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What do I do?

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Dawglaw

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 28, 2012
Messages
953
My on and off gf of 2 years just found out she cannot have kids. I love her but I eventually want my own, natural kids and I feel like this new development is a real deal breaker. Having my own children is really important to me.

She is incredibly distraught about the news and I cannot even imagine what me leaving would do to her mental well being.

Ugh. This sucks. Any advice?
 
You could adopt... no? How old are you two? Have many ON/OFFs isn't healthy either.
 
If she can't have children and you wan't your own 'natural' ones then you have to leave her. If you had just heard this news how would you feel if this person left you because you couldn't give her children? If you really love her then her not being able to have children should take second place and you should be focusing on adoption etc.

How old are you?
 
Although I personally don't understand the whole wanting to have kids thing, there are ways around it. While costly, you can still use your sperm so that you have a child who is naturally yours. Adoption as well is always an option.... and think of the lives you could be saving while adopting!
 
I'm 28, she is 27. We broke up last year but got back together a few months ago and I was really thinking she was the one and was prepping for getting serious with her. We had both talked about wanting kids but not until we are in our early/mid 30s.

Maybe I am just freaking out but it is such a bummer. There is a small chance that she might have something like a 3 month window to get pregnant right now but we are in no position for that at the moment. Still waiting to hear from the dr but it does not look good.

I want to love and support her becauase she is not taking this well at all. I feel terrible for even considering wanting out due to something she has zero control over.
 
Which doctor told her that she cannot conceive? I'm confused as to why she has a three-month window to get pregnant now. Perhaps she should consult with a fertility specialist. Doctors have been known to make inaccurate diagnoses. I've known several women over the years who had "surprise" pregnancies after being told they could never have children.
 
yeah, surrogacy, if she's up for it. if she's got usable eggs then she can have them frozen until you're ready. it'll be costly though and i think this is a little narcissistic to be honest.

adoption is a nicer thing to do IMO. to save a little kid from being raised in care is a wonderful thing to do
 
My wife couldn't have kids... but we did anyway. Of course, our situation is not the same as YOURS.

There are a lot of kids looking for homes. The world is over-crowded anyway, but we still have the desire to care for a little one... and people can and do love adopted children as their own blood.
 
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Time to have an honest look at why you only want to have children that are biologically yours.

Is your need to propagate your own DNA so much stronger than your desire to be with the woman you love?

If it is, then for kindness' sake you should release this woman to find happiness elsewhere. But if you want her in your life, recognise that biological ties do not automatically make for strong, loving, fulfilling and happy parenthood. Consider the many options you have for building your family in other ways.
 
Yeah, let her find another man that doesn't require her to have his children. Maybe man who already has a kid or two but is divorced or widowed, thus allowing her to experience motherhood.
 
Dawglaw said:
My on and off gf of 2 years just found out she cannot have kids. I love her but I eventually want my own, natural kids and I feel like this new development is a real deal breaker. Having my own children is really important to me.

She is incredibly distraught about the news and I cannot even imagine what me leaving would do to her mental well being.

Ugh. This sucks. Any advice?
Click to expand...

what issue she have with fertility?
 
Polkatrio has given some spot on advice. You need to make your decision sooner rather than later. If you TRULY love your partner then you should stick by her through thick and thin no matter what.

There are many options available nowadays for raising a family.

Whatever route you may go down, be assured that when a child becomes involved, you will love them unconditionally whether biological or not.

You only get one chance in life, make the right one x
 
One Thousand Words said:
Surrogacy. Problem solved
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this

talk to her and lay out what you want. i'm personally too selfish to adopt. i have no siblings and i'm not putting myself out for the benefit of anyone elses genetics. sounds bad but its how i feel
 
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