Relapse Well that was a disaster

[Juicewrldfan]

EMSAM is given for depression, and might be useful in ADHD.

Yeah I am questioning the veracity of your story, too, OP, tbh...

You got a psychiatric evaluation for suspected BPD and manic symptoms and walked out with a prescription for a scheduled stimulant?

Glad you’re ok…

Nope. I did.

I complained of staying up

Do you hear what you're saying? Do you actually hear the words that are coming out of your mouth?

"I didn't take the 280 mg all at once. It was over the night"

How long was it supposed to last you? Why did you black out?

I'm not throwing any shade your way at all. I could care less how many drugs you do. But in the interest of helping you, maybe you should stop treating your doctor and your mental health professional as a drive-thru convenience store for your pharmaceutical drug shopping.

Cuz that's what it seems like you're doing. And I'm not the first person that's kind of either implied it or outright said it.

I mean if I had a mental health condition, the last thing I would be doing is taking all different kind of pills plus recreational drugs at the same time. And I include using prescription drugs in any way differently than they were prescribed or using prescription drugs that you're not prescribed as recreational.

i wasn’t planning on abusing the stims and I didn’t go there seeking them. I meant to add to this and look I’m not saying I couldn’t of pushed back and said no no no no stimsz

I had already said it twice two different occasions and the truth is once she said what she as going to get me Al that will I mustered up left and I failed in that.

Still, to answer another person on here I’m not lying. The only thing is that I could have done a better job advocating for myself.

And a disaster it has been indeed. Been up 48 hours on Daynavel….again never planned on abusing it or at least not consciously.

My mind is extremely mush and to be very honest this shit is fucking hard asf to get thru and I’ve been thru some benders

I sound non chalant but the truth is damn im struggling but i know its just the drugs and lack of sleep.

No I was happy soberish. Staying away from hard drugs. I didn’t intend on going back.

I’m an addict. Stuff happens but damn this shit is killing me this time. I’m sure I’ll be good after some sleep and number one rule I broke with atom use is to eat. I wasn’t eating or drink g really and was so sooted I didn’t realize it. It was terrible. I can’t use these responsibly. This was a huge mistake. But I’ll get back on my feet. Gotta tell myself that tho ya kno.

Struggling is an understatement

 

[Juicewrldfan]

Do you hear what you're saying? Do you actually hear the words that are coming out of your mouth?

"I didn't take the 280 mg all at once. It was over the night"

How long was it supposed to last you? Why did you black out?

I'm not throwing any shade your way at all. I could care less how many drugs you do. But in the interest of helping you, maybe you should stop treating your doctor and your mental health professional as a drive-thru convenience store for your pharmaceutical drug shopping.

Cuz that's what it seems like you're doing. And I'm not the first person that's kind of either implied it or outright said it.

I mean if I had a mental health condition, the last thing I would be doing is taking all different kind of pills plus recreational drugs at the same time. And I include using prescription drugs in any way differently than they were prescribed or using prescription drugs that you're not prescribed as recreational.

For what it’s worth more or
Less yo agree with you. I made some major mistakes and now lost my job to boot. Only mistake was diving too deep
Into meds for bipolar disorder which branched out to other shit and which lead me here.

Sorry I am still stimming but damn stims just are not fun highs. And so stupid because all that progress man just gobe.

Only thing I can do is learn from it and move on. No sims ever. Rule of thumb will keep
me save.

I have to say tho man sounds kinda harsh the way you’re coming down on me. Like man, I’m really fucking struggling right now and I’ll be better after sleep and food but too easy to see despair right now ya know what I mean? The smallest i convenience can look like despair right now.

Yeah struggling hard asf. And I k ow I should t take anymore but at this point what does it matter. Only two left. Idk tho I never get dizzy on stims and I’ve been getting a little light headed here and there so no I think I’ll fuck it just trash them.

Shit is poison.

 

[Juicewrldfan]

For what it’s worth more or
Less yo agree with you. I made some major mistakes and now lost my job to boot. Only mistake was diving too deep
Into meds for bipolar disorder which branched out to other shit and which lead me here.

Sorry I am still stimming but damn stims just are not fun highs. And so stupid because all that progress man just gobe.

Only thing I can do is learn from it and move on. No sims ever. Rule of thumb will keep
me save.

I have to say tho man sounds kinda harsh the way you’re coming down on me. Like man, I’m really fucking struggling right now and I’ll be better after sleep and food but too easy to see despair right now ya know what I mean? The smallest i convenience can look like despair right now.

Yeah struggling hard asf. And I k ow I should t take anymore but at this point what does it matter. Only two left. Idk tho I never get dizzy on stims and I’ve been getting a little light headed here and there so no I think I’ll fuck it just trash them.

Shit is poison.

Fucking sucks cuz how fucking long daynavel lasts god dang it…14 hours or 13 hours w/e

And say 28 doses over 24 hours. Yeah I think I’m not stable….maybe my therapist was right and I should go get stabilized. Cuz man this ain’t it. This is not the fucking way man

 

[snmfmy]

Nope. I did.

I complained of staying up

i wasn’t planning on abusing the stims and I didn’t go there seeking them. I meant to add to this and look I’m not saying I couldn’t of pushed back and said no no no no stimsz

I had already said it twice two different occasions and the truth is once she said what she as going to get me Al that will I mustered up left and I failed in that.

Still, to answer another person on here I’m not lying. The only thing is that I could have done a better job advocating for myself.

And a disaster it has been indeed. Been up 48 hours on Daynavel….again never planned on abusing it or at least not consciously.

My mind is extremely mush and to be very honest this shit is fucking hard asf to get thru and I’ve been thru some benders

I sound non chalant but the truth is damn im struggling but i know its just the drugs and lack of sleep.

No I was happy soberish. Staying away from hard drugs. I didn’t intend on going back.

I’m an addict. Stuff happens but damn this shit is killing me this time. I’m sure I’ll be good after some sleep and number one rule I broke with atom use is to eat. I wasn’t eating or drink g really and was so sooted I didn’t realize it. It was terrible. I can’t use these responsibly. This was a huge mistake. But I’ll get back on my feet. Gotta tell myself that tho ya kno.

Struggling is an understatement

What I find shocking is that a doctor that is aware of your history of abusing stimulants gave you a handful of stimulants and pushed you out the door.

As Jonnie Cochran says:

 

[snmfmy]

And what I meant by that is I don't really think your doctor knows that you abused stimulants so much.

I think it's a new doctor that has no clue about what your previous amphetamine addiction was.

If that's not the case, then that doctor should get their medical license taken away.

 

[Juicewrldfan]

What I find shocking is that a doctor that is aware of your history of abusing stimulants gave you a handful of stimulants and pushed you out the door.

As Jonnie Cochran says:

Yeah and they are addiction “specialists” and they know me well. Just they been treating me for adjd for a year and a half so I think they just put trap and two together. Patient quit taking meds. Patient has symptoms. Patient going back on meds.

I don’t know if they are trying to kill me or what. Like idk what the fuck and ultimately I k ow I’m responsible for my own recovery but damn man. Two scripts and one was IR to boot. It’s like they want me to fuck up. I can usually deal with stim come downs from adhd meds but this one is hard asf.

Probably because I lost my job. And idk how I’m going to tell my wife…
So stupid. This shit happens every time I relapse waning I los my job…and you’d think I’d have learned but no the lure of stimulants and porn is too dam addicted no that’s because I tucking let it be. No more

 

[Juicewrldfan]

And what I meant by that is I don't really think your doctor knows that you abused stimulants so much.

I think it's a new doctor that has no clue about what your previous amphetamine addiction was.

If that's not the case, then that doctor should get their medical license taken away.

I told her when I was on adderral I asked them to discontinue because I was worried because I was getting cravings for my next dose so no I wasn’t completely forthcoming because ain’t no craving. I flat out relapsed on them so yeah I was dishonest by withholding I formatik. I guess. Just feel like drs get mad about that.

So I told them I was craving it maybe ky subconscious was trying to work an angle idk. He’s a tricky bastard

 

[Juicewrldfan]

I told her when I was on adderral I asked them to discontinue because I was worried because I was getting cravings for my next dose so no I wasn’t completely forthcoming because ain’t no craving. I flat out relapsed on them so yeah I was dishonest by withholding I formatik. I guess. Just feel like drs get mad about that.

So I told them I was craving it maybe ky subconscious was trying to work an angle idk. He’s a tricky bastard

Sorry if I don’t make a lot of sense probably should go lay down but I’m debating whether to just say fuck it and fry these last two but why…why the fuck do I want to take them…fucking poison.

I have to guard my mind right now because I will go there if I’m not careful. What I mean is fucking spiral

 

[Juicewrldfan]

Sorry if I don’t make a lot of sense probably should go lay down but I’m debating whether to just say fuck it and fry these last two but why…why the fuck do I want to take them…fucking poison.

I have to guard my mind right now because I will go there if I’m not careful. What I mean is fucking spiral

I’m close asf as is

 

[snmfmy]

Yeah and they are addiction “specialists” and they know me well. Just they been treating me for adjd for a year and a half so I think they just put trap and two together. Patient quit taking meds. Patient has symptoms. Patient going back on meds.

I don’t know if they are trying to kill me or what. Like idk what the fuck and ultimately I k ow I’m responsible for my own recovery but damn man. Two scripts and one was IR to boot. It’s like they want me to fuck up. I can usually deal with stim come downs from adhd meds but this one is hard asf.

Probably because I lost my job. And idk how I’m going to tell my wife…
So stupid. This shit happens every time I relapse waning I los my job…and you’d think I’d have learned but no the lure of stimulants and porn is too dam addicted no that’s because I tucking let it be. No more

Honestly, either you have buffoons for doctors or I don't think you're actually describing the situation.

I'm not saying you're outright lying, but I'm saying you're not representing the situation correctly.

Especially when there's all kinds of microscopes on stimulant abuse because of the Adderall shortage.

You keep doing you and I think you'll keep getting the results that you're getting.

 

[snmfmy]

Sorry if I don’t make a lot of sense probably should go lay down but I’m debating whether to just say fuck it and fry these last two but why…why the fuck do I want to take them…fucking poison.

I have to guard my mind right now because I will go there if I’m not careful. What I mean is fucking spiral

Yeah man you're like right on the edge. You probably need to go in inpatient.

You're taking all kinds of freaking antidepressants, antipsychotics mood altering, pharmaceutical drugs, even if it's only for a day or two at a time because I don't actually believe you for a second regarding your consumption patterns.

It's like every day or two you're asking. What will this do? Will this help me? What do you think the effects of this will be?

You'll pull something out of your past where you know you like to take mushrooms or you like to take mescaline or you like to take whatever.

Your brain doesn't even have a reasonable baseline to figure out how the fuck to act normal on.

 

[Juicewrldfan]

So god dang can’t stop sweating pretty sure I’m overheating. Good luck explaining the sweat dripping like crazy to the wife.

But I think I’m hydrating enough. Vision slightly blurry when reading texts but other than that good. That’s like a blood pressure thing. Or because I didn’t sleep idk.

So annoying freakin maintenance trying to force there way in my damn house not physically but just by harrasskng.

As far as honesty with the dr goes, I didn’t bring up the stimulant or adhd diagnosis. They did because th way been treated it for over a year. I can’t go into al this right now. I just don’t have the endurance at this time.

I feel like my body is shutting down. But I know it is but into deep sleep ( lol I hope)

Sorry this is likely all over the place because o can’t think for
Nothing right bow

 

[thatmf]

I've asked to see an ADHD psychiatrist several times, eventually I was told that I can't have any stims with my regular medications. Will go loco. Might even go loco on a small dose without current medication. I had a stage where I replaced meth with vyvanse and dexies. The dexies did nothing for me, just made me crave meth more and more. The vyvanse was ok but still a pretty powerful stimulant. A friend of mine has also quit meth but has been prescribed 10mg dexies daily. Which isn't much. But yeah, doctors here are VERY careful about prescribing stims. Surprised you got prescribed some. And then you have the mental dilemma of "should I take them? Should I take all of them at once? Should I not take them" etc. I've had a couple of inpatient admissions from stims and after I was taken off my regular medication. Not fun. And while pharm stims even prescribed may be a lot less dangerous than meth, there's still a risk of them sending you over the edge. And fast.

Just look after yourself. Hate to say it but I think you might need to get admitted if things don't balance soon. Edit: Sorry to hear about you losing your job. But it can happen when you spiral down. DM me if you need to

 

[thatmf]

And on the other side of the "spectrum", my mate gets I think 6-8 dexies daily and still does meth every now and then. Not something I'd condone but the dexies help him live a pretty stable life. But I don't think that's the case for everybody, especially if you've had reactions to pharm stims before.

 

[Juicewrldfan]

I've asked to see an ADHD psychiatrist several times, eventually I was told that I can't have any stims with my regular medications. Will go loco. Might even go loco on a small dose without current medication. I had a stage where I replaced meth with vyvanse and dexies. The dexies did nothing for me, just made me crave meth more and more. The vyvanse was ok but still a pretty powerful stimulant. A friend of mine has also quit meth but has been prescribed 10mg dexies daily. Which isn't much. But yeah, doctors here are VERY careful about prescribing stims. Surprised you got prescribed some. And then you have the mental dilemma of "should I take them? Should I take all of them at once? Should I not take them" etc. I've had a couple of inpatient admissions from stims and after I was taken off my regular medication. Not fun. And while pharm stims even prescribed may be a lot less dangerous than meth, there's still a risk of them sending you over the edge. And fast.

Just look after yourself. Hate to say it but I think you might need to get admitted if things don't balance soon. Edit: Sorry to hear about you losing your job. But it can happen when you spiral down. DM me if you need to

Well some miraculous way I kept my job even tho I no called no showed.

But I agree that I think I need inpatient care. I feel kind of suicidal today. But may be pulling out of it. Still my therapist is 99 percent likely to make me go at this point with the recent craziness

 

[kiely]

Hey OP. You are really going through a lot of trauma right now. You have to self care and take care of yourself too.

Just be careful not to over medicate.

The most important thing is that you have to take care of you as well.

I know it must be very trying times for you right now. I hope that things can get better. You and your significant are

going through so much right now. You just also have to believe that everything will get better. Good Luck.

You can do this. You will both have to now.

I think that you doing better now and can be alright. Okay, just mistakes can be made. It's what just happens sometimes.

Hang in there.

I hope you got some sleep. It helps so much too. Take Care.

 

[Jnowhere]

Yeah I asked not to be prescribed them anymore a month or so ago lol…and go figure. Same place too.

Are these people brain dead; you are severely sleep deprived and they gave you amphetamines? Kiely is right, absolutely don't tell her you took more than you should have let alone the whole bottle.
Maybe it is time to find a new doctor, one experienced enough that he will recognize the seriousness of your situation and give something that will really help you sleep. Best of luck.

 

[kiely]

Are these people brain dead; you are severely sleep deprived and they gave you amphetamines? Kiely is right, absolutely don't tell her you took more than you should have let alone the whole bottle. I am wondering/ worried about inpatient treatment and how that could affect your new job.
Maybe it is time to find a new doctor, one experienced enough that he will recognize the seriousness of your situation and give something that will really help you. Best of luck.

Yes he is in crisis right now. He doesn't need to be traumatized even more. So I am not so sure about In-pt right now OR the doctor.

But OP seems strong right now too. Considering.

But he will be fine. Wow that was a big bottle of meds.

Please still be careful.

You got this. @ jcwrld You have to.

Stay Well !!

edit: spelling

 

[Juicewrldfan]

I’m feeling a lot better now. Thank you all for your support. It really means more than you probably realize to me.

I was just thinking though. I named my name off of Juicewrld and he died of an OF eventually. What are the odds I’m manifesting some shit.

Nope not happening. Maybe I change my name

 

[kiely]

I’m feeling a lot better now. Thank you all for your support. It really means more than you probably realize to me.

I was just thinking though. I named my name off of Juicewrld and he died of an OF eventually. What are the odds I’m manifesting some shit.

Nope not happening. Maybe I change my name

No u uh. I think you are just honoring him.
You should post some.