Zen Thoughts/Life's Rules (merged)

Life's Rules

Just to lighten the load here a bit.... got these in the hospital where I work. Mostly humor, but some of it makes a bit of sense (as most funny things usually do).
1. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.
2. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape.
3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship: "I apologize" and "You are right".
4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
5. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately... It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.
6. The only really good advice that your mother gave you wa, "Go... you might meet somebody!"
7. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her, believe them.
8. Learn to pick your battles... Ask yourself, "Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?"
9. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.
10. If you woke up breathing, congratulations... you've been given another chance!
11. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you.
12. Work is important, but it's not THAT important.
13. And finally, be really nice to your family and friends... You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.

14. It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt... then it's hilarious.

15. a friend helps you move, a true friends helps you move a body

It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.
^^^fucking cannibles

Click to expand...

^^ i was thinkin' how good warm crow tastes
and my fave is still
16. He who fights and runs away, lives to fight another day.
{{dags - web - crow}}

*squirts butt with WD-40 and scoots next to dags.

I everyone in this thread.
/me buys a lifetime supply of WD-40 for iceeie.
17. He who stands on toilet, gets high on pot.

that's a lot of scootin.

18. never cross the streams of the proto packs
atri

hehhe
i this thread
aj the femme

18. It takes many nails to build a crib, but only one screw to fill it.
19. *PAUSE* and breathe, the dumbest things come out of your mouth in the heat of the moment.
20. It doesn't pay to think too much, overanalyzing only leaves you behind, wondering why you didn't do what you were thinking of doing, because it might have been good or bad, but it could have also ended up this way or gone over there in the corner to do its thing yadda yadda bla bla *AAAHHHGGHGH* *slams head on desk*. Many times in life you need to tell that little voice in your head to SHUT THE FUCK UP and do a Nike and just do it for god's sake.
21. Yes but Brain, how would we paint all the hippos orange and put them in a small bathtub? Zort!

22. If you think nobody cares, try missing a few payments.

i dags

23. When you tell someone you are going to call them, call them-right Tak?
24. Laugh at yourself (not original but true)

25. If they give you lined paper, write the other way
26. You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them until they give in

27. Do not play leapfrog with a unicorn.

a friend with weed is a friend indeed

28. live in the present
dags

29. do not sleep as much as you would like.
30. every year travel to a place that you have never been to before.
~
me

31. Always keep a short in your car's ashtray...you never know when you will be confronted with a nicotine emergency.
And the incredibly specialized house party corollary to that...I call it "The Dagny Principle"...
31(a). It never hurts to have a cigarette burning in every ashtray at the party-that way you're free to ramble freely about the party with nary a fret or concern as to where you may have placed the ciggie pack, and others in similar need also benefit from your magnamimousness...(that one's for you Dags)