Worrying about permanent MDMA effects

[db1995]

Okay so heres my story, I've only used mdma about 15 times total over the last 4 years.

The last time I took mdma before this is 8 months ago.

I attended a music festival where I rolled for 3 days in a row accompanied by lots of alcohol and sometimes cocain. I consumed 1.5 skype ecstasy pill on friday, 1 on saturday, then 1 skype and 1 quarter of a tesla ecstasy pill on sunday. Each pill was supposed to be 200mg. I felt fine the following monday, but then tuesday came around and I felt very light headed and nauseous. Light headedness and all that went away after about 1 week.

It has been 2 months since the last roll, and I still feel like I am feeling some after effects from this. I worry everyday that I've caused permanent brain damage. I can't stop researching online trying to figure out if I damaged my brain permanently or not.

I feel fine throughout the day, but when I start thinking about ecstasy I begin to worry that I fucked something up. Im having a hard time sleeping at night and I really just cant stop questioning if I had caused permanent damage or not. I dont believe I'm depressed, I only get anxiety when I think about the potential of what I could have done to my brain. I have taken mdma before, never was fan of taking "ecstasy" i preferred pure mdma, but before I never worried that I caused damage.

My question to anyone on here is, do you think I caused some sort of permanent damage? If I did damage my brain, can I make a full recovery from this and stop worrying?

The only symptoms I have are worrying, and slight insomnia and sometimes nightmares but they aren't too intense. Again I only get anxiety when I think about this. I try not to think about it, but it is hard to not think about. I used to smoke a lot of weed, but now when I smoke I worry more so i try to not smoke.

I exercise a lot and taking vitamins to try and get over this. Xanax really helps me stop worrying, but I dont want to rely on that.

here is a link to the ecstasy I took. https://www.pillreports.net/index.php?page=display_pill&id=36752


EDIT: I experienced sleep paralysis once in the week after rolling. I also smoked weed and had a panic attack that same week.



UPDATE: Thank you all for the responses, really helped ease my mind a bit. I've come to accept that I am feeling atleast some LTC effects, but I know they aren't too bad. I get mild anxiety at times and I'm just trying to learn how to deal with it and not let it phase me. For the record I definitely am feeling better as time goes on.

I would like to know typical recovery time or how long it took for you to recover, so if anyone has insight on that it would be much appreciated.

 

[socrilus]

Sounds like some mild anxiety stuff

I wouldnt read too much into the "LTC" stuff. Its not the kind of thing you have to consciously think about to have it. As in, if you are having to consciously think this and then thats causing anxiety but you otherwise feel fine then imo I wouldnt worry about "LTC" or "damage".

If you looked at the LTC threads you will see that people describe symptoms that are literally there regardless of if you think about the "damage" or not. People think about "damage" *because* they feel so depressed or other symptoms etc and not fine throughout the day.

 

[howlowhowlstheowl]

The only symptoms I have are worrying, and slight insomnia and sometimes nightmares but they aren't too intense. Again I only get anxiety when I think about this.

I feel fine throughout the day, but when I start thinking about ecstasy I begin to worry that I fucked something up. Im having a hard time sleeping at night and I really just cant stop questioning if I had caused permanent damage or not.

I can't stop researching online trying to figure out if I damaged my brain permanently or not.

Like socrilus said you don't fall in the ltc category. It sounds 100% like simply stress and a bad obsessive habit which you should start changing. The thing about thinking is that you can't stop it. If I tell you not to think about pink elephants no matter what chances are that's exactly what you will think about. Get busy & distract yourself with something else to think about. Let the thoughts be there and ignore them and eventually they'll go. But if you keep giving them power aka googling you're reinforcing this habit.

 

[Cotcha Yankinov]

I would quit weed and practice mindfulness - go it sober and live healthy for a while. Anxiety can be a beast for some, it'll do a good job of making you feel like you "permanently damaged" your brain lol, but yeah anyways try to conquer the anxiety with mindfulness and healthy living. Try to stay busy, even if its just with games or something. Get some cardio/weightlifting in too.

 

[db1995]

I try hard to not think of it but its hard sometimes. its like my mind defaults to thinking about what i may have done.

 

[betman]

It's only been two months, so you have a lot of time to recover.

IME, MDMA leaves a very strong imprint on the brain. In the first year I started using, I would always get butterflies and stomach cramps just from thinking about dropping a pill. I don't get that anymore, and I stopped rolling completely. Sounds like you're just a little spooked, you'll get over it.