This is ridiculous.

[TheUltimateFixx]

How are you doing, Ultim?

As I said I do relate to you and I understad you. Totally. I hope you have felt so.

But I just want to make one last point.
As we know, heroin use will jeopardize a relationship. Allways. Even ( or maybe specially) when both partners are users.
Being a non user and having to deal with what you say, paraphernalia, needles marks, your lover on heroin.... don't know, man, but it has to be something else, frustration wise.
We need to realize this is the cold truth.

You wanting to use h is something that will not change in the foreseable future.
I don't use it, but knowing I would be able to do so if I want to, makes me feel confident.

If you were able to benefit of heroin existence without any heroin scheduled use, it could be a great thing.

I know you are not ready, nor willing, to quit your DOC, but maybe if you use let's say 4 times in 3 months time without following any kind of pattern, maybe you could feel more free about your use. And then you can do it 3 or 4 times in 5 months time.... I think you see where I'm going.



Maybe that can work for you or maybe not.

Wish you well, mate

I'd be ok reducing even further. I've also offered to just go off by myself to use - like do it in some other place and not come back in his sight until I've come down from it, so he wouldn't have to be around me when I 'm on it. He's not having that either and I resent the ABSOLUTE demand. It's like being told "you can't taste your favourite food again ever not even once until the day you die".

 

[Señor Moreno]

I'd be ok reducing even further. I've also offered to just go off by myself to use - like do it in some other place and not come back in his sight until I've come down from it, so he wouldn't have to be around me when I 'm on it. He's not having that either and I resent the ABSOLUTE demand. It's like being told "you can't taste your favourite food again ever not even once until the day you die".

I know man, I know. I Have been told the same and have felt the same way you feel now.

Heroin use of any kind is hard to gasp for partners, you know. We can't say they are insensitive bitches for not liking us to shot dope.


If you have reduced your use so much and you don,'t do it in his presence and he doesn't see you high, then that is all you can do, as quitting for good is out of question for you by now

This situation is unfair, but there is no one to blame from my point of view. You have been honest and didn't hide it. Your bf not being able to handle it, is not a hysterical reaction either.

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

the question is what is more important to you?

Him, without question.

And it hurts him if I do it. He's literally begged me in tears to not do it. (And it takes a lot to make this man show such emotion.) Saying it's the ONLY thing he's gonna ask of me and if I love him I'll give it up.
If that sounds too much like blackmail, I know if the tables were reversed he'd do it for me. He's that kinda guy; he's that principled. There was also a time he would have VERY reluctantly accommodated himself to me using on occasion. He was willing to give me that chance and I blew it with my behaviour.

So yeah...

The only thing is I don't know if I can give what he's asking, yet I feel like it's the least I can do and I should. I'm not using rn (no access, for one) but if you were to put me in a room with some gear and the works and a guaranteed few hours to myself it'd be 50/50.

I know myself ; sooner or later I'll probably do it, and if I do I'd have to hide it because it's become non-negotiable. And then I will be in exactly the scenerio I NEVER wanted, which is to do anything behind his back and lie to him about it, and the very thought makes me feel like shit. That or I'd have to go literally pleading with him to let me, and look pathetic in his eyes and lose his respect (not to mention self - respect). I feel stuck in a huge dilemma.

 

[Señor Moreno]

Him, without question.

And it hurts him if I do it. He's literally begged me in tears to not do it. (And it takes a lot to make this man show such emotion.) Saying it's the ONLY thing he's gonna ask of me and if I love him I'll give it up.
If that sounds too much like blackmail, I know if the tables were reversed he'd do it for me. He's that kinda guy; he's that principled. There was also a time he would have VERY reluctantly accommodated himself to me using on occasion. He was willing to give me that chance and I blew it with my behaviour.

So yeah...

The only thing is I don't know if I can give what he's asking, yet I feel like it's the least I can do and I should. I'm not using rn (no access, for one) but if you were to put me in a room with some gear and the works and a guaranteed few hours to myself it'd be 50/50.

I know myself ; sooner or later I'll probably do it, and if I do I'd have to hide it because it's become non-negotiable. And then I will be in exactly the scenerio I NEVER wanted, which is to do anything behind his back and lie to him about it, and the very thought makes me feel like shit. That or I'd have to go literally pleading with him to let me, and look pathetic in his eyes and lose his respect (not to mention self - respect). I feel stuck in a huge dilemma.

Oh, man. Love and addiction. Addiction and love...
So many memories, none of them good.
I sure feel you.
And, yes, I agree. You have been honest and open, but if you use with the current landscape, I would keep it to myself.

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

As I said I do relate to you and I understad you. Totally. I hope you have felt so.

Very much so, and I thank you for your words.

Being a non user and having to deal with what you say, paraphernalia, needles marks, your lover on heroin.... don't know, man, but it has to be something else, frustration wise.

Oh, believe me, I realize that.

.. Not sure why I even posted this thread. I'm not strictly looking for any advice even (though it can at times be easier to ask it from strangers than friends). I guess I simply needed to get this whole mess off my chest somewhere, and this is the one place I won't be judged out of hand.

 

[RUC4]

I can relate in my own way. I'm on subs. And I feel pretty well-maintained on my 8mg dose. But when it comes to the few other drugs I enjoy (dexedrine, benzos, and cannabis) I'm kinda a hoarder so that I don't have to worry about being stressed when the day comes around that I want to take some, but I keep my recreational doses on the low side these days and actually enjoy them more that way.
So what do you mean by forced abstinence? None of my business I'm just curious what circumstances you're speaking of.

how long have you been on subs?