!) Then whoever is on "Judge" duty on the chore chart takes the person deemed at fault, and kills that person.
Sure, not all of us are as good at certain tasks as another person might be, but that doesn't matter, as long as everyone tries their best. Remember, the only way to be a winner is to first be a beginner! When you're trying to win one for the home team, 100 percent participation from every member is key. Anything less and Custard will shoot your arms off at the shoulder at close range.
The things I've told you about are all common sense. I was a Home Economics teacher for 31 years before I got hooked on crack and sold my Taurus station wagon, converting the cash into bags of pure snow. But I don't have any tricks up my sleeve, just a wish to see everyone reach their potential!
Surprisingly, when I moved into our little windowless abode, the homies were somewhat reluctant to make any changes at first. But after I knitted everyone a sweater--to combat the shakes--and got Custard on my side by becoming his bitch, everyone else followed right along. And now here we are, Home Sweet Home, a real family until we die or the city demolishes the building.
 
"why dont you just shut the fuck up, you stupid ol' whiny bitch?" ADAM starts, "Ever since dad left for the hills to persue his interests in shamanism, ethnopharmacology and spiritual transformation, you've been wandering around this here town, pissin everyone off with your long stories about all the ferals that come visit you for smack, hoping to try score a quick five bucks off some lonely guy in the street... mama, i've had enough. this is the end of it."
ADAM is about to castrate his crack-whore mutha when all of a sudden, the dwarves come running up...
grumpE : "man, you gotta have a suck on these chupas we found. this guy called Dr Hoffman gave three of em to us to share, and fuck are they gooooddd. we've been on all these adventures running around in the park and....
peakE : "hehehehhh, ADAM, man, you're mum's a slut"
ADAM (sucking on chupa) : "yeahhhh i knooowwww..."
sneezE : "yeah, i topped tha fat smelly ho last weekend, she started whinin about coke for payment but i just smacked her out..
grumpE : "oh, whoahh.. look at the ground, dudes, its meltin..."
ADAM : "yeaaaahhhh.. it IS!! hahahahhhAHH! it IS!!"
they're all rolling around in the middle of an intersection, on the ground, tripping off their balls, when a two big fat truckies, one called Bruce and the other Doug, rock up in a semi-trailer heading for toys-r-us. Its full of fluffy-bunnies, coochie-woochies and fuzzy-wuzzies. the acid-freaks are in heaven....
 
Bruce and Doug are actually chemists. They do trucking as a hobby. They reach into one of the soft plush bunnies and pull out a bag full of powder.....and open it up for ADAM and the dwarves to look at..and sample...
"Yep Doug and I made this match last night....85% pure...", Bruce says as he drawsback on a cuban-cigar style spliff.
"Oh wow man...you freakin' me out!!", ADAM exclaims as he dips his wet forefinger (from probing one of the dwarves..I think it was HappE as he had a huuuuge grin on his face..) into the bag...ADAM takes a quick sniff and then gobbles the rest...
The dwarves join in...licking their fingers , dipping thme in the bag and sucking the powder clean off!
"Gimme aome o' that you short-ass punk," yells Grandma...Tits out and G only trying to turn on the truckies...
BANG!!!....A fucking loud noise is hear and...
 
.....everyone turns around to see that wankE has exploded.. and what is left of his remains? more chupachups!!!
 
A.D.A.M looks around and also notices another bang!That Bang is a backfire coming from the little rusted up stolen VW driven by,who else but Wolfie!
Yeah,Bad Wolf was so peeped up on cocain when Pappa Bear biffed him with chupa,he finally came too,from his coke induced stupa,under a tree.Smelling like watermelon,and throbing from the biff from chupa!
Wolfie was pist!With the stashes of coke still left in the glove box,under the seat,in the boot,etc...Wolfie loved his coke!he stuffed his face,Montana still!Looking like a Snow Wolf he walked out of his VW and proseded to Granny."Granny bitch,ya pist me off way to many times.Im gonna woop your ass ya old drug fuckT cow!"Snarled the the coked up Wolfie walking round all fucked up.
Granny also being way fucked up on everything under the sun,thought that an ass wooping would be just fine!"You Big Bag Wolfie,Come and woop my ass!Why do they call you Big Bad?" Granny says as she runs towards wolfie,drooling from the mouth...Finally some sweat loving,Granny thinking and licking her lips.Being peeped up on so much,see realy couldnt see shit.Just a White fluff dude with a big nose she could play with!!!
Vains in tempel pumping,Wolfie starts too spin out and begins to run in the oppiset direction,with Granny drooling close behind!
"WOW"spins out A.D.A.M.Not beliveing what he just saw!With Granny keeping Wolfie busy till her drugs wear off.He could be back on his was!
"Fuck'n wow man,these thing are fuck'n ace"Explains Doug the truckie,pointing at the chupa chups on the ground around the exploded wankE!
Bruce and A.D.A.M pick some up for them selves,and both had a big fat suck at these strange but extremlly tasty chupa chups.
"wow,look at Doug,Bruce.His turning into Fred flimstone,and wow man your Barny.These things must be mushiepops!" explained ADAM.
"Lets play with some toys"yells Bruce as he skips around the truck.
Bruce and Doug start throwing toys everywere.Now ADAM so fuck'n peeped up he forgot what his mission was till sneezE,woke him from his tranced danced G'ed triped out e-rolling on bulbs mushies and smoke buzz,with a big eckie sneeze,he suddenly realised what the the hell he was really doing!Apart from loading up on whatever chemical,wherever.He knew he had to find Snow White.
"These little peakers should know where shes at" Looking at a haze of colors,which ADAM desided was the dwafs.
Sticking his hand inside a big pikachu,curtacy from Doug and Bruce.He gets a hand full off Bickies.Thinking,Damn that was such a nice drug toy truck,yealls out for the dwarfs and jumps in his car!
As they start to drive,peakE wispers in ADAMs ear where they might find Snow White.
So with the stereo doofing banging tek,ADAM and the Dwarfs double drop some CU's they scored out'a pikachu,and where on there way...
 
racing down the hiway with dwarf heads hanging out the windows, ADAM's cu's start to take hold,
"HMMM" he thinks to himself "these dont seem that strong" so he takes another two, this time shafting them as far as they'll go. 2min later he's peaking like a mofo and his head is about to explode, " IM SO FUKED he screams before loosing control of the car, swerving into the oncomming traffic and slamming the bitch into a big ass semi,
the smoke clears, the dwarfs have all been mushed into a ball of multi coloured gak and adam is lying on the pavement, seritonan oozing out of every orifice on his drug fuked body,
already the maggots are out getting fuked up as they clean all the shit from his brain,
"mmm this is the best corpse ive ever eaten" says sanpedros the maggot, "fuk yes" says peyotee the maggot, hay sanpedro , "why is your face melting, and where did those big fluffy sheep come from, hehe come here sheepys, come on, i wont eat you, not till you die atleast, come on"
at the same time however snow white has made it to the scene, in tears she hovers over ADAM, before giving him a kiss, suddenly adam awakens,
"wow" your kiss was so powerful you brought me back to life"
"no" said snowwhite " i actually had a pineal gland in my mouth, those fuckers are intense, thats what got your bitch ass moving again, now come over here n fuk my ass,"
[This message has been edited by MunkE Mc (edited 23 August 2000).]
 
"yeah no worries snow white,but first let me load up on some 5htp,and chill to some cones,before my eye balls turn into liquid nothing!?!?" replied ADAM with his lower lip hanging over his jaw,and his mouth not abule to close!He looks around and sees...
 
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