Never did any drugs besides alcohol and marijuana anyways this year I started going to music festivals and me and my friends did molly for the first time over a span of like 5 monthes I did it like 10 times I'm 24 years old fucked up thing is i tried to play it as safe as possiblethose other friends of mine started doing acid and coke and mushrooms and I'm like no mollys the most I'll do and here I am the one who does the least amount of drugs and I'm fucked up do I wanna live? Fuck ya!!!!!!!!!! Do I wanna live like this? Fuck no my symptoms of hppd are and I have depersonalization by the way are a billion floaters everywhere visual snow light sensitivity head pressure ears feel like there underwater like blocked ear pressure jello legs neck stiffness music doesn't give me that good feeling maybe because my ears are blocked? It's like when I blast music it doesn't sound that loud it's hard to function I have to look left right straight it's like my awareness levels are gone tingling behind my nose muscle spasms twitches in my eyes this all happened 2 monthes ago I took a pink tesla which my friend took the other half he was fine and went to work next dayeverything was fine day after that which is 2 days after I took the pill I got a sudden panic attack my first one ever heart was pounding then a sharp pain in my head and my vision changed this isn't life this is hell in real life can't believe this happened to me I have such a big heart just started doing molly this year never touched anything else I can't believe at 24 I might be fucked up forever all dreams and aspirations shattered what's the point of money what's the point of anything if you don't have the pure quality and happiness of life I live for my two sisters my parents bad things really do happen to good people my focus is fucked up when I walk around it's like I'm on a rollercoaster I feel like falling I do excersise everyday now but depression is getting bad man depersonalization derealization hppd this is so messed up I watched all my friends do molly acid ketamine cocaine shrooms and mix drugs and do whatever and I'm like woah there crazy and my sorry ass just took molly and I got fucked up life isn't fair ???
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Mental Health What's the point in living:(
- Thread starter mcmz12
- Start date
RecoveringDude
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 24, 2017
- Messages
- 52
Proving all those fuckers wrong and recovering.
RogerSigval
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2017
- Messages
- 45
What's the point of living? I've often asked the same question.
I too have a distaste for the world of money, and sadly it seems to be money that rules the world. I'm in my thirties and recently had a serious nervous breakdown, not from hppd as you have but from a severe anxiety condition involving "psychogenic blackouts" where I unintentionally blackout any frightening or confusing circumstances. For a little over two months, I was completely incapacitated and incapable of doing anything besides laying around and drinking in my sorrows. I've since started picking my life back up off the ground. I've returned to the things I enjoy and to productivity. I'm not fully there just yet, but I'm a completely different person than I was a month ago.
I tell you this not because I want to change the conversation to myself but because I want to give you some hope by letting you know that, at least in my case, recovery seems to be taking place. It's a slow process, as I'd assume it would be for you as well, and for me there were also "false starts" where I thought I was myself again only to be set back to my pitiful condition. But don't be fooled if this happens to you; there are undeniable positive results for people like us that we can witness and use to build on - kind of like a snowball picking up more and more snow as it rolls down a hill.
As for your question, I once heard an answer (from a high school student of all people) that has always stuck with me: The Meaning of Life is to Give Life Meaning! This beautifully articulated sentence offers hope without the necessity of faith; it allows us to see life as opportunity despite the suffering that accompanies it. All human understanding is based in comparison. We can't know tall if we haven't seen short, and we can't know quiet if we've never heard loud. We NEED to have darkness in order to recognize light. This doesn't mean there's no point to living, although I too feel that way sometimes. It means we need to accept - if not appreciate - those terrible times, for it is these times that allow us to recognize the good times. I wish you the best of luck and hope things get better for you as they are for me.
I too have a distaste for the world of money, and sadly it seems to be money that rules the world. I'm in my thirties and recently had a serious nervous breakdown, not from hppd as you have but from a severe anxiety condition involving "psychogenic blackouts" where I unintentionally blackout any frightening or confusing circumstances. For a little over two months, I was completely incapacitated and incapable of doing anything besides laying around and drinking in my sorrows. I've since started picking my life back up off the ground. I've returned to the things I enjoy and to productivity. I'm not fully there just yet, but I'm a completely different person than I was a month ago.
I tell you this not because I want to change the conversation to myself but because I want to give you some hope by letting you know that, at least in my case, recovery seems to be taking place. It's a slow process, as I'd assume it would be for you as well, and for me there were also "false starts" where I thought I was myself again only to be set back to my pitiful condition. But don't be fooled if this happens to you; there are undeniable positive results for people like us that we can witness and use to build on - kind of like a snowball picking up more and more snow as it rolls down a hill.
As for your question, I once heard an answer (from a high school student of all people) that has always stuck with me: The Meaning of Life is to Give Life Meaning! This beautifully articulated sentence offers hope without the necessity of faith; it allows us to see life as opportunity despite the suffering that accompanies it. All human understanding is based in comparison. We can't know tall if we haven't seen short, and we can't know quiet if we've never heard loud. We NEED to have darkness in order to recognize light. This doesn't mean there's no point to living, although I too feel that way sometimes. It means we need to accept - if not appreciate - those terrible times, for it is these times that allow us to recognize the good times. I wish you the best of luck and hope things get better for you as they are for me.
herbavore
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Jul 26, 2011
- Messages
- 14,942
^ I agree: meaning is never inherent, it is created. Why is it created? Because we humans crave it. When it happens, in a relationship, in an epiphany about life, in appreciation for nothing more than a scent or a taste or a moment of beauty you just happened to witness, in sadness, in loss, in music....the list is endless but when it happens it imparts such an energized connection to your inner self .
AnnieNonymus
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jun 4, 2017
- Messages
- 8
Corny as it sounds, the answer is Love. The point is to love, to learn how to love, be loved. To be selfless in love. The problem is we learn love through pain, heartache and sorrow. Nothing worth doing is easy. Life is no different.