Victim of opiate addiction. How bad should this withdrawal be? Desperate for Support

[sasha90]

Hi,
I am 27 yo male who's very physically fit bodybuilder that religiously works out 5 times a week, even during my heaviest binge.
I got in a very heavy opiate addiction 5 years ago that started with oxy, then resulted IVing H up to 1 gram a day. Then when I could no longer support the habbit I got myself into methadone clinic doing 120 mg everyday for 3 years. I weened myself down to 1 mg then I was deathly afraid of horror stories from methadone withdrawal and went on suboxone. I was doing about 4.5 mg but I kinda weened myself off. But in the last 3 weeks I was IVing suboxone, although about 1 mg a day. my total suboxone length of treatment or abuse was 6 months. Then I stopped seeing my dr and I quit cold turkey from 1 mg IV. My physical withdrawal was a cake. I had no hot and cold flashes once. I had jelly legs. I had diarhea. No naseua, GREAT appetite, very bad sneezing to the last day. Maybe 3/10 compared to my H withdrawal 10/10. But psychological aspect of it was driving me 8/10 insane. RLS lasted 12 days where I wanted to hack my legs, low mood, no energy, mild depression, 5-8 hours of sleep where before I slept 10. I didnt work out at all but I did walk 6 hours a day from day 1 till 15th day. By day 15 all of my physical and psychological symptoms subsided other than bad sleep (8 hours and waking up 3 times), sneezing, lower mood and INTENSE cravings. Then a horror story happened. That night I randomly found nearly a full 8 mg suboxone pill. There was about 7 mgs of it. Of course my eyes went wide and that night I IVed .5 mg. Then 1 mg the next day, followed by .6 the next .4 the next, .2 the next and .1 the next day. Then randomly a friend calls me and tell me has has oxy. So I end up doing an average between 60 mg to 120 mg a day for 6 days. \and once I ran out of oxy I injected on
day 1 1 mg,
day 2 0.8 mg
day 3 0.5 mg
day 4 0.3 mg
day 5 0.4 mg.
I no longer have suboxone tab.
My question is how bad will this new withdrawal be, especially RLS given the history I've given to you? Will my w/d last 12/13 days also or will they be a little shorter?
Question 2, I want to lead a sober life. It seems more fullfilling. I dont want to be emotionless. but I have a weak mind and strong opiate cravings. What should I do?
Thanks for your help!

 

[herbavore]

I can't answer how the WD will go--perhaps someone with more experience can tackle that part of your question. I want to address the last part of your post.

You are not weak, though the cravings make you feel that way. You have already done quite a bit and now you are confronted with the knowledge that there is still more to do. Try not to let that knowledge defeat you but rather to motivate you to keep going. You obviously have amazing discipline if you are a body builder. Treat building your mind in the same way. You would not expect to be able to lift the heaviest weights in the beginning, right? It is the same with the mind. The way to change the old patterns and habits is through making supporting changes. The first step is recognizing what the drug actually gives you. Does it give you feelings of "normalcy"? Does it give you an escape from pain? More confidence? When you can recognize your own needs you can get creative in addressing them. You can take small steps (like changing the way you describe yourself and your actions) and watch them take root. You may or may not find a therapist helpful in this process.

This morning I woke up feeling that deep human loneliness. Despite the fact that I have a family that loves me, friends that love me and I am not particularly unhappy. I think that this aspect of being human is one of the craziest things to learn to live with. It makes us crave all sorts of things to fill the empty feeling. But what if we could simply let that empty feeling be? Because it never lasts. But when we are in the middle of it, it feels so urgent. This is when it is important to have strategies that you have developed within--strategies for living through the difficult emotions. I think if you can see that you have everything you need inside to develop a healthy mind, that you can begin to undo the myth of powerlessness over the drug that you are now perceiving. I don't want to minimize how powerful opiate addiction is--but it is not hopeless.

 

[Erikmen]

The withdrawal is not the same for everyone and it's easier if this is your first time. It will be like a flu, you feel nauseated, have diarrhea, restlessness and it could be uncomfortable but this is the easy part because it will pass rather quickly. For some people this is not as intense but you'll probably feel sad like you have lost someone. But if you are healthy and look for good perspectives things will be a lot better. Think of this as a temporary process. While we are on opiates we tend to have our problems and emotions numbed so it's possible that everything comes at once so try not to think too much if you are anxious. Exercise will be a great thing to do as soon as this first step is over, especially because it might be difficult to sleep well during the first week. You might or might not experience some sort of stomach issues, but again this is temporary. You'll might be tempted and if cravings become a problem try to live one moment at a time, until you can live one day at a time. One small step at a time. This can last up to 7 days, but you'll sart to feel better after a couple of days.

You could not feel all of the above, but a lot of people go through this and I am sure you can do it. If I did, anyone can. Try to drink a lot of fluids, eat lightly and be positive. Things will be better, the entire process can be quite rewarding. And you'll have your freedom back. If you are sad and feeling depressed, remember this is just your body and mind trying to adjust to different and better life.

Good luck!