Recovery This has gotta end… subs? Oxys? Small amount of subs for life? What’s the answer

[Heroes Inc.]

Hello beautiful and non beautiful people alike (I have been feeling very, very un beautiful, so respect to all)

I have finally hit that point in life where I want nothing to do with drugs anymore, besides an occasional drink. Alcohol has never been my problem child. You see, I have Crohn’s disease. For those who know, ya know. For those that don’t, well it isn’t very fun. Alochol messes me up so I have to be careful.

I’m lucky to be on the fortunate, not so bad side (no surgeries to remove parts of colon, still can eat basically whatever I want in moderation). Oxys have always been my savior, my go to.

I’m 2018, I started taking them when my crohns would flare up. Doc prescribed. He would only give my 30 5mg pills a month (smart doc). Then I needed more. I would buy legit pills from friends, and I was taking upwards of 40-50 mg a day on bad days. Work was extremely, extremely stressful, as was family life. I would complain about my crohns being painful to justify my usage.

Middle of 2019, I knew I needed help. I found a doc who prescribed me subs. Unbeknownst to be, I had no idea how addicting suboxone is/was and what my end game would be. At the time, I was just happy to be off the oxys. But I was upset with this doc because I felt she forced me on subs without coming up with an endgame or letting me know how addicting they can be themselves. I left her during 2020.

2021- I had a brilliant idea I would start taking pills again and I would ween off the pills. It actually worked quite well, until I developed a cocaine addiction. I have to be careful with my drinking for my crohns disease and I know the dangers of cocaine + alochol. After my coke days&nights, I would take a couple of percs to feel better. It’s been quite a vicious cycle for about a year.

So currently, I kicked the cocaine problem. It was pretty tough for a few days but nothing too bad. I know cocaine withdraws are all pretty much psychological. I have a new primary care doc who can prescribe me both Subs and Percs. I was back up to taking 50-60 mg daily and I was sick of it. I’m just over this lifestyle of always needing pills to feel normal.. I took 3mg subs last night and 3mg this morning. I feel surprisingly great. I have LDN at my disposal as well.

My new primary care doc does not mind me being on Oxys, just as long as I don’t go over 30mg per day.

But truthfully,
I’m just over it all. I can pick up my next oxy RX in 8 days.. so for 8 days I’ll be taking the subs. I would love some input here on how to taper for good. I definitely don’t want to be on the subs, unless y’all can convince me this may be the better option.

This was quite a post and I commend anyone for reading this long. Thanks and I look forward to your input.

The dude abides

 

[Ds]

I'm reading your post and I'm hearing a lot of willingness to get tapered down for good. I'm reading where you have struggled, then bounce back, then struggle and bounce back, so sounds like you are pretty powerless, that's something you have to answer for yourself. Are you powerless over the oxys/subs? Like if the bottle says take 1 every 4 hours, you end up taking 4 every 1 hour? ( Thats some shit I did).
You are very fortunate. You are alive for a reason brother. Why not change for the good? I hear you are getting sick and tired of being sick and tired, and having to put yourself through hell dealing with opiates in general fucking sucks because the shit is like not good to be on forever.
So here comes a taper followed by a program of action, because if I could stay sober on willpower alone then hell I'd be cured and be able to shoot dope like a gentleman.
No one wants to feel withdrawal's, it's sometimes good to feel a little withdrawal because it will remind you that maybe, just maybe this shit is starting to get worse and not better. Tapers aren't easy, but there's hope because you can recover.

There's got to be a program of a action behind the taper. Have you ever been to an AA/NA/CA/DAA meeting before? Look for some meetings in your area. & Get some phone numbers of some solid men in recovery with years of sobriety and clean time, because you are not alone, and utilize their number when you feel like going back to your old ways.
Suboxone is good for a taper off maintenance. Those oxys on the other hand, aren't so good mate. If you need to, give your pills to a trusted friend or family member because if you honestly need one because you sre in pain, it's okey. Just taking more then necessary isn't good.

Once you get off them for good the program comes into action. Men and women have obtained multiple years of recovery, and they may have been sicker then both you and I & now they have multiple years drug free, so there's hope there in meetings.

Get a sponsor to take you through the 12 steps, because we need a program of action if we want to never use again.

Not rushing things, take it a day at a time. There's some good tapering support threads on here, I'm just super tired , but I'm drug free 100% & I was IV fentanyl drug addict. That shit was evil man.

If you are unable to find any tapering threads here I'll look for some in the AM.

Just know you are not alone! And you have a reason being here. Hell you are helping me stay sober.

 

[Heroes Inc.]

What a wonderful, thoughtful reply. Yea I can certainly turn to my wife and give her the pills to taper that way.. just not sure what is best way to do it. To feel a little pain? like you mentioned. Or to taper to a micro level and then take psilocybin, or possibly even ayahuasca?
I have a friend you runs a retreat in Tulum and she has told me of so many success stories. I should make a trip down there, but chronicle my journey beforehand (taper schedule, food journal, vitamin/mineral intake). Perhaps we can develop the best way to cure, or put this disease into remission.

I am tired of being tired and I know a lot of you are out there as well. . Felt great today.. 3mg suboxone. I’ll post as frequently as possible to fight this demon. I’m willing to give NA a shot. Sure. I’m willing to try anything. One day at a time. Good luck everyone..

Ayahuasca Immersion Retreat — Becoming Om

www.becomingom.com

 

[cdin]

I found healing from my own autoimmune induced cPTSD suffering through ibogaine. it truly is a deep, healing medicine. if you can find a legit provider in your area it might really help you out - it has saved my life twice.

 

[Heroes Inc.]

@cdin
Can you tell me a little more about your experiences? If you don’t want to share too much I understand. Just intrigued and think I’m going to book a visit to Tulum here soon. My friend who runs this place I posted above wants me on a beginning psilocybin cleanse before going down. I’ll send more details as to what she says.

 

[cdin]

@cdin
Can you tell me a little more about your experiences? If you don’t want to share too much I understand. Just intrigued and think I’m going to book a visit to Tulum here soon. My friend who runs this place I posted above wants me on a beginning psilocybin cleanse before going down. I’ll send more details as to what she says.

Sure - two times in my life I have slipped into deep ptsd. The first time I just medicated it w iv heroin - that was when I first did iboga. Shit was great - til a lot more trauma and 3rd degree burns. Then a botched tms session resulting in traumatic brain injury PLUS a shitload of damage from benzo withdrawal and alcohol. I was as bad off as any human ever is - this was mid start of pandemic - couldn’t go to hospital - just rode out 9 months of acut gaba withdrawal- couldn’t even use a doorknob for 2 mos because hands so shaky…. So that went on for another 5 years of hell til my friend was like “you need iboga again” I was frightened, the ptsd told me no and screamed, i did not do a flood this time all at once because i was so badly off w autoimmune and ptsd stuff. Did 3 450mg doses on 3 separate days over about a week and a half. Full remission of all symptoms. As always - YMMV - iboga works extremely well for me for whatever reason - but yah, that’s what happened. I’m so very grateful now for a working mind and body.

 

[crazyhairman]

I'm sorry you are suffering

The thing is ,I get shy talking to others with chronic pain and pain killers. Chronic pain in of itself will make the strongest person weak and the nicest folks insane. The constant medical conditions that lead to other issues.
I remember being in that hopeless cycle since I was 13. At 16 I Made it threw surgery learned to walk again.
By 17 I could run
The pain sometimes is all you can focus on, then you start coming unglued. They don't know exactly why but my liver failed at 21. I had been working since 15 , rent, food, medical bills made it impossible to get ahead.
At 24 I lost weight and became very weak for months , UC , basically Crohn's disease but in the colon. ( I can't drink anymore also)

The constant companion through all of this was drugs and pain killers. They were the only relief at all. I knew I had a dependentcy, I knew the drugs were killing me. My doctor's even cut me off from painkillers in 2019 , I became my own pharmacy. And I knew in my heart this isn't what life should be.

After a few more years hoping things will get better, and my health deteriorating rapidly. I just woke up one day and threw all my drugs in a creek behind my house. I was so over this life I just wanted to feel life without drugs before I died. I figured I was going to die anyway either from an overdose or suicide. I quit my job I moved away I lost everything and almost everyone.

That was 6 1/2 years ago, and there isn't a single day that goes by I don't think about how truly lucky I am.
After a year or so , my pain became manageable. Also it seemed around that time my UC went dormant .
It was the hardest part of my life . My back hurts still, nothing we can do about it. But it's manageable without narcotics. I do lowww dose delta8 if it gets bad.

To make a long story long, you really never know. I never thought I'd be healthy and happy. The icing just so happened to be sobriety.
I guess just keep going, one day if nothing else works you might just throw your drugs in the creek and go through hell. It's just not something I'm comfortable advising you do. There were several times during cold turkey detox I was in terrible shape. You can't tell someone to stop taking there meds to feel better. It's just exactly what I did. Can't explain it , I'm not religious, I just don't know the science behind it. I can't tell you what to do my only experience is my own life. I can only offer hope that maybe one day your ship comes in.

Insane life, and if I do nothing else with my life it was worth it . Thank you all

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

If those are the only meds that will deal with your pain then it would make sense for you to have a regular script, and you should be taking them. Has your doc tried you on alternative meds?

... If other types of medication can keep your condition in check, and you're 'over it' as you say on the other hand, then there's no reason for you to keep taking something that causes physical dependence. In which case withdraw the drug from your system and that's that problem solved.

 

[Heroes Inc.]

I'm sorry you are suffering

The thing is ,I get shy talking to others with chronic pain and pain killers. Chronic pain in of itself will make the strongest person weak and the nicest folks insane. The constant medical conditions that lead to other issues.
I remember being in that hopeless cycle since I was 13. At 16 I Made it threw surgery learned to walk again.
By 17 I could run
The pain sometimes is all you can focus on, then you start coming unglued. They don't know exactly why but my liver failed at 21. I had been working since 15 , rent, food, medical bills made it impossible to get ahead.
At 24 I lost weight and became very weak for months , UC , basically Crohn's disease but in the colon. ( I can't drink anymore also)

The constant companion through all of this was drugs and pain killers. They were the only relief at all. I knew I had a dependentcy, I knew the drugs were killing me. My doctor's even cut me off from painkillers in 2019 , I became my own pharmacy. And I knew in my heart this isn't what life should be.

After a few more years hoping things will get better, and my health deteriorating rapidly. I just woke up one day and threw all my drugs in a creek behind my house. I was so over this life I just wanted to feel life without drugs before I died. I figured I was going to die anyway either from an overdose or suicide. I quit my job I moved away I lost everything and almost everyone.

That was 6 1/2 years ago, and there isn't a single day that goes by I don't think about how truly lucky I am.
After a year or so , my pain became manageable. Also it seemed around that time my UC went dormant .
It was the hardest part of my life . My back hurts still, nothing we can do about it. But it's manageable without narcotics. I do lowww dose delta8 if it gets bad.

To make a long story long, you really never know. I never thought I'd be healthy and happy. The icing just so happened to be sobriety.
I guess just keep going, one day if nothing else works you might just throw your drugs in the creek and go through hell. It's just not something I'm comfortable advising you do. There were several times during cold turkey detox I was in terrible shape. You can't tell someone to stop taking there meds to feel better. It's just exactly what I did. Can't explain it , I'm not religious, I just don't know the science behind it. I can't tell you what to do my only experience is my own life. I can only offer hope that maybe one day your ship comes in.

Insane life, and if I do nothing else with my life it was worth it . Thank you all

Wow that was powerful post. Im at my lowest moment, currently. Just turning 40 doesn’t help. The worst of this, is that I have the most amazing/supportive beautiful wife that Im truthful with. She battles her own mental demons, but she is the best. And I can’t find the strength to stop.

 

[Heroes Inc.]

If those are the only meds that will deal with your pain then it would make sense for you to have a regular script, and you should be taking them. Has your doc tried you on alternative meds?

... If other types of medication can keep your condition in check, and you're 'over it' as you say on the other hand, then there's no reason for you to keep taking something that causes physical dependence. In which case withdraw the drug from your system and that's that problem solved.

I have most certainly over done it with the oxys. Most certainly. I used them as my way to cope with (at the time) my extremely stressful job and the stresses of life. I’m at a low point right now. I have no idea what to do.