Using benzos and avoiding physical dependence/addiction (very important thread)
I just posted something and i don't see it, and now my thoughts are all scrambled so i have to try to write this again.
I am prescribed 0.5 klonopin twice a day, and it will probably increase if i want it to on my next visit. The psychiatrist said we can switch it to shorter acting ones, such as xanax and ativan if the klonopin is not helping. A lot of people said take the klonopin over the other benzos, but after much research for HOURS i realized that klonopin is NOT suppose to be used as prn, and only helps if you want to be on it long term since it has a real half life. I do NOT want to be on any benzo including klonopin long term because i don't want it to make my life even worse in the end, than i already feel it may be. I have heard all about benzo dependence and withdrawals and how they are far worse than meth, anti-depressants, cocaine, and even heroin! So i do not want to make my anxiety all worse than it already is. Even if taking klonopin has a PRN upto 3 days a week, it stays in your system for a while so it can be in their for the entire 7 days, which will create dependence and physical addiction without even taking it daily. Am i correct?
Now with the shorter acting benzos (xanax, ativan) it is in and out pretty quick. They are not the best for long term because of its short half life, and people having to redose or go into withdrawals quickly. However for me, in my experiences when i had taken xanax or ativan around 2mg's or more, my anxiety was completely gone for the ENTIRE day. Probably because i was not taking it all the time, and had no tolerance to it from taking it a few times a week. My only concern is (and i am proud of myself to even consider this) is that, i am going to find myself taking more of the xanax/ativan than initially intended which is 3 times a week. The next day after i'll be back to my normal anxious self which can be bearable and sometimes it cannot. If something really bad happened the days i am not suppose to take any, than slowly a physical addiction will build. 3 times a week, can be in the clear zone i believe because i had done that before without withdrawals or dependence. (My medications are controlled by a family member) So if i am getting 3 0.5 xanax's a day, i should be saving them up and using them on seperate days and only 3 days out of the whole week. However it being in my possession, and if i am not feeling all too well on a certain day i might be tempted to take it again, which is what i FEAR. It may not happen, or it might i'm not sure but i'm trying to mentally plan it out, because the aim is to defeat anxiety, atleast for some of the days and have a small bit of peace.
----Those are two issues, i don't want to be dependent on klonopin (taking it as prescribed), and the other issue is concern over if i will take the xanax/ativan more than 3 times a week. Honestly it makes me angry, that these anxiety relieving medications are worse in the long run than street drugs but yet work miracles for anxiety sufferers. I don't want to be like many of you who have permanently been damaged by benzos, even if taken as prescribed. I couldn't imagine having more anxiety in the long run with a long list of other side effects from benzos, i probably would kill myself literally.
-I didn't think i would be worrying so much over all this, i was just so happy i found a psychiatrist who understands me in and out and prescribed me benzos, since i've tried a list of so much shit, and already being on gabapentin, seroquel xr, and now something called vibryd. But what can i say, it's a part of my anxiety to over analyze especially a situation like this. I feel like if i got prescribed temezapam which he probably wouldn't do, that i could better stick to my 3 day regime. I would already be at risk taking a benzo 3 times a week, and maybe i could do it for awhile but it's very possible i'll give in and just take them like normal and boom *addicted* something i've never been, and something i cannot imagine it's just too much, i have enough issues sober.
-I really don't know what to do, i'm also coming off meth (something i haven't done in almost two years) so maybe that plays a role, but what i'm worrying about and writing about isn't a stupid worry or something i'm just being over dramatic about, it's actually really serious. I never thought i would say this but i wish he prescribed me 12 xanax bars a month, 3 to take every week. But instead i'll probably get 90 pills but at a much lower dosage. I need like 1.5mg xanax to feel the relief and anxiety being gone (i'm talking with no tolerance) and for ativan, i can deal with 2mg. But he is probably gonna prescribe these 0.5's and having so many pills in my posession on the days i'm not suppose to take them, might be hard. I am terribly confused, this is a very complex situation and one wrong mistake could permanently change things. I cannot function without zero benzos which is why i went to this new psychiatrist, but i also CANNOT fall into the realm of addiction or dependence. I'm not even talking about popping 6 xanax's, i would refuse to even take them 0.5 3x a day. I don't want DEPENDENCE ON THEM. It's 5 in the morning and this shit and whole conversation is freaking me out. I need to fall asleep and hopefully be a bit less worried about this, even though it is something serious i must figure out. I know you bluelighters, have more experience so feel free to give opinions after carefully reading the thread even though it's long. Just don't say, don't take any benzos. Been doing that for 21 years, can't handle it anymore. Kind advice please? I'm totally fucking confused.
