Znegative
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Apr 15, 2010
- Messages
- 6,019
A few words on the topic of 'junkies'.
After 10 years of using dope, with some intermittent breaks where junk was replaced with methadone/suboxone and accompanied by it's friends, speed, cocaine, and the benevolent benzodiazepine family as well as other GABAergic drugs, sedatives and stimulants, I believe I have a right to speak on the topic of 'the dope fiend'.
One interesting thing about a junkie, if you are one, is that you can always pick them out of a crowd. As an example, I started an IOP this week to satiate my mother who wants me to be 'proactive' in my recovery. I walked into the room, and wouldn't you know it, the other four or five people were all in their late forties, and then one man was in his early thirties. Once again, it seemed I would be one of the younger members in outpatient, even after so many years. I immediately, and correctly deducted that everyone in their forties was an alcoholic. This was not based on their age, but rather their demeanor. Basically, I knew they were in an outpatient program, were NOT heroin addicts, or pill poppers, which left only alcohol and weed as the remaining options, though a possible alcohol and cocaine (administered through insufflation) was also a possible and probable option as well. The man who was in his early to mid thirties, was gay, and clean cut, so immediately I assumed, correctly, that he was not an alcoholic, not an opiate addict, but rather a pill popper, preferences towards stimulants most likely, using benzodiazepines and THC and or alcohol as a means to come down. I was spot on, and once again, felt a little out of place, when the introductions started going around. 'How', I wondered, 'would I bring myself to talk about my experiences shooting dope, speed and smoking crack with degenerates by the side of a freeway, with this conservative crowd?'
And then, about twenty minutes late, in walked a junkie. I could tell, immediately, young, female, mid twenties, looking apathetic and miserable. Well, had I not been hopped up on kratom, that would have made two of us. Well, save for the fact that I have a dick.
When it came time for a smoke brake, I went to the 'designated' smokers area, and pulled out a few butts, which I smoked all too fast, and stood there trembling, as I had taken a huge fucking dose of kratom, and seemed to be developing something like seretonin syndrome, if that's even possible from kratom-but the point is, I was shaking to the point where I could have easily fit in at a slayer concert and been mistaken as a 'head banger', or 'rattle head' as Dave Mustaine would say. I managed to awkwardly ask super loudly, 'CAN ANYONE SPARE A CIGGARETTE', as I emptied my three buts into the ash tray, and immediately, my fellow heroin user offered me one. In this sort of setting, heroin addicts tend to 'stick together', often with disastrous results, depending on your perspective.
I will say this, on the topic of junkies; dope fiends, for the most part, are selfish, pathological liars and often have one or two forms of personality disorders. I've done extensive field research, so I know this is to be true, generally. However, their are some heroin addicts that hold themselves to a 'higher moral standing', a group I'd like to include myself in. This type of Junkie is still is manipulative, deceptive and from time to time, law breaking, though they adhere loosely to a code, which is basically, 'fucking over people is fine, but fucking over another junkie, is wrong'. The code, is of course, from time to time broken; as I said, it's a loose one, with many loop holes, but this type of heroin addict is more 'refined' in their methodology, and therefor, more interesting. One can have intelligent conversations about junk, with a 'junkie with values', however lose they may be, and on occasion, have conversations about other things, like crystal meth, and sometimes if two such junkies are high on crystal, they might find themselves even talking about non-drug related outrages, like politics, or philosophy, all within, of course, the context, of junk. After all, would we really care about the police enough to hate them, if they did not take away our dope? On dope, I've found it very hard to be passionate about almost anything non related, because really, you don't have the time. And fuck the world anyway, I almost hope trump wins, just to see if he can really make the Mexicans build his stupid wall.
The latter type of dope user, the pathological liar, gets old rather fast. If one is new to the 'scene', a typical dope fiend will 'get over' as they say, very easily, but if you're cultured in the world of smack, you will smell his/her weakness and desperation from a mile away. They will often make great claims of what they 'used to be', often regarding how they 'used to be' a king pin, or 'used to be' in the band leftover crack, or 'used to be' a 'high ranking member of the Grateful Dead Family' (oh how envious you make me). This type of junkie, was never anything, but, to be frank, a piece of shit; a bug that God should step on, but rather, lets live to suffer in eternal humiliation and burden his/her brothers/sisters with their unsustainable addiction. This type of junkie, is lazy, and engages in typical, boring methodologies of manipulation, which are so transparent, that you might sometimes humor them, out of pity. This type of junkie, to quote a friend, 'has not mastered the subtleties of shit talking'. They should be avoided at all cost, because they are parasites among a group of users who are already deemed by society to be blood suckers. They prey upon their own. They're the type to ask another homeless person to 'spare a quarter'. They shoot $10 worth of dope a day, yet they are always 'SOOOO dope sick', crying, on their knees, ready to suck your unwashed cock for a rinsed cotton, which, if you are merciful, will get them more loaded than $100 worth of smack will ever get you. They are, however, to be tolerated, and occasionally cared for, as in the end, they are, our own. It is not their fault that they had both the misfortune of being retarded and ending up addicted to hard drugs. From time to time, these junkies must be chastised, thrown out of their camps, or even beat. But, they also deserve a small measure of mercy, as long as their are some boundaries set in place, or else you'll find yourself woken up at 4:30 am to their cries and wretches, and have to throw them a cotton just to get them the fuck away.
Anyway, that is it for now, I may expand on this thread with some more educational information, or may not. Hope it was useful, and remember, always strive to be better, in whatever it is you do.
After 10 years of using dope, with some intermittent breaks where junk was replaced with methadone/suboxone and accompanied by it's friends, speed, cocaine, and the benevolent benzodiazepine family as well as other GABAergic drugs, sedatives and stimulants, I believe I have a right to speak on the topic of 'the dope fiend'.
One interesting thing about a junkie, if you are one, is that you can always pick them out of a crowd. As an example, I started an IOP this week to satiate my mother who wants me to be 'proactive' in my recovery. I walked into the room, and wouldn't you know it, the other four or five people were all in their late forties, and then one man was in his early thirties. Once again, it seemed I would be one of the younger members in outpatient, even after so many years. I immediately, and correctly deducted that everyone in their forties was an alcoholic. This was not based on their age, but rather their demeanor. Basically, I knew they were in an outpatient program, were NOT heroin addicts, or pill poppers, which left only alcohol and weed as the remaining options, though a possible alcohol and cocaine (administered through insufflation) was also a possible and probable option as well. The man who was in his early to mid thirties, was gay, and clean cut, so immediately I assumed, correctly, that he was not an alcoholic, not an opiate addict, but rather a pill popper, preferences towards stimulants most likely, using benzodiazepines and THC and or alcohol as a means to come down. I was spot on, and once again, felt a little out of place, when the introductions started going around. 'How', I wondered, 'would I bring myself to talk about my experiences shooting dope, speed and smoking crack with degenerates by the side of a freeway, with this conservative crowd?'
And then, about twenty minutes late, in walked a junkie. I could tell, immediately, young, female, mid twenties, looking apathetic and miserable. Well, had I not been hopped up on kratom, that would have made two of us. Well, save for the fact that I have a dick.
When it came time for a smoke brake, I went to the 'designated' smokers area, and pulled out a few butts, which I smoked all too fast, and stood there trembling, as I had taken a huge fucking dose of kratom, and seemed to be developing something like seretonin syndrome, if that's even possible from kratom-but the point is, I was shaking to the point where I could have easily fit in at a slayer concert and been mistaken as a 'head banger', or 'rattle head' as Dave Mustaine would say. I managed to awkwardly ask super loudly, 'CAN ANYONE SPARE A CIGGARETTE', as I emptied my three buts into the ash tray, and immediately, my fellow heroin user offered me one. In this sort of setting, heroin addicts tend to 'stick together', often with disastrous results, depending on your perspective.
I will say this, on the topic of junkies; dope fiends, for the most part, are selfish, pathological liars and often have one or two forms of personality disorders. I've done extensive field research, so I know this is to be true, generally. However, their are some heroin addicts that hold themselves to a 'higher moral standing', a group I'd like to include myself in. This type of Junkie is still is manipulative, deceptive and from time to time, law breaking, though they adhere loosely to a code, which is basically, 'fucking over people is fine, but fucking over another junkie, is wrong'. The code, is of course, from time to time broken; as I said, it's a loose one, with many loop holes, but this type of heroin addict is more 'refined' in their methodology, and therefor, more interesting. One can have intelligent conversations about junk, with a 'junkie with values', however lose they may be, and on occasion, have conversations about other things, like crystal meth, and sometimes if two such junkies are high on crystal, they might find themselves even talking about non-drug related outrages, like politics, or philosophy, all within, of course, the context, of junk. After all, would we really care about the police enough to hate them, if they did not take away our dope? On dope, I've found it very hard to be passionate about almost anything non related, because really, you don't have the time. And fuck the world anyway, I almost hope trump wins, just to see if he can really make the Mexicans build his stupid wall.
The latter type of dope user, the pathological liar, gets old rather fast. If one is new to the 'scene', a typical dope fiend will 'get over' as they say, very easily, but if you're cultured in the world of smack, you will smell his/her weakness and desperation from a mile away. They will often make great claims of what they 'used to be', often regarding how they 'used to be' a king pin, or 'used to be' in the band leftover crack, or 'used to be' a 'high ranking member of the Grateful Dead Family' (oh how envious you make me). This type of junkie, was never anything, but, to be frank, a piece of shit; a bug that God should step on, but rather, lets live to suffer in eternal humiliation and burden his/her brothers/sisters with their unsustainable addiction. This type of junkie, is lazy, and engages in typical, boring methodologies of manipulation, which are so transparent, that you might sometimes humor them, out of pity. This type of junkie, to quote a friend, 'has not mastered the subtleties of shit talking'. They should be avoided at all cost, because they are parasites among a group of users who are already deemed by society to be blood suckers. They prey upon their own. They're the type to ask another homeless person to 'spare a quarter'. They shoot $10 worth of dope a day, yet they are always 'SOOOO dope sick', crying, on their knees, ready to suck your unwashed cock for a rinsed cotton, which, if you are merciful, will get them more loaded than $100 worth of smack will ever get you. They are, however, to be tolerated, and occasionally cared for, as in the end, they are, our own. It is not their fault that they had both the misfortune of being retarded and ending up addicted to hard drugs. From time to time, these junkies must be chastised, thrown out of their camps, or even beat. But, they also deserve a small measure of mercy, as long as their are some boundaries set in place, or else you'll find yourself woken up at 4:30 am to their cries and wretches, and have to throw them a cotton just to get them the fuck away.
Anyway, that is it for now, I may expand on this thread with some more educational information, or may not. Hope it was useful, and remember, always strive to be better, in whatever it is you do.
