Strawberry vs. Pyro : Not a contest : psyco-ramblings and other such mush

So strawberry, as a side note what state do you live in? I know you told me a long time ago but I do not remember. I live in California (Bayarea).
And as for a topic, I suggest we just go with whatever strikes our interest... whatever it is and wether it pertains to the topic discussed at that moment or not isn't the issue. I imagine the conversation to swerve a lot... Creative process for the both of us... lets give it a shot?
Ok so on the topic of drugs.
I say that perhaps we give the chemicals themselves a little too much credit. I think that the chemical is just like anything else in this world, and a very basic thing that really shouldn't be worshiped too much.
On the other hand what should be 'praised' is the power of the brain and whoever made this brain or the process in which it has grown. Not only the brain but the power of the soul and other such things like willpower and the like.
hmm, so what am I saying?
Not much really besides I think that ecstasy in particular is a good example of 'chemical worship'... I can't think of a good example in real life (non-chemical example), cause I did a bit of drinking last night (2 beers, 2 jack daniels cactus kickers, and a half gallon of Carlo Rossi wine)... and am burnt for brain tapping at the moment, but I wanted to throw out something I have been thinking about to see what you have to say.
(*and of course how you have to say it *)
So maybe people have misplaced their worship? That is assuming you worship the chemcial at all in any matter, or you just use it. That's ok too... and of course I'm using the term 'worship' and 'praise' in non-religious contexts. But maybe I myself have fallen into this trap a little bit as well with mushrooms and salvia. I perhaps give the PLANT too much credit, when I should be giving credit to the overall experience. Or perhaps should I give thanks to the ground for nurtuing such a plant? Or the scientist for creating LSD-25 or what?
I am leaning towards 'praising the experience'.
Hmm... many thoughts indeed actually are coming to mind.
The main one is that you shouldn't praise the chemical or the experience, and just be glad that you could have them both... especially now a days.
So I haven't ever heard "the voice of God"... does that mean he doesn't exist? Just because I haven't heard from him yet? Or maybe God has choosen to remain quiet in order to watch my progression and uses other influences to guide my growth? For me it's never been a question of the existance of God, it's always been just trying to find his existance in some way relateable to what I've known my entire life (my physical existance... sound, touch, smell, sight). Though perhaps this is the complete wrong way to go about it. Maybe personifying God as a "man" or human is brining him down to very much a lower level.
hmm. This is only echoing and spewing from my head cause I had this DXM experience friday night with nitrus and did some deep introspection with my mormon friend. He told me that 'chemicals are not the way'... and I corrected him by saying "how would you know? What makes what you *belive* the truth?" We sat in silence for a long time and I hope he was listening to me at that point. I've recently been under the impression that views on God vary from person to person, just as people vary from person to person (we're all different).
So maybe chemicals aren't the way to "god"... I think that's fair enough to say. Though, perhaps they are "a way"... a way to wisdom and insight? Maybe a way to a better mental life? A way to the paths that lead to the fountains of knowledge? But the power of the chemical should not be thrown out completely just because of the word 'drug'.
They're different for everyone, though something we can all share. I know my friend (who was on dxm with me) does NOT like going as deep as I go and when I do try to take him with me he says something like "we're being stupid". So maybe he wasn't meant to touch the bottom of the swimming pool? Maybe many many people aren't meant to, and yes maybe chemicals are put here also for entertainment (of course they're use that way... but is it their intended purpose?)
What is the intended purposes of the psycadelic chemicals?... Why were they put here?
(assuming you belive that they were *put* here).
I put it this way. and I made my friend shut up again when I said this .
"Do you belive in God?"
-"yes"
"Do you believe in the bible?"
-"yeah"
"So in the bible it says 'God is an ALL-knowing God'"
-"ok, yeah"
"So since God knows all, especially about this world he created... then he knew that these plants and certain chemcials, when eaten, would produce the effects they do in the human brain"
-"but he didn't mean for man to go walk around and eat and smoke everything"
"but he knew we would. ALL knowing. and he KNEW that if we WERE to eat certain plants then they would create the effect that they do... he knows ALL..."
-*silence*
hmm... it was in interesting conversation.
Pyro
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Frequency. Music. Sound. Imagination. Reality. Worlds. Hope. Love. Communication. Common Sense. Community.

oh ho pyro. a whole topic. good thinkin. kudos wooo. i would live in boston these days for school but otherwise i would be a cleveland ohio girl...
in the meantime...i must say again i do rather agree. i remember that first time i shroomed my friend was in the bathroom and i was all by myself and kept thinking "why are our brains capable of this??" and i wrote it on a piece of paper and looked at it for awhile (heh)...and i kept it. and that is rather my reminder that these experiences are ALL IN OUR HEADS. not to sound like i discount them as imaginary...but that they are a part of us and really imprinted on our brains and we really create our own realities to a big extent...and the good or bad experiences we have are because we are in a particular state of mind to begin with...or because we are ready for them and are meant to learn something. i had a wee sentiment rather like your "watcher" experience...that all these mind altering drugs have a particualr purpose and open up different doors in terms of being able to experience/see/understand different kinds of energy...just as they open up doors physically in the brain. (sounds silly arf) drugs get some credit because they open up doors and broaden the possibilities of what you can do with your brain...and teach you what your brain can be capable of...it is up to the individual to really take advantage.
in the midst of all that i came up with some random conclusions about e and shrooms when i shrooomed in terms of some strange higher purpose...like e is meant for being with people and creating some sort of synchronicity between them and all being at the same sort of "level" of relating...but lately it seems like this can go too far as i see sooo many rolling kids looking and acting the same...and just doing it to excess and literally rolling around on the floor (even teh dancefloor..erg). creeps me out...but oh how i have gone into this before somewhere on this board i think. it is weird tho...i realllly don't like how people let e overtake their whole experience at a party or something and can't have fun at a rave unless they are rolling. or how people find they have nothing to talk about except all the pills they took or how hard they are rolling. ick ick. e sticks in your brain in a disturbing way...and i think i did have my exalted rolling moments that came closer than comfort to a worship mentality. i still like ecstasy and for awhile i think i gave it too much credit in the experiences i had...but i think i learned all that i really needed to from it...and lately i have had more fun going sober...or at least not rolling...(i must admit i adore dancing on acid)
ummm...i really ought to write a paper now. but one thing i wanted to mention too...was the mystery of what happens after sort of breakthrough experiences. there is so often this weird urge to take a drug again and try and get close to that spot you were in before...but i KNOw that is near impossible...and to seek it is to push it farther away. so i get this sense of the episodic nature of life....of nothing ever repeating in a perfect way (though there are these wild parallels and connections and associations every which way...like drops of water on a spider web..)...of accepting and appreciating each distinct event as it happened and to not seek it again. so it is weird to have perfect (or awful) experiences on a drug...and then be put in a similar situation again with thoughts of the past flitting through your brain and questioning what will happen THIs time...will it be as good as before? or as bad? or just unsatisfying? and if it is unsatisfying...do you take more? do you try and find another high point in your brain? perhaps that is my conflict...or maybe not one at all. just a recognition of the fact that i am looking for more indescribable something....and i dunno if it really can be found through drugs but maybe i can learn how through using them. it seems so unhealthy to eat more drugs in search of something more as if the experience is proportional to the amount you eat....which in one way it is...but in another....and getting back to the beginning of this...YOu make the experience and i am curious about how to make your experience go further without going further in terms of dosage n such. but really i just don't know how deep i want to go...
ting! as for god...god i think is a term that is too tiny. too concrete. too much of a person. i don't believe in god. i believe in movement and energy and something greater than myself...i dunnno if it has a purpose or if anyone really should know it... and somehow various substances and experiences do have some ability to get us closer to understanding whatever the hell is going on. (or maybe a little further away. hmm. a mystery) i can't imagine there isn't something underlying the concrete reality we see everyday. that our brains have such odd capabilities quite accidentally...hmm. oh dear. must go. foolish me. ramble wamble. good day.
strawberry

i hate to be the dick that closes this one, but you guys should email each other for this type of disscussion.
-Spencer

i would reply but im in mexico and am working on getting drunk for the ... what day is it? what time is it! sheesh. anyways i think its the fourth day and since i am vacationing i dont have much to say... its like while youre on drugs... the things you say are drug-incuded. so you have to wait until after youve come down to give clear focused though... usually. anyways i will reply strawberry, no worries, when i get home sunday or monday.
bye for now on this thread everyone.
pyro

ooooh. reopened it is. thanks moderator magic...
i was also wondering about yo thoughts on k pyro (and anyone else oof). i recently have been dabbling into that business and find i like it rather unexpectedly...but it is such an odd item. i do not know what i think of it. it is a little odd in that it puts me more in that hmmm I like this feeling of being 'fucked up' kinda spot in ma mind which is not the usual thing for me. tho i think if i were to really aim to go into a full fledged khole i might discover what more there is to it. but i guess this is just me rather stuck in this idea that all these substances have a deeper point. i do worry i think too much about such things and should just take these expereinces at face value...but that takes a bit of time. doh dee doh. rock the casbah??
good day.
strawberry

whoa. another post appears. be havin fun kid. (me jealous as i go to study for finals. drrr)
strawb

hey...meant to post this earlier...server problems though...
just a very brief interjection on the subject of ketamine...
i only recently started dabbling with this subject. my first experience with it's use came in april at a party. i really don't think k is for parties personally...partly due to it's effects, and partly because of the difficulties of using it inconspicuously. however, that aside, my first experience with it was while on 4 hits of extremely mental acid. i took 2 bumps, not sure why, or of dosage, instead trusting aleesh to dosing me. the more and more i read about K i think i was in a khole after these bumps, though not deep. however, the thoughts and feelings spawned by this drug were very very peculiar. it seemed that though i was physically still at the rave, something inside me had physically removed itself from the realm of the rave, not spatially, but more along the lines of dimensionally. it was there, but on another plane, watching, observing. at some point during my k experience i carried on an extremely split-personality conversation. i find this very amusing now, though somewhat disturbing as welll. thinking back on it now, it seems that the conversation was between my physical body, and whatever that thing was which removed itself from my body. all the words came out of my mouth, and all were recieved by my body, yet it felt as though these two different parts of me were speaking to each other...i only wish now that the conversation had been more substantive, but i was mentally unprepared for such things to happen, as i hadn't even planned on doing K at the party.
i wonder what it is about K that allows this to happen, physiologically, or does K have some other qualities that allow such things to happen.
i know soulfly has a lot of thoughts on K and what it can do for the user/to the user...
bc
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I think, therefore I ambient...

**copied from the other post... umm*
damn so... I'm sad that you haven't gottenanything important out of K. Give it more shots... bad english. BAD But just like Acid (yes, I'm lecturing you), it is easy to put too much trust in it. K is easier than acid though, and once you 'tap' it's goodness, you'll want to stay there and keep going back a lot. But don't. Use it like mushrooms and hit it hard for a weekend, then set it down for a long time. use retrospect, use sober reflection and then pick it up again later in the future.
I know acid is oh so easy to keep doing, just because it offers so much... but really what acid has to offer is very simple... it's straight forward. Anything complex it SEEMS to give (mathematical stuff), is just it stimmulating your own thoughts and ideas. but the 'gift' so to speak of acid is very purely psycadelic and very simple . You've gotten it, you've seen it, I'm sure...
What am I saying? Maybe I'm saying... I don't know. I don't do psycs like I do drugs. And with acid you can do it like you do regular non-psycadellic drugs.
bah, don't want to seem self-rightous. I mean, if you're into doing acid hard and a lot, then go for it. if you're into just drugs even psycs to get tore back, then do it, it's all good really. I'm not here to judge... the only thing I don't agree with is really hard abuse (though it's still not my place to judge)... i think massive-abuse is kinda what people *only* point out when they say "drugs are bad"
ya know? shit ...
Pyro
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Frequency. Music. Sound. Imagination. Reality. Worlds. Hope. Love. Communication. Common Sense. Community.

btw, the above mush was spewed while very high... and i'm still high, but i wanted to say a bit about k still.
Ketamine I honestly haven't done much work with, simple because I'm so amused by it while I'm on it that I don't pay much attention to myself saying "ok, focus, try to..." ... ya know? I just kinda get myself lost in the imagry and guided kind of stuff.
I'd just like to say again that the "k hole" isn't where 'it's at'. sure, it's fun, it's intense... but it's too...
hmm. I would also say though, that the point beyond the khole (reached through IM injection) is the other part that is workable (besides the part right before the khole)... SO IM injection in a higher dose... basically anastesia dose, or the dose right before the actual dose.
So my preferance is the dose that is a 'big line' and not a 'rail'...
and what can you gain from Ketamine? It's odd... the Joker doesn't really teach you anything straight out, but gives you enough symbolism and weirdness to think about later, and perhaps teach yourself something about how to be... other ways to think. But straight out i've never had K show me something blatent like mushrooms or acid. K is more subtle and underhanded about 'showing'.
I like K... Try K with E. Yeah, definatly something that needs to be done. Large dose of K with E... things are very colorful and interesting and worable and twisted and humorous at the same time you feel fucking great, and kinda float away sometimes... sometimes with other people and end up in the same place with them, looking around going "are you seeing this?" and they say "the trees and the field?" and you say "yeah... woah...." and then you talk to them and bond like not normally possible (that is the E) hehe.
Ok so to do that you'll want to be peaking on E, I say maybe take a booster dose at this point of E, and then snort yourself a nice long big line of K and let loose that big ol brain of yours and see what devastating damage you can do to the cosmic timeline
Many wishes to you miss strawberry, damn now i'm tired and stoned... damn 'devil weed'... shit is so fucking strong...
Ok, is all fornow
Pyro
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Frequency. Music. Sound. Imagination. Reality. Worlds. Hope. Love. Communication. Common Sense. Community.

Oh, and I won't recommend it cause people will call me satan...
but Crystal and Ketamine... not enough K to make you completely immobile, but very close .
You ever wonder how junglists move how they do? Well it seems to make more sense when you're on this combo... try dancing... umm... not to say all junglists use this, or have ever used, this, or are even inspired by this combo at all... but you really can get a better feel for the movement if you're on both crystal and k. dancing to anything in general is fun...
eh *blinks*... what? huh? .... ... huh?
Pyro
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Frequency. Music. Sound. Imagination. Reality. Worlds. Hope. Love. Communication. Common Sense. Community.

Thanks for the insightful posts guys...
Pyro: I agree with you in just about all areas... LSD has to be one of my favorite things in the world, unlike some who don't like its edge i try to embrace every trip, whether it be with a group or alone. However, i definately see where you're coming from when you mention how unlike other Psych. it's easier to use to often. I definately agree, after each time there's that slight feeling in the back of your head that tells you your last trip wasn't quite complete... Enough totally senseless rambling on that...
From a relatively inexperienced K user...
When you eat acid you trip, when you do E you roll... However when you bump K it seems that the only word to describe it is wierd... It IS the epitomy of being fucked up. Strange to me that when too much is done you enter a near death experience, looking down on your body as you float above it, the tunnel, or falling foward sensation... You know, maybe a parallel between death and dissosiation who know... but it is always an interesting experience that when looked back upon is always nothing but WIERD...
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"We have been suboordinate to our limitations until now; the time has come to cast aside these bonds and elevate our conscienceness to a higher plane. It is time to become a part of all things."
"We are the music makers we are the dreamers of the dreams"

*bump*
I think everyone should read this.

damn so i've been thinking again.
I found that I got into some really deep thought with the following combo
-expensive cheese
-expensive seedless red grapes
-expensive sour-dough bread
-30 dollar bottle of 6 year old red wine
-A++ marijuana
I thought about how much I do enjoy the party scene that I'm in right now. The bayarea scene has been going through some major changes and it seems that things are landing inside the clubs. Which I have no complaints about, I just want a place to party that won't be shut down before I get there.
The only things that are bothering me are the people who go even though they don't like raves. Why go? It doesn't make sense. You don't want to talk to anyone, you don't want anyone hugging or touching you, and you 'hate candy ravers'.
I've been thinking about this thing... it goes as follows.
Ignore what you don't like about it, and if there's so much that you can't ignore it all, then remove yourself from the situation.
It's like the 'good outweighting the bad' thing.
Strawberry, do you party much where you are? Are there raves? Are they fun to you? What do you think about that situation? If you haven't ever given it much thought I suggest that you do something. Bring a couple grams of weed and some expensive rum to a party one time. Even if you don't like rum. Sip the rum and moderatly smoke the weed and just watch the people around you. Don't get drunk and don't get too stoned (you have all night ). Talk to those who sit next to you and all that, be personable and nice. I suggest you find a place sorta above the crowd. I don't know... I might be the only 'raver' who would ever drink rum and smoke weed at a party... but it serves it's purpose.
It serves it's purpose.
Pyro
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Frequency. Music. Sound. Imagination. Reality. Worlds. Hope. Love. Communication. Common Sense. Community.

hmmm....first...interesting what you say about k, pyro. i don't think i have gotten nothing at all out of it but it has left me hanging. i opened a strange door but didn;t actually get to go inside....er...or something. tho one difficulty is i lack persons to really experiment with (especially now that i am home (cleveland) for the summer). tho...i suspect i will be seeking out some k at the next party i go to...rave that is...as a companion to a roll (and wow i haven't rolled in over a month. nice). one thing that disturbs tho is the very noticeable fiendishness that k inspires. a strange eagerness to try it again...and when i did it...wanting to do a little bit more. a strange feeling indeed. i suppose i haven't really dipped into these drugs that are actually addictive until recently. weird stuff going on...i dunno....but that is that. k will be in my future i think tho the circumstnaces are uncertain...but i would like to do more than bumps and take a bit of a plunge into the experience. i suspect i'll prolly pop something on this board tho....
hmmm....but otherwise...
this year has been a strange let me dip into the rave scene more than i ever could at home...my first year in college n such...creating weird confusion as i make all these weekend subculture type friends who do many more drugs than me. while on the other hand here am i undrinking college student..in fact never having been fully drunk college student...in fact...and as a result....rather alienating myself from the proper and accepted behavior of a college student. a social curiosity...it is an interesting idea drinking at a rave...something i think i might consider as i think of it. i don't drink because the conventional drinking places are not so comfy for me...but i am most comfy at a rave. i dunno. cheddar cheese reallly. yes.
but but but raves i enjoy many bits about. they are a strange combination of perfect music and inspiring dancing many creative people capable of creating such an amazingly harmonious squishy soft nice atmosphere while at the same time a madly destructive eat you from the inside over indulgent escapist youth disturbing me kind of thing. i go back and forth on my opinion of them...but still continue to go..i am drawn to them...it is how i have most fun...and perhaps it is good mental exercise to frolick about in it. what i have determined is that i interact with people so much better when i have a nice core group of really good friend(s) with me (so rare these days) and so for the most part raves, for me, are about dancing ma arse oaf rather than connecting with people so much (tho i often wish i had that option more accessible...me n my odd shyness can be a bit of a burden...tis a life mission to conquer it, yesh??...tis even not fully flickered away when i am rolling either). tho it certainly doesn't help that i have become a bit disturbed...(maybe disillusioned?)...with ecstasy and so try to resist rolling desires and then have less of an ability to relate to the rolling kids. and lately i have found myself tripping at parties..the last 2 i went to...which is interesting...and probably more suits my personality than rolling...a bit more introverted and dancing and focused but content...rather than the diffuse happiness and fog and raw pleasure of e.
hmmmm...a random acid tangent tho...with acid most recently i have found that i didn't have the crazy circuitous thought problem (or perhaps not a problem...but nonetheless...)...it was rather like all the tangled shit got so complex and so glumped together that it created a something perfectly simple and enjoyable...like when you look at something way up close and can't figure out what it is and then move farther away and doot there it is. like in the morning right after the sun was up and being outside...looking at all the people...most of them having that demon-look of ravers who did waaay too many drugs during the night and their eyes are sunken and you see just how skinny some of the people are and some peoples' lips swollen from chewing and makeup is smeared and eyes are red and watery and pupils are still huge even in the sunlight...but it didn't bother me like it has in the past...i could feel those disturbed thoughts flittering underneath of the awful careless damage to too young brains and general health and soon to be expereinced depressions and then eventual recovery and forgetting the consequences long enough to do it again next weekend...but then all the fun that was had and wonderful interactions and little party kids cheering each of their little cracked out selves up...and back and forth and back and forth...somehow i found myself with all these thoughts lumped together and forming simple acceptance of the strange raver reality...it was a nice calm trip. i liked it. something has stayed with me...i definitely have found myself enjoying a little acid exploration...i find i am thinking of it like a little game...eh...sort of...i've had two nice trips most recently...like i've gotten a handle on it...and my thoughts have this smoothness to them...like the confusion all tightly knit together. it is funky. i definitely have to try taking more i think...a new level to explore and figure out...conquer perhaps.
i must say as i always say at least to myself...drugs are so strange to me...and i am looking to gain something or other from whichever ones i do...i don't really do any drug and probably nothing at all "hard and a lot" but i am moving toward an odd desire to push the envelope a bit more and figure out just what my mind is capable of...it leaves me with mixed business in me head...wondering and anticipating what i might gain...but also curious about how drugs are really affecting my thinking...how healthy it is for me to feel like doing a particular drug and not wanting to be normal as often...where the line between being fucked up and being able to gain from an experience is. how much you can gain even from a wanting-to-get-fucked-up mentality...though i feel like i am quesitoning my own excesses...but i haven't actually really done any drugs to excess yet. silly it is. i think i will end this now. ha! good day.

strawberry

I recall back when I was more experimenting with drugs and combos, that I felt just as you do about the excessiveness. Even though I hadn't yet done anything to excess, I would feel almost bad, as if I had already been to the edge and back, and needed rehab or somethign like that .
It never got to the rehab stage for me, and I truely belive in myself enough to know that it won't ever get to that stage.
But I've been at that stage is my main point. Wanting to push the mild dose to the moderate dose... then of course to the edge, and then trying to cross the edge.
did you know that the 'threshhold' isn't at 'the edge'... it is everywhere, you just have to break through on your own. Though once it was broken for me on mushrooms... and yo know that story. Next is the "wonder what it's like if I put this with this..." and you might mix acid and mushrooms... and whatever else. it becomes daunting actually, and really not all that worth it. Until you find what each substance has to offer, don't try combining for mental-type-effect. hmm, what am I saying... lemme think.
*thinking*
..
ok, what i'm saying is give each drug a chance on it's own. not just once, but a few times. Become familiar with it and how it works, and where it goes and feels and what it has to teach (even if you don't learn anything). Then, pick which ones that seem to have similar effect... that perhaps might take you to a combined level.
Like Mushrooms and Salvia.
Or
Salvia and Dxm
or
Dxm and Nitrus
or
nitrus and anything
or
weed and mushrooms
I know I'm totally birdwalking the conversation away from analytical things of human existance in raves... but i'll get back to it.
I personally think that mushrooms and weed go oh so well together. They are kin. I belive that after ingesting the mushroom, the marijuana smoke becomes your allie, and helps to guide you in the direction the mushroom wants to take you. Sometimes mushrooms I think try to push too hard (though you learn to go with it), and scare people away. I think that with marijuana the mushroom looks at you and thinks "My brother the smoke is with him, I will let him walk" instead of "he is naked and blind, I must push him". So I suggest this to you as well. First make sure the weed is A++ good tasting, good smoking, very pretty marijuana . Then smoke a bit (not too much, a small bit) and eat your mushrooms as soon as you're high. Smoke a bit more as the mushrooms start to come up (you'll notice that superimposed pattern, this is the correct time). Then lay down, perhaps on your side, and close your eyes. Don't move, don't speak, become comfortable and make sure, that above all EVERYTHING in the room (your setting) is to your liking and acceptance. You want to be thinking of nothing else besides the mushroom experience. Make sure no one talks to you, or makes noise. Initially don't have any music on but have some sort of ambient sounds going on (a quiet fan is perfect). Certain calm ambient music is also suggestable but your trip will then be guided by the power of the music's atmosphere, and not entirely by your brain's. Keep your eyes closed, and do not go to sleep. Let come what may. Let the mushroom move you and melt you. When it goes left, go left. When you go left and right, then go both ways at once. When you fight what it's doing, then you fight the mushroom experience (why?). If you become nausious unfortunatly you'll have to go vomit, but treat this as something that needed to happen. Don't view it as something negative. Even though it's edgy to experience the mushroom come up over a toilet . Hopefully the smoke will help you here (you allie remember? ).
Then, when you know it's finally time to open your eyes again, then open your newly born eyes and view the world. Streatch, be re-birthed, be as a child and wonder in fascination as the wind pushes the tree, and the sun warms your skin. Hum to yourself, create music with your mouth and throat and stomach and nose, sing and walk and breath and dance and be alive. Don't focus on any one visual, focus on the overall sense that the visual nature of the mushroom gives to you. Get to a high point and look down on the world. Watch the sun rise, what the sun set. Do the fun things like enjoying tracers . Enjoying little trip toys. Create a picture, watch it unfold before you as your hand and mind coexist and there is no barrier in between the two and your creativity is unleashed without gag or chain. Smoke a little bit more. Become high. Let your body sink and let your mind be calm. Smoke a little more . Sink deeper. Let the silence surround you, embrase it and let your childishness become apparant. roll around on the ground and play in the sand and the dirt. Jump and laugh and be merry. Don't try to learn anything right now, it is not the time. The next day just reflect. then later, a week later look back at what happened, and then try to learn and apply.
00000000000000000000000000000000000000
As for raves. If you're going to do what I said it must be rum. no other alcohol will do. Do what you said you did on acid and just observe. Maybe something interesting would be to take the observations on acid (the tone) and compare it to the weed+rum observations (tone).
I find myself often just watching the parties unfold around me. it used to make me jaded, but now it makes me realize how much I do enjoy it all. The simplicity that exudes (correct word?) complexity. Everything that should happen -- happens . But it's all so spontanious, even now, two years after my first party it's the same, yet so spontanious. Like I said I used to get jaded, but now I accept it for what it is, and just enjoy being here, now.
Be here, now.
Pyro
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Frequency. Music. Sound. Imagination. Reality. Worlds. Hope. Love. Communication. Common Sense. Community.

interesting interesting. shrooming is actually in my very near future...at the beach in fact with best friend and her li'l group of friends who i know only in that surface way. it should be interesting. there is this weird question of how to go into it smoothly as i take these thoughts of past elevated thoughts and want so much to get as much as i can out of the trip. your mushroom prescriptions are interesting...but not necessarily easy....we'll see we'll see. i find that i am pretty introverted while on drugs...but if i am with this particular friend it is all about sharing the experience and talking like madwomen. silence is an odd option. i'll be in a foreign surrounding tho....but at the beach. as i picture how i want it to be i would like to be lying outside on the sand as i start to feel the mushrooms...sort of meditative and paying attention to the way the sand conforms to my shape...hmmmm...though forming expectations can always be a little erksome...when things just don't go as planned...a mystery. smoking a bowl beforehand definitely sounds like a good idea. interesting you mention this...this most recent time i ate some acid towards the end of the trip i smelled some kids smoking some pot and oh my goodness galore i was seized by this amazing desire to smoke some myself...but never got the chance. but what is odd is that i really am not much of a pot smoker...only with other drugs really...pot alone leaves me a bit foggy...tho the occasional trippy weed is nice. i suspect i will get to satisfy the weed while tripping desire quite soon.
i have not so much to say...but what i would really like to do ever so much is have a nice flat white wall and some big fat permanent markers to completely cover with drawings while tripping. ah...someday...such fun...
what i do hope is that you, pyro and everyone else, eat all sorts of citrus fruits while tripping...oranges and grapefruits (and you HAVE TO peel the grapefruits aallll the way...taking the white stuff off of each indiviual slice and only eating the little cells which have a nice scientific name that i can't remember right now..tho grapefruit season might be ending unfortunately). tis good stuff. and that is my small bit of advice for you. tee and hee. enjoy it all...
strawberry

Actually the weed and the mushroom mixture is somewhat chatty for an odd reason. Since you both seem to be chatty while shrooming together you won't be stopped by the weed. The weed doesn't quiet you like it normallly does... instead it seems to open you up a bit more for self-exploration and general analization and such. And in that condition you are ready to share everything, especially with friends.
I do say that set is utmost important. beach is good... as long as the cops don't bother you. Although these surface-friend people might not be the best of folks to have around. I personally do not ever wish nor do I put myself in a situation to have to deal with anyone... and if I deal with someone it is a close friend. The only reason for this is that I know my friends and you never know how someone you don't really know at all is going to be like in that condition or while you're in that condition (how they will react to you).
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I've been having thoughts lately about my goals and aspirations. I think I have them (to write for a living)... but getting there I have no idea on. So what have I been doing lately? Well i've been running around from place to place staying home as little as possible. But recently (after a month of running around), I've found that home is very nice indeed. The only problem is that I have to go back to work... It's just such pointless stressful work.
I think about quitting everytime I think about work. I mean... it's a good job, it's lax and easy and pays well, but I don't want to get stuck in it's routein and 'circle of death' as I call it . I wanna move on in the direction of my writing career... but it seems as if that isn't happening.
maybe Miss Apples is right and I'm impatient. Maybe things will happen on their own and I should just keep doing what I'm doing all the while keeping my eyes open for a sign as to which direction to take.
I've also been really edgy and sketchy lately. I do not know what my problem is... I've stopped taking my supplements, as I am too lazy to take them. I know they'd help, but it seems like they help is keeping me content with my situation... and I don't want to be contented and tamed -- I want something to happen, soon.
I actually fear for myself these next couple of weeks because I lost my glasses. Whenever I don't wear my glasses I become deathly introspective. It's mostly due to the fact that I cannot see very far without my glasses, and at night it's aweful (night blindness). So I'm stuck with me and some blurry images until I can go get new perscriptions. This is no good, especially given my current restlessness...
How has life been with you dear?
Pyro
*I got to see NIN in concert. It was the most amazing thing I've ever done. One of the most inspiring things I've ever seen. One of the most beautiful/emotional things I've ever heard. One of the things I will never forget.

toot toot. so it is actually summer now and i have recently returned from visiting my wonderful friend and experiencing the strange and drama-filled social world of other people and continually let silly social theories go round n round in my head but it is nice that i don't have school work to drive my brain to some strange confused edge...so it is strange that lately i have been happy for the most part...interesting.
so hmmm....i had an insane shroooming experience with my favorite friend...unsure of how much we had we just assumed it was an eighth tho we also noticed a rather large number of caps...hmmm....i do not think i will go into it all in as much detail as i want to because that will take forever. but i'd say those mushrooms rather kicked my ass. i enjoyed them....wow...the journey began at twilight and we went to sit on the beach but finding something to sit on became a whole ordeal...everything was overwhelming to look at...eventually we sat but the water seemed menacing and my depth perception was all insane...man i wish i could really explain all this better. we ended up walking with a friend on the boardwalk who we ran into in the course of the night....and as time went on it all intensified...and eyes oculd not focus and we could not really speak particularly coherently. i wasn't confused...more just overwhelmed with allll the stimulation of the sounds of the water and peoples' voices murmuring and lights and miscellaneous unidentified humming that comes from EVerything...if coaxed enough speaking was possible (yes or no questions were left unanswered until sober friend would say: "it's a yes or no question."). but oh how thankful we were to have someone to sort of follow...decisions were impossible...definitely the palpable feeling of a filter being removed...not just from the senses but from thought processes as well....like there were too many different choices and decisions became much more important seeming than they ought to have been....like deciding whether to turn right or go straight would lead to a flood of thoughts of possible outcomes and oof...along with all the sounds and sights to catch your eye...without someone else there we might have simply stood outside on this bustling road looking confused and staring. eventually we returned to our house and sat and remained silent and staring at the walls. the cheesy wood panelling looked pixellated and started hinting at three dimensional faces...it was out of hand...but so amazing and rather overwhelming and unexpected. i am struck by the desire to try that all again..eat an eighth knowing it is an eighth with a better expectation of how intense the trip will be. while i couldn't function so well...i wasn't confused so much as awestruck. i look forward to goin to that same level again and figuring out how to work with it and learn more from it...tho shrooms are often hard to find... hmmmm...nice.
the following night...i had a perfect roll. it had been so long since i really enjoyed e...and i had taken a four or five week break and was feeling all disillusioned with the whole e driven rave scene. but i ate a ninja star with the same lovely friend at a little party (sort of) at some peoples' house. a nice dancy/chatty/mellow roll. wow. i was so happy that i actually said "i am so happy..i can't believe how happy i am..." an unusual event. i am still amazed at how clean that roll was and how completely contented i was that night. so i suppose me n ecstasy made some sort of amends. so i danced to pink floyd or no music at all for hours (silly)...and talked easily to the acquanitances i had been living with for the week...it is odd though...i wasn't wildly chatty talking nonstop...but really just making pleasant conversation...odd really...something i'm not so good at normally...it was all so natural and relaxed...the grand challenge is to capture that for use in my normal sober state. but then that night we felt like we were tripping again when we returned home...a strange combination of trippy roll and having shroomed the night before and so walked on the boardwalk again. lots of visuals. people walking in the corner of my eye or off in the distance that weren't there at all. and hearing the the sounds of far off voices murmuring...that i kne were not real. twas a strange replay of the night of shrooming except we talked wildly and about everything. strange.
so. abridged answer to how my life has been lately. i feel like my mind is a bit clearer...it is nice to be unencumbered by school and friend worries. to sit and read and rest and type and think about life and drugs and experiences of late. i feel like my mind has clicked a little closer to where it ought to be...but summer is long...school is an entirely different place...i wondr how long this mindstate will stay with me. at the same time i am a bit eager to experiment with acid and shrooms and go to some next level and see how i function and what i find there. but i suppose i'll see.
hmm, pyro. i wish i was a wonderful advice giver. perhaps you are just in a funk. i definitely find myself in a strange negative cloud...in fact...last thursday to be exact. like a weird block was jsut sitting on my forehead preventing good positive forward-moving thoughts. hmmm...it is definitely always one of those weird neverending questions of how much you ought to leave to the natural flow of things and how much you need to push yourself and everything else in the right direction...and i have no idea...my own little dilemma is just finding out what my goal is at all...to i float through college brushing bunches of interests or do i attack things and move ferociously toward some goal. oof. go dance around deliciously. always good to clear your head and point you somewhere and move you n your head somewhere better...
n git yo ass to the optometrist.
good day.

strawberry

Just interjecting here, but I've described my K use as oiling the joints. I almost always dance on it when I'm out and about.
My bois say that they used to actually bump their kitty when their rolls where too intense. Can you imagine? That was back in a day.
E with a side of K is much fun I agree.
But so is meth with a wedge of MDMA on top...
Moving along now.
Strawberry: What up girl. I've missed our short AIM ramblings and musings. Shoot me a mail will ya?
Pyro: You are pretty cute.
And, the operative word is believe.
There are skeptics and believers; You, I think, are a skeptic.
This recovering Catholic doesn't sweat the whole "GOD" thing much anymore. I'll find out when I let out my last breath for sure. Till then there is the now and everything that is the reality that I perceive through me 5 senses.
Oh by the way, ever check out that flick "Brainstorm" Pyro? It is worth a viewing

Just to give you an idea how blind I am...
You know that 20/20 stuff?
well... lefteye/righteye
30/100
Eh. I REALLY need my glasses. I went to the eye doctor and my glasses are on the way and should be here in a few days. I got a pair, suprisingly enough, that actually look better than my old ones... really finding glasses that accentuate the face is hard... but I guess i got lucky? dunno.
Ok and as for my frustrations, I still have them. Of course I do.
On the advise of my lawyer, Don B. (some of you may know him as the person I describe as my somoan lawyer.. similar to the character in fear and loathing. he isn't a real lawyer it's just role-entering for us when we're fucked up... and on going joke of sorts). Anyways he suggested that I smoke some opium. I thought that I shouldn't, just because I was so confused to begin with, I didn't want to stifle myself any further. I had been swaying from drugs actually (sorta... well e, weed, k, crystal, shrooms, acid)... actually nitrus was all that I was doing... ok anyways I smoked this opium against my best opinion, but on the advise of my lawyer...
Well needless to say the opium really cleared up a few things for me. I saw the night as the equal brother of the day, and there was no reason one was worse than the other.
We were really really ... really high from the opium (smoked it 4 parts opium, 1 part weed *we don't like weed with the opium - sorta takes away from it*)... and we ended up at this rave. We sat for five hours, smoking more opium above the party. There were these bleacher type things that sorta led up to this windowsill... and we sat in the windowsill and watched the party unfold, and smoked. We talked and discussed like old men. But a large ammout of time was spent sitting in silence, with ourselves, not eachother.
I realized that I am young. A lot of people my age have even LESS idea what they want to do and how to go about it than I do. That really doesn't make my lack of direction better... it just helps sooth the wound (persay). Sorta like putting novacaine on the wound, but no anti-bacterial stuff. Weird thing about opium is, I never come to any conclusions... just realizations and assumptions. A beautiful material for those who like to think, otherwise you will be in hell. Honestly if you don't like to ponder and analyze and delve, then sway from the opium plant .
Perhaps it is just me though.
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As for really potent mushrooms.
Liberty Caps.
You need nothing else mushroom experience wise. As my lawyer says, "Liberty Caps are a deeply, heavily, introspective experience that lasts 8 hours, 7 of which you spend on your side, laying down, completely out of body"
I am starting to change my views on disassociation. There seems to be two ways of disassociation.
The Mushroom-esk type
and the Ketamine-esk type.
Still forming opinion. Though I apply to the teachings of Don Juan in this aspect. "Does the path have heart?"... If it has no heart then you should practice great restrain when visiting it's 'path' (ingesting it).
I practice restrain when visiting Ketamine, DXM, Nitrus, Opium. Those that come to mind. I dunno. Strawberry you should read "the teachings of Don Juan"... it is so very interesting. In fact you must read it. I insist.
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And as soon as I let out the 15th or 16th inhalation of the opium I could feel it talking to me. Telling me of what happend while I was gone. I also told it about what was going on with me at that time. I felt like it was my old friend, someone I hadn't seen in a long time. We were so happy to see each other. We embraced and walked together, talking and hypothesising like old men. There was a belief that death could not touch us in this place. We were immune during these hours, while with the opium. Not that we wanted to cheat death, to test it, but that death had no pull and no influence here in this place. Again, as I had done in earlier experiences with the high-dose opium excursions, I looked beneath me and all the woes of my life fell into a great fire and demons and devils screamed in pain as I used their faces as a stepping stool to propell myself upwards. Laughing the entire way, gleefull. I looked and around me were the most comfortable cotton clouds and finally I reached to high that I touched the midnight sky. The moon smiled at me and asked me to sit with him. The opium gave me a boost and let me sit alone talking with the moon. I sat in it's curve with one leg hanging down (the classic picture). Soon I wondered where the opium had gone to! I jumped down from the moon and as I fell the opium wraped it's arms around me and fly me above the mountians and oceans of the earth. The opium was there like a friend, waiting the whole time to help me down from the high place I had choose to sit myself upon (the moon!). And soon I drifted back to where I was on earth and I slept peacefully and contently with the fingers of the opium caressing my head, running over my hair. Then a final kiss goodbye and my eyes closed and there I slept amongst the grasses and trees...
Pyro
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Frequency. Music. Sound. Imagination. Reality. Worlds. Hope. Love. Communication. Common Sense. Community.