The most hurtful & embarrassing thing ive ever felt- Being stood up & the method

[the_ketaman]

The most hurtful & embarrassing thing ive ever felt- Being stood up & the method

I feel so so sad and useless, almost like a big joke has just been played on me.

This man and I have been speaking all day and neither of us could wait to mee the other as the communication was going great. Well, I walk in the door and within 5 minutes he said "This isn't going to work, your too fat, you need to leave" And of course I stormd out and made him feel as guilty as I could(if there weren't cameras im afraid I would have really hurt him)

Anyway, he knew what I looked like, so using the fat excuse doesn't work. I just feel rejected and lately my life has been flipped upside down and course some of it is the drugs but every time I try to quit the drugs something like this happens and I use. Straight away after this happened I just IV'd so much meth, I ant let myself feel anymore because its never a good feeling :/

Anyway so tonight im going to finish smoking whats in the pipe, take plenty of benzos and pot and just try to forget what happened but it was really one of the most traumatizing things ive experienced. I feel like a pile of dirt!

 

[Bearlove]

Its Sunday - some people may have been parTying a bit to hard - what they think they want, what they chat about, what they actually want can be very different. I honestly would not take this as a personal insult towards yourself, just see it as his insecurities and immature way of handing the circumstance IRL.

You really have no idea what changed in the dynamics of your chat to the actual meet up - the only thing you should take from this, HE was not ready to take it further (insert excuse). Do not beat yourself up over this episode - I personally have had a great online rapport with a few people but when I have met them IRL - there was nothing.

When your trying to quit - there is 'always' going to be something that crops up that triggers you to start back up again.

Your frame / state of mind may be making you overthink this, what were you looking for out of this meeting?

Bear

 

[queenbee1127]

I agree with BearLove, I too have had great communication/chemistry with someone online that didn't translate in real life.

Rejection is always a shitty feeling, so I'm sorry to hear that this happened to you.

Sending you Internet hugs ?

 

[alasdairm]

that sounds awful .

think of it this way - he's obviously a bit of a douchebag so why would you choose to give him this much power over you? sure, he said a douchey thing butconsider these wise words by eleanor roosevelt: "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent".

further, his comments aren't even about you. have you heard of or read 'the four agreements'? i think the 2nd agreement is spot on:

Don’t Take Anything Personally

Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

i recognise that it's hard in practice

alasdair

 

[socko]

Some people would rather insult and reject a man than enjoy his company. It happened to me all the time in the US.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

I'm sorry that this happened to you. Just ignore him and concentrate on yourself instead. Stay safe.

 

[kytnism]

im sorry ketaman. thats horrible and something you didnt deserve to experience.

ive been there myself and its something in adulthood you cant even imagine having thrown at you, and when it is; it can break a person. i know it did me. a single sentence absolutely shattered me and my self esteem, but i now realize that it wasnt that one sentence. it was a series of personal doubts and insecurities that i allowed to be confirmed in that one sentence "your fat ass doesnt deserve ..." and i chose to believe that. personal hang ups are your worst enemy. they can be as small as "im not enough" "im fat" "im undeserving" etc. but theyre all invalid and a series of negative energy that isnt worth holding onto, because the only person it will hurt and damage by holding onto it is yourself. noone else.

i dont mean to simplify your circumstance, but so what? one guy... one insignificant guy that youll probably never cross paths with again told you in his opinion that he thought that you were fat. if for one second he knew the consequence or damage done in stating that, he wouldnt have done so. people can be ignorant, people can be rude and with technology today and everything being expressed in text, some people have lost their manners and ability to be compassionate, respectful and even accountable for the things they say.

ali referenced an awesome quote. read it. and read it again. read it until you believe and recognize its truth.

dont be damaged, just be you. its all you can be. and its enough

...kytnism...

 

[llama112]

I'm sorry. Some people are complete jerks.

Although this situation has never happened to me, many people have called me fat, ugly, a bitch, etc. (I'm not terrible conceited but I'm none of them)..... BUT a lot of people say that because they aren't confident themselves. They aren't happy with themselves.

If you are going to reject someone because their looks aren't exactly what you'd like (who does that anyway???!!??), then you make up another excuse.

Especially at this age. I think this guy needs to gain some maturity before he starts dating.

I know how names can hurt and rejection can hurt but I am sure you are an amazing person and he's simply a jerk. There are SO MANY other people who think you are amazing.

 

[Clitnhawk]

I remember some time ago, a co-worker got a girl from online to come to our place of business for a "quickie". Her picture didn't match the woman. IRL, she wasn't a blonde or a supermodel body. She was good looking, actually - but he rejected her because she lied about who she was. It happened so quick, I didn't know what to say. But I wish I wasn't too shy at the time to tell her "hey, wanna talk?" She did run out of the place crying a bit.

He could have been nicer, especially if he knew you were over-weight... and there is of course no need to make someone feel like shit. So fuck him.

As someone who is also working on his weight issues, - you should do your best to better yourself. Both the drugs and working out. There are gyms in some places that charge $10~12 a month. Ride a bike 1~2 hours a day. You'll feel more alive... you'll get your heart pumping better. Each few pounds you lose - you'll feel better about yourself. The side benefit is that you'll be a healthier person too!

A friend of mine changed her diet (more healthy foods / no more pasta - which I LOVE) and she lost about 10 lbs in 4 weeks! wow.