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Tl;dr USA is not compassionate if you are suffering!

lolis my thesis

lolis my thesis

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 7, 2022
Messages
197
I am 53, looking at a possible (third) neck surgery for cervical instability; after two whiplash injuries over the past 25 years; pinched nerves have left me with some kinda all over weakness and tremor as well as intense spinal stiffness thru my sternum and mid back. I used to to surf, bike, swim, jog, and work. But I was on 60mgs of methadone. Im too damn sore to skateboard which I was doing until two years ago. Stopped biking and surfing before I stopped skating. Stopped working as a teacher too.

I have a new primary doc that insists I am going to have to get off of Benzos(I agree, in theory anyway), change Methadone over to suboxone(dont know about this). Not for pain but for drug dependency according to new doc, and get off lyrica. To help manage my anxiety and depression, according to him I must first change in my negative attitude. He puts me on Wellbutrin and lamictal on top of what I am already taking; wellbutrin withdrawal sucks too. I am now on 150 mg of Lyrica a day; down from 450/day(self taper); but after I skip more than a day I get benzo-like withdrawal, but somehow with very intense depression.

Regarding the benzos; DEA says now nobody is supposed to be on benzos and opiates at the same time anymore, unless you are dying or have cancer. Pain meds kinda let me live my life but I am having a hard time with spine pain and tremor and muscle weakness; been worse after I had a disc replacement surgery last year. The level above the surgery has a vertebrae out of place; probably from my first whiplash injury, and just never addressed. Its called sponylosisthesis. I may just have to stay on a pain contract forever. My pain doc doesn't mind if I smoke weed and gives me meds. I don't drink or smoke weed anymore anyway. But he acknowleges my condition; which my primary thinks I can overcome with attidude. (or just different drugs?). Pain doc already had me on antidepressants but they didn't help anyway.

So soon no benzos, try to switch to suboxone, and get off of Lyrica. I would love to if I could address my serious chronic pain first, but maybe it just is what it is. Getting surgical consults from neurosurgeons currently.
Because I believe I may still need another neck surgery; it is agonizingly distressing, doesn't help with the clonazepam taper.

When and if I improve my pain I maybe will need help. Can't get admitted to a rehab in Oregon without getting off benzos first; by yourself. My primary said no bed would take me currently with my cocktail of benzos and opiates. Not that I can afford rehab anyway; but after 25 years I really going to have a hard time getting clean from the meds that I have relied on. I was on 60mg methadone(self tapered down to 30mg), 3mg clonazepam(struggling currently at 1 mg, mostly just cravings). With state insurance; injections don't help and are not covered anyway. Ive had a boatload of em anyway; before I went on state insurance. But they did not help; Surgery is also not covered by my insurance. No treatment is, except for pain management. But they are trying to charge me more for meds now to wean me off by breaking my back/bank.

So in USA; or in Oregon anyway don't get dependent on drugs; getting off alone; is daunting. My primary doc made me get Naloxone; pharm charged me 125 bux and didn't tell my roommate/son how to administer it. Like I can narcan myself. Never had an overdose situation anyway; but better safe than sorry; but tell that to the pharmacist! Who gave me the narcan; but without instructions on how to use it.

So my primary doctor is first taking me off of Clonazepam; right now I am on 1mg/day. The taper is .25mg every three weeks. I can ask him for smaller cuts when I get to .5mg/day.
But my pain doctor has been giving me them for tremor and muscle spasms between my shoulder blades caused by my neck condition. Also the slipped vertebrae is now causing bone on bone pain and my whole upper spine hurts unless I am fully medicated. I also take Norco up to 30mg/day but on and off; I needed it last month. I am looking for a surgical neck specialist; and its gonna bankrupt me as I am told my insurance wont cover surgery; it also wont cover injections. I have already had two neck surgeries and it's as if they are throwing up their hands and just taking me off of meds regardless of my quality of life.

I can't live well with this pain and concurrently get completely off of meds. Rehabs wont take me and if I quit benzos, I cant afford it anyway. I am going to hang tough and accept the clonazepam taper and try to ask for .125mg cuts every three weeks when I get to .5mg/day. I understand that I need to get off benzos; I will go to a methadone clinic if I need a full agonist for pain. So I am just venting about my insurance sucking and me not getting to enjoy my life. My wife took care of me until she couldn't any longer and I am isolated from my skating buddies and workmates. I mostly go to the doctor, grocery, and take some walks. and watch Netflix or surf the web.
But I crave the dang clonazepam and the withdrawals suck bigtime; and excruciating neck pain and spine stiffness sucks my motivation, no insurance coverage for any treatment sucks my pocketbook , no chance to go to rehab because I cant pay for it.
If I was a dog I would be cowering under the porch! I mostly live because I don't wish to let my family down; even though I am mostly alone; save for my son. Who is alcoholic but rehab is 75,000! I want so much to lead a normal as possible life but with the suffering somehow removed.
Thats a load off anyway.
 
I hope my doc does not know what he is talking about when he says my insurance won't cover another surgery. Or I will have to go BK just for medical care.
But indeed, he was right about my insurance not covering diagnostic injections or nerve burning ablation. They consider diagnostics "experimental".
I have fingers crossed that my state insurance will not BK me. But I want to enjoy life without awful intractable pain daily. Waking up exhausted plotting how you can be asleep for the day is not as fun as waking up and going to the skatepark or, even, going to work, and working with snot nosed kids.
Life will certainly be the death to me.
Thanks Oregon.
I do need to change my attitude!
I have credit cards! yay
 
@lolis my thesis

"having a hard time with spine pain and tremor and muscle weakness; been worse after I had a disc replacement surgery last year".

I hear this over and over again and is the reason that they won't be operating on me unless I'm screaming and begging for it having exhausted every other even remotely possible angle

"I mostly live because I don't wish to let my family down;"
getting there myself sometimes - it's a massive motivation though...not so much in the 'letting them down' stakes in my case but we're really fucking love-close and it's hard to bear the thought of their suffering post my exit

We're not as badly off for meds etc here in uk (again, getting there though) and I've so far resisted surgery and am not on quite the drug regime you are (on and off though) but yeah, am also in chronic pain and have had a big old life transition cos of it so I have a reasonable flavour of your struggle

You're a fukkin warrior m'dear, big loves and respect <3
 
I got a fucked up neck from whiplash; and its only gotten much worse since my last surgery a little over a year ago. I got fused in 2006 and now a disc replacement below that in 2021. Never addressed my pain so I ended up making do with pain management and tried to live with it.
Never even talked with pain doc about addiction; which is definitely a side effect of being on narc/benzo meds so long.
I was offered oxycontin; fent patch, or methadone in 2006. I chose methadone as it was $5, not 500 dollars a month.

But if you tell people you are on methadone; even health professionals at this point; you get a dirty scummy junkie rundown whenever your at the doc or pharmacy. Stigma and a changing of the rules.

I couldn't get ahold of pain doc as they cut his hours during the pandemic; and I found myself short of my prescribed meds for the first time in 15 years. . Now all the doctors say benzos are the devil and methadone needs to be replaced with suboxone.

Like tapering down on this stuff doesn't make me a huge overdose risk as I am desperate and will score drugs off the black market.

So the drug dependent becomes the drug addict. likely to end up OD ing from the disruption of my therapy; I need pain relief, or at least I feel like I do!

At ER I got "You drive on all this?" "You know; this isn't a methadone clinic. We don't want people getting the wrong idea"
But they dosed me; and when I was on the bed my doc called with my refills. I don't even know where a methadone clinic is; but I want to be ready to go and they don't dose you with benzos in your blood; so I am going off the benzos in the case I end up at a methadone clinic or a rehab.

So chronic pain has me ground into bits; I can't get meds without stigma; I can't get out of pain otherwise. My insurance wont pay for surgery; or injections, which are the only treatment options; I don't know what to do as I really have a wicked pain syndrome that won't go away. I wake up exhausted; when just two years ago I couldn't wait to go to the skatepark or the beach. Damn leg weakness and trembly ole me.
 
^^^ the before/after contrast is an absolute bitch eh, just brutal really

I've worked hard on acceptance, seems the only way to me. That was then - shit's different now. I know it's hard trust
 
It's the same in Australia. I need to put a post up about what is happening to me. When I am on prescribed long-term opioid pain killers I get gang stalked and followed out of malls by security guards and gaslit by pharmarcies. Also gang stalked by police vehicles. AND I just had an interesting phone call with a doctors office where I met my now current GP (who has since changed location) and was told something about an ex doctor who worked there and now has patients needing one of these pain reviews that I now need and none of the doctors there will do it. I will put a post up about it explaining more but I don't know what I am going to do.
 
One day I pick up Lyrica from my pharmacy. And pay $115 for it; I certainly remembered! The next day I am back to pick up the rest of my scripts. For some reason they accuse me of walking off with my Lyrica without paying for it. Never have I got meds given to me without paying and I even remembered t
he high cost from the previous day!

And withholding the other meds until they got to the bottom of this. They made me get out of line while they reviewed the security tapes from the day before. So labeling me as a disruptive junkie thief infront of lots of other people.



So I got pretty upset; and made a scene in front of the other customers waiting in line; explaining angerly that I had paid more than I ever had for a script; how in the hell did they think I walked off with it for free yesterday; they don't give out any meds before you pay for them and the pharmacists are behind glass. So I dang well didn't steal it! So I told them to review the footage on their own time; give me my damn meds!!! All the other customers in line were looking at me funny; but they give me my meds! I got my way but didn't ask for shame or trouble but it found me anyway.



Another time I was in a fit of pain; so I was there to pick up an extra pain med prescribed from my doctor. The pharmacist says loudly, "Your the guy who's on all those meds", loudly in front of everyone there" She reluctantly filled it but not before shaming me publicly. The price of admission for a life of pain. And recklessly endangering my means of income; saying "Look at the junkie, here for his fix:" I am a mild mannered sober looking school teacher but also known by other patients in line; as I have had their kids in class.

Always with no concern for my privacy; Or more recently, insisting I take a narcan script; because I am a flagged overdose risk; never actually ODed ever 15 years. They did not tell me or my roommate how or when to use it. And charged me 120 bux for the privlege. It was that or not get served the other meds. Not saying its a conspiracy against me; just rude treatment.
 
lolis my thesis said:
One day I pick up Lyrica from my pharmacy. And pay $115 for it; I certainly remembered! The next day I am back to pick up the rest of my scripts. For some reason they accuse me of walking off with my Lyrica without paying for it. Never have I got meds given to me without paying and I even remembered t
he high cost from the previous day!

And withholding the other meds until they got to the bottom of this. They made me get out of line while they reviewed the security tapes from the day before. So labeling me as a disruptive junkie thief infront of lots of other people.



So I got pretty upset; and made a scene in front of the other customers waiting in line; explaining angerly that I had paid more than I ever had for a script; how in the hell did they think I walked off with it for free yesterday; they don't give out any meds before you pay for them and the pharmacists are behind glass. So I dang well didn't steal it! So I told them to review the footage on their own time; give me my damn meds!!! All the other customers in line were looking at me funny; but they give me my meds! I got my way but didn't ask for shame or trouble but it found me anyway.



Another time I was in a fit of pain; so I was there to pick up an extra pain med prescribed from my doctor. The pharmacist says loudly, "Your the guy who's on all those meds", loudly in front of everyone there" She reluctantly filled it but not before shaming me publicly. The price of admission for a life of pain. And recklessly endangering my means of income; saying "Look at the junkie, here for his fix:" I am a mild mannered sober looking school teacher but also known by other patients in line; as I have had their kids in class.

Always with no concern for my privacy; Or more recently, insisting I take a narcan script; because I am a flagged overdose risk; never actually ODed ever 15 years. They did not tell me or my roommate how or when to use it. And charged me 120 bux for the privlege. It was that or not get served the other meds. Not saying its a conspiracy against me; just rude treatment.
Click to expand...
I am sorry you experienced this. It kind of all relates back to my post about pharmacists humiliating customers who they assume (rightly or wrongly) are addicted to medications. These stories make me realise I am not imagining it and it does happen.
 
oh it happens alright; I feel the scrutiny ends, though, when I leave. No shady characters follow me in cars afterwords; although that too, could happen, idk
Although being on methadone is a deal killer when you mention it even to your closest, drunkest, friends. They can't help but judge.
The DEA is cracking down on opiates and benzos in a big way
They think it will help the overdose epidemic.
I get controlled doses of my stuff every month from the pharmacy; and I have never overdosed. Not in 25 years of dosing. My doctor is my drug dealer; gotta treat him well.
go and visit him; he makes you hang out for a few minutes; and then dispenses what you are there for. Kinda like going to the dealer's house and watching MTV for 20 minutes.

But the govt; the DEA, They make me get off these accurate dosings; and I am left in pain and desperate.
I go get the fentadope. I can almost see it now; how poorly I react to withdrawal I would rather die sometimes; than suffer with the restless legs and insomnia sure to follow
But its happening; best I can do is prepare for it

So the whole fucking game is a government conspiracy on a grand scale that will only serve to escalate the overdose epidemic as they pull pain patients from their meds.
I am actually hoping for a surgery to help alleviate my stupid pain; cuz ready or not; here they come. GOONS
 
I am sure u right.The healthcare system&all other stuff.big inequalities.challengin' times
 
Yes I have never scored anything other than pot off the black market; I seen people dying from OD; but it isn't pain patients. We are just cannon fodder in the war on Drugs which has been going on since Nixon called drugs public enemy number one. Pot was demonized; now its legal; but my high school student got in so much trouble for weed when every kids parents here in Oregon has jars of legalized weed laying around. My son's friend ended up in residential rehab for weed. He's 21 now and a hardcore alcoholic; busting kids for pot is useless is my point.

When I was a kid; pot was illegal; but the cops would just take it and maybe write you a fine. Somehow it got worse for the kids yet legal for adults; wtf
 
need to inform THE MEMBERS OF OUR STATE AND FEDERAL GOVERNMENT that their laws effecting Drs Rx abilities are not saving anyone.

unless we force this change it isn't just going to happen

It's not the Drs fault. He's trying to avoid the dea.
 
Not in so many words; it's written on their faces, reflected by their disregard for your privacy. And confrontational attitudes. My pain doctor; he believes pharmaceutical intervention is more conservative care than surgical. However; the DEA has limited his prescribing abilities from 60+ mg of methadone to 40mg max. Newer members of the medical profession are full stop against opiates; freak out over benzos, when they don't know exactly why your doctor is prescribing them. But my doc has been practicing for 30 years; will retire soon. Im already being weaned off benzos; even as my pain doc ups my dosage to help treat essential tremor; which he does not know exactly why I have it; only that benzos help treat it. My primary doc doesn't want me on them; so off I go. It is a changing environmnent and pain patients will be expected to go along with the changes; even if it harms them in the process or produces increased suffering. I never had a doc before whiplash #1; whiplash #2 just made things worse for me.
 
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