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Will I ever recover from MDMA abuse?

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trippy_

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Dec 13, 2020
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I have taken MDMA perhaps 25 times since the beginning of 2019 (I don't keep count). Many of my rolls have been 500mg+, and some where I even took an entire gram in one night.

The peak of my MDMA abuse was September '19 - January '20. During this period, I was crying on a daily basis, having terrible anxiety/panic attacks, and failed out of college. After a heavy roll in January, I nearly killed myself which prompted me to take a 2 month break from rolling.

My 2 month break seemed to completely alleviate the MDMA-induced anxiety/depression that I thought I would never recover from. Because I thought I had "recovered," I continued to take MDMA approximately once every 2 months. Having (somewhat) learned from my previous mistakes, I now will never take more than 1-2 doses in a session, and I've set 2 months as the minimum break between my rolls. I started to develop issues with anxiety/depression again, but suspect it may have been due to heavy dissociative + cannabis abuse rather than from MDMA. However, I've done four ayahuasca ceremonies this year which healed me very significantly. I'm currently happier than I've ever been in my life, and have zero anxiety or depression. I've quit all drugs -- including cannabis -- for the last month and don't see that ending anytime soon.

Despite having recovered from my anxiety/depression and drug addiction, I feel that my cognitive functioning is not the same as is used to be. I feel that MDMA took something away from me that I'm longing to get back. I often feel like a complete retard -- I just don't have the same level of sharpness/intelligence that I did before I began abusing MDMA. My memory and learning abilities are significantly impaired.

My last roll was October 16, where I took 300mg. After this roll, I had the worst crash of my life which has made me realize that I need a much longer break than 2 months. Can I ever recover fully, or am I going to be a retard for the rest of my life? If recovery is possible, how long will it take? I am currently eating a healthy vegan diet, exercising daily, and practicing meditation/yoga and other healing modalities.

How long will it be until it's okay for me to roll again? I know some of you may say "don't ever touch MDMA again," however raving is a huge part of my life and while I know that I can rave without MDMA, I feel that I'll likely use it again sometime in the distant future.

Any advice / words of encouragement / recovery stories will be greatly appreciated.

P.S: I am ONLY looking for advice/support, not negativity. I already know I'm an idiot for abusing MDMA like this so there is no need to further assert that in the comments.

Thank you <3
 
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I'm sure you'll recover

Having said that, from what you've said / already experienced it most definitely sounds like mdma isn't for you and I'd invite you to consider stopping completely - grieve., mourn for it whatever but then let it go

Life isn't fair. Some drugs don't agree with us. We're all different. You can easily live without mdma but it sounds very much like you won't live easily with it

It's not for you, sorry
 
Omicron:

We took MDMA so many more times than you did over the same span of time when we first got into it it's not even funny. It's barely been any time since your last roll. You'll recover. No one's going to be able to tell you how long it will take you though, and all that stuff you mentioned might help, but ultimately you're just going to have to wait and live. If you want to keep using MDMA, you just have to keep trying to adjust to find a healthy level of usage for you, and ultimately you might have to decide to accept that any time you use it, you might feel off for a while. That's just how things go sometimes. But, you might be able to figure it out too if you're patient.

Hope you get where you're going easily enough one way or another.
 
You may hear voices but it’s better to keep going. Harm reduction is the goal here. Shulgin would turn on no more than twice a week.
 
MDMA can do great things for folks both in a therapeutic environment as well as social one, but it is a drug that is to be respected and approached with caution. As you have learned, it has a quantifiable downside, especially when overused.

Other life choices certainly complicate things (polydrug use, poor sleep, bad nutrition), and it can be difficult to pin all your problems down solely on the MDMA, but it is certainly a big factor in the negatives you are experiencing. The good news is that in my experience, time heals pretty much everything. It sounds like you are doing the right things with exercise and diet. I also can not stress this enough....prioritize good sleep. It will heal your brain like nothing else. It's an element our society struggles with in general regardless.

Depending on various factors such as age and lifestyle, I believe someone who has abused MDMA can make a full recovery by abstaining in as little as a year. For others, it can take longer if they do not do a good job with a healthy lifestyle.

I will say this, in the times when I felt like I was overdoing the drug, the biggest side effect for me was apathy. Daily life didn't feel that exciting. Nothing could compare to the MDMA. After a long break, I have found that joy and wonder in daily life can return.

I will never say you can't rave again, because it's possible you could bring it back into your life safely. But for now, take my word that 2 months is not even going to come close to doing this. Take at least a year and reset. Live healthy. The upside is that not only will you feel better but given responsible choices you may be able to experience MDMA again safely at some point down the road.
 
Are you sure it's even pure MDMA? these dosages seem massive for someone who has little tolerance. I did MDMA at least 10 times in half a year and then some more with my friend and we never needed to exceed the 100mg-120mg dosage and that's with a decent batch, my best one in form of white crystals is even stronger and i wouldn't go above 100mg. i'm not saying i like ecstasy, i was just bored on weekends.

Maybe you should try some other stimulant / psychedelic for partying? There are so many drugs out there you have plenty of choices.
 
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fugme said:
Are you sure it's even pure MDMA? these dosages seem massive for someone who has little tolerance. I did MDMA at least 10 times in half a year and then some more with my friend and we never needed to exceed the 100mg-120mg dosage and that's with a decent batch, my best one in form of white crystals is even stronger and i wouldn't go above 100mg. i'm not saying i like ecstasy, i was just bored on weekends.

Maybe you should try some other stimulant / psychedelic for partying? There are so many drugs out there you have plenty of choices.
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Yeah it's really good stuff, even 150mg is enough to roll extremely hard. But I just used to be so dumb and think i need to drop a capsule every 2 hours to keep my rolls going. I used to overdo it so soo much until im rolling waaay too hard . But now i realize i don't need that much and i'm good with just one dose for a night
 
never take mdma again. It will take a long time to recover probably 2 years also a vegan diet is going to slow down recovery alot. You need at least some form of meat i would recommend including seafood into your diet if you are avoiding other meats.

Mushrooms are what repaired my neurons including DMT to a huge extent. If you are looking for rapid neurogensis i would start with magic mushrooms.
 
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