TheUltimateFixx
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 8, 2021
- Messages
- 3,474
So I've dragged myself past a mental health condition, dragged myself past a physical condition which has already ruined half of my supposed 'best years', dragged myself past an addiction mostly resulting from the previous 2 factors, dragged myself through a sea of meaningless shit in general...
... I did all of this with little help apart from my own refusal to bow down before I'd screwed SOMETHING worthwhile from my dismal existence and for WHAT.
The government here has gone INSANELY xenophobic.
I'm an EU national resident in the UK.
Over the past few years there have been increasing instances of detention and deportation. Don't believe me -?
THERE ARE NO LEGAL CRITERIA FOR WHO GETS DETAINED AND IN WHAT CIRCUMSTANCES.
Decisions to detain indefinitely (!) can be made by Home Office personnel alone with no recourse to lawyers.
EU citizens working and living here for decades are suddenly told they are here illegally.
An Italian woman merely seeking to visit her relatives was detained and deported and her passport seized. EU citizens seeking to enter the UK with valid work permits received similar treatment.
EU citizens resident here for over 5 years were originally promised our registration would be a mere formality. Now we had to apply for the right to stay in our own damn homes and even now accounts are emerging of people applying before the official deadline yet being randomly, unfairly refused. Human rights watch groups are already saying this is a drive from the Home Office to wilfully deport as many EU citizens as possible because they're easier got rid of than asylum applicants, and this'll keep the provincial racists happy.
I made a home here.... for years...
I just wanna fetch him home...
My partner has untreated schizophrenia. I talked him down from suicide twice the last year and from going amok AND suicide, once. All we need is to be together for sanity but... It's impossible
I can't even reach him right now his country is red - listed. He's overweight and has. COPD, needs inhaler twice a day ; been double vaccinated but only with the much inferior Sinovac, he can still catch it and if he did would likely be fucked...
If he fell sick and was dying I would not even be able to be with him and comfort him in his last moments.
I die every day thinking what risk he's at.
We only had 5 months together. 1 month each year because that's all the holidays he gets. I'm not safe there.
I can't speak English on the street or go out on my own even to the shop round the corner because sounding or looking like a gringo marks me for a target.
So we can... rot in his shack with the termites eating the roof and the water coming up through the floor where I can't go anywhere. Go to Germany where I have citizen's rights but nowhere to stay and no relatives or friends so we live on the street.
.. No money to buy accommodation unless we sell this house which nobody wants despite the superb location, because it's too far from the beaten track and not convenient for the shops. Also if we get deported will this faithless government reimburse us the value of our home? I doubt it.
UK won't allow us under the new points system where they only want foreigners that can command fat salaries. I myself have to apparently earn in excess of £18.000 in order to LEGALLY have my partner join me. I will never earn that much.
He's worked in construction and security but without formal qualifications. He couldn't complete education due to poverty. Food comes first.
So I just... I'm finished.
Life has taken everything out of me already. I have nothing more to give.
I had this ONE hope to be with the one I love, the only thing that was ever better than just drugs, but it just seems impossible now.
2 years ago I was planning my future and FINALLY looking to life with joy and anticipation instead of resigned misery, for once. Now I'm just trying to stop being.
There's nothing more cruel than pointless hope and the sooner you stop listening to it the less pain you'll suffer.
I somehow survived 18 overdoses.
I am starting to wish just one of them would've done for me, because I felt nothing ; I just passed out not knowing what was happening. It was peaceful.
It was... kind. I made it this far and I can't see for what.
Except to be foiled at the last hurdle.
You always like to think if only you patiently suffer for long enough, you'll get rewarded in the end. That way your suffering would make sense and offer some vindication. But life doesn't work that way.
.. I wake up every morning sick to my stomach with fear and I cry myself to sleep every night (and I'm not the kinda guy that cries easy). I lie to him on a daily basis about how bad the bureaucracy is we will have to jump through, for fear he'd lose hope and what that might lead him to do ; yet I barely have anymore hope myself and don't know how long I can keep this up '
PS sorry for the rant. Not like most of you don't have a load of shit on your own plates, and more than me.
And nobody worry. If I decide to check out I'll say my goodbyes proper to you lovely folk on here. I have manners.
... I did all of this with little help apart from my own refusal to bow down before I'd screwed SOMETHING worthwhile from my dismal existence and for WHAT.
The government here has gone INSANELY xenophobic.
I'm an EU national resident in the UK.
Over the past few years there have been increasing instances of detention and deportation. Don't believe me -?
THERE ARE NO LEGAL CRITERIA FOR WHO GETS DETAINED AND IN WHAT CIRCUMSTANCES.
Decisions to detain indefinitely (!) can be made by Home Office personnel alone with no recourse to lawyers.
EU citizens working and living here for decades are suddenly told they are here illegally.
An Italian woman merely seeking to visit her relatives was detained and deported and her passport seized. EU citizens seeking to enter the UK with valid work permits received similar treatment.
EU citizens resident here for over 5 years were originally promised our registration would be a mere formality. Now we had to apply for the right to stay in our own damn homes and even now accounts are emerging of people applying before the official deadline yet being randomly, unfairly refused. Human rights watch groups are already saying this is a drive from the Home Office to wilfully deport as many EU citizens as possible because they're easier got rid of than asylum applicants, and this'll keep the provincial racists happy.
I made a home here.... for years...
I just wanna fetch him home...
My partner has untreated schizophrenia. I talked him down from suicide twice the last year and from going amok AND suicide, once. All we need is to be together for sanity but... It's impossible
I can't even reach him right now his country is red - listed. He's overweight and has. COPD, needs inhaler twice a day ; been double vaccinated but only with the much inferior Sinovac, he can still catch it and if he did would likely be fucked...
If he fell sick and was dying I would not even be able to be with him and comfort him in his last moments.
I die every day thinking what risk he's at.
We only had 5 months together. 1 month each year because that's all the holidays he gets. I'm not safe there.
I can't speak English on the street or go out on my own even to the shop round the corner because sounding or looking like a gringo marks me for a target.
So we can... rot in his shack with the termites eating the roof and the water coming up through the floor where I can't go anywhere. Go to Germany where I have citizen's rights but nowhere to stay and no relatives or friends so we live on the street.
.. No money to buy accommodation unless we sell this house which nobody wants despite the superb location, because it's too far from the beaten track and not convenient for the shops. Also if we get deported will this faithless government reimburse us the value of our home? I doubt it.
UK won't allow us under the new points system where they only want foreigners that can command fat salaries. I myself have to apparently earn in excess of £18.000 in order to LEGALLY have my partner join me. I will never earn that much.
He's worked in construction and security but without formal qualifications. He couldn't complete education due to poverty. Food comes first.
So I just... I'm finished.
Life has taken everything out of me already. I have nothing more to give.
I had this ONE hope to be with the one I love, the only thing that was ever better than just drugs, but it just seems impossible now.
2 years ago I was planning my future and FINALLY looking to life with joy and anticipation instead of resigned misery, for once. Now I'm just trying to stop being.
There's nothing more cruel than pointless hope and the sooner you stop listening to it the less pain you'll suffer.
I somehow survived 18 overdoses.
I am starting to wish just one of them would've done for me, because I felt nothing ; I just passed out not knowing what was happening. It was peaceful.
It was... kind. I made it this far and I can't see for what.
Except to be foiled at the last hurdle.
You always like to think if only you patiently suffer for long enough, you'll get rewarded in the end. That way your suffering would make sense and offer some vindication. But life doesn't work that way.
.. I wake up every morning sick to my stomach with fear and I cry myself to sleep every night (and I'm not the kinda guy that cries easy). I lie to him on a daily basis about how bad the bureaucracy is we will have to jump through, for fear he'd lose hope and what that might lead him to do ; yet I barely have anymore hope myself and don't know how long I can keep this up '
PS sorry for the rant. Not like most of you don't have a load of shit on your own plates, and more than me.
And nobody worry. If I decide to check out I'll say my goodbyes proper to you lovely folk on here. I have manners.
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