Thelema and Drug Use - Diary of a Drug Fiend

[Krowsnose]

For anyone interested in Aleister Crowley or Thelema I found this interesting page: http://www.inthecenterofthefire.com/supporting-documents/diary-of-an-ex-drug-fiend

In the beautifully written "fiction" of Crowley's book "Diary of a Drug Fiend" he goes through the stages of hedonistic indulgence, the hell of addiction, withdrawal and ultimate redemption. His ultimate "remedy" however seems to be a fantasy as the person in the article notes. Crowley wanted to believe that one could overcome addiction and still use drugs just when they wanted to and not lose control over themselves and their will in the process. This goes against just about EVERYTHING anyone will tell you who's been in recovery and AA (funny how AA were the same initials for Crowley's Order). It definitely seems like a fantasy to me as well. But if only it could be true!

What are your thoughts on this? Crowley did successfully kick heroin use for an extended amount of time but ultimately relapsed and died a heroin addict. It's not clear whether he used other drugs during his period of heroin sobriety. Many say he never had control over his drug use and I highly doubt he did, being human and doing things the way he did. Perhaps it was solely his "Holy Guardian Angel" who had control over it.

 

[socko]

How do you even know Crowley wanted to quit? You can't say he "relapsed" or had no control because you don't know if he wanted to be without it. Heroin makes you feel terrific, and IMO, it makes life more enjoyable. If I had easy and cheap access to it, I'd choose to take it every day for the rest of my life as well. I never understood AA and their idea of addiction. Drugs are here to be enjoyed and used as tools. I unfortunately have to quit it myself in a couple of months because I'm travelling overseas. I'm not looking forward to quitting, but I'm not willing to risk taking it on the plane.

 

[Krowsnose]

Have you ever been addicted to anything? There's a difference between taking drugs recreationally and addiction. Crowley was addicted. Read the book. It was a living hell he needed to escape. If you started taking heroin everyday you would stop enjoying it a month or two in and it would be a constant need and not a want. Do you not understand addiction? How old are you? How long have you been taking drugs? Sorry, but it sounds completely insane what you just wrote.

 

[Krowsnose]

Addiction to me is when you no longer like a drug but still can't manage to quit it.

 

[swilow]

I quite like Crowley, used to be pretty interested in Thelema and attended a few O.T.O rituals. I liked his links with drugs...

Addiction to me is when you no longer like a drug but still can't manage to quit it.

Or when you continue to use a drug despite its negative impact. Which encompasses what you've written I guess...

I think Socko is addicted? That's how I read that post and others he has contributed. I think it might be possible to have an addiction and still lead a 'normal' life, but for most, that will be difficult. I had a long period during my heroin/morphine/opiate addiction when I had easy and regular access to medical grade morphine. The typical shitnesses of a junkie life, waiting in the cold for unreliable dealers, was absent and I was able to get on with doing other stuff. Other drugs TBPH

I actually think its possible to use addictive drugs recreationally, but it is highly risky. I was addicted to opiates for 3-4 years. I've been non-addicted for at least 3 years, but still take them from time to time- never heroin or morphine; I will sporadically take CWE codeine, opium (pods/resin/seeds) or methadone (left over tablets); I've taken morphine IV once (never again for that) but never heroin. I take other addictive drugs recreationally too, such as GHB and amphetamines. I feel like I understand how to withstand the knocking of addiction. I've had muliple addictions and society would say that I am too weak and damaged to get away with this. Its working so far. We do ourselves an injustice when we discount our strength of will. But we also disrespect our animal nature when we think we can take something and not pay for it, in some way or another. One needs to assess whether they can afford it.

 

[socko]

Knows: Are you a follower of AA? Have you been in one of their treatment programs? Let me ask how old you are and what is your level of education. Why do you believe it's not possible to control drug use, even after being out of control? Why can't somebody be or formerly be addicted and out of control but later learn to control it and enjoy it? Isn't reasonable that somebody could learn to control it from their experience of overdoing it? How carefully did you read Crowley's book?

I don't know much about AA other than they preach total abstinence and don't seem to believe recreational use is possible. They are also fond of words like "clean," and "addict." They believe everyone is helpless, has no will power, and must rely on outside help including a "higher power." They are very preachy. I don't care for their philosophy, but it does help certain kinds of people, especially drunks.

And yes, I've read Crowley's Diary of a Drug Fiend. The characters didnt know what they were getting themselves into and went overboard. They didn't use their "Will" to keep themselves disciplined. They lost control over themselves and became slaves to their addiction. But in the end, they quit, and Crowley suggested that one could overcome addiction and still use drugs just when they wanted to and not lose control over themselves and their will in the process. You summarized it just like that.

Crowley wrote for a very specific audience - smart and curious people who he was encouraging to think for themselves and develop will power and self-reliance. He encouraged people to take charge of their own lives and to try to realize their dreams. He was also fond of theatrics and pageantry

I agree with Crowley on that it i possible to keep control, even while physically dependent. By control, I mean keep the amount under control and not ruin your life while taking the drug. Yes, I realize physical dependence can happen quickly. I don't think physical depedence is as big a deal as people make it out to be. You can be in control and also be physically dependent. You can control the amount you take, you can decide if you want to quit, you can control how you quit, whether its sudden or a taper. Quitting relatively painlessly is a matter of tapering over several weeks. It takes willpower, something AA doesn't seem to believe in - maybe because they will lose customers or followers or whatever.

Why do you think one cannot be both addicted to something yet also able to enjoy it? I have 3 examples, and each one proves that is wrong. I used to be addicted to alcohol. I drank heavily every day for a year while in grad school. I would litteraly start shaking, sweating, and have extreme anxiety by mid-day if I didn't have a drink. I tapered off, and now, I only drink 1 or 2 drinks a month and get drunk once a year. That was 7 years ago.

I'm currently addicted to 2 substances that I also enjoy. I have been taking both every day for years. One of them is caffeine. Did you know that one can become physically dependent on coffee? I am a caffeine addict and it is not pretty. I MUST drink a caffienated beverage each day that contains at least 200 milligrams of caffeine or I get some very nasty withdrawal symptoms: migraine, extreme vomiting, chills, extreme lack of energy - I just lie in bed for a few days until it wears off, constipation, depression, extreme sleepiness. It lasts 3 or 4 days when I have quit caffeine cold turkey. I've learned to taper when I need to quit. I'm an addict, but at the same time, I enjoy coffee after years of daily use.

It might sound insane to you and to the abstinence world of AA, but Crowley's suggestion works for some people. I've taken opiates on weekends only for more than a decade. Then I had steady access to cheap fentanyl. After my year or so run with daily fentanyl, my supply was going to run out, and I didn't want to spend more than I could afford to keep doing it. I did a long slow taper and quit everything for around 6 months. I was physically dependent, but I was able to quit.

Because I find that daily use of opiates enhances life, and I had access to affordable heroin, I decided to take up heroin and decided to do it every day. That was more than a year ago. I did iv heroin sometimes but was never really into the rush. I've also injected speedballs and really enjoyed that rush. I switched to morphine taken orally. Morning and afternoon are maintenance doses. Evening is recreational. I use the same amount every day. I still enjoy it. I've had some roughj patches learning to do it right, but I have not lost control over myself. I'm quitting in about 2 months before I have to travel overseas. Yes, I realize I'm physically addicted, but after a slow taper, I will no longer be addicted. I have the self discipline to do a taper on my own without having to be locked in some substance "abuse" treatment center. In that sense, I have total control over it. Cold turkey is masochistic. After my travels, I plan to start it up again. I have self-discipline not only when it comes to drugs but in other areas of life as well. I do double marathon length runs, 100+ mile bike rides, mountain climb. I have a PhD in Neuroscience and work in my field.

So, yes, I agree with Crowley. I think he took heroin because he chose to and he enjoyed it. That's why I take it. I think the AA mindset is propaganda designed to help certain kinds of people. Certain kinds of people need slogans and black and white interpretations of life and strict rules set in stone. Everybody is different. Not everybody reacts to addictive substances the same way.

If you are still skeptical, millions of people are prescribed pain management medication that contains opiates every day and don't lose control. If they did, they would all be supplementing their doses with whatever they can buy on the street.

Willow: yes, it is risky to take something for pleasure that you are addicted to. I'm addicted to 2 things: caffeine and morphine. After years of daily use, I still enjoy them both very much. I don't recommend this lifestyle for most mortals. Why can some people be addicted yet have completely normal lives while others crash and burn? Knowledge about the drug, self-discipline (as in being able to train and run 50 miles without rest, having a zen meditation training, etc)?