Congratulations, phactor, you had quite a ride! It seems like one of the hardest things is not perceiving "slipping" as evidence that one is doomed to failure, but rather perceiving it as struggling and therefore evidence that one is a capable fighter who will ultimately prevail. How did you learn to do that?
That is a tough question. To be honest, I never really did view "relapse" as failure. Chemical Dependency takes lots of work. Now, I have to admit I am extremely hard on myself, to the point that it has been pretty detrimental to me. However, when it comes to substance abuse, I guess I just viewed it as self-medicating. Obviously, it doesn't work out for the long term. I was young and my habit waxed and waned. Thing that was scary was towards the end the trend was starting to ramp up.
Before that I was slowly slowing down, then I had some major personal crisises and of course I responded by using. This did not work out well for me. Especially considering that I was now older and my body had been beat up more.
I do have the occasional beer now and then, but I stayed sober for a year and a half. I use no other drugs besides what is prescribed. I am on a super low dose of sub now and should be off by the end of the month. When I do have a beer or two I do not crave have more. As noted, I was never a binge drinker, but I just do not crave that "self-medication" anymore. I have done tons of therapy in the last two years, but I still have a long way to go. I finally learned that using will not solve my problems.
I highly urge everyone to give sobriety a try, you do not have to make a lifetime commitment, but a decent length of sobriety changed my perspective. I had the occasional week and a few months clean but it was not enough to let my body heal.
Everyone, I must once again state: I am not a doctor and alcohol withdrawal is some dangerous shit. If you have any concerns, start to feel some serious WD effects then go to the ER or at least talk to a doctor.