Ketamania
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Dec 30, 2017
- Messages
- 1,120
So, when I first started using BL I was 16. Just doing silly shit like DXM and whippets. I am forever greatful for BL and it’s harm reduction advice that I found early, otherwise I may have very well died. 4 years later at 20 I’ve done heroin, meth, RC’s, and pretty much every drug class in heavy doses but safely.
When I was first on this site, I could only post on school breaks, when I could go home, because it was a preparatory boarding school. It was extremely Christian, used physical abuse as punishment, and I astonishingly survived my whole high school career there. I am only the second student to have stayed the whole four years. I’m surprised it hasn’t been shut down.
Anyways, on breaks I would like to do DXM and sneak out of the house to get nitrous. Then, when they, my “evil” aunt and uncle (my legal guardians cause my parents died), went to sleep I would drown the pain of my past trauma with drugs (if you wanna hear my story I’m pretty sure it’s on BL somewhere). I would lay on the bed in an alternate universe where pain didn’t exist, and only the purple glow of my black light.
My addiction started with just DXM and nitrous. Then I found out opioids were amazing after my wisdom tooth surgery. I began stealing my guardians’ pain pills and performing CWE’s (thanks to Bluelight). I stopped opioids before I graduated that high school though. I even tried to smoke Amanita Muscara mushrooms lmao. But it was never hard drugs I did in their house.
My aunt and uncle always said I could stay with them after I turn 18 (and while in college) cause we’re family and I had nowhere else to stay. However, the week I came home from graduation my aunt kicked me out for LITERALLY “not mowing the lawn well enough”. She threw a wall divider at me, and said many terrible things, but worst of all, she still won’t allow me to see or talk to my little brother. She/He has also excommunicated me , they won’t speak to me. However, throughout that whole ordeal she never mentioned my drug use. Was it just something that was so shameful of “the family” it wasn’t discussed? Or did she truly not know (I always thought I was very good at hiding my use).
Well, I eventually found out she DID know about my drug use and my very private BL posts. Apparently my principal at that high school checked my phone (which she did often) and noticed a “Happy Birthday” automated message from BL. She then looked up my username and screenshotted everything I posted and sent them to my Guardians.
My question is: why did neither my Guardians or former principle talk to me about my drug abuse? Could this be the true reason she kicked me out? When I found the texts on my principles phone (she let me use it to look something up my last semester of school) I was so devastated. I thought my life was ruined. Yet, they never did anything.
I wonder if they did ever mention anything to me, I would’ve never been addicted to heroin or reached this “point of no return”.
I pondered this tonight. Should I contact my former principal and ask why? I told my former principal about my later drug use, and even then she never mentioned my BL.
But to be honest, BL was/is my “secret” safe haven. A place where I could be totally honest about my emotions and social taboos. For awhile afterwards, I didn’t post to keep my drug addiction still kind of a secret. I lived in fear.
But you know what I realized? My past evil guardians and principal can stalk my account. They will see who I *really* am then. Not the fake presentation I was forced into for so long; just for the sake of their own fantasy of life. This is me, flaws and all.
When I was first on this site, I could only post on school breaks, when I could go home, because it was a preparatory boarding school. It was extremely Christian, used physical abuse as punishment, and I astonishingly survived my whole high school career there. I am only the second student to have stayed the whole four years. I’m surprised it hasn’t been shut down.
Anyways, on breaks I would like to do DXM and sneak out of the house to get nitrous. Then, when they, my “evil” aunt and uncle (my legal guardians cause my parents died), went to sleep I would drown the pain of my past trauma with drugs (if you wanna hear my story I’m pretty sure it’s on BL somewhere). I would lay on the bed in an alternate universe where pain didn’t exist, and only the purple glow of my black light.
My addiction started with just DXM and nitrous. Then I found out opioids were amazing after my wisdom tooth surgery. I began stealing my guardians’ pain pills and performing CWE’s (thanks to Bluelight). I stopped opioids before I graduated that high school though. I even tried to smoke Amanita Muscara mushrooms lmao. But it was never hard drugs I did in their house.
My aunt and uncle always said I could stay with them after I turn 18 (and while in college) cause we’re family and I had nowhere else to stay. However, the week I came home from graduation my aunt kicked me out for LITERALLY “not mowing the lawn well enough”. She threw a wall divider at me, and said many terrible things, but worst of all, she still won’t allow me to see or talk to my little brother. She/He has also excommunicated me , they won’t speak to me. However, throughout that whole ordeal she never mentioned my drug use. Was it just something that was so shameful of “the family” it wasn’t discussed? Or did she truly not know (I always thought I was very good at hiding my use).
Well, I eventually found out she DID know about my drug use and my very private BL posts. Apparently my principal at that high school checked my phone (which she did often) and noticed a “Happy Birthday” automated message from BL. She then looked up my username and screenshotted everything I posted and sent them to my Guardians.
My question is: why did neither my Guardians or former principle talk to me about my drug abuse? Could this be the true reason she kicked me out? When I found the texts on my principles phone (she let me use it to look something up my last semester of school) I was so devastated. I thought my life was ruined. Yet, they never did anything.
I wonder if they did ever mention anything to me, I would’ve never been addicted to heroin or reached this “point of no return”.
I pondered this tonight. Should I contact my former principal and ask why? I told my former principal about my later drug use, and even then she never mentioned my BL.
But to be honest, BL was/is my “secret” safe haven. A place where I could be totally honest about my emotions and social taboos. For awhile afterwards, I didn’t post to keep my drug addiction still kind of a secret. I lived in fear.
But you know what I realized? My past evil guardians and principal can stalk my account. They will see who I *really* am then. Not the fake presentation I was forced into for so long; just for the sake of their own fantasy of life. This is me, flaws and all.
