Withdrawal Sucks

[peapie32]

So I sat here for 5 minutes trying to figure out a subject line and the bottom line is withdrawal sucks. My story started 4 years ago when my SO and I found a regular hookup for opiates that still the hookup to this day. We always get 100 hydrocodone a month. We split them up and each have 50 to get us thru until the next fix. My SO is ADHD so for him these like actually help him focus, stay on track and just generally feel good. He only takes 3-4 whole pills a day by taking halves throughout the day. Me, on the other hand, enjoy the buzz. However we all know what happens over time when taking opiates. The tolerance goes up and so does the pill usage. So I took my 3-4 pill a day habit and over the past 4 years turned it into a 15-20 pill a day habit. But 20 pills is only good for 2 days and then on day 3 I'm stuck with only half of what I was used too, so I researched, found about the wonders of loperamide. Tried it to see if I was one of the "lucky" ones that it actually works for (which it did) and stole from my SOs stash on day 3 and 4 while I was waiting for the loperamide to kick in. For me, I mega dose on it but it takes about 24 hours or so to get into my system and out of withdrawal. So this has been my life for the past several years. And then I got caught. A couple weeks ago we had gotten 2 hookups. Of course I was done within 4 days but he wasn't and so I did my norm and swiped from him. Only thing is I swiped from a bottle that he hadn't touched yet. One that he had counted and knew EXACTLY how much was in there. So I had to fess up. I had to tell him everything including how bad the loperamide problem was. He knew about it but he thought I just took it for a few days after running out of my pills and then I was sober until we got our next batch. Nope. I mega dosed every, single, day. I only stopped taking loperamide for the short period of time I had opiates. Which now brings us to today.

We still have our hookup. We actually got lucky and scored 180 with more following. But my SO is in total control. They are hidden, and I get 6 halves (3 whole pills) per day doled out to me. And the loperamide has been flushed down the toilet. I feel like crap. I have zero energy. I have RLS. I have not eaten except for a slice of toast and a small bowl of cereal (which was a really bad idea lol). Coffee is the only thing I can tolerate and since I love flavored creamer it has kept my blood sugar levels from dropping due to not eating. Loperamide had a very long half life so even though I stopped taking it 5 days ago it only had left my system at day 3. That might was hell. I wanted to rip my skin off. I am surprised my digestive tract is still intact after the rounds of ?? I had ?.

My SO doesn't understand. He's only been in normal opiate withdrawals (thanks to me snitching his stash). Loperamide withdrawals are a whole other animal. Similar, but not the same. Not only that but I started the lope to stay out of withdrawal when I didn't have opiates, so really you could say that I am now experience a few years worth of withdrawal. Well however you put it, it's bad. It's getting better. Last night I slept RLS free for 4 hours and then just couldn't go back to sleep until 7am. But when I woke up at 10am, I was fully in withdrawal. My SO gave me a whole pill and I was feeling a little better about an hour later. Right now at 10pm, I am better than this morning after having my 6 halves for the day and I actually better get in bed soon before it wears off. He has some empathy, but not much sympathy because his latest week in withdrawal was because I stole from him. And then there's that. The fact I stole from him and everything that goes with that.

My my goal is to get off of these. This is our best plan right now though. Get my body used to living off of 3 pills a day and then wean off from there. It'll take a while but I'll get there. I will never take loperamide again to stave off opiate withdrawals. For me it worked. And it was great. But the reality is you can't avoid withdrawal. You can postpone it with other crap, but one day you have to dance with devil, pay the pied piper. Loperamide withdrawal is not worth it.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

 

[Painful One]

Good plan. Stick with it.
I know it sucks bad right now but you are already making a lot of progress.
Loperamide is close to fentanyl which is ALOT stronger than hydrocodone.
People actually refer to it as over the counter methadone.
Taking mega doses of it is extremely dangerous. Please don't do that again.

I hope you guys are getting the Tylenol out of your hydrocodone. That is way too much Tylenol.
I actually had Liver Failure and my body went septic and I had peritonitis and actually died, had a Near
Death Experience from overdosing on Tylenol.
It was extremely painful. I tell you the worst withdrawal from loperamide and hydrocodone
at the same time is like a mere scratch compared to this kind of pain. Then your body is damaged for life too.

Please learn from my mistake. I live in severe pain every minute of the day and night now.
I don't want to see this happen to either of you.

Your boyfriend sounds like he is doing a good job of helping you right the situation.
Don't worry, he will forgive you. I'm sure he is mostly just very scared that he could have lost you so easily
and he did not even know. You did not know how dangerous this was or you would not have done it.

Hang in there sweetie. This is not a lecture. I know you feel bad and I know how these things happen.

I have to take 75 mg of morphine a day now to keep myself from screaming, moaning, writhing on the floor freaking out.
Scaring the shit out of my family. I have used loperamide a few times when I was a day or two short on my refill and
10 loperamide pills - that is 20 mg- held me over just fine- from morphine! WAY stronger than hydrocodone.
It takes awhile to work is all. Don't ever take more than that
in a day and only use it for 2 maybe 3 days maximum if it is a total emergency.
Not every month for sure! Get your hydrocodone usage back under control.
The loperamide has raised your tolerance majorly now. It will take awhile to get it back down.

With hydrocodone, it is best to just go through the withdrawal with nothing. The withdrawal from the loperamide is way worse
than hydrocodone withdrawal as you are finding out. Going through the hydrocodone withdrawal gets your tolerance back down
also so you can enjoy them again in small doses. Safely.

Look up the cold water extraction technique on here. That removes the Tylenol from your hydrocodone pills.
I wish I would have known about that many years ago. I did not even know Tylenol was a danger.

Be safe. You will feel better soon. Hang tough.

 

[peapie32]

Thank you so much for the encouragement! It is why I came out here in the first place. My SO only understands up to a point because his main goal is to enjoy what he has and stay out of withdrawal. I made it into a MEGA problem. But with addiction comes the mind games: "I can control it"; "I'll do better next time"; "I'm not going to take the lope again", etc, etc, so on and so forth. I know the lope was dangerous, I read so many stories researching. But the addicts mind finds ways to make it ok. Like "well that person had a heart problem before the lope" or "that person was taking 100 lope pills per day and I'm not". Ugh. I never realized how bad the cycle was until I had to stop and do some self reflection.

I did did not know that about the Tylenol. I'll have to look up that extraction method.

Thank you!!