What can I do to get to know someone better on a dating site?

[QT_McWhiskers]

32 male on okcupid...um, Australian if it helps.

I have found a really appealing and promising lady and have chatted with her for a few days, and yesterday on chat we exchanged some youtube vid links, and she's linked me to an article her friend wrote about her...

But more of the initiative is coming from me, I write way more than she does, though she does write substantially more than other girls I've messaged; or attempted to start convos with.

A guy who is too enthusiastic and too verbose in the dating site world is seriously hamstringing himself IMO by being that way...but that's just who I am. I hate writing two lines of an email, I have other thoughts I'd like to put on there, so it grows to 2/3 paragraphs. Ok, editing is fine, but I don't want to pretend to be cooler than I am.

I don't want to ask her any more silly questions about how work was, or follow up stuff about something she wrote she liked on her profile...and I don't want to Mug Myself either by just spraying a bunch of overly-enthusiastic verbal-jizz her way about who I am.

What can I do? I want to be interesting to her but not demanding or needy.

Are there any websites that are like co-op little get-to-know-you games that people can play on, that I might be able to send her a link to?

What do you Blue and Green Lighters do to not let dating site opportunities die in embryo?

Last: it's too early to ask to meet...I have a whole bunch of house-moving and job-seeking I need to do in the next couple of weeks. And she works graveyard shifts.

 

[bunnymunro]

As in real life, just be yourself, edit if you find that important, don't if you don't. Things like that help build a mind's eye picture of yourself.
Keep in mind that in general (as in real life) those websites probably have a whole crapload of salivating men to every female, and while you may not have a bunch of messages to reply to at each log in, she probably has every panting desperado messaging her hoping to get lucky.

If she's local and you are getting good vibes, don't delay too much in asking her out, even if you have tasks that need to be done, once again, that is real life, and if she can't contend with that, then she's not worth your time

 

[baggerr]

MEET THEM!! The internet is NOT the place to get to know someone, its a place to FIND someone to meet. You CANNOT get to know someone correctly through a keyboard. I'm in the middle of writing a book on this exact topic. On the net you do not see, looks, body language, tone of voice, words spoken are different than words typed, on the net they have time to "think" of a response, when in person, its a candid response and thats the one you want.

 

[mrinfinity]

Totally agree with baggerr! Generally speaking a few emails back and forth. Then give her your number and also ask if she would prefer you call her (some old fashioned woman just refuse to make the first call .

If the phone call works out then ask her on a date. Simple. I would advise you to not to get too attached to anyone online. Talking on the phone and in meeting person are very important steps before really giving any of your energy to it.

 

[legalizeall]

Take her out and show her a good time. Dont rely on the internet so much to get to know her or else when you do meet you might be a mess cause you cant edit or delete your conversation. Even if you got shit to do, make the time or else some other dude with swoop in on you and your left high and dry while you pack your toothbrush away. Good luck.

 

[baggerr]

Totally agree with baggerr! Generally speaking a few emails back and forth. Then give her your number and also ask if she would prefer you call her (some old fashioned woman just refuse to make the first call .

If the phone call works out then ask her on a date. Simple. I would advise you to not to get too attached to anyone online. Talking on the phone and in meeting person are very important steps before really giving any of your energy to it.

I dont even do the phone call. I call it the PCOD= phone call of death lol. They can go great and they can go very shitty. Because you dont know each other you dont know how to read the other persons tones, comments, you're still missing body language, you dont get that personal connection and things can be totally misunderstood or you just dont connect and its awkward. Talk on the phone after the first meet and it will go much better because you'll be able to read their personality into what they are saying, when you dont know the personality you dont always understand whats being said.
I've had the phone call go great, talk for hours, and I've had them last 3 minutes. I've evem had a few just flat hang up lol. So to make them happy I'll say we can talk for a few just so we can see if I'm a nice guy or not The chicks need that sometimes. BUT no 20 questions!!! The more of the basics you share before you meet, the less you have to talk about when in person. Many times you need the, do you have kids, what kind of work do you do, how old are your kids, where are you from, you know the standard what about you questions to get a conversation moving and to break the ice and relax. if you've covered all that shit in emails or on the phone, when you meet you still are strangers and now you dont have anything to talk about. And then it becomes hit and miss to find common ground and you get about 3 tries Its like kindling for a fire. Its impossible to light a log on fire with a match. But if you have kindling, you can light that and that will get the log burning
I swear I should write a book
Oh and whatever happens, just run with it, dont put markers or timelines, like dont do this until 2nd date, do this on this date, do what feels comfortable when it feels comfortable, that could be anything from a handshake to sex on the first date. There are no rules on when to do or not do things your an adult. If you put to many barriers for the other person to jump they'll stop jumping. A handshake at the end of the first date means no 2nd date lol
Another thing is since everyone is online people get the "shiny new object syndrome" There is always another profile So if you start dating I bring up the fact that while we arent committed in any way, if you're still out meeting other people while we're trying to date, its almost a guarantied fail. If you decide you like each other you need to give it a chance to evolve, if you're meeting new people still your attention is on the new person, not the person you met yesterday. You become woody and the new person becomes buzz lighter year, yesterday you were buzz lightyear Its an endless cycle that many people on dating sites get caught up in and this is why:

A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch: you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose
to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled
to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with
the housework. "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have
jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to
the sixth floor and the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
FOR THE MEN
A new wives store opened across the street. The first floor has wives that love sex. The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.
The third through sixth floors have never been visited.

 

[nAON]

MEET THEM!! The internet is NOT the place to get to know someone, its a place to FIND someone to meet. You CANNOT get to know someone correctly through a keyboard. I'm in the middle of writing a book on this exact topic. On the net you do not see, looks, body language, tone of voice, words spoken are different than words typed, on the net they have time to "think" of a response, when in person, its a candid response and thats the one you want.

I disagree massively, it depends on the personality type. From my experience, introverts that already have problems over-focusing on how they appear/are perceived tend to be very good at internet chat, often more comfortable than IRL. While extroverted people, who are so used to seeing other peoples body language, tone, etc. tend to be kinda averse to it.

 

[Corazon]

32 male on okcupid...um, Australian if it helps.

I have found a really appealing and promising lady and have chatted with her for a few days, and yesterday on chat we exchanged some youtube vid links, and she's linked me to an article her friend wrote about her...

But more of the initiative is coming from me, I write way more than she does, though she does write substantially more than other girls I've messaged; or attempted to start convos with.

A guy who is too enthusiastic and too verbose in the dating site world is seriously hamstringing himself IMO by being that way...but that's just who I am. I hate writing two lines of an email, I have other thoughts I'd like to put on there, so it grows to 2/3 paragraphs. Ok, editing is fine, but I don't want to pretend to be cooler than I am.

I don't want to ask her any more silly questions about how work was, or follow up stuff about something she wrote she liked on her profile...and I don't want to Mug Myself either by just spraying a bunch of overly-enthusiastic verbal-jizz her way about who I am.

What can I do? I want to be interesting to her but not demanding or needy.

Are there any websites that are like co-op little get-to-know-you games that people can play on, that I might be able to send her a link to?

What do you Blue and Green Lighters do to not let dating site opportunities die in embryo?

Last: it's too early to ask to meet...I have a whole bunch of house-moving and job-seeking I need to do in the next couple of weeks. And she works graveyard shifts.

It's a pen-pal site, so definitely do not initiate a meetup.

Wait, it's a dating site, my bad.

MEET THEM!!

Last: it's too early to ask to meet...I have a whole bunch of house-moving and job-seeking I need to do in the next couple of weeks. And she works graveyard shifts.

You will have to be brave.

 

[baggerr]

I disagree massively, it depends on the personality type. From my experience, introverts that already have problems over-focusing on how they appear/are perceived tend to be very good at internet chat, often more comfortable than IRL. While extroverted people, who are so used to seeing other peoples body language, tone, etc. tend to be kinda averse to it.

So what did these introvert types do before we had the internet? They had to go out to even just find someone to meet! The internet causes people to move in the wrong direction. The computer is a step back from reality. The internet is just a tool to find someone. Its not where you do your dating, It is not where you try to figure someone out and get to know them, thats out the front door, the computer is just the tool to find that person to go out the front door and meet When IRL your responses are candid and genuine, on the net you have time to create a response. The most important part of meeting someone new, and having it grow into more is the VERY beginning, thats when/where you connect/click. That doesnt happen until you are face to face. When you do it on the net, you're searching for that connection that never comes because you havent met and seen that pretty smile that lights up the room that changes everything You can make all the smiley emoticons you want, it will never be a real genuine smile
The computer just gives a place for the introvert to hide behind. At some point you have to get off the computer and meet them! No matter what you are. And they know that when they got on the dating site. And body language is not specific to any one type, it works for everyone. In fact introverts use it more than outgoing people because their trying to read you with minimal interaction and less conversation. Talking on the computer doesnt take away the first time meet jitters. The more you get to know someone and possibly like them, the more that person is going to worry about their presence because they have an interest now that raises the stakes. If you meet with no expectation, less to worry about, if you create an expectation (you like them therefore you're hoping the like you) and if you dont get to that on the first meet they can end up disappointed and let down as an introvert would.
Besides first meets are just that, meets, they are not dates, they are to meet and see if you want to go on a date. They can easily turn into a date, or they can be short and a plan for another coffee. (btw starbucks is the worst place to meet someone, especially an introvert. Its very quite and everyone can hear your conversation and shy quite people clam right up and it kills the conversation
Put the phone down, the tablet/ipad down, close facebook, turn the computer off, and go behave like a normal human being and communicate like a normal human being should. The experience will be much more positive.
Unfortunately I have been through this step more times than I care to admit, but I've learned from my experiences. Where to meet not meet, what to talk about not talk about when to talk and when to shut the fuck up and listen How to handle an extrovert, how to handle an introvert, how to handle someone thats super nervous and shy (which is not the same as introvert) How much time you spend emailing or phone calls. Everyone is different and different things work for different people. Where you meet is probably one of the most important factors in a first meet and where you're at sets the tone. To quite, no one talks, to loud you cant hear a thing and you dont talk and nothing happens, and you end up dancing with this stranger you just met. you go and do something, you may have fun but you're spending less time interacting and more time doing the activity. Never do dinner on a meet & greet, thats a date. Remember first meets are not dates, they are get to know you's. As an example, I am going to assume, just assuming, that your impression of me so far is leaning to the negative side of the scale because of how I come across. But if you knew me it would be the opposite, I am one of the most friendliest open funny person as you'll ever meet Everyone gets along with me and I get labelled with the nice guy tag all the time Grrr lol And you would understand my humor too as this post is full of it. But you wont catch it because YA DONT KNOW ME I'm just another keyboard commando on an internet forum that thinks he knows everything, and you're an asshole and a retard and I'll kick your ass cause I'm 10' tall when I'm on my keyboard LOL
I've had this conversation with potential dates and when they get out and meet they realize what I'm talking about. But my friendliness to help that alot. But the point is, even the introverts get it once they do it and wished they had done it sooner because they realize they've been wasting time. The ones that dont buy into, dont get met. I want to meet a real living breathing female, not an avatar on a chat screen
And another thing, I fucking hate typing! Cant we just talk on the phone? This would go so much faster

 

[baggerr]

It's a pen-pal site, so definitely do not initiate a meetup.

Wait, it's a dating site, my bad.




You will have to be brave.

Something to keep in mind. On any given dating site, the ratio of men to women is something 30-40 to 1....yes thats accurate. If the gal is at all attractive she will get 10 -20 messages A DAY when men will be lucky to get that many first contacts from a female in 6 months.
1 because men are the aggressors so we chase . The women do not need to do that. And because they get so many messages they get to have the pick of the litter so to speak without cruising dozens of profiles. They ALWAYS have someone else to talk to IF they choose. You may send 20 emails, get a response from 5, they dont send any and get emails every day.