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Thoughts of Relapse on OXY

M

Mgold55

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 22, 2018
Messages
81
I been clean since January 13th, 2020. For some reason I started having dreams a week ago of first taking vicodin, then next dream was oxy. Now i cant get it out of my head today and I had thoughts of hitting up the dealer and getting some. However I do not understand why I am having these dreams and thoughts. I do not want to relapse and go to that hell of a life anymore, so Any input would be helpful thanks.
 
well done on getting that clean time, you have done really well. drug dreams are common when stopping, and even after you've not used for a while can hit you out of nowhere. and they haunt you when they happen and make you question your recovery and all your progress. this is normal. i've found a progression in my drug dreams, in rehab i was dreaming of the most extreme times of my using (they are never good dreams lol), slowly i started dreaming abot wanting to use and maintaining my recovery, since then i've dreamt about knowingly relapsing, or not wanting to relapse and doing it anyway.

its also completely normal to want to score. you're an addict. you just have to fight it and work on yourself to address the underlying psychological issues causing you to use.
 
you want relief from something that is bothering you, figure out what that is. Think it through. don't act by impulse. Do you really wanna feel good for 8 hrs and then feel like shit for a week? And that if you're able to stop...Take care.
 
I haven’t been going to meetings since Covid-19 started. I blame that to my recent cravings and relapse. I don’t feel guilt but rather the desire to try again.
 
online meetings not working for you opi? they certainly don't for me. i'm sorry you have relapsed, i hope you managed to keep it just to a lapse rather than a full blown relapse. i think also this weird situation and concern for those you love, especially if they are medically vulnerable, is not helping a lot of people. be kind to yourself.
 
Ive been feeling depressed lately. Maybe thats why the oxycodone dreams and cravings started? But they lasted for a few days, now i feel much better. It like passed or something. I know i dont ever want to go down the path Of opiate addiction EVER again. I did things to people who care about me that are so wrong, including stealing.
 
Shit man I still remember the vivid dreams I had of getting high when I first went to rehab many years ago. I would score some H in my dreams and the moment I took a hit I would wake up.... sober.... and it was absolutely horrendous.

I know what you're experiencing.

Just remember your goals, where you want to go and how your addiction is not serving you and the dreams will go away. (for me at least)
 
Mgold55 said:
I been clean since January 13th, 2020. For some reason I started having dreams a week ago of first taking vicodin, then next dream was oxy. Now i cant get it out of my head today and I had thoughts of hitting up the dealer and getting some. However I do not understand why I am having these dreams and thoughts. I do not want to relapse and go to that hell of a life anymore, so Any input would be helpful thanks.
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ive had dreams about heroine/roxies too. then u wake up with the worst cravings. trust me dont do it. smoke some weed or do something to take your mind off it. i relapsed after being 3 years clean cause of this bullshit covid 19 shit. was bored as shit cause we were in lockdown and thought i could control it to where i only use every other night, next thing you know im posting on these forums looking for advise on what can ease my withdrawal process because i just couldnt control it like i thought i could and now im doing it all through out the day. i can use every other drug with control. alc,coke,xans,weed. but opiates are my weakness. the only drug i get cravings for and could use all day every day.
 
I gave up heroin more than 18 years ago and still dream of it, just the other night I dreamt I got hold of some, I never get to use in my dreams, i buy some , I get everything I need to hit up but it either doesn't work or I wake up, I've never got a chance to be high off it in my dreams

I've used many drugs since I gave up heroin but I seem to dream of heroin more than the other drugs, saying that I dreamt about benzos alot when I came off those
 
Flower Fairy said:
I gave up heroin more than 18 years ago and still dream of it, just the other night I dreamt I got hold of some, I never get to use in my dreams, i buy some , I get everything I need to hit up but it either doesn't work or I wake up, I've never got a chance to be high off it in my dreams

I've used many drugs since I gave up heroin but I seem to dream of heroin more than the other drugs, saying that I dreamt about benzos alot when I came off those
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omg, you just reminded me when i was 20(5ish years ago), I was 3 months into the program and i had this really vivid dream when i scored some cocaine and shot up in my dream. I woke up sweating so bad, it was pretty scary.
 
Flower Fairy said:
I've used many drugs since I gave up heroin but I seem to dream of heroin more than the other drugs.
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That's not uncommon really, Heroin and Cocaine are at the top of the pyramid when we talk about drug addiction. Shooting up Smack and Smoking Base is the highest pleasure you can get from drugs IMHO and the most destruction you can do to yourself aswell.
 
nznity said:
Shooting up Smack and Smoking Base is the highest pleasure you can get from drugs IMHO and the most destruction you can do to yourself aswell
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I didn't get rushes from hitting up heroin, you know the scene in trainspotting when she has a hit and she's like "that beats any meat injection that beats any fucking cock in the world"

Yeah I couldn't get that orgasmic rush, I could only afford ten bags at a time and even when I could afford more on payday lol I didn't feel that "rush" and even when I nearly OD'd no rush just sleepyness, maybe I'm remembering wrong but I just remember gear making me well, stopping withdrawal or if I took enough being lovely sedated, I'll tell you now though I've found nothing to compare to it, and no matter what drug I do, nothing is similar, not codeine, not oramorph not MST (morphine pills) chewed up, nothing compares, I love my K though, and it's a weird thing that previous heroin addicts love K, I hear it often mentioned online
 
Flower Fairy said:
I didn't get rushes from hitting up heroin, you know the scene in trainspotting when she has a hit and she's like "that beats any meat injection that beats any fucking cock in the world"

Yeah I couldn't get that orgasmic rush, I could only afford ten bags at a time and even when I could afford more on payday lol I didn't feel that "rush" and even when I nearly OD'd no rush just sleepyness, maybe I'm remembering wrong but I just remember gear making me well, stopping withdrawal or if I took enough being lovely sedated, I'll tell you now though I've found nothing to compare to it, and no matter what drug I do, nothing is similar, not codeine, not oramorph not MST (morphine pills) chewed up, nothing compares, I love my K though, and it's a weird thing that previous heroin addicts love K, I hear it often mentioned online
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are you being serious? Everytime I shot up my morphine and i was withdrawing really bad I've felt the most beautiful orgasmic rushes ever(Pharma Grade Morphine Though) Damn, that sucks. Yeah you're right I used to dislike K a lot until I got ahold of some good quality K that comes in vials and 50mg IV is enough to get me insta anesthetized, it's lovely haha.
 
Flower Fairy said:
Yeah UK brown powder heroin you need to cook up with cirtic acid, vinegar or lemon juice, maybe its just me then lol

K does something to u opioid receptors maybe that's why I love it
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I love how ur body feels like made of plastic or something and it only lasts 20 mins. I don't like long highs and it's a pro that it resets ur opiate tolerance. Ik that smack in the UK is base#3, but i think the reason y u didn't feel those orgasmic rushes was because of the quality.
 
I see drug dreams all the time. Mostly about speed or heroin, they make me so thristy.
 
Flower Fairy said:
Yeah UK brown powder heroin you need to cook up with cirtic acid, vinegar or lemon juice, maybe its just me then lol

K does something to u opioid receptors maybe that's why I love it
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again - please not lemon juice!

someone might read that and think it's a good idea - this is a harm reduction forum :)
 
I have never used lemon juice, i got pure citrus acid from pharmacy. It's 5 euros like 300 grams of it and it has lasted me super long. Try ordering some from the internet, it's so much better than lemon juice. In lemon juice there might be a fungus which can start growing inside your body and causing infections. This is a fact, don't think it's just some scare tactic. Be careful with the dosage of the citric acid, because it will hurt like hell if you put too much.
Damn, one time i made heroin shot and i couldn't find a vein. I ended up plugging it and it had the citric acid, holy shit my ass burned. Never again.
 
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