Your thoughts on a drug/spiritual issue

[Yourbaker]

I've read as much as I could find here on bluelight and in the archives and chased down as many rabbit holes as I could find in various threads before posting here so I'm familiar with a variety of opinions on using drugs in spiritual paths but I lack proper knowledge of most spiritual paths.

Over the last year I have had an ongoing spiritual experience that has progressed from inner reflection to, awareness of my chakras and eventually the opening of them. Thinking this was a purely drug induced event I quit using weed for 90 days but still experienced the same things. Seeing no apparent detriment from continuing use I still use weed and seem to have no issues of control of my "energetic self".

I have only a limited understanding of the experience I am having. I have repeatedly attempted to fit my experience into some kind of known construct but it seems to not really fit right. I was raised in an evangelical Christian setting but being gay produced the profound question of WTF God? So, understanding the simplicity of the superlative of Christianity I have no issue accepting Christ but leaving the religious bathwater behind. Christianity in my heretical personal version meshes fairly well with reality so I can see the results of this same experience has already created about 45k christian variations. Seriously over 45000 variations of just one religion. It reminds me of a glass slipper.

So I'm here seeking. I don't expect divine answers but I do invite highly opinionated or even badly reason thoughts. I'm pretty much back to WTF God? Truth is apparent went it is found, I've found some and it has my attention. I've read some profound truths here and in the archives and psychedelic threads. Please feel free to offend me but respect the others who post, I have no fear of vulnerability or personal need of validation.

As I had zero idea what I was feeling when I became aware of what I now call chakras, they all illuminated only in a white/yellow white energy I don't see any rainbow of colour and never did before understanding what I was seeing (or thinking I was understanding what I was seeing). So the feeling was exactly as I read it described by everyone but the colours are wrong what's up?

 

[Ninae]

I think the classical chakra system colours don't always apply. Also, some say when you become fully illuminated your chakras dissolve and join together in one whole column.

Also, what did opening the crown center feel like? I've realised I've been undergoing a lot of third eye awakening lately. I'm mainly looking to get the heart and crown center really opened up.

 

[Yourbaker]

Each chakra was a different experience and I didn't 'see' anything until later. I didn't understand what a chakra even was until my throat chakra opened and I realized I was experiencing something beyond a mild weed high. Your description of a column of light is much more accurate then balls of energy. Sometimes I think a torus is a more accurate image.

I have attempted to change the colour and it was easy but it honestly felt like I turned down the volume. The specific physical feelings with each chakra vary a bit depending on what state of mind I'm in or what I'm doing. While writing this my sixth chakra becomes active and I "feel" my forehead. The crown chakra I can open or close easily from this state. If I open it I need to stay focused on it and my surroundings or so it feels. If I leave it closed I feel a specific isolation from 'community' not a bad thing just a thing.

I can find a million random writings on the Internet and really very little that seems to offer a lot of real information. I am 9 months into some kind of spiritual awakening that does not appear to be slowing down. It has begun to have an effect on the world around me. My struggle is that I don't know enough to understand what is occurring. Little things like functioning on a daily basis working driving etc have become difficult at times.

Early on I was pretty much given over to the idea I had just lost my sanity. It was months before I was even willing to talk about this with my partner.

 

[iridescentblack]

Sounds indeed like a spiritual awakening. Drugs, substances, poisons and such can sometimes send the kundalini energy up through the body like you've described. According to one source I found, some people believe that the spiritual awakening process is one that's forced, vs a natural awakening that occurs more gradually - one where you don't have to go through the ups and downs... the traditional learning and re-learning process if you will. Following is a link to my source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_NRFLdwlFI

I'm not really sure what else to put out there... I guess my hesitance to share more is a sort of "spoiler alert factor". The important thing is that you stay grounded. This might imply staying sober, it might imply getting help from a spiritual guide. There are all sorts of awakenings. Someone spiritual in your community is bound to have some insights to share, as long as they're willing to open up and relate to something possibly different from their own experience.

When I went through my spiritual awakening, there was no sort of community I could have reached out to at that time. I wasn't grounded and ended up having a very bad crash. I've been paying for it - as well as the actions of others who committed me - ever since. The crash is equal and opposite to your rise with the kundalini energy.

 

[Yourbaker]

Watched the video you linked here.

20 years later and still wondering what has happened to himself is a bit longer then I'd like to be at this. I don't know if I've got 20 years left. To be stuck in a single point during a journey seems unproductive.

The descriptions he gives seem similar to my experience, he had a horrible time shortly after awakening. I have never had that long night, for me this experience has only brought a very strong confidence that seems to be rooted well outside of me, peace about the issue despite being in the dark to a large degree and an overwhelming sense of hope.

My next attempt will be a bookstore full of spiritual texts. Ultimately the world around me is changing, while it is a slow process my demeanour has changed from grumpy old man to something a lot better.

There have been 4 events that I can describe as short lived crazy anxiety attacks. From watching TV to lying on the floor in a pool of sweat feeling a pressure on my heart. At first I'm wildly overcome but when I dive inside myself to see what is wrong I can find the anxiety cause and remove it quickly. It's a very odd sensation to go from what feels like a death grip to nothing in 20 seconds.

I think I'm ill-equipped mentally for what I'm dealing with. I have a well grounded understanding of Christianity but that's like knowing the menu at McDonalds, not hugely informative but it's what I have to work with. Having been mauled over so badly it is difficult to sort through most religious texts and most offer opinions when I'm seeking truth.

To answer your question Ninae when my crown chakra first opened I could feel my third eye and the start of a headache on my temples I relaxed into the headache, and a very slow process of one "leaf" at a time opening up began.

Now, if I meditate I can slowly bring each chakra open one at a time or open the crown and root and feel a flow of energy. Despite the still separated physical feelings, when I look at the energy it is more like a steady flow I don't see separated energy.

 

[Yourbaker]

Time to add a bit. I've been able to fully control the chakra energy and openings including moving the energy through each chakra up and down expanding and holding it etc.

It became very clear early on I am dealing with two separate energies. The traditional chakra energy in traditional colour and very control able also feels a bit more dense (what possible sense am I using to tell me an energy is dense) it is darker. The bright much lighter yellowish energy does not follow the same flow but seems to be more outside of me and connects very deep below me like a snowstake.

One energy is slow and coming up, it enters from the base, the other is much faster and comes down. Just my perception but both seem to be harmonious and while meditating now I have experienced physical results. I really think I need a guide the one I found could not explain a few simple answers.

 

[Foreigner]

Chakras are just a model for explaining different energy systems of the body. There is some resemblance between the classical texts and how the chakras appear, in terms of how they look when they are evolving or opening to higher level consciousness. They do kind of look like petals. The petals do change direction when stuff happens in consciousness (like pointing upward). But they aren't flowers, they aren't fixed in appearances, and they are way, way more complex than the drawings show.

But... there are different layers to this. The theosophic model helps with this, but again is just a model. For instance, on the etheric level (closest to the physical), the chakras don't look like much, they are all the same colour, etc. On the astral level they have colours and more shape. Depending on the colours and level of openness in each chakra, their fields may radiate well beyond the astral, like to the mental levels.

The thing is... there aren't discrete levels. It is all one thing with energy moving in a continuous fashion. It's like looking at a river flowing and trying to divide it into levels. You could do it for the sake of explaining a greater concept, but at the end of the day it's homogeneous.

The experience is more dynamic than these models. I've seen auras and "chakras" since I was a kid but I always thought my impressions must be wrong because the chakra models and aura diagrams were so simple looking. I thought my vision was incomplete or something was wrong with me. Then I realized it was the opposite.

My advice would be to defer to your experience first while using the different spiritual models as a guide. The models all contain some essential truth which you can begin to grasp by reading up on them all. But each system is, in of itself, incomplete. IMO the vedic system is the most thorough, even though they are obsessed with "secret chakras" and other such intrigues. The secret chakras are nothing more than the bridges between the major chakras in the head, which allow you to project outward beyond your corporeal self. People are naturally bridging these connections a lot more frequently in the modern world because a lot more humans are naturally more open.

In ancient times it was probably a bit more rare and certain schools of teaching had to codify all this stuff in order to make sure the "right candidates" made it through the spiritual castes in order to get the secret knowledge. But humanity is different now and the sharing of knowledge is a lot less linear and hierarchical, so that's why I say to defer to your experience. Teachers and wise people help but ultimately if you quiet the noise and listen to your heart you will know what's what for you.

 

[-=SS=-]

Given that no one can be completely sure that the colour blue they see is the colour blue other people see, it is a waste of time wondering about colours of a (theoretical/conceptual) 'chakra system'. When it comes to non-sober states, hell even sober sometimes too, the mind can project what it wants to see or expects to see. Never underestimate that fact and just how powerful it is, in everything.

I would strongly recommend not mixing drugs and inner practices. Psychedelics especially. This includes cannabis. The whole point of spiritual digging is gaining clarity about who you are.. substances hinder this process by clouding your perceptions.

Chakras are nerve centres/bundles of nerves. There is no need to become fixated on them. And again the mind is quite apt to induce sensations if you concentrate enough, and you end up believing your own hype. If energy is flowing, then just let it be. It doesn't change your life or mean much. Like most processes of the body it will take care of itself and is best to not interfere.

I've never seen chakras, but I have felt intense fluttering in the chest and had my head bathed/exploding with light on one occasion. An ex once told me she could see and feel white/golden light radiating from my chest, as she proceeded to have a semi-mystical experience (whilst sober) and emotionally cleansing event. Regardless, it doesn't really interest me. It's probably there and doing its thing.. it doesn't need to occupy my thoughts or life though

 

[Ninae]

I don't work with the chakras per se, but I feel a lot of sensations from them or energy movements, I guess. Especially when I'm purifying or working on old wounds.

It seems they just start to self-cleanse when powerful healing work is going on and you don't really need to worry about it. I understand that working directly with issues is more efective than visualising exercises and the like as it works directly with the energies that is blocking off the centers.

 

[Yourbaker]

Given that no one can be completely sure that the colour blue they see is the colour blue other people see, it is a waste of time wondering about colours of a (theoretical/conceptual) 'chakra system'. When it comes to non-sober states, hell even sober sometimes too, the mind can project what it wants to see or expects to see. Never underestimate that fact and just how powerful it is, in everything.

I would strongly recommend not mixing drugs and inner practices. Psychedelics especially. This includes cannabis. The whole point of spiritual digging is gaining clarity about who you are.. substances hinder this process by clouding your perceptions.

Chakras are nerve centres/bundles of nerves. There is no need to become fixated on them. And again the mind is quite apt to induce sensations if you concentrate enough, and you end up believing your own hype. If energy is flowing, then just let it be. It doesn't change your life or mean much. Like most processes of the body it will take care of itself and is best to not interfere.

I've never seen chakras, but I have felt intense fluttering in the chest and had my head bathed/exploding with light on one occasion. An ex once told me she could see and feel white/golden light radiating from my chest, as she proceeded to have a semi-mystical experience (whilst sober) and emotionally cleansing event. Regardless, it doesn't really interest me. It's probably there and doing its thing.. it doesn't need to occupy my thoughts or life though

I've highlighted your comment that i thing is highly pertinent. I am on cannabis for adhd and have been now for 3 years medically and 4 years just habitual abuse. A year ago I was using 125mg of thc every 6 hours and drinking as well, I've been at that level of abuse for a long time.

My first thought was drug issues as was my doctor so I was off with 1 month to taper. I stayed off for just over 3 months the adhd issues re-presented after about 30 days but the spiritual issues didn't stop. I am using 40mg thc oil 2 or 3 times per day currently. My doctor is a specialist and feels I should taper off again to try and get my use level even lower but he thinks 40mg x3 is a massive cut already and to hold off perhaps til the new year.

To live with my adhd or without it, but cope with my current spiritual issues is really an easy choice. I weight the real life changes canabis has given me and it changes the whole picture. A year ago I was asking my doctor for a blue pill, now I don't need any pill. My long dark night has yet to come but today is a grand step up from yesterday.

Your comment regarding fluttering in your chest would pretty much peg my beliefs a year ago. I had experienced what i would now consider my heart chakra open for a brief time in my teens.

Weed has helped me get past a lot of strange beliefs I have no real idea why I clutched them. Being able to hold my focus in meditation vs an adhd brain is a place I never thought I could reach. Foreigner made a comment in a different thread about psychedelics forcing open chakras and I tried 250mg to see if it was true. I must agree, I had 6 hours of way too much I couldn't hold anything shut after a while, it was a real learning moment.

SS I would appreciate your thoughts on a 40mg dose being still psychedelic or being able to allow me this level of conscious control. For me it just allows focus and much more careful consideration. I still see the 1000 random ideas that make me adhd now I have a tiny moment before my mouth opens.

 

[-=SS=-]

As I say to everyone, don't sell yourself short. I always found a tiny bit of alcohol or any substance would help take the edge off my general state, giving me the impression I was more focused.. but really it's more an alleviation of a bit of inner tension in exchange for being 100% crisp and focused. This may be useful to begin with but I wouldn't rely on it for any extended period of time.. you want to learn how to maintain your composure and depth of experience from the sober state. As with anything it takes time and patience, but persevere and you'll get there.. anyone can do it.

Whilst I'm not a professional I really don't believe ADHD is a real thing - it's an umbrella term created by people who don't really understand the human organism completely. There is most likely nothing wrong with you, except for an excess of energy. Diet, exercise, sleep, and meditation. And even then you may just be a highly energetic individual. My grandma would probably be diagnosed as ADHD.. she can't sit still, is always doing something.. she's 90 and sharp as a tack. Her outlet was being a PE teacher, and being generally an outdoors gal.

Weed, any drug doesn't get you past strange beliefs.. all they do is take the edge off and allow you to fall into receptive states. Relaxation and openness allows answers to rush in. You can do that without them, in the sober state. Exchange the belief that you can't do that for the belief that you can, and you will. Have faith in our own ability.

My main point is I wouldn't recommend mixing inner practices with substance use. It's one path for sure, but just be aware of the risks.

 

[Yourbaker]

Foreigner, I do appreciate the input I am currently behind a Web guard that is denying me access to religions, drugs, and porn. Bluelight is one of the few sites I can connect to so I am a lurker that asks simple questions. Thank you, now I have a tiny framework to begin with. It becomes impossibly hard to explain a spiritual experience across religions, just knowing what to call the "snake" feeling. I had no clue what I was feeling, erotic beyond anything I had expected. I can cross 2 things off my bucket list now. Is that normal?

Would you or anyone really know what religious group/s I should be trying to find information from? It is just a hunch to me that besides sexual practices there would be a less known second or third practice related to kundalini? I was working on a healing meditation when I experienced the snake. This will certainly enhance my bedroom repertoire, my path may not stay long but this detour has been well worth it if it is that.

SS made a valid point regarding what one person sees as blue may not be the same. It does seem to help if I have more than a guess. Imagine what a gay man would think feeling the "snake" for the first time with no clue what was happening.

Ninae, I feel very much the same as you, I can feel blocks in the flow but I prefer to find what I am doing or have done etc. It's pretty easy to maintain while I'm working in a solo environment for a month at a time but 2 weeks of people and I long for work and isolation. I've been 5 years now living and working on in and around mountains in pristine remote places, it has done my soul good. Working through issues can keep them gone, some are so tough, you talk a lot about taking the love path, I like that idea.

SS at first I didn't like the drink vs weed analogy because I've done both and liquor starts as off one for the road and progresses, weed just keeps decreasing but in mental states they are the same. I guess I am taking a weak path in your view by not choosing to keep doing other things like diet and exercise to find another path back to where I am already but it does seem counter productive at this point.

 

[iridescentblack]

A snake, eh? When my kundalini experience was starting up, I began to see a white serpent (much like what I imagine Leviathan to look like). In some cases the snake/serpent/nadis(?) will rise to a certain point (say, halfway for example) and get stuck. Or maybe that's just observations via second sight. For them this is subject to allegedly causing strange symptoms like shaking, convulsions, pain, headaches and so forth. Acceptance is key at that point. Or so they say. Love and accept yourself, give in to what is happening. Seems like a reasonable way to take a kundalini experience. The more information you can take in on the subject the better. There is a lot of misleading information out there as well. So far all the kundalini experiences I've found online appear to be pretty genuine, though.

I love reading about these experiences, though. 'Cool that we have a community of great helpers here. I myself would be lost without some of the assistance from my peers on Bluelight. The kundalini will make its course regardless of effort. Do not force. Sorry I can't help with spiritual sources. I lack the skills to find an avenue of my own around where I live.

 

[Yourbaker]

Eliminating symbolism can be a challenge. It took several false starts but a few days later it seems simple practice.

I feel everything is on track and I do appreciate the pointers. The myriad of questions I'm now facing make the last problem seem like it really wasn't taxing at all.

 

[iridescentblack]

My father says that when you end up with more questions than answers you're on the right track. Answers will turn up. Spiritual teachers have a habit of showing up at the right moments.