I'm left in this barrenness, feeling empty and numb.
No pleasant glow of sequestered pain, no crust on the shell of what was, what is.
I retain an amount of awareness, I know what I was feeling and thinking just an hour ago,
but I can't focus my attention on it, I cannot reattain it.
I can't explore it, I'm left detached.
Yet I retain the knowledge of it,
and I know it will come back to violate me.
I know I am broken, I know how wrong all of this is.
This is all so wrong.
I'm left in this disarray, removed from reality.
I'm stumbling around inside myself, I cannot change this.
This disconnect, this gap, this void, this distance-
I've never meant to hurt you.
This is all so wrong.
I am ungrateful, for I am unreceptive.
I am aware of the effects of this, but not in and of itself.
I am not here, yet this is who I am.
I am stupid. I am shit. I am sorry.
No pleasant glow of sequestered pain, no crust on the shell of what was, what is.
I retain an amount of awareness, I know what I was feeling and thinking just an hour ago,
but I can't focus my attention on it, I cannot reattain it.
I can't explore it, I'm left detached.
Yet I retain the knowledge of it,
and I know it will come back to violate me.
I know I am broken, I know how wrong all of this is.
This is all so wrong.
I'm left in this disarray, removed from reality.
I'm stumbling around inside myself, I cannot change this.
This disconnect, this gap, this void, this distance-
I've never meant to hurt you.
This is all so wrong.
I am ungrateful, for I am unreceptive.
I am aware of the effects of this, but not in and of itself.
I am not here, yet this is who I am.
I am stupid. I am shit. I am sorry.