withdrawals/comedowns from being off antidepressants or mdma use? or both?

[tazz20]

So I went off of of antidepressants for my anxiety(celexa specifically) last September. thats also around when my ecstasy/molly use began since I could never do it on my medication. I've been rolling for maybe almost once a month since then. not every single month but deff more than harm reduction guides suggest. I know the stuff I have been taking is not always fully pure and I'm sure I've had a few cuts of amphetamine(or more scary to think about) even meth. At least where I'm from this is known to be a common thing. I've been prescribed adderall before so I was like oh what the fuck, what's the difference.

Now I know antidepressant withdrawal itself is a real thing. I remember having really bad brain fog which has subsided but my anxiety is still bad and I have been getting depressed a bit more again. I'd become extremely irritated at a lot of things. Work was absolutely unbearable. I'd have moments where I would blank out and completely forget things which I'm told is a sign of depression. The blankouts have not been happening lately though which is good.
I took a sober month and march, consumed no weed or mdma or alchohol, deff felt a bit better, I think.

Back in April I popped what I assume to be pretty pure mdma. thankfully felt ok afterwards. Then Again this month I took one of my pressed pills(which I think tested to be cut with amphetamine but also mdma and I took that. Even after a few weeks I feel kinda shitty.

It just makes me wonder what if this whole time my body was reacting badly to constant mdma(and not always completely pure) usage? makes me wonder. It worries me that what I'm going through is a withdrawal to meth or speed, but to my understanding it is a very small amount put in. Wondering what everyones thoughts are. Does anyone here roll like once a month and feel this way? I know we're all different.

I met with some psychiatrists but still don't have the answer. I just know 100% my mdma usage can not be helping. This isnt the first time I've taken pressed mdma pills from that batch. There was a period where I had no natural happy emotions. I can't decide if that was from going of ssri antidepressants, which are serotonin related, my e usage, or both.

 

[MazDan]

You are 100% correct that everyone is different so always bare that in mind.

Tazz, there seems to be a lot of "I think" and "maybe" and uncertainty in your post relating to what may or may not have been in the stuff you used.
I thought you were using a test kit?
Its a waste of time trying to figure out what problems a substance may or may not cause unless you know exactly what you took.

However if we accept your description of useage is exactly as you suggest then no you could not possibly be having withdrawal symptoms from meth or speed.

At one point you mentioned having black outs and completely forget things and that this is a sign of depression. Look Im no doctor and nobody here can provide you with any sort of medical advice but if you are suffering any sort of black out then you need to see a doctor ASAP. Im a bit baffled as to how a black out relates to depression, that does not make any sense to me.

SEE A DOCTOR.

You also discuss having no natural happy emotions and are unsure of this and that etc.

These are all things you need to discuss with your doctor. Nobody here at Bluelight can provide that sort of advice.

I did mention to you in another thread that Anxiety breeds anxiety and trying to get answers from random people on the internet is not the best way to ease your anxieties.

SEE A DOCTOR.

Hope it all goes well for you.