Ok so I've been lurking for years and recently started commenting and responding more and more and now i would like to ask the like-minded, open minded, similarly experienced blue-lighters their opinion on my situation.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 3.5 years although we have known each other for close to 10 and been friends for most of that time. I ended an almost 10 year marriage to be with him and brought my now almost 5 year old son with me. He has an 11 yr old son from a previous relationship so together we look like a nice little family of four. It's the family I've always dreamed of having and I'm perfectly content with the dynamics that we have .
We knew from the beginning that our personalities we're so similar it was eerie and we were amazed as we got to know each other better how incredibly alike we are! From both suffering from uncommon mental disorders that no one else in our lives took seriously, to our unwaivering work ethics, up to the priority our children are to us and the importance of a amicable relationship with our co-parenting ex-partners we are almost identical personality-wise. Except as open and trusting as I am, he's distrustful and shut off. I have spent the majority of our relationship trying to prove that I'm not going to hurt him so he will open up to me and trust me. Unfortunately with all of our similarities has also come our greatest downfall as a couple... we are extremely self-destructive. And by combining powers, we quickly ended up in a deep, dark hole the likes of which neither one of us has seen before. This lead to our demise.
We both enjoy dabbling in substances and were in to harder drugs pretty heavily as teenagers but had slowed or stopped consumption during our adult lives prior 2 getting close to each other. Most substances we're able to pick up and put down with little to no effect however opiates are the bane of our existence. Somewhere we both lost complete control and only time will tell if our efforts to stop are "too little, too late" or if one or both of our lives are still salvageable.
We are in our early to mid thirties and finally ready to confront a pretty nasty heroin addiction that has nearly destroyed our lives over the last 2 years. We are both committed to and trying to get clean however I feel that once we do there won't be anything left of our relationship. While in some ways, H was our big secret that no one else knew about (at least not the severity of our addiction at the end) it also became the only substance to cause us to argue and drove us apart. It killed any sex drive he had previously and made me an emotional & depressed wreck. Our relationship is completely void of any affection and i hate the drug for taking away the amazing intimacy that we had in the beginning...something I had never experienced with anyone before!! And this just further exacerbates my fears surrounding abandonment and rejection
It also did something to his drive and work ethic when he lost his job and subsequently I fear I'm becoming resentful now that I've been the one supporting us for a year-and-a-half now. Well somewhat supporting us.... We're on the verge of losing both of our houses, we have more debt than we can even start to count and right now it feels like our lives will never be as good as they were when we got together. Before we self-destructed in the most epic download spiral known to mankind.
I know, and he does too, that deep down in our hearts we're miserable and we want a better life for ourselves and each other. If we focus our energy on more positive goals I feel like we would be the true Bonnie and Clyde, unstoppable in every sense of the word. But is too much time lost? Have too many wedges been driven between us to ever allow us the closeness that we once shared? And selfishly, do I want to give any more of my time and resources to someone who I constantly question? Who has not pledged their dedication in the same magnitude that I have? Can we ever find greatness? or did we throw that away before we even took the time to learn how truly great we could have been?
Thank you if you have gotten all the way through this and I apologize for the length. Any and all advice, suggestions, similar experiences, etc are welcome and appreciated.
Try to go easy on me though please!!!! I'm a little fragile right now as I feel like I'm watching my whole world fall apart and no matter how hard I hold on, everything just keeps slipping out of my fingers :-(
My boyfriend and I have been together for 3.5 years although we have known each other for close to 10 and been friends for most of that time. I ended an almost 10 year marriage to be with him and brought my now almost 5 year old son with me. He has an 11 yr old son from a previous relationship so together we look like a nice little family of four. It's the family I've always dreamed of having and I'm perfectly content with the dynamics that we have .
We knew from the beginning that our personalities we're so similar it was eerie and we were amazed as we got to know each other better how incredibly alike we are! From both suffering from uncommon mental disorders that no one else in our lives took seriously, to our unwaivering work ethics, up to the priority our children are to us and the importance of a amicable relationship with our co-parenting ex-partners we are almost identical personality-wise. Except as open and trusting as I am, he's distrustful and shut off. I have spent the majority of our relationship trying to prove that I'm not going to hurt him so he will open up to me and trust me. Unfortunately with all of our similarities has also come our greatest downfall as a couple... we are extremely self-destructive. And by combining powers, we quickly ended up in a deep, dark hole the likes of which neither one of us has seen before. This lead to our demise.
We both enjoy dabbling in substances and were in to harder drugs pretty heavily as teenagers but had slowed or stopped consumption during our adult lives prior 2 getting close to each other. Most substances we're able to pick up and put down with little to no effect however opiates are the bane of our existence. Somewhere we both lost complete control and only time will tell if our efforts to stop are "too little, too late" or if one or both of our lives are still salvageable.
We are in our early to mid thirties and finally ready to confront a pretty nasty heroin addiction that has nearly destroyed our lives over the last 2 years. We are both committed to and trying to get clean however I feel that once we do there won't be anything left of our relationship. While in some ways, H was our big secret that no one else knew about (at least not the severity of our addiction at the end) it also became the only substance to cause us to argue and drove us apart. It killed any sex drive he had previously and made me an emotional & depressed wreck. Our relationship is completely void of any affection and i hate the drug for taking away the amazing intimacy that we had in the beginning...something I had never experienced with anyone before!! And this just further exacerbates my fears surrounding abandonment and rejection
It also did something to his drive and work ethic when he lost his job and subsequently I fear I'm becoming resentful now that I've been the one supporting us for a year-and-a-half now. Well somewhat supporting us.... We're on the verge of losing both of our houses, we have more debt than we can even start to count and right now it feels like our lives will never be as good as they were when we got together. Before we self-destructed in the most epic download spiral known to mankind.
I know, and he does too, that deep down in our hearts we're miserable and we want a better life for ourselves and each other. If we focus our energy on more positive goals I feel like we would be the true Bonnie and Clyde, unstoppable in every sense of the word. But is too much time lost? Have too many wedges been driven between us to ever allow us the closeness that we once shared? And selfishly, do I want to give any more of my time and resources to someone who I constantly question? Who has not pledged their dedication in the same magnitude that I have? Can we ever find greatness? or did we throw that away before we even took the time to learn how truly great we could have been?
Thank you if you have gotten all the way through this and I apologize for the length. Any and all advice, suggestions, similar experiences, etc are welcome and appreciated.
Try to go easy on me though please!!!! I'm a little fragile right now as I feel like I'm watching my whole world fall apart and no matter how hard I hold on, everything just keeps slipping out of my fingers :-(
