MerryVillian
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Nov 9, 2016
- Messages
- 5
21yr. M. Tn-USA
A ghost in life but not in the machine.
Call me Casper. This is my story, or some of it. Its long, and an incredibly rough draft. I hope you find inspiration, and I hope to find some solace in your reply.
Growing up I had always had a weird interest to try drugs. Seeing the reports of people freaking out on drugs on the news only made me excited not scared. The just say no program was what I was taught in school, my parents always told me I could be anything I wanted. This thought has haunted me forever.
With so many choices and decisions in life, maybe the best choice is to make no choice at all?
I was always told I was the smartest one in the family, the one who would be someone great. Somewhere down the line I wanted to prove them wrong just like how I proved my fellow classmates and teachers wrong.
In sixth grade I had my first drug experience, dxm in the form of cough syrup. It was not pleasant but made me want to experience more and try different things. In seventh grade I smoked my first doobie. Nowadays I would call it dirt weed but I spent my only $5 on that pinner and got stoned for the first time. That was the day I found an easy escape from the horrors of high expectations and verbal abuse from an angry step father.
However, I still feel that my childhood was pretty alright. I had friends, clothes, and a nice house growing up in texas. In kindergarten they put me on amphetamines for adhd. They turned me into a zombie, a person who couldn't have fun at school. I already knew how to do everything that qas required in the curriculum it just came to me, so I came to school to have fun, up until a doctor decided psychoactive pharmaceuticals would help make me more complacent.
Years of taking prescriptions led my growth to be stunted so I was given growth hormone shots from age 10-11 before finally getting sick of the IM shot every morning.
Long story short after I finished 8th grade, having only tried pot twice and dxm once, my mom divorced my angry step dad and moved herself, my 2 younger step brothers, and myself up to tennessee where she and I had family. I was uprooted and moved to a new home. A beautiful state filled with lush mountains and forests. Up here there's fog every morning, and winters that are actually cold, but 6 years ago I saw this place as hell.
I lost all my friends from texas, and started high school as a nobody. In a town full of camouflaged rednecks I had to find my own group, my own slice of what I believe to be good people in this quaint town.
In high school I stopped taking my adderall and begun to sell it to the rednecks and rich kids alike. This helped me make my first real drug connections.
I smoked weed every day, and dabbled in MDMA, psychedelics, and the occasional opiate. Upon graduation some of the people I knew went to college, some to meth, but most just disappeared from my life. I could've went to a university, I had the scores, the potential, the financial support and urge from my family, but I squandered it all to keep experimenting with drugs.
Now I see some of my classmates on facebook already graduating with degrees, or doing things. While ive graduated to the needle and doing nothing. I have no specific drug of choice. If it gets me high I'll do it, and if I can shoot it, even better.
I wanna cut this short, I feel like ive rambled and want to know your story, I want you to ask me questions. I have burned every bridge, and now have nobody to talk to. Yesterday I said less than 100 words to people, and most were probably the usual banter with a dealer.
I am here for support, conversation, contact with others who might have had a similar experience. Through desperation ive come here for inspiration. To the mods, this is my first real post. If I have broken any rules please let me know.
I look forward to hearing from everyone.
Please dont hesitate.
Sincerely, Casper.
A ghost in life but not in the machine.
Call me Casper. This is my story, or some of it. Its long, and an incredibly rough draft. I hope you find inspiration, and I hope to find some solace in your reply.
Growing up I had always had a weird interest to try drugs. Seeing the reports of people freaking out on drugs on the news only made me excited not scared. The just say no program was what I was taught in school, my parents always told me I could be anything I wanted. This thought has haunted me forever.
With so many choices and decisions in life, maybe the best choice is to make no choice at all?
I was always told I was the smartest one in the family, the one who would be someone great. Somewhere down the line I wanted to prove them wrong just like how I proved my fellow classmates and teachers wrong.
In sixth grade I had my first drug experience, dxm in the form of cough syrup. It was not pleasant but made me want to experience more and try different things. In seventh grade I smoked my first doobie. Nowadays I would call it dirt weed but I spent my only $5 on that pinner and got stoned for the first time. That was the day I found an easy escape from the horrors of high expectations and verbal abuse from an angry step father.
However, I still feel that my childhood was pretty alright. I had friends, clothes, and a nice house growing up in texas. In kindergarten they put me on amphetamines for adhd. They turned me into a zombie, a person who couldn't have fun at school. I already knew how to do everything that qas required in the curriculum it just came to me, so I came to school to have fun, up until a doctor decided psychoactive pharmaceuticals would help make me more complacent.
Years of taking prescriptions led my growth to be stunted so I was given growth hormone shots from age 10-11 before finally getting sick of the IM shot every morning.
Long story short after I finished 8th grade, having only tried pot twice and dxm once, my mom divorced my angry step dad and moved herself, my 2 younger step brothers, and myself up to tennessee where she and I had family. I was uprooted and moved to a new home. A beautiful state filled with lush mountains and forests. Up here there's fog every morning, and winters that are actually cold, but 6 years ago I saw this place as hell.
I lost all my friends from texas, and started high school as a nobody. In a town full of camouflaged rednecks I had to find my own group, my own slice of what I believe to be good people in this quaint town.
In high school I stopped taking my adderall and begun to sell it to the rednecks and rich kids alike. This helped me make my first real drug connections.
I smoked weed every day, and dabbled in MDMA, psychedelics, and the occasional opiate. Upon graduation some of the people I knew went to college, some to meth, but most just disappeared from my life. I could've went to a university, I had the scores, the potential, the financial support and urge from my family, but I squandered it all to keep experimenting with drugs.
Now I see some of my classmates on facebook already graduating with degrees, or doing things. While ive graduated to the needle and doing nothing. I have no specific drug of choice. If it gets me high I'll do it, and if I can shoot it, even better.
I wanna cut this short, I feel like ive rambled and want to know your story, I want you to ask me questions. I have burned every bridge, and now have nobody to talk to. Yesterday I said less than 100 words to people, and most were probably the usual banter with a dealer.
I am here for support, conversation, contact with others who might have had a similar experience. Through desperation ive come here for inspiration. To the mods, this is my first real post. If I have broken any rules please let me know.
I look forward to hearing from everyone.
Please dont hesitate.
Sincerely, Casper.
