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The onslaught of choice on the formation of romance

pofacedhoe

pofacedhoe

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Mar 5, 2008
Messages
7,080
Today people are more socially mobile than ever, they have more ways to meet more people than any of their ancestors, they see more images of naked people engaging in sex for comparison and more adverts filling their head with instructions on how something newer is better than any previous generation in history.

Do you feel that modern society and the choice onslaught has had an effect on your romantic relationships/ability to form them?

has greener grass tainted your decision making process:sus:
 
Yes somewhat but its also not a completely conscious process. Chemistry still happens. You just have to ignore all the bs, like anything else.
 
Social media makes it easier to emotional cheat if you are in a relationship. It can also lead to actually cheating.

These dating apps give guys too many choices. That's why I don't think they truly give their full attention to one girl. They always know there is someone "new" they can find. That's also why they don't feel the need to try too hard and really make a good impression.

They don't even try to look presentable half the time or pay for dates because they have other women readily at their fingertips. Relationships take commitment and actually working things out. These days a guy doesn't want to bother, he just wants to forget her and move on to the next one.

So yes. I do believe it is killing romance and turning men into pieces of shit because more women are at their disposal. This is why I am taking a break and want to try to meet men who aren't online in the future. I have no idea where that would be...a grocery store? Church? It doesn't usually happen at concerts. People are already hooked up and with friends. *sighs*

*takes a bow*

Oh and one guy on a talk show actually said that all you need now to get a girl is all your hair and a job. Standards are low. A guy also said he doesn't compliment women at all on dates because "She won't be into him." What? I love compliments and this is a problem I've had in the past. Got all pretty and no compliment! Some guys say that the hotter the girl is, the more he won't compliment her. It's like some sick game to make her feel insecure.

In guy's defense, there are dumb women who aren't into a guy if he treats her nice. I can't stand those type of women. I love sweet guys.
 
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i think both sides have the other side at their disposal. when you are being disposed of easily you learn and copy.

as a gay i know where you are coming from- if men can turn you into something they can consume with no effort at all then move on from they will.

the last date i went on was a guy i met at a concert. it went good but was cut short (cos he wanted to watch a tv show) but the follow up was atrocious. he just had poor hygeine and had not bothered to shave the whisps or wash his teeth properly. He had aspergers but i have defintiely had a fuck buddy/friend previously who had it who was hot and clean and a fantastic artist so its all about the individual and their behaviours.

since then i've lost interest out of laziness.
 
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Poor hygiene is the worst! It definitely had nothing to do with aspergers, he was just gross. I dated a guy once who didn't even wash his fucking genitals first. It smelled like he jerked off all night and dipped his junk in mayonnaise. NEVER EVER saw him again.

So yeah, I'm just over the whole thing too.
 
I've generally found these apps are great to get laid but not for pursuing relationships, although that's just my experience. It's like high-speed dating where the ultimate goal is sex (for men) or attention (for women). This is why men have multiple girls in rotation and will avoid compliments and just go for pure escalation, if it's not reciprocated.. onto the next one. With women on there, they want to hold the men's attention and conversation but generally have no interest in going beyond chatting on the app.

Both sides are at fault, but their just playing each other's game. The people caught in the crossfire are the ones who genuinely want something more.
 
Social media and the internet in general is what brought me the best relationship of my life... for me having more options meant being able to find someone outside my immediate area, where I never fit in.
 
eatingt00thpaste said:
Social media and the internet in general is what brought me the best relationship of my life... for me having more options meant being able to find someone outside my immediate area, where I never fit in.
Click to expand...

That's an excellent point too! I am not interested in guys from my area so being online has allowed me to find guys outside of my city at least. These are people who I have music and other things in common with who are not in my urban area.

My longest relationship in the past came from online, it was like 6 or more years, but ultimately we weren't meant for each other.

I don't know. If you do date online, it is so important to be selective. All these guys act like they really care until they get what they want. It takes a while before people show their true colors.

I'm going to sound like an asshole now, but sometimes it seems like the dumbest/ugliest people stay in relationships long. I know I'm being judgmental. I think it also depends on what people are settling for. Some women stay with a guy who beats on her just so she's not alone. My ex's sister was with a guy who is registered as a sex offender. The list goes on and on...Guess it depends on what you are willing to accept. Even men put up with abusive relationships. Look at Phil Hartman, his crazy cunt wife killed both of them.
 
CoastTwoCoast said:
Social media makes it easier to emotional cheat if you are in a relationship. It can also lead to actually cheating.

These dating apps give guys too many choices. That's why I don't think they truly give their full attention to one girl. They always know there is someone "new" they can find. That's also why they don't feel the need to try too hard and really make a good impression.

They don't even try to look presentable half the time or pay for dates because they have other women readily at their fingertips. Relationships take commitment and actually working things out. These days a guy doesn't want to bother, he just wants to forget her and move on to the next one.

So yes. I do believe it is killing romance and turning men into pieces of shit because more women are at their disposal. This is why I am taking a break and want to try to meet men who aren't online in the future. I have no idea where that would be...a grocery store? Church? It doesn't usually happen at concerts. People are already hooked up and with friends. *sighs*

*takes a bow*

Oh and one guy on a talk show actually said that all you need now to get a girl is all your hair and a job. Standards are low. A guy also said he doesn't compliment women at all on dates because "She won't be into him." What? I love compliments and this is a problem I've had in the past. Got all pretty and no compliment! Some guys say that the hotter the girl is, the more he won't compliment her. It's like some sick game to make her feel insecure.

In guy's defense, there are dumb women who aren't into a guy if he treats her nice. I can't stand those type of women. I love sweet guys.
Click to expand...
With the utmost respect, I think your issues with meeting a good guy are related more to your attitude than anything else. Just an FYI :)
 
^ I take my blame for certain things, but I've experienced enough to know that many people just fucking suck and don't have good intentions when it comes to another person's heart. And struggling with depression is hard so I'm not always upbeat and perky. So I have to be with someone who understands that. I'd just rather keep to myself these days.
 
I think this is an interesting topic.

I have heard a lot of people recently talk about the choice onslaught as a bad thing in that it makes people "too picky", and less willing to be patient enough to get to know someone if there isn't an instant attraction, however the way I see it, it is basically just an accelerated version of what is going on in real life anyway. If you're the kind of person who will quickly dismiss someone because they don't fit your mental ideal of the kind of person you want to date or be in a relationship with, then it's likely that the fact you are more able to do this via a dating app doesn't mean that this tendency will be entirely absent otherwise... just that, perhaps, it will take longer to develop. On the other hand if you are a person who is a little more patient and willing to give people the benefit of the doubt, then the accelerated pace of online/app-initiated dating will probably still force you to be a little more selective, both because of the increased availability of potential partners and because statistically you are more likely to have the decision made for you earlier on (as I think human beings in general lean towards the slightly impatiently minded group). In either situation the net result is just less wasted time for everyone involved which can only be a good thing.

I was speaking to a friend about this today and I thought they made a pretty good point. If for the average person there is maybe 1 in 100000 people or something like that with whom there is both a mutual sexual attraction, AND with whom you can actually get on with very well for a very long time, then if you ever want to meet this person playing the numbers game is basically a necessity, and the abundance of choice in this Age of Information should (perhaps optimistically, but, I think, conceivably) lead to a higher proportion of people meeting someone who is actually right for them, and not just "settling" because of lack of choice or fear of being alone.

Honestly I can't at the moment think of a situation where more choice is ever a bad thing. Choice is a symptom of an abundance of opportunity, and this applies to romantic relationships just as much as it applies to anything else, or any path that you choose to take, in life.
 
Vastness, that's exactly how I see it - more mating options have never been a bad thing for mammals.

In my former marriage i definitely settled. I gave up on the idea that i deserved to be selective. Huge mistake as it turned abusive toward the end.

I've known my current partner (some of you may know him as ebola?) for quite a while online but when we really got to know each other intimately it was like everything changed in an instant. One thing I never realized is that love doesn't have to be a struggle. It doesn't have to be painful. I don't think I would have met someone with whom I shared extremely important values like I do with him where I came from. If I hadn't met him I'd probably be with yet another small town yuppie clone.
 
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