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Why do I have sex dreams about my abusive and mean ex?

L

living proof

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I was with my ex for a year, then I left him and we broke up with each other since he was mean and abusive to me.

A year later since our break up I have no contact with him which is great since I do not want to talk to him or have anything to do with him. He has emailed me and called me while drunk or high twice but I do not answer his calls, return them, or reply to his emails. But I do have sex dreams about him at times. Why Is that? I am no longer attracted to him, and I have no contact with him.
 
The sex dreams about my ex are just regular sex dreams. No abuse, kink, or BDSM is done in them. I have not dated or had sex with anyone since my ex and I broke up but I do not want to since I have been focusing on myself and not looking for people to date or sleep with.
 
This is just an opinion but maybe it is because you were in a very intense relationship--i.e. he had a very strong hold on your being to get you to put up with abuse for any amount of time. Maybe these dreams are just you working him completely out of your psyche. Whatever they are and wherever they come from, just be assured that you are healing inside and that it will take time to completely work through such a damaging experience. Stay safe and strong.<3
 
Thanks for the reply herbavore can a mod please move this to the relationship forum? TIA.
 
Often, although disturbing, when we dream we subconsciously value something about that person. A quality we don't possess, but wish we did.

It's not necessarily that meanness or abuse, don't feel concerned about that. Perhaps strength, control. Look deeper & past the horrible traits of your ex. What attracted you in the first place?

You say you've been focusing on yourself, that's likely why these dreams are happening. Self help, introspection & your subconscious is showing you another way to further develop yourself.

Hope that offers some insight.

Rtp
 
Maybe the sex was good even though everything else wasn't? Our animal bodies remember how things felt even if our minds weave a different story.
 
agreed^ someone who got into your mind and was good in bed will come back in dream form.

get some good sex and maybe this will shift
 
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