Mr_Fluffykins
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 27, 2006
- Messages
- 2,643
I have been clean off heroin since June 28th 2012,
Been clean off methadone since October 4th 2016,
Worked my way off of 120mg methadone , 200mg sertraline, 200 mg lamotrigine, 50 cigarettes a day, a gram of non-medical cannabis, (took a six month break, got a prescription while tapering of methadone, I was only consuming ~0.3g a day of my gram a day prescription, that ran out and I haven't gone back to the black market, or renewed my prescription)
I have been on 4x1mg a day clonazepam for nearly six years, along with the other prescription meds, although now it is closer to 4mgx1 a day(before bed and has been like this for awhile)
Before I got off my cannabis break I was drinking 15-20 units of alcohol 6 times a week, still needing clonazepam for sleep after a bit(yes I know how dangerous mixing CNS depressants but with tolerance I surprisingly never died, even the time I drank 32 drinks and had 21 mg of clonazepam, I am a decent sized guy , 6'2 170-190 pnds give or take)
Now I only drink Fridays and Sundays and no more than 15 drinks,
My psychiatrist prescribed me 3mg prazosin for nightmares related to ptsd, which my cannabis treated the best, the prazosin which doesn't block out my dreams , or make my dreams any less weird does make them more "enjoyable", but I still wake 4-5 times a night, it is an anti-hypertensive but I do not suffer from high blood pressure.
My liver and kidneys are fully functional thank god, I don't know how
But now it has comes time to get off clonazepam, it has essentially turned me into what you'd expect out of a "stereotypical pothead", lazy, no energy, no motivation, no creativity ,
This coupled with anhedonia, and chronic pain has left me as a worthless blob, I want to go back to school and make something of my 130+iq, I want to continue writing , I want to enjoy life again,
Is my brain screwed for life , I definitely feel about 75% of brain power I used to have, surprisingly my memory isn't totally shattered , although all memories of the past 6 years are more blurry than before
I don't even feel anything from the clonazepam anymore, even the times recently I have taken 10mg at once, maybe mild sedation , and al it does with alcohol is make me sleep,
My arrested development and stagnation has gone on too long,
Recently I also worked to consume healthier food almost totally removing red meat, consuming lots of eggs, avocados, and tuna , as well as garlic and onions, and boosting my endorphin system with plenty of sriracha, supplementing omega 3 fatty acids , vitamin D, B-12, and C,
I was on testosterone maintenance but I wanted to take a little break to see if my body could regulate now being off methadone for over a year and a half, although this has increased my lethargy and led to weight gain
I have also taken up playing video games more, and lots of sudoku , instead of binging TV all day to keep my brain activated , but I always fall into the same stagnation, and don't have the motivation to start school again, I am not depressed , besides being 28 and being where I should be at 18, which is situational
I have been able to go 60 hours without my clonazepam, but at that point it is usually sleep time and I am scared of seizures, will I ever go back to normal? Or I am I forever doomed to live in this hell? I truly believe that benzodiazepines are more physically addictive than heroines methadone, and regret going on such a high does at my rock bottom ,
I wanted to pursue a doctorate , get published , now it seems like a pipe dream,
Has anyone ever come out on the other side of something like this?
I do have will power the day I went on methadone was the day I quit heroin, so I know this isn't impossible, just a big struggle, I will be going back on cannabis soon, when the weather is better, and make the big push to get of clonazepam, I just hope I am not doomed to mediocrity ,
I would like to get married and have kids one day , and at this rate I won't even be able to see my grandchildren graduate ,
BTW it's nice to be back here at blue light
Tl;DR - this isn't twitter , increase your attention span
Ps: I am typing this from my phone , and it is not formatting properly so forgive any errors ,
Been clean off methadone since October 4th 2016,
Worked my way off of 120mg methadone , 200mg sertraline, 200 mg lamotrigine, 50 cigarettes a day, a gram of non-medical cannabis, (took a six month break, got a prescription while tapering of methadone, I was only consuming ~0.3g a day of my gram a day prescription, that ran out and I haven't gone back to the black market, or renewed my prescription)
I have been on 4x1mg a day clonazepam for nearly six years, along with the other prescription meds, although now it is closer to 4mgx1 a day(before bed and has been like this for awhile)
Before I got off my cannabis break I was drinking 15-20 units of alcohol 6 times a week, still needing clonazepam for sleep after a bit(yes I know how dangerous mixing CNS depressants but with tolerance I surprisingly never died, even the time I drank 32 drinks and had 21 mg of clonazepam, I am a decent sized guy , 6'2 170-190 pnds give or take)
Now I only drink Fridays and Sundays and no more than 15 drinks,
My psychiatrist prescribed me 3mg prazosin for nightmares related to ptsd, which my cannabis treated the best, the prazosin which doesn't block out my dreams , or make my dreams any less weird does make them more "enjoyable", but I still wake 4-5 times a night, it is an anti-hypertensive but I do not suffer from high blood pressure.
My liver and kidneys are fully functional thank god, I don't know how
But now it has comes time to get off clonazepam, it has essentially turned me into what you'd expect out of a "stereotypical pothead", lazy, no energy, no motivation, no creativity ,
This coupled with anhedonia, and chronic pain has left me as a worthless blob, I want to go back to school and make something of my 130+iq, I want to continue writing , I want to enjoy life again,
Is my brain screwed for life , I definitely feel about 75% of brain power I used to have, surprisingly my memory isn't totally shattered , although all memories of the past 6 years are more blurry than before
I don't even feel anything from the clonazepam anymore, even the times recently I have taken 10mg at once, maybe mild sedation , and al it does with alcohol is make me sleep,
My arrested development and stagnation has gone on too long,
Recently I also worked to consume healthier food almost totally removing red meat, consuming lots of eggs, avocados, and tuna , as well as garlic and onions, and boosting my endorphin system with plenty of sriracha, supplementing omega 3 fatty acids , vitamin D, B-12, and C,
I was on testosterone maintenance but I wanted to take a little break to see if my body could regulate now being off methadone for over a year and a half, although this has increased my lethargy and led to weight gain
I have also taken up playing video games more, and lots of sudoku , instead of binging TV all day to keep my brain activated , but I always fall into the same stagnation, and don't have the motivation to start school again, I am not depressed , besides being 28 and being where I should be at 18, which is situational
I have been able to go 60 hours without my clonazepam, but at that point it is usually sleep time and I am scared of seizures, will I ever go back to normal? Or I am I forever doomed to live in this hell? I truly believe that benzodiazepines are more physically addictive than heroines methadone, and regret going on such a high does at my rock bottom ,
I wanted to pursue a doctorate , get published , now it seems like a pipe dream,
Has anyone ever come out on the other side of something like this?
I do have will power the day I went on methadone was the day I quit heroin, so I know this isn't impossible, just a big struggle, I will be going back on cannabis soon, when the weather is better, and make the big push to get of clonazepam, I just hope I am not doomed to mediocrity ,
I would like to get married and have kids one day , and at this rate I won't even be able to see my grandchildren graduate ,
BTW it's nice to be back here at blue light
Tl;DR - this isn't twitter , increase your attention span
Ps: I am typing this from my phone , and it is not formatting properly so forgive any errors ,