Mental Health Very difficult family members, serious and crazy.

[wirkdy]

I just wanna share this story maybe get some serious point of view from others in similar situations or their similar experiences with unstable families or members of, or whatever you wanna share.

Basically I've lived in a seriously dysfunctional troubled family, nothing extremely serious like hard beatings, drugs, alcohol or serious violence of any kind but enough serious, there was violence both physical and psycological especially towards me, I've got one brother. Parents separated early when I was 6 but they lived together for some years so the situation was bad, tense and full of screaming and deep silences.
Father was basically a fucking stranger in the house, he was a workhaolic but calling it like that doesn't make it close to reality, so let's tell the truth he preferred his work to his children. I remember him never saying nice or meaningful words to us but he used to say that if he could he'd work always and do just that. A fucking loser in life. He never did anything with us let alone act as a father figure and taught us nothing, zero important lessons on life or whatever, never.

Mother when we were like 4-5 years old found a babysitter, she basically was fed up with us even though we were good quiet kids, also even though she was there she rejected us, she was always nervous, using violence both physical and psycological, especially on me. I grew up in a state of terrible distress. Fell into hard depression at 12, something I came to understand just lately at close to 40yo. Brother is almost same age.

Nobody ever got diagnosed with mental illness but also never went to a psycologist or psychiatrist but as a mature and knowledgeable man I realized there was and there is some form of serious mental/character problems, deep concrete issues. I believe mother has some kind of psychopathy, father is totally irresponsible, kind of a whoeremonger, he's got issues of several kinds, he's not very brave also, he is single child, probably issues developed at a young age. He goes to actual crazy levels to avoid responsibility even saying things opposite to reality, he does that also to support his theories or stuff he says.
Among family members more are the years spent without talking to eachother than the opposite, and obviously there is so much more that is impossible to write but as you can understand the burden is very tough and very heavy.

So after years of not talking to brother we somewhat reconnected months ago, nothing much, we take walks, go to the library, but it's not always pleasant, I tried to talk to him seriosly about developing something concrete, something that counts in life together, like starting a business, making serious necessary plans and get ready for when parents will be gone (they are in their 70's), impotant things that count in life and are extremely important to be prepared for, responsible people make plans and prepare themselves for the future, well his answer is nothing, he sits on the fucking couch with his fucking phone, like a braindead, the only thing he does mostly when we meet is talking about several conspiracy theories and other subjects like that for example secret sects, powerful groups that control the world, the jesuits are satanists, other groups of bad people and these and that about who control the world and similar theories, ok I admit some could be interesting if taken with caution and little but that's what he talks about most of the time and honestly many times when he starts those topics I feel hard nausea. It's really unbearable not only because of his sunjects but also because many things you may say he connects to those theories and start building stuff he presumes make it very annoying to converse with.
They are really heavy topics and that's what he talks about most of the time, he has basically no other healthy interests, zero. He doesn't keep his brain active but fills it with this shit, he was quite witty when adolescent, wittier than me also with pc and tech but now he seems fucking stupid, he even told me years ago when we reconnected after and before other years of not talking that he feels like "as if I was more stupid" or something like that, relating to how he feels, probably it's depression.

So today I called him and told him to come visit (he lives close), I had a plan to do something nice together, to connect between brothers you know, something normal brothers normally do! something useful like a little job, not waste time around as usual, I tried to move him, "shake him off" the fucking couch where he sits watching the same toxic shit on his phone like a fucking retarded (yeah this situation makes me little angry), he wastes hours watching theories and videos about the subjects I wrote above, so I wanted to invite him to do a little job together (repair a door, something very easy within our skills which is useful for both and had to be done) , common stuff normal people do easily, quickly and smoothly on a regular basis. How do you think it went? Terribly, something incredibly easy found psycopathic difficulties, for anybody who is healthy in their mind, to do a small repair job and buy the repairs together with their brother isn't even something you talk about, you accomplish it naturally. well in my case it is not like that and that's seriously fucked up unfortunately.

So at first I had to call him I don't know how many times, I really had to "shout" in a calm way from outside the house, then went inside again to call him, he said no many times, he dismissed the thing as something stupid, and made small nervous laughters like I was asking him to do stupid meaningless things, he was almost embarrassed, I don't know but it's not a normal reaction he had. Then I went out and waited but he didn't come, went inside again and after insisting he pulled his ass and finally we started looking for a solution to the work, it seemed to go fairly well but very soon he had to start trouble for the place where to buy the repairs so a small unecessary discussion ensued, we have one shop which is very furnished and close to home, any normal person would go there to but a stupid 5 buck repair, I told him calmly we go there and ask the guy he'll find a solution for us don't worry, he worried, he was almost agitated, he didn't wanna go there and wanted to go to a huge self service store 30 minutes away! I believe he has serious issues and ansia in dealing with people and didn't want to have to deal with the small shop owner, so he made us have a little discussion for something so easy and straightforward like the shop.

Inside I start to deal with the shopkeeper (just because I entered first and was asked first), calmly asking him for a solution like any mature adult would do to solve a task, brother jumps in to deal with him basically stepping on my feet, something disrespectful which I wouldn't do, if he was dealing with him I wouldn't jump in, it's a matter of being mature and respectful, he acts like he is agitated (shopkeeper asked for a code for the article so he jumps in immediately like in a rush to tell him this number which was right there in front of him but he said there was no number, he didn't see it because he was agitated so I told the number to the shopkeeper in an awkard situation that if he shut up would not have arisen!), when he deals with others he changes voice and tone incredibly, he sounds and looks like a big boy who wants to be adult so he acts like one but really isn't.

Back at home I had the bag with the product so I naturally start to look to apply the repair, I invited him to do the job together and never acted bad or made any gesture opposite to my intention and invitation for him, he then takes the repair, no problem you can also try, I then suggest to apply it differently which was maybe better, we are there together to try different settings but no, at this point when I suggest him my idea he starts to laugh nervously, I don't understand really why are you laughing I ask him, he doesn't reply and keep laughing on my face stupidly and senselessly, I'm actually in deep disbelief and keep asking him what's up but he keeps laughing stupidly at me in a way that he looked like he was telling me I'm an idiot so I don't understand if my suggestion is actually stupid or what else but he keeps laughing in this crazy and meaningless way then he says ok hands me the repair and steps away, I think he'll return after all we're doing this job together! I turn back after a while since he wasn't returnig and I see him punching the boxing bag, which is unexplicable and such a baby and immature behaviour to suddenly stop a job together and leave the other person alone without saying nothing so I tell him "what's up? but don't we finish this job together?" at this point he starts to lose it, I tell him that I merely suggested something, I didn't jump in, I was doing it from the beginning but let's do it together, he gets angrier and very agitated and while I talk he nervously walks around aimlessly and quicky talking loudly, I say calmly to calm down, what's up, he replies with a clearly agitated and high tone, no you calm down! I'm calm!

Then I was really shocked of his sudden change in behaviour and tell him: so there must really be serious psycological issues in this fucking family and he moves aways again, just standing around but not helping anymore. I am shocked, it was a test job and I knew it was hard to be successful, it was an unexplicable crazy disaster.
I would so much like to have had someone normal there to ask them what they think of the whole situation!
It is not the first time he "broke down" for nothing, another time I was explaining to him an anecdote about big cats i.e. the animal which is commonly and wrongly called panther isn't a panther, it is a melanic jaguar, the panther doesn't exist I repeated to him just twice, he fucking broke down, stood up suddenly from the couch and left the house!!! just like that!!! because I told him the pathern didn't actually exist. I'm really saddened, somewhat scared, I even believed he wanted to fight because he came up to me fast, repeating same phrases loudly and gesturing. I don't know what it is but I reckon mental illness is part of this family and unfortunately it can happen to be the normal one among insane others, and you lose.

 

[Neuroprotection]

firstly, I’m very sorry to hear about your situation and I hope you find a way out soon. I can tell you from my own experience That family has a very strong influence on the mental health of its individual members as well as the way they will behave in later life. I live in a large family with eight siblings and arguments are very frequent. However, whilst arguments between my parents, as well as between most of my siblings are harmless and generally short lived, One of my younger brothers, who is currently 26 years old is the main cause of my distress and has been my entire life. He seems to have some undiagnosed autism, as well as severe and sporadic anger issues. The arguments involving him are often very loud, intimidating and often get physical. he is extremely unpredictable and the smallest thing can set him off. it’s very sad, because everyone knows he has a good heart and he easily forgives others.
In regards to my Family as a whole, we are very dysfunctional not in terms of neglect or violence/abuse, but rather in the fact that we are all extreme procrastinators. that includes myself. however, unlike the rest of my family Who are all easily manipulated and influenced by others, I am not and I can see the detrimental effects that outsiders can have on them.
Now back to my argumentative brother, he resembles your brother in that he is extremely disorganised and has no plans for the future. my brother literally went to university for the sake of showing off and talking to girls, which he never ended up doing anyway. since he was a child, he has always argued, at least three times a day but when he reached his teen years, things began to get serious. The number of confrontations and arguments, many of them physical with his siblings, could occur up to 10 times a day and would often be the first thing in the morning. everyone, but especially me, dreaded him waking up in the morning, and my heart would sync when ever I heard him jump from his bunkbed. ironically, whilst he was the one causing me the most stress and I was suffering more than anyone else, he always wanted to spend time with me. however, spending time with him meant staying in his room and either listening to him talk rubbish, or simply sitting there and staying quiet. Whenever anyone else wanted to speak to me, he would scream and hit them and threw them out of his room. I only stayed with him to calm him down and try and avert further problems. he never wants to listen to my side of the conversation and just loves the sound of his own voice. even now, He shows me videos of Ronaldo, whom he literally idolises and worships, despite the fact I’m blind. also, he knows I’m not interested in football.
When he was 16, his arguments and aggression reached A whole new level and so my parents, Who are of Middle Eastern origin, decided to take my brother back home for an extended holiday. this separated him from my siblings and gave him opportunity to socialise with outsiders. This removed the triggers for most of his aggression and he improved dramatically, despite still being an idiot. his holiday lasted about two years and that was vital for me to avoid breaking down completely. Unfortunately, the first year without him was ruined for me by some type of mild PTSD like symptoms, including constant fear that he may return unexpectedly, frequent nightmares about being in the midst of one of his arguments, or nightmares about him being injured due to stupid decisions he had made. just as I began to fully recover, he returned from his holiday. strangely, his first 2 years back in the family were quite laid-back with no major problems. however, I could still see his potential to revert back to his old self and that’s exactly what happened. Very quickly, he became ever more agitated and confrontational with my siblings and parents. although he can be easily triggered by a family member irritating him, he would often be in a mood to initiate an argument/fight himself and would do anything to get it going. he’s not as bad as he was in his teenage years however, he’s going in that direction very quickly. currently, he works nightshifts at a warehouse and the best time for me is when he is working six days a week. this is because such work seems to produce a therapeutic calming effect on him whereby he is less likely to argue. It also means he sleeps for most of the day and is gone by night.
Unfortunately, he still wants me to stay in his room with him as he says that helps him to fall asleep or sometimes when he is bored. Though he is not as aggressive, he still gets extremely angry if someone else comes in. I still go with him, just to reduce the chance of him arguing with another family member but now this has been complicated by one of my other Younger brothers Who sees himself as some type of father figure and The enforcer in the family. he is now competing and arguing with my angry/ autistic brother and have argued over where I should go in the past.
As if that isn’t bad enough, my angry brother only wants to keep me with him whenever I am in my parents house with the rest of my family, where my other siblings also want to spend Quality time with me. whenever he is with me in my own apartment, he tries desperately to get away and hardly speaks to me. In fact, he’s not interested in me at all and even tells me to move away from him so he can sleep only to wake up shortly after and make any excuse to go home to his parents house. I truly believe without a doubt, he only likes his parents house as he can find people to argue with and situations to create a fight. it may be subconscious, but is definitely a powerful force controlling his behaviour and it’s truly ruined my life. The first thing I think about when waking up and the last thing I think about when going to bed is his potential to make a fight/argument and the potential for it to escalate. he is also the main thing I Factor into any mental plans I make for the day.

Personally, I feel that my experience taught me, that, in some cases, carefully controlled family separation can be a necessary and effective solution for dysfunctional families or troubled individual members.

 

[wirkdy]

Personally, I feel that my experience taught me, that, in some cases, carefully controlled family separation can be a necessary and effective solution for dysfunctional families or troubled individual members.

yes unfortunately in some circumstances there's absolutely no other solution other than cut relations or reduce them at the bare minimum.